A/N: Fifth chapter, yay! From Tifa's PoV this time, as the next one will be. Please read and review! Enjoy!
Ch. 5 --- Beautiful Disaster of a Hero
I think I knew all along what he was trying to do. That he was trying to prove to me that all of those unspoken promises were valid, that he really wasn't alone and that he wasn't going anywhere. I worried, for the longest time... and I think, so did he. But the truth of the matter was, after a month and a half of him being here, with us, it started to sink in that this is where he wanted to be. I rejoiced in that.
I think I also knew that there was more between us than a friendship, that there was something deeper than a camaraderie. There were times I would actually catch him watching me, and there were times that when I did, I saw a look in his eyes that made me feel like the only woman on the planet. I couldn't ever convince myself completely that it was true; I guess I figured that the looks were a figment of my imagination, that they really meant nothing. But deep down, I didn't want to believe that, and there was hope.
Of course, him being so good to Marlene and Denzel was what stole my heart first. I hadn't seen him open up to anyone in so long that to see the kids growing on him and making him smile, another rarity, was like gold – precious, valuable, beautiful. He would smile fondly at them whenever they would run down the stairs to greet him; he would hug them back (albeit awkwardly) when they randomly threw their little arms around him; he would occasionally bring them a treat whenever he returned from a delivery... which didn't happen very often anymore. He would have made an amazing father, maybe a little unsure at first, maybe a little scared, but good nonetheless. I think that Denzel and Marlene thought of him that way, as a father (in Marlene's case, a second father), just without the title.
I began to feel comfortable with Cloud in a way that I hadn't been able to in a long time. He did make me happy, make me feel secure, and as he turned more and more into the boy I knew all those years ago, the friendship came back. Although, it has to be said, that after the first time he gifted me with a smile, an open, brilliant smile like I hadn't seen him wear in years, I fell – hard.
I'd always known I had feelings for Cloud. Why would it hurt me so much that he was still blaming himself for Aerith and still torn over her memory if I didn't? But as that slowly faded away... as the blame fell away and the memories became not tortured, but happy, ones... the feelings I had became stronger. It wasn't as if I was dying without him, wasn't a tragic, unrequited, undying love... it just was. I couldn't help it. Sometimes, I would laugh at myself, for loving him, in all his black-leather wearing, golden-spiked, to-die-for-blue-eyed glory. It seemed odd to me, that I should love Cloud, this childhood friend, this savior of the planet, this beautiful disaster of a hero... but I did.
And then the question came, not whether or not to tell him, but how to tell him. I knew I had to, because I knew if I didn't, things would never change between us to anything deeper than friendship... and whatever gods that were up there had to know I wanted them to change! I considered just coming out and saying it... but that didn't seem likely, or romantic. It didn't help that I was (and still am) a chicken at heart when it comes to romantic entanglements. I considered several indirect ways of telling him, too... like 'accidentally' letting it slip to Yuffie, who I knew could keep nothing quiet, or telling the children to 'give him a hint'. But none of the ideas I came up with seemed likely.
I swear, I almost died when he started doing things for me and bringing me things. They were little things, like flowers (which wilted), a 'thank you' card (which I had no idea what it was for), and giving me that blown-glass flower (which Marlene accidentally smashed). I think that was part of how I knew there were feelings there on his part, too... but goodness, he didn't know how to show it! I remembered with a hearty laugh his attempt at dinner, and how he had ended up a mess himself and a mess in the kitchen (which I had to clean up, though I couldn't say I minded). I guessed it was up to me. Great.