Harm's Apartment
Sunday
0812

Harm awoke early and smiled to find AJ and Mac curled up together still sound asleep. The picture was beautiful, he knew it could only be improved if it had been a permanent arrangement and AJ was theirs. He leant down and kissed them both, they were so adorable he couldn't resist.

"Hi Harm," Mac mumbled. "Is it time to get up?"

"No, not yet, AJ's still asleep," he whispered, so as not to disturb the child

"Hummm," Mac yawned.

"How are you doing this morning, Mac?" Harm asked, his eyes firmly focused on her face.

"I'm fine, why?" she asked, finally opening her eyes and looking confused.

"Why? You were far from it last nigh," he replied, and although quiet his voice had a clear edge to it.

"I'm sorry about that, it all gets a bit much at times," Mac apologised, with a small smile.

"What does?" he asked, desperate to know what was eating at her.

"The guilt," Mac replied before she could stop herself.

"The guilt about what?" asked Harm sitting up and facing her.

AJ woke up, yawned and stretched and curtailed further conversation.

"Good morning AJ," said Mac tickling his tummy. AJ giggled in response.

"Breakfast time," said Harm moving from the bed. "What can I get you both?"

Mac leant down to AJ and they exchanged loud whispers before AJ sat up and announced they would like bacon, eggs, pancakes and maple syrup.

"I don't have bacon or maple syrup, sorry folks," Harm said, smiling.

Mac whispered again to AJ.

"IHOP," he announced.

"IHOP? You want to have breakfast at IHOP?" Harm asked.

"Yes," Mac and AJ answered in unison.

"But I can make you breakfast here. Cereal, toast, scrambled eggs."

"IHOP! IHOP! IHOP!" they chanted, jumping up and down on the bed.

"Okay, okay," Harm conceded. "IHOP it is." He shook his head, he knew when he was outnumbered.

Mac's Apartment
1102

Breakfast had been a success and AJ was all smiles and giggles throughout. However, Harm knew Mac wasn't herself. She was making every effort for AJ's sake but every now and then he caught her drifting off into the place she couldn't explain and tears would well in her eyes. He desperately wanted to know about the guilt she felt.

AJ was watching cartoons and Mac was in the shower when there was a knock at the door. Harm answered it.

"Is this Sarah MacKenzie's apartment?" asked a man Harm didn't recognise.

"It is," replied Harm, cautiously, taking in the man in front of him.

"Oh hi AJ," said the man, seeing AJ on the sofa.

"Hi Tim," AJ said returning his attention to the TV.

"Would you be Mr MacKenzie?" asked the man.

Harm considered his response. The man before him knew AJ and knew of Mac. Warning signs were flashing.

"I would be," he answered, hoping one day to would be true.

"Oh, I'm so glad," replied the man. "I was really concerned about coming here but I know I needed to come but I didn't really know what I'd do when I actually got here but I'm glad you're here, Mr MacKenzie. Really glad!" he spoke rapidly.

"Can I ask who you are?" Harm asked, totally confused.

"I should have said, I'm sorry, my name is Tim Hudson." Tim said, offering his hand.

"And what can we do for you, Mr Hudson?" Harm asked, shaking hands.

"It's more what I can do for you, I think." Tim's face took on the same look he'd seen on Mac's.

"And what is that?" Harm asked nervously.

"Can we talk out here, away from AJ?" Tim gestured to the hallway.

Harm turned to AJ. "Uncle Harm is just out in the hallway, AJ."

"Now, Mr Hudson, I must ask how you know AJ?" asked Harm.

"From the cemetery. My son, Ben, is buried across from Sarah Roberts. I've seen him there with his parents lots of times. We chat and pick flowers, all that sort of stuff." Tim said, sorrow in his eyes.

"I'm sorry to hear you lost your son but what does that have to do Sarah?" Harm asked, his mind swirling.

"Mr MacKenzie, my little boy died three years ago as a result of an accident and my wife was devastated, we both were. She was driving at the time of the crash and never forgave herself. I was so caught up in my own grief that I didn't see what the guilt was doing to her." Tim explained, tears pooling in his once hazel eyes.

"What did it do to her?" Harm asked, the word guilt stabbing at him like a knife..

"A year to the day we lost Ben, my wife took her own life. She couldn't get past it and I didn't see it coming." He shook his head, trying to move past the images the words created.

"I'm so very sorry Mr Hudson, but again, I must ask what does that have to do with us?" Harm had sympathy for the man, but he couldn't connect the dots back to Mac.

"Last week I saw Mrs MacKenzie at Sarah's grave…" he began.

"How did you know it was her?" Harm asked surprised.

"She visits quite often. At first it was in the evenings but now it's mostly in the mornings." Tim said, his eyes clearing.

"Oh," replied Harm, he hadn't realised.

"And she dropped her handbag, she picked most of the things up but when she left I found these," he said producing a damaged envelope and a paid electricity bill. "I was going to keep them until I saw her again but she didn't come yesterday like I expected. Then I noticed today was Sarah's first anniversary and I had to get to her...today." His eyes began to water.

"Why?" asked Harm, his heart moving towards his mouth.

"I read her letter and, I'll admit it, I cried. She expresses some pretty strong feelings and after my wife doing what she did on Ben's first anniversary I didn't want your wife doing the same," Tim explained in a whisper.

"What makes you think she would?" Harm asked, trying to control the fear welling up from his stomach.

"Guilt, it's eating her up." Tim said and handed Harm the papers. "Please make sure your wife gets some help, Mr MacKenzie, I couldn't save my wife, I pray you can save yours." With that he left.

Harm moved back into the apartment and saw Mac was about ready to go.

"What were you doing, Harm?" she asked.

"Salesman," replied Harm, he wanted to read the letter before he said anything.

"Tim," said AJ."

"Who's Tim?" asked Mac.

"Oh, just the cartoon character," Harm lied turning the TV off.

Greendale Cemetery
1300

Harriet had planned a small service at Sarah's graveside. A minister stood at the side of the grave and a small number of family and friends stood around waiting as Harm, Mac and AJ approached.

"Hello Honey," Harriet said stretching out her arms to her little boy. AJ stopped and looked at his mother, she looked different. Her face was different, her clothes were different and although there was something familiar about her he felt uncomfortable and sort refuge behind Harm's legs. Bud came around behind him and picked him up.

"Hi daddy," AJ smiled.

Bud carried him over to Harriet and handed him to her. AJ seemed unsure at first but quickly settled down.

The minister offered prayers and flowers were laid on the grave. Bud offered some words of thanks for the prayers, love and care they had received in the last twelve months. Towards the end of the service Harriet moved next to Harm.

"Do you have an answer for me?" she whispered.

Harm just smiled. Harriet nodded to Bud and he asked Harm to step forward.

"My beautiful wife wanted this song to be sung here as a sign that although we will always love Sarah, she is happy and in a beautiful place. We will all be reunited one day, but for now she's watching over us and protecting us. Commander."

His first instinct had been to say no, but this song meant so much to Bud and Harriet he couldn't refuse. Harm took a step closer to the grave, closed his eyes and began to sing;

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on 'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day 'cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please...begging please
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure and I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on 'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

Xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Author's Notes: Tears In Heaven / Eric Clapton

Tears in Heaven is a ballad written and performed by Eric Clapton about the pain he felt following the 1991 death of his four-year-old son, Connor, who fell from a 53rd-story window in his mother's New York City condominium. By all accounts, the death was simply a tragic accident, and Clapton was distraught for months afterwards. He stopped performing it in 2004 after he felt he had moved past the pain and no longer wanted to revisit it.