Chapter 2: The first signs of addiction…

Okay so you know how you can like start eating carrots to snack on, even though you're not really hungry, but because Petunia who's a fat cow ate all the good food from our kitchen pantry so there's no more food left you've resorted to eating carrots? And then even though you really can't stand to eat anymore carrots, you still just sort of keep ingesting it like some sort of squirrel chipping away at an acorn? Well let's just say that James is my carrot/acorn….

I mean, it's not like I'm biting him, or anything…it's more of a figurative sort of situation.

Do you think carrots are induced with some sort of addictive chemical? I mean, why else would people eat carrots? They're not particularly that tasty. And say that they were induced, wouldn't that explain why rabbits are…well for a more polite term, why they're excessively "active"?

So I bet you're wondering what I sent in reply to our dearest Mr. Potter, while I've been "listening" to Mr. Binns, eh? Well fine, I suppose if you must know. But I advise you out of your own discretion. I can never control what Potter might do or say… the idiot.

xxx

Potter,

My birthday is fine.

The next time you see me, I will have a new skirt. (I'm not really sure why I said that..but I suppose it was good to add it in there anyway.)

You don't really know me all that well and just because you've been to the same schools as me for six years doesn't mean anything. And I'm not going to answer back after this. I'd really like to pay attention so if you don't stop writing notes to me, I'll rip out your testicles. (Hee..)

Either way I still won't write back. If you're just that much less fortunate, oh well..

With the warmest regards,

Evans.

Short and to the point.

I really ought to congratulate myself. I mean, that note is flawless. It's got it all. My usual threats, my rebuttal against his cocky remarks, and even better, I've maintained parallelism in short phrases, sticking with last names.

Yeah, Yeah, ok. So maybe it was a tad…harsh.

I better stop grinning. Dorothy may start to get worried…

---

My lovely Lily,

If anyone were to go near my testicles, I'd want it to be you.So thank you for that offer (I might just hold you to that!). EW!!! Ewwwww!!!! Mental images! Gross!

This is sadism! The complete and unabridged definition of sadism.

Unbelievable.

He's worse than I thought! He's a not just an idiot, no. Tut tut tut, Lily. How, oh HOW naïve and silly you are to think so, Lily.

You should be humiliated.

Why didn't I see this before? He's a freaking sadistic idiot. What, I ask you, WHAT, could be worse than a sadistic moron?!

Huh!?

I mean, it's like he doesn't even know he's cruel! I mean, please. If you're going to enjoy torturing others, at least have the decency to recognise it! Oh well, I guess I should carry on (i.e. brace myself)...

…And on the note of your skirt, I completely and utterly agree. I mean sure it's fine and amazing to see you dressed in such a manner, but really, I'd rather not have to punch any other guy's head into the wall and deal with the repercussions later because they were looking at you. And are you telling me that you, Lily Evans, aren't curious to what I am planning, for the first time in our relationship?

-JP

---

Oh where, oh where to begin? How about I'll say that I'd rather stick a fork through his skull…not that I'm sadistic or anything. Hmm..but what if one of his mateys read this? I hear that type of behaviour can be frowned upon…

Potter.

THAT IS DISTURBING! There is NO WAY I'd