Ch. 6: Washroom Rumours
Dib sat through a droning lecture, nervously shifting in his seat. Every few seconds a crumpled paper ball would fly through the air and hit his head but he was used to that. Mr. Sufer pointed to something on the board, unaware more than half of his students were adding to the lake of drool on the floor. The other students were staring intently at either Zim or Dib. Occasionally a hushed giggle or low growl could be heard. Zim was completely oblivious to the scrutiny, still chucking paper balls at Dib with vigour.
In truth Zim was not completely unaffected by the stares of the skoolchildren. He almost felt reluctant to torment the Dib for some odd reason and so tried to torment the filthy human twice as much. To accomplish this he began writing notes to the pig monkey, spelling atrocious and grammar nonexistent. Unfortunately, the Dib did not seem to be aware of his GREAT PLAN and sat with paper balls getting soggy on the floor.
"DIIIIIIIIIB- MOOOONKEEEEEY!" He whispered ingeniously loud.
Dib reluctantly turned and glared half-heartedly at the alien. "What?"
"REEEEAD ZIM'S AMAAAAAAZING BALLS OF DOOOOOOM!"
Dib glanced down at the floating bits of paper. "Uh... I'll pass on that." He turned to face the teacher once more.
What!!! How DARE the filthy pig turn his back on ZIM!!! He should be GROVELLING! Grovelling like a... a... er... LIKE A PLATYPUS! Zim growled, long serpentine tongue flicking in and out of his serrated teeth in anger. I'll show that MONGOOSE MEAT-EATER! His Pak whirred softly and a spider-leg folded out of it.
Dib was trying to ignore the burning stares of the people behind him when something hit his head and he fell from his chair onto the floor. Dib groaned and sat up, long sticky strands of drool clinging to his hair. What the?
Zim snickered under his breath for a few seconds before giving into his ego and leaping onto his desk. "BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FALL BEFORE THE MIGHTY MIGHT OF ZIM!!!"
Children's eyes turned to him, some gummy with sleep. That was around the point Zim remembered –
"GAH! MY SECRETNESS IS IN DANGER!" He leaped off his desk, almost tripping in the drool, before squicking away down the hallway, boots faintly smoking.
Dib crawled back onto his desk, peeling a paper ball from his face, and sighed. Zim was so... so stupid. The first few hours of skool Zim had been a paranoid ball of green goo, which would have been amusing had his hiding places not involved various pieces of Dib. He seemed to have forgotten that Dib was apparently after his secretness as well (except for a few moments in Math. They were still fixing the window from that one). After Zim had leaped on his head and tried to hide behind his scythe for the eighteenth time that day (not that Dib was counting or anything) he had given the tiny invader's Pak a good shot of electricity in science class with two conductive wires.
Seven years of chasing the alien and he had discovered, with the help of a lightening storm, that electricity in certain spots on the Zim's Pak resulted in temporary changes to the irken himself. A good shot to the right and Zim lost all of his anger and ego, becoming an affectionate, happy alien. (Dib still washed himself compulsively whenever he thought of that one). A shot to the left and he turned into what Dib thought was a true irken invader; cold, calculating, and competent. A shot to the direct middle resulted in temporary memory loss (Dib had a lot of fun with this one initially until he had applied too much electricity and Zim had forgotten everything for a month. Gaz had not forgiven him for that one, despite the fact she hadn't liked those posters in her room anyway. What was he supposed to do? Leave Zim at his base? Without memory? And with GIR?). There were other places and other results but most Dib had not tested all that much and he didn't want to mess around with the Pak too often.
So Dib zapped the invader's Pak and Zim forgot all about the whole 'secretness' business. None of the children questioned his sudden change in behaviour and skool went on as it normally did.
Until now, it seems. Dib peeled a soggy piece of paper from his cheek and swiped a layer of spit off his skin. Ah, well, it's only temporary anyways... I wonder if there's some way to make it permanent. He noticed the paper ball on his desk was rather large and heavy so he uncrumpled it. Zim's horrendous handwriting decorated the wrinkled pages, as well as a collection of rocks bundled in the middle.
Dib sighed and swiped the rocks with a plop onto the spit covered floor. He began reading the message, having nothing else to do.
