Chapter, 2… "WTF? Pie?"

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Barbie, Rupert Mann or any other

characters used in this fanfiction. If I ever did, the world would end. Guaranteed.

Draco sat half asleep in Defense Against the Dark Arts. He didn't really like this class. If you guess, he would rather get his manhood cut off rather than taking another semester with her.

"Now, now class…I want to warn you. This is a rather particularly essential class I recommend you take it 2 semesters—" The teacher began, but wasinterrupted.

Draco groaned loudly as she glared at him from underneath her bangs.

"Are you done, Blondie?" The overly annoyed teacher mused.

"Yes…" Draco mumbled, while the class was in amusement.

"Anyways, I'm your new teacher. Miss Vanderwall, but you can call

me Miss Sari because it sounds cooler and I read it in a book once. I'm here because all your other DADA teachers seem to get themselves killed, maimed, injured, mentally unable, or worse. I am here because I am mentally too hyper to get myself into all those things." Miss Vanderwall grinned with a cute little smile.

Ron, sitting on the opposite side of the room from Draco and his blonde "perkiness" looked closely at Miss Vanderwall. She had short-ish blonde hair, and it was a perfect color. Not to blonde, but not to dim. Perfect. She seemed like she would be a short person, but turned out to be rather tall. Boy, she was, in Ron's case, a babe. Miss Vanderwall was perfectly thin.

Harry started giggling silently sitting next to Ron when he realized he was staring and checking out the teacher. Miss Vanderwall, hearing the chuckling in her classroom in the middle of a lecture was infuriated. She took out a ruler and smacked Harry over the head,

"NO LAUGHTER OR HAPPINESS IN MY CLASS ROOM. Grown teenagers giggling disgusts me." And she grinned cutely and giggly, "Class is over, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!"

And with that the whole class was gone in a matter of seconds. Some of them crying on there way out. Miss Vanderwall silently grinned. "Sweetvictory…."

All of a sudden, Sarah's sixths sense started tingling…

"Okay, Ginny, you're all better, just don't drink any fruit cocktail juice," said Leah, who had just finished single-handedly to stop Ginny's heavily bleeding finger, and attach it back, in an hour.

"Le-ah, are you done yet?" Dory whined.

"Yeah, I'm dying!" moaned Maggie.

"Yes, but the way you two have been acting, I'm not sure I should help you,"Leah returned, miffed.

"I wouldn't be doing this if you had an interesting movie, like Bratz Fashion Pixies, everyone should have that! It should be a law! Oh goodie another one to add to my list," shouted Dory, who promptly took out a long piece of parchment and an orange pen, and began scribbling fiercely at the bottom of it.

"Do I want to know what is on that list," sighed Leah.

"Not really," responded Maggie.

"It is my list of all the rules I will inflict upon civilians when the whales and I take over the world with a combination tsunamis and chilidogs with orangeflavored muskrat sprinkles!" said Dory, who jumped up and held the list out to

Leah, "I learned the whales' plan, added to it, and promised to be their human leader. It's gonna be so awesome! I have 672 rules made of both the whales' wants, and mine!"

"Oh dear Lord, Maggie, you let her do this!" Leah groaned.

"YUP! She says that I can make up ten rules!" exclaimed Maggie.

"Your stupidity is making me lose brain cells, I'll show you around."

"Kay!"

So the three grade-school friends went off down the hallway, up three flights of stairs, where they stopped in front of a corridor labeled Science, which was crowded with students who seemed to be running from something…

"Here, we have the astronomy tower, as well as the other sciences, including biology, sociology, geology and DADA no one really knows why…" A screaming

Sarah came out of the last door cut off Leah. She was screaming at Maggie.

"Maggie, how I've missed you so!" then she went over to Dory and gave her a hug as well, "what are you people doing here?"

"Sarah, you're here! I never knew," was from Maggie.

"We're here to make a random movie thing!" from Dory.

"Cool, guess what!! I'm here 'cause I'm too hyper!!" Sarah was indeed pretty hyper.

"OMG!!! LEAH, IT'S THE WALL MOLESTING CHILD!!! LET'S GO POKE IT!!!!" screamed an ecstatic Dory, who promptly went over to the sad soul and "poked it."

"Oh my Gosh Dory, don't poke the students!" said Leah, dragging her away.

"Yeah, they might have rabies," added Maggie.

"Maggie, Leah makes sure they have rabid shots…you do right," said Sarah.

