I cant give you what you need

We'll always just be best friends

Hooverphonic – Out of Sight

"You know your Kirking always get us into trouble," Rodney yelled as they raced for the gate

"Its not my fault that I didn't know what that stupid wreath of flowers meant," John yelled back as Rodney punched the Atlantean address into the DHD. Teyla sent through her IDC and they stepped back into Atlantis.

That night Rodney wasn't surprised to open his door when it chimed to find a very awkward looking John Sheppard standing there. Rodney lets him in and the doors slide closed behind him making both of them shudder at the slight scraping in the silence of the room.

"Rodney we can't do this anymore," John says sighing

"Do what colonel," Rodney asks knowing exactly what the man is talking about.

"Pretending what you said in the hall never happened. It's pulling the team apart," he said running a hand through his hair.

"Who says I'm pretending it never happened. We both know it did and its not going to go away until you answer the question," Rodney answers him not facing him once

"We're best friends we always will be I cant give you anything more than that," John whispers

"I never asked you too," Rodney mutters in response

John watches the back of his best friend go rigid and the door slides open. He takes it as a sign of dismissal and leaves the room without another word. On the other side of the closed door he stops leaning against the wall for support. A second later Lt. Colonel John Sheppard turns to walk down the hall way schooling his expression to show nothing of the conversation he just had with Dr. Rodney McKay. Inside the small room Rodney lets free a sob of anguish before letting the numbness take over.

For I must die for what I've done

A twist of fate a desert sun

For I see what I destroy

Sweet reflections knife into me

For I see what I destroy

I can see what I've begun

Vienna Teng – My Medea

The planet was deadly hot having not one but three suns and they were stuck. The puddle jumpers were no more fit to run in extreme heat then they were to run underwater. Deciding to head back to the gate on foot they followed slowly behind John across the desert dunes of the planet half a galaxy away from their home. Teyla and Ronon had noticed that weeks ago something had happened between the two other members of their team. They had hoped that things would work out, as they had seemed to get along better the last two weeks but its seemed to them now that things were only worse.

Rodney knows that John is silent because of him, because of his presence. By the time they get to the gate they are all dehydrated and way too hot. Rodney dials the gate sending his IDC. Teyla screams John's name in that instant as he collapses to the sand unconscious. Without having to see Rodney knows that it is his fault, he wanted to come to this planet, he didn't get enough information from Atlantis, he hadn't been able to fix the puddle jumper, and he had made John so quiet. Rodney knows what he began and he knows how to end it.

Angels, they fell first but I'm still here

Alone as they are drawing near

In heaven my masterpiece will finally be sung

Nightwish – End of All Hope

Rodney smiled at his friends as he walked down the corridor wondering vaguely about the light mist covering the bottom of the corridor. He stops letting his smile hit his eyes when he sees who the person before him is.

"Hello Peter," Rodney says in greeting his heart happy at seeing the man who had died almost three years ago trying to save Atlantis.

"Rodney you have come to join us," Peter said happily but with a hint of sadness. Peter knew far better than many what the lose of Rodney would do to the expedition.

Behind him Rodney could see all the expedition members who had fallen first. Sumner, Gall, Smith, Markham, Abrams, Dumais, Hayes…more even than that. The angels of the expedition they had fallen before him.

Beyond them a white light stood waiting Rodney stares in wonder so this is what the walk to heaven's gates is like. He looks at his friend and smiles knowing that he will not be entering the beyond now for he is bound to Atlantis until he has closure.

"Your masterpiece will be playing for you Rodney when you finally join us. Until then be at peace. You wont be alone for long," Peter smiled retreating into the gold along with the other angels. Rodney stands watching the golden light until it no longer lights the hall the misty fog disappearing with it.

Walking back through the door into his lab Rodney laughs at the sight before him. Dr. Rodney McKay slumped over his laptop keyboard seeming to be sleeping but Rodney knows the truth.

His wish was granted. He wished for death for the pain he caused his best friend and finally he realizes the meaning of the small Ancient device. The writing on the small box is suddenly so clear in its meaning. To he who wishes with a pure heart may his words be headed and fulfilled so that he may come to understand the power of wishing idle things. Rodney's wish for death, because of his actions, was headed and carried out the Ancients had done for Rodney what he could not do for himself.