Ch. 7 So It's True What They Say About Aliens…

Dib ran. Zim stumbled.

"Filthy, smelly dolphin mongoose! LET ZIM GO! Your germy hands are not WORTHY of touching the amazingness that is ZIM! You soil my pants-filled veins with your smelly self! LET GO! LET GO, you walnut! Zim refuses to be dragged like a package of MEATBALLS! ZIM COMMANDS YOU TO STOP! STOP NOW, you dirty washcloth!"

When the wormbaby did not respond, or halt his destructive path, Zim spritzed Dib's arm with GERM BEGONE! And bit.

"GAAAH!" Dib flung the invader away from him and clutched his bleeding arm. "What the hell, Zim?!"

Zim's spider legs deployed and the invader halted inches from the wall. "I, ZIM, have halted your foooolish rush into enemy territory! VICTORY! FOR ZIM!"

"What the hell are you talking about? What enemy territory?"

Zim pointed down the hallway, where, at the end, a pair of greasy doors stood with the words 'Kafeteariah' proudly displayed above them.

"That's the cafeteria, Zim."

"And it is EEEVIL! All those Munkeys absorbing inordinate amounts of MUSH! HORRID SENTIENT MUSH!"

"Well... I'll give you the evil part but WHY THE HELL DID YOU BITE ME!"

"You were discombobulated. Since we have a... truce I knew it was my DUTY to halt you!"

"I was what?"

"Discombobulated. You know... er... rushing headlong into enemy territory?"

"You don't know what that means, do you?"

"ZIM KNOWS ALL!!"

"Right." Dib inspected the wound. Zim's teeth were quite sharp and left some nasty wounds but the bleeding had almost stopped so Dib figured it wasn't in need of stitching. "I better not get some weird alien disease from this."

Zim smiled all too innocently. "Now why would I do that, Dib-thing?"

Dib's eyes widened and he glanced at the wound once more. No green discoloration. He felt fine, no nausea or dizziness. It hurt like hell. Zim began laughing so hard only his spider legs kept him from collapsing on the floor.

"You- ahahahaha- you should've, pffthahahaha, seen your fa-a-a-a-ace!!"

Dib glared. He was tempted to zap the alien with the taser in his pocket for revenge but previous experiments had turned up disturbing results from non-directed electricity. So Dib merely glared and made a mental note to get Zim back later on. He reached into one of his coat pockets and pulled out gauze which he proceeded to wrap around his new wound.

Zim's laughter halted when his Pak sent an alert. The irken's head flipped around to the hallway, eyes so wide the edges burned bright red.

Dib knew that look. Zim only ever had it at a certain time in reference to a certain person. He couldn't figure out how Zim knew but this time the aliens meddling could be forgiven. He quickly finished tending to his wound and shoved the gauze into his pocket.

"How close?"

"Thirteen."

"Uh…."

Zim smirked, not even this new danger squelching his hatred. "Thirteen dacets in irken measurements. A hundred metres in your pathetic hyuman ones."

Dib glowered. "Which way is the fastest escape route?"

Zim pointed briefly before racing off on his spider legs, hoping to leave the human behind as bait. He always felt conflicted when this happened. Sure, Dib-stink had to rely on Zim's SUPERIOR skills (even if those skills were simple computer memorizations) but the occasion meant great danger and Zim never liked the feeling of helplessness.

Dib, stunned, watched the invader escape for a brief moment. That bastard's gonna use me as a distraction! The sound of inconsistent footsteps and a high pitched whistling, sickeningly cheery, echoed eerily down the hallway. Dib bolted after the alien, praying and hoping and-

"HI THERE, BUDDEEEEEEEE!"

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Dib tried to move his legs faster but they stubbornly refused. He couldn't see Zim anymore and mentally damned the alien to every single hell he knew of and plenty he didn't right before a flying tackle caught him unawares.

"HI THERE, DIB! ARE YOU AND ZIM GONNA EAT LUNCH TOGETHER WITH ME?!"

"Get. Off. Keef."

The hyperactive stalker bounced off the paranormal investigator and grinned brightly.

"ANYTHING FOR YOU, BUDDEEEE!"

Dib moaned and cracked his back, feeling every wound and broken bone he had ever received. Keef bounced on his toes, blinding rainbow clothes almost flashing in the sterile fluorescent lights. His eyes still glowed that odd red color Dib had noticed years earlier and was certain it had something to do with Zim. After the Happy Juice failure the orange-haired stalker had begun to follow both combatants in an effort to make them friends.

Keef had become truce territory for the invader and his personal black-haired observer. All fights, all death-blows were halted if Zim's Pak sent the alert. Considering Keef's unexplained immortality neither Zim nor Dib wished to place any more crazy ideas into his orange head because killing him afterwards just wouldn't work. Unfortunately…

"I'M SO HAPPY YOU AND ZIM ARE BESTEST FRIENDS NOW, DIB."

There was a moment of complete and utter bewilderment. "What?"

"EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT, BUDDEEEEE! YOU AND ZIM ARE SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY AND NOW WE CAN BUY FOOTIE PAJAMAS AND-"

"NO FOOTIE PAJAMAS! And Zim and I aren't friends! We're enemies! Horrible, hatey enemies!"

Keef did a horrendous, very obvious, wink. "DON'T WORRY, DIB, I'LL KEEP YOUR SECRET!" Ignoring the fact that Zita's magical rumour powers ensured every single child in skool already knew the 'secret'. "I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE, DIB, SO YOU CAN GET ZIM'S 'SECRETNESS'" Another horrid caricature of a wink and Keef skipped down the hallway, whistling to himself.

Dib gawped. "Wh-what?" His mind tried to comprehend the stalker's words, laced with oblivious innuendo but his massive mind failed him. He finally settled on the one thing that made sense to him.

"But I already know Zim's secrets!"

Author's Note: So, this school story arc is going to end soon. It's gone on long enough! Next: Dim

Thanks to Ckret2 for doing awesome Betaing!