"No, I don't, I just want to be bitten by rabid students every thirty seconds, of course I do!"

"Headmistress, could you get your…um…what are you called again?" Draco questioned.

"I am the super awesome wonderful eccentric Dory of the underworld and a half!"

Dory exclaimed proudly, "and I have a problem with authority and am good at making compromises and am going to take over the world with the whales…" she was cut off by a thwack on the back of her head, courtesy of Leah.

"Never ask Dory who she is, or you will be sorry," Maggie advised. This wise moment was cut off by a giggle.

"God you people are weird, well Headmistress, call Dory off, I think I might have a bruise."

"Sorry aversion to authority."

"I like the entertainment."

"Serves you right for hating my class."

"Looks like it's four against one, I'm sorry Draco, but Dory is going to keep poking you."

By this time, the halls were deserted everyone was at their next class.

"Hey Leah, you're taking Maggie and Dory on a tour, I'll come with you, we can go to Draco's next class. What is you're next class anyway," said Sarah.

"Math," Draco muttered, followed by a bunch of supposed curses that were unheard.

"Math, math, math. Wrath, wrath, wrath," sang Dory, who went skipping downthe hallway.

"Onward to math," shouted Maggie, catching up to Dory.

"Oh, goody, math, I know who teaches that," exclaimed Sarah, running up to both of them.

'I'm going to regret this, I just know it.' Thought Leah, who walked down towhere the trio of hyper people were wondering which way was math.

"Okay class, in one month, I have 5 dates in one week, 6 the next and hold a boyfriend for the last week and three days, how many dates do I go on in one month. PS: boyfriends takes me out once every two days," asked a pretty girl standing in front of a class.

Immediately, all the boys in the class raised their hands. Of course, no one knew the answer they just wanted the attention.

"Okay, none of you know the answer, it is 20," informed the teacher.

All of a sudden, a hand of a blue haired girl went into the air, "actually, it's 16 Miss Geneva."

Geneva paused, thinking, and then said, "Your mom is 16, don't judge me!"

All the boys in the class room went "Ooo… burn." And the blue haired girl, having no comebacks, sat lower in her chair.

"Now, getting back to my story, that same month I hire my bodyguard/lawyer/manservant, Rupert Mann, to remove 5 stalkers, 7 jumpers, and my boyfriend. If Ionly spend…" she was cut off by Draco, who had entered the class followed by askipping Dory and Maggie.

"Dory!!! Maggie!!!! Oh My God, wtf???" screamed Geneva.

"Neva!!!" shouted Maggie, who went up to hug her, followed by the trio ofLeah, Sarah, and Dory.

"Hola Que Tal? Phenomenal," sang Dory, who was behind a hugged Geneva. Dory

being Dory poked Geneva's sides.

"Ahhh!" screamed Geneva promptly doubling over.

"Dory!! Gosh, you're here one day, and already you are too hyper," said the exasperated Leah. She then smacked her forehead.

"Geneva, guess what, I GOT MARRIED TO DAVEY HAVOK!!!!" Maggie told her friends ,showing Sarah and Geneva the ring, not paying attention to a screaming Dory who

was running from a Leah shouting "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

"Omg no way!"

"Yeah way, he's outside setting up for a concert thing! Their gonna play reallyloud, ear shattering music and disrupt all the classes," exclaimed Maggie

proudly.

"Ooo! Can I come? I have earplugs," asked Sarah.

"Yeah, me too!" added Geneva.

"Of course, you're all invited, except the creepy students," said Maggie,pointedly looking at Draco, "but they need to set up a whole lotta stuff, so itwill be a while, Dory and I have decided o stalk a wall-molesting child today, you can come along if you want!"

"Okay! Let me just finish teaching this math class."

Dory promptly stopped in front of Geneva, "you teach math!! Harharhar that'sfunny!"

"No seriously, Geneva teaches math, don't ask me why I hired her, I have no idea," Leah has entered the conversation.

"GOD!! I'M TRYING TO LEARN THE WRONG WAY TO DO MATH!! SHUT UP YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!" screamed a very red, blue haired girl in the back.

"Ahh!!! A blue haired person run away!!" screamed Maggie, who went to hidebehind Geneva.

"She has a point, come on peeps, lets let Geneva teach," said Leah, pulling her friends over to a corner where they would sit for a whole hour… not a good idea. As all of these crazy people were up in front of the class talking, one Harry Potter was sitting really bored, wondering why life was stupid and hitting his head on his desk, a habit Hermione Granger, weirdo extraordinaire, detested.

