A/N: The highlighted Italic's in this chapter are from notes that the doctor is taking.

Chapter Nine

Forgotten Secret Part-B

Doctor Vincent's Office

They arrive at his office and the Doctor ushers him to a chair. Bobby shakes his head, "I….I think I'll stand for awhile."

The doctor picks up a note pad and decides to take the chair across from his desk. "Well," he says.

Bobby glances at him with a slight frown, "Well what?"

"I got you here," he crosses his legs. "That is an accomplishment in itself."

"Is it my turn to talk now?"

"If you want," Vincent makes eye contact. "Or we can just sit here. It's up to you Goren."

Vincent watches him intently; Bobby finds a spot next to the bookshelves glancing with one eye on the titles. "I was scared is that what you want to hear, you sit in a chair handcuffed not able to move, tell me how you would feel?"

He's evading it. Vincent jots his thought down, "I'm not judging you Bobby."

"Being forced to….I tried to think of things to say to him but if I tried to play being his friend he'd know I was full of shit. And if I tried to analyze him, get him to talk about his childhood and his parents, it would only piss him off and he wouldn't take his anger out on me he'd hurt Eames." He sits down in the chair running his hands through his hair, "So I just sat there and said nothing!"

"Eames, how come you called her Eames?"

"It's her name."

Nodding his head, he says, "I know that but before when you mentioned you partner you called her Alex."

Bobby remains silent, Vincent does not pursue it. He's distancing himself from her. He watches him as he slouches in the chair, looking up at the ceiling. He mumbles, "My legs went numb."

"What?"

"I said my legs went numb." He adjusts his position in the chair. "The other day I thought about a time when I was nine years old and I went into the hospital."

He specifically mentions a certain age.

"I had severe stomach pains and I spent the weekend in there," he chuckles. "You know they never could figure out what happened to me. They took all these tests and they revealed nothing. My parents, man what a pair. They spent most of the weekend blaming each other for what happened."

"Were they to blame?"

"What?"

"Your parents, were they responsible for your being there?"

"No," he shakes his head staring at the floor.

A very unconvincing no. "What were you suppose to do that weekend?"

"What was I suppose to do that weekend? Jesus Christ it was thirty-seven years ago, I don't remember."

"Yes you do."

"Oh come on man that has nothing to do with anything."

"Then why bring it up?"

He shrugs his shoulders, "I had stomach pain then and now, that's all it is."

"Do you recall that hospital stay often?" He starts to fidget in the chair, "Bobby are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm….I had a panic attack then too. Can you imagine a little kid having a panic attack?" He waves his hand, "Ah, none of this has to do with Billy anyway."

Vincent looks up, "Billy?"

"Huh? What?"

"Billy, you said Billy. Who's Billy?"

"Billy?" he searches his mind for the name. "The only Billy I ever knew was a kid I use to hang out with when I was in the third grade."

"Did Jonathan remind you of Billy?"

"No he was just a kid and we were friends."

"Were, when did the friendship end?"

"The summer before I was to go into the fourth grade."

"Did you guys have a fight?"

"Not that I remember, I just didn't want to go to his house anymore."

"Why?"

He shrugs his shoulders, stares off in the distance, "He had this really cool basement, basement," he chuckles. "More like an amusement park. There was a pool table, dart board, pinball machine," he wags his finger. "And one of my favorites, an air hockey game; I use to win all the time. The pinball machine was fun but you weren't able to tilt it," he smiles remembering, suddenly his face gets ashen. He starts to breathe heavy, bowing his head.

Vincent immediately stands, "Sit back in the chair and concentrate on your breathing."

He waves his hand in his direction, "I'm….I'm alright."

"Bobby did you remember something? Or did you feel something?"

"My legs went numb," he manages to say while trying to catch his breath.

He's back to Jonathan?

"I told her that my legs felt funny," he speaks staring straight ahead.

"Her? Who was with you, Bobby?" Vincent says sternly, "Bobby who was there with you?"

"His sister, Carol or Karen," he shakes his head………. "Carrie, her name was Carrie."

"Billy's sister?" Bobby nods his head. "How did you get there?"

"I went to Billy's to see if he wanted to come out and play, he wasn't home."

"Who told you he wasn't home?"

"His sister, I turned to leave and she came out onto the porch and asked me if I wanted a cupcake," a nervous chuckle is heard from him. "A chocolate cupcake, she told me that she made them. I said sure." He rubs his eyes, shamefully he says, "I ate a lot of junk food when I was a kid." He claps his hands, "Anyway about three cupcakes later she said that I could go down to their basement and since I couldn't play air hockey, I went to the pinball machine."