"FilTHEE dib? hooOOman anD yor BIG HED!! wit HOribl HAIR SnAyKES!!! SNAyKes!!?? icknorE ZiM??!! NoNe ICKnore te MITEE!!!!!!!! ZIM!!!!!!"(Dib noted this was underlined all the way down the page and had frowny faces around it. He supposed Zim had meant to put some sort of evil happy face or something) "YOO wiL PAAAEEEEEeee! pAE wIt YooR GeyeANT BranE MEETS!??!!! AnD PuPeeE Eyes, YES? YeeeeeSS YoooOO pae Now!!!"
Dib recrumpled the paper and tossed it onto the floor, annoyed at the alien and his lack of English skills. Dim sure as hell won't lack THAT. But wait, who was going to teach it? Maybe the skool system had some sort of deal for hybrid children?
Dib's thoughts were interrupted by the scream of the lunch bell and the resulting flood of children headed for freedom. He clung to his desk against the hoard and flinched when pounding sneakers flung strings of spit too close to his face for comfort. After the initial flood was over and the only children remaining were the ones too slow to comprehend simple things or the ones who had been trampled in the first wave Dib got out of his desk himself and walked out into the hallway to find Zim.
After fifteen minutes of searching every nook and cranny in the skool Dib stood in front of the one place he had yet to peer into. The skool had declared itself on a tight budget and so only two bathrooms existed in the entire building. Both situated in the basement for, apparently, the same lame budget reason. Dib stood in front of a bathroom door and swallowed.
Oh god... but it's the only place I haven't looked... Taking a deep breath Dib pushed it open and entered a forbidden territory.
The girls' washroom.
The moment Dib entered he was forced to dodge a large log that swung down from supposedly nowhere. If he had not been practiced in dodging Lawn Gnome Lasers and flying robots he would have, most likely, been a Dib-shaped smush on the wall. Unfortunately, his easy dodge caused his foot to land on a sinking floor tile. He froze.
Nothing happened.
Dib sighed and pulled his boot off the tile whereupon sharpened hair clips flew out of the opposite wall and embedded themselves into the cracked plaster. Feeling as if he needed to whimper to make himself feel better, Dib removed the hair pins from his the plaster and winced at the damage to his clothes. A few scratches, nothing compared to what he usually received from Zim. Dib walked deeper into the washroom, noting the pink graffiti decorating the stalls. Only one such holder of toilets was unmarked but for a large, awfully familiar purple skull on the front.
I didn't know Gaz had her own stall. That's so not fair! Dib glared at the door, debating whether or not to write something on it... something like DIB ROCKS! Or... or... THEY ARE HERE! He took a step forward and saw the skull's glowing eyes move to follow his every step. Obviously a laser. Guarding a bathroom stall. Slowly, he backed up until he was on the other end of the washroom. I'll just look for Zim.
He found the small green invader huddled in the third stall, afraid of the water-filled toilet and the germ covered walls. Angrily, Dib grabbed his glove and proceeded to drag the screaming irken out of the stall. Zim hooked his claws into the metal stall wall and hung on.
Dib jerked to a halt and whipped around to glare at the invader. "ZIM! Let go!"
"NEVER!!! They're after my Secretness! ZIM WILL NEVER GIVE UP HIS SECRETNESS!"
"They're not after your secretness, Zim. I don't even know what the hell that is. Just. Let. Go!"
Both combatants froze at the sound of a door opening.
"Like, Oh Em Gee."
"I know. And then she, like, totally told me off."
"No Wai!"
"Ya Wai."
Two girls stopped in their tracks. Two boys were in the girls' washroom. One had the others arm and was pulling on it while the other was gripping the stall and had both feet planted on the floor.
Dib blushed. "Uh... um, we... uh, we were just leaving! Yes, leaving. Right, Zim?!"
Zim looked over his shoulder and raised an invisible eyebrow. "What are you talking about, filthy stink worm?"
"Leaving! Right now!" Dib ripped the invader off the stall and tore out of the washroom, pulling Zim behind him. The girls stood in shock for a few moments.
"Wasn't that, like, the queers or something?"
"What were they, like, doing in here?"
They looked at each other and, as one entity, squealed.
"Oh Em Gee, we have got to tell Zita!"
"Second rung, here we, like, come!"
Authors Note: Once more, thanks to Ckret2 for Betaing and whom without this fic would be alot more confusing and intelligible.
ahem to explain a point: I believe in the show that Dib was eight ( I also believe it was mentioned somewhere that Gaz was one year younger than him). A year passes in the show because Halloween and Christmas go by so he would be nine. I said he was fourteen in the first chapter. Therefore, he has been chasing Zim for six years before this fic began. I have no idea what his real age is and if anyone can find a quote somewhere that says his real age PLEASE tell me.