"What is your problem Harry, nail in your life."

"I have no life, I am going through a never ending darkness that is only brightened by death and my girlfriend, got a problem with that."

"No, but that isn't half as bad as my life…" as these two continued there deep conversation, a perpetually happy Ron was sitting, wondering how many

girlfriends he could have at a time…

It'd only be three, how bad could it be? "

Maybe they'd alllike each other so muchthat we could all go on a date at the same time, My

beloved, we must not share them, not even with them…they will be mine, all

mine!!

"AHHH!"

Creepy voice just moved in my head, get it out!!

Get it out!! Stupid, I'm you, a wonderful, smart, clever you, but a younonetheless.

Oh, otay!

RING! RING! The bell rang, startling the class.

"Otay, time to start stalking again!! Come on fellow stalker Maggie!" said Dory yawning.

A wide eyed Draco ran out of the classroom, followed by a Dory and a Maggie.

"We'd best follow them," said Leah.

"Yeah…"

"Crap, we lost him," exclaimed Dory.

"Crap, what'll we do now?" questioned Maggie.

"Mmm, giant school with no Leah…quite a lot I should say."

"Oh, I like Cheese."

"I don't, I like pie though."

"Otay…"

"Hey!! What's that lever over there?"

"It says, 'in case of fire pull'"

"Mmmm…"

As Dory thought, Maggie pulled out a lighter and flicked the switch,turning it on.

"Oh dear, there is a fire, I should pull the lever!" said Dory.

"Um, I wouldn't like do that if I were you," a man wearing a skirt appeared in front of the two.

"AHH!! GAY PERSON RUN!!!" screamed one Maggie.

"Ooo! Happy people!! Where? Where?" said Dory, not seeing the "gay" man.

"Right there!"

"Hola chicas! Doesn't Albus Dumbledore look sexy in this skirt?"

"Not really."

"You people just don't appreciate the sexy!"

At this moment, several things happened. For one, the appearance of one woman, her hair in a tight bun and green robes asking for an Albus Dumbledore, saying he had an appointment. For another, Leah, Sarah, and Geneva had decided to grace the hallway with their presence. Finally, Maggie had pulled on the lever, which led to…

RRRIIINNNGGG!! RRRIIINNNGGG!!

"DORY DO YOU REALIZE IT IS ILLEGAL TO PULL A FIRE ALARM!!!! HOW MANY TIMES MUSTI REPEAT IT TO GET THE MESSAGE THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL TO YOUR MORONIC BRAIN??!!!" screamed Leah.

"A. it's fuzz, and B. I did see a fire," said Dory smiling while Maggie showed the lighter, Leah smacked her forehead, Sarah groaned at the stupidity, and Geneva muttered, "she has a point."

By this time, a hoard of screaming students had flooded the hall, causing the conversation to be cut short because the participants were separated. Caughtup in the mass of students in exodus towards the giant doors that lead tothe grounds.

Current State of the Union (What/How everyone is…I don't want to call it thinking because some students don't do that very well…):

Leah was thinking, After I kill Dory, I'm going to set up a fire drill, god

knows we need it.

Sarah was thinking, EWW!! Sticky, sweaty, all-around-gross teenagers are

touching me. DETENTION!!!

Geneva, the only one not swept up because of being on the side, Where iseveryone?

Dory's fuzz was wondering when dinner would be.

Maggie likes cheese.

Dumbledore: Yeah!! You come and see the sexy Dumbleman!!

Green, bun lady: Dumbleman looks sexy.

Harry: Life sucks.

Hermione: I love beanie babies!

Ron: to have three girlfriends, or not to have three girlfriends.

Random Bob dude: q-tips have a funny name!

Genevieve: I'm sooo fat!

Draco: Maybe I can get to my wall!!

Dory: and so ends another chappy!! FYI: these chapters are gonna be pretty in frequent due to the fact that I procrastinate and Maggie is Maggie. FYI 2: I have all-knowing fuzz in my brain, don't ask, it's just my theory as to why I'm smart. Up next, Davey's concert, me dying, and more random creations of the unknown areas of Maggie and Dory's brain!! Ooo…

As always, very exciting . DAVEY'S CONCERT IS GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL!!! I like cheese. I am rather bored at the moment after spacing, italicizing, and "lining". I am going to go on MySpace.

ADD ME IF YOU WILL!

W w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / j a m e s b o n d n e v e r d I e s

HAVE FUN &&&& REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!