"Did she go downstairs with you?"

"Yes she did, she put music on….oh yeah they also had a Wurlitzer Juke box, it was very cool," he chuckles. "It had 45's in it, remember those things?" Bobby looks up at the doctor, "Ah maybe you're too young."

"I remember them; my older sister had hundreds of them." Vincent waits for Bobby to continue but he stays silent. "What happened after she put the music on?"

"I got pissed off at the game and tilted it, the game was over and when I turned to grab the darts she was dancing, I watched her for a few seconds and then I felt a little funny." He takes a long cleansing breath.

"Were you embarrassed or……………?"

"No suddenly I felt, I felt like I was going to faint. I told her that I didn't feel well, she took my hands and lead me to the couch." He stands up suddenly. "Son of a bitch, she put something in cupcakes," shaking his head. "What? I don't know."

"Bobby what happened then?"

"She sat down next to me and asked me a question. I don't remember what. When I looked in her direction her shirt was unbuttoned the first four or five," he shakes his head. "I don't know…..she had a bottle in her hand, it was orange. She….she was drinking something straight from the bottle, oranges." He points his finger in the doctors' direction, "A premixed bottle of vodka and orange juice. When she sat down next to me, I mean she was 16 or 17 years old so she was taller then I was and……..she grabbed me by my chin and turned my face to her and I could see her breasts." He mumbles, "Oh my God."

He turns away from the doctor and walks back to the book shelf. He picks out a book and flips through the pages. "I didn't want to look at her, I just wanted to leave and I tried to get up but for some reason I couldn't move my….my legs went numb." He places the book back on the shelf. "I turned my face away from her, she caressed my cheek then grabbed me by my chin again to move my head to look at her, I can see her face now she was smiling………..she took my hand and placed them on her breasts, moving my hand to caress her. I….I tried to pull away but she was stronger than I was." He exhales deeply then pours himself a glass of water.

"Did you say anything to her?"

Bobby empties the glass then refills it, he answers looking toward the window, "I told her I wanted to go home, she said….don't be afraid I won't hurt you. I like you." He bows his head down, "She leaned forward and kissed my cheek, still holding my hand on her breast, I continuously tried to pull away but it was hopeless she was just too strong." He runs his fingers through his hair. "She asked me if felt anything, I said yes my legs feel numb, she raised her voice a little and said, no not your legs anywhere else. I shook my head, I….I had no idea what she was talking about."

"Did she get upset when you didn't respond?"

"No she didn't, but then she put her hand between my legs, she startled me. I tried to move but she grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. She put one hand on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. She had my zipper down before I knew what happened. She started to fondle me. I….I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, I think I passed out."

Vincent remains silent, Bobby continues, "The next thing I remember is seeing the ceiling and when I looked around the room she was sitting next to me drinking out of the bottle again. She gestured with the bottle wanting to know if I wanted some, I don't remember if I answered her. I tried to get up and I was relieved that my legs felt normal again. I sat up. She grabbed my arm hard and yanked it. She said that this was our little secret….because if you tell your parents they won't believe you. You'll only get into trouble. I said why? She sat back on the couch and took a long drink from the bottle. She took my hand and pulled me toward her. She said because girls don't do these things to boys, boys do these things to girls. She finally let go and I tore up those stairs as fast as I could." He wags his finger, "As I was running up the stairs I heard her say, remember what I said."

He pauses shaking his head, "I ran home, man it seemed like home was a long way away. When I opened the front door…………..I heard them, arguing. As I got closer to the kitchen, I could hear him, he was yelling at her. I remember I thought to myself, now, they have to have a fight now. I should have just gone to my room but I wanted to tell them. I wanted to show her that they do care and that they would believe me." He rubs his face, wishing to be anywhere but here.

"It's hard, I know it is. What were they arguing about?"

"Money, he was trying to convince her that he gave her the money for the house. But of course he didn't he gambled away his paycheck already."

"No," the doctor says sternly.

Bobby looks up and frowns, "No….What? Were you there?"

"You're telling me something that you know now, did you know that then? Did you know that your father was gambling away his paycheck when you were eight?"

He shakes his head, "No I didn't." He stays silent for a moment. "I'm not sure how long I stood there before he noticed me." He squirms in the chair. "You should get more comfortable chairs, these suck and they're too small."

"Lie on the couch," the doctor responds.

"I don't think so."

"The room is large enough, pace around if you feel more comfortable."

