Author's Notes: Ahh! It's been a while! I hope you don't hate me for the super late update! High school is kind of hectic, you know? Well, at least, for me it is. Anyway, this is Momiji's chapter. But I warn you now, this is probably not funny. At all. Sorry! It's hard to make Momiji funny, 'cause he doesn't blow up like Kyou, or act perverted like Shigure. Momiji's more cute than funny. But... I tried my best. Forgive me if this is truly horrible. Next will be Yuki. I'm hoping he will be funnier. Or else you readers/reviewers will probably stop reading/reviewing. And that will shatter my tiny heart!
Anyway, I'm sure you'd rather read the fic, than these notes, but as I warned before, you will probably regret reading this chapter.
Disclaimer: If I owned Fruits Basket, it would have never ended, because I take ages to update, sometimes. Not to mention, I'd probably screw it up and everyone would hate me. Phew. Authors have a hard job. Mess something up, and receive complaints. Life's hard. Anyway, in case you didn't know, I just rambled to prove my point that I absolutely do NOT own Fruits Basket.
Let the torture begin!
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Know Your Stars! Furuba Style!
Victim III: Momiji Sohma
By: Konnichiwa Minna
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Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Momiji Sohma... He likes licking dust off of ancient bookshelves.
"Eh? Who said that? What is this room? I thought Tohru would be here!" Came the sweet, innocent reply, of an adorable blond.
You thought wrong... Momiji... he's got an odd habit of narrating Kyon-Kyon's pathetic life.
"Kyo-chan's? Nope! I don't narrate people's lives. If I was to do so, I would narrate Tohru!" he replied, giggling like a girl.
Kyon-Kyon's narrator... he picks Ayame's nose and ears.
"Eww! No I don't!" Momiji wailed, childishly.
Often, he can be found professing his unrequited love to the dead skin floating about in the air.
"No!! Tohru-chan, help me get away from this scary old man!" he whined, flailing his arms about aimlessly.
Momiji... is actually an old perverted man, who stalks both sexes, animals, and even inanimate objects.
"Ehhh!? Why are you lying!! I hate liars! Let me out of this creepy place!" Momiji ran about, tapping on walls, looking desperately for a secret exit.
... Unfortunately, to Momiji's demise - and the announcer's pleasure - his plan failed miserably and left him weeping to himself on the hard, cold floor.
This bisexual stalker can often be found frolicking in the meadows and collecting dog poop.
"You really are just a big meanie! ... Although, I do enjoy running about in fields! And wearing skirts are fun, too! The breeze is pleasant!" He exclaimed innocently, giggling.
The announcer chuckled slightly, at Momiji's silly confession.
Blondie... he really is just a dumb blond.
"Wahh!? That's not true! And blond(e)s aren't dumb! I bet you're just jealous!" he argued in frustration - no one insults Momiji's hair!
Momiji began getting bored of the evil announcer, and started climbing the curtains. He had to keep himself preoccupied in order not to be bored - and to ignore the announcer.
Momiji's best friend is Mr. Robotto - his invisible friend...
He may look young and innocent, but Momiji has, in fact, made out with his invisible friend...
Momiji beats the crap out of Yuki - he packs one powerful punch...
Crap-beater sucks at ignoring me. You can see steam coming from his ears...
Steamy is extremely stupid. The exit is under his nose and he still can't see it...
Momiji is more stupid than imaginable. He actually looked under his nose... (The announcer snickered)
These, and many more, were just a few of the insults the announcer threw at Momiji. He ignored most of them, though, and continued climbing the curtain.
This went on for a while, until Tohru came to the rescue! She thrust the door, which appeared out of nowhere, open and clumsily entered the now damaged room. She looked around, finding loads of scratches (presumably from Momiji), ripped curtains, and Momiji near the top of the very high ceiling.
"This isn't the girl's washroom... is it," Tohru stated, rather than asked, in an embarrassed and awkward tone.
"Am I disturbing anything?" she innocently asked.
"Tohru!" Momiji hollered, jumping down and landing on the wooden surface, not very gracefully, I might add.
He zoomed over to her leaping on top of her, hugging her to death.
"You came to save me!" he squealed in delight, apparently not hearing what she previously said.
The announcer must have felt forgotten and left out, for he decided to speak up.
Now you know, Momiji, the dust-licking, Kyon-Kyon's pathetic life narrating, Ayame's nose and ear-picking, unrequited dead skin loving, perverted old man... who stalks both sexes, animals, and even inanimate objects. But it doesn't stop there! He's also a bisexual, frolicking, poop-collecting, dumb blond, who makes out with his invisible friend and is extremely gullible. Let's not forget that he also beats the crap out of Yuki, gets angered easily, and tries, but fails, at ignoring my truthful speeches.
Momiji huffed, grabbed Tohru's hand, and was about to escape. When, suddenly, the door swung close, and there was a locking noise.
"We're doomed!" Momiji cried.
The announcer's cackles echoed throughout the room.
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Author's Notes: Shit. That really sucked, didn't it? Ahh! Please don't be scared! I'm sure next chapter will be better! And if not, then I'm positive the chapter after Yuki's, which is Hatsuharu's, will be funnier. Oh, God, I hope so. For your sake, as well as mine.
Umm, please review. I need to know whether that was brutal... or not. I am hoping for the latter, of course.
Eep, I suppose I better duck - I don't want to be hit by those tomatoes or flames that people will throw me!
But, I did update... that counts for something, right? Right?
Okay, I'm going to go now. Please don't hurt me. Or murder me.
Konnichiwa Minna
P.S. Seriously, I really do apologise if this chapter sucks.
P.S.S. Thanks a lot to the following reviewers for reviewing the previous chapter:
- Ekaki
- Kashie
- Ducky1414
- mousecat
- Fox-Zodiac
- Tenpa-Neko
- NickyFox13
- Blue-Moon-Nights
- RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl
- Sugar Sprite
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I REALLY APPRECIATE THEM!!
Also, if I missed anyone's name, please tell me!
I hope you all enjoy this chapter, regardless of how much more worse it is than my other chapters.
Thank you for reading! And, if you do, reviewing!
:D