Bobby takes him up on the request and begins to pace around the room. "He opened the refrigerator and of course it was empty. He started to yell, 'there's no goddamn food in this fucking house.' He was staring at the empty box. Then he asked what happened to the beer he bought yesterday. He first accused her of drinking it, which she didn't. She didn't like beer. He was just trying to confuse her. He probably didn't even buy any." He answers the doctor before he has a chance to say, anything. "Yeah, yeah I know I didn't know that then."

"It's alright but stay in the past that's what we have to focus on."

"I don't remember if she said anything. Then he asked her, what she was planning to feed us for dinner. Oh man," he scratches the back of his head. "My brother and I would go through days and days of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." He chuckles. "Then we'd come home from school one day and there would be a lasagna in the oven." He stops at the window and looks out into the parking lot. "You should work on getting an office with a better view."

"I haven't been here long enough to warrant the office with the view of the woods."

Bobby laughs as he turns to face the doctor. He stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Well I don't know if I want the low man on the totem pole."

"Very funny," the doctor says as a wide grin appears on his face.

"I thought so," he expels a long breath. "He slammed the door which is hard to do to a refrigerator and there were some boxes of cereal or oatmeal on top and they fell to the floor, he kicked the boxes across the room and when he looked up he saw me." He suddenly feels nervous as if he is in that kitchen of thirty-seven years ago.

"Bobby," the doctors' voice brings him back to the present.

"Yeah," he says as he leans against the wall.

"Don't stop now, it was a long time ago, nobody is gonna hurt you now."

"He took a few steps and stopped, I glanced up and the look on his face scared the shit out of me. The first thing he said was what the fuck are you looking at? I wanted to leave but I was frozen," he pauses. "He was a big guy, not as tall as I am now but when you're eight damn he was big son of a bitch. He had big hands," Bobby holds out his hands. "He walked up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders, and he shook me and said why are you always sneaking' around here? Listening, you're always listening. He stopped shaking me and pointed at her. You're that interested in our conversation, well your mother spent the household money most likely on herself. You want to know why? He turned back to me. Grabbed my arm and repeated his question. I think I nodded. Because she doesn't give a shit about you or your brother, she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She stepped forward to protest and she suddenly stopped. He….I think he had convinced her that she did indeed use the money on herself." Bobby returns to the chair. "You see I don't know if you know but my Mom is," he pauses, "Schizophrenic and my Dad used her illness against her to atone for the things that he did. God what a loser, I can't believe that I was on his side back then. When he left, when my Dad left, I hated her I hated her so much."

"Did she stop because he would hit her?"

"I don't think so."

"Did he hit her?"

"Not that I ever saw. He knew exactly what to say to her to make her feel that everything that happened in the house was her fault because of her illness."

"Did he convince you that she didn't care?"

He nods his head, "Yes he did." He once again squirms in the chair. "He was so angry, she didn't care, and I thought she was right, Carrie was right. They wouldn't care and they'd never believe me." He rubs his face.

"Bobby, if there is one place in this world where a child should feel safe and secure is their home."

"She didn't hurt me but….Man she picked the right kid."

"They usually do. She needed to take her anger and sadness and put it on some one smaller and weaker; looking at you now I have to really tax my imagination."

Bobby slouches in the chair staring up at the ceiling, "Man I'm tired."

"You should be," Vincent places his hand on Bobby's shoulder. "That's a hell of a secret you've been keeping to yourself."

"I was to go to Billy's birthday party at his house."

"What?"

"You asked me before what was I suppose to do that weekend. Billy was having a birthday party at his house. His Mom called and asked my Mom and she of course said yes, but I couldn't go back there." He looks to the doctor, "I made myself sick," he exhales. "Oh man." He rubs his forehead. "I never told my brother either."

"Your brother, your brother is older than you?"

"Yes," Bobby nods. "I lived in a house with three other people and I….I was always alone," He sits up in the chair, "Frank, he's a lot like my Dad, likes to gamble but he's been battling drug abuse for years….in other words any vice to make excuses for his life."

"You learned a lesson standing in that kitchen that afternoon, eight years old and you knew that you couldn't depend on these people….the one day that you needed them they weren't there for you. They were too involved in their own lives; you learned maybe unconsciously that you had to take care of yourself. Maybe that's why you seemed to have survived your family."

Bobby stands and extends his hand, "Thanks, thanks for being more stubborn than I am."

"See you tomorrow."

Bobby suddenly turns, "Tomorrow?"

"Yes," Vincent stands. "You've been avoiding your friends and your partner for days now and I don't think it has anything to do with what happened to you when you were eight."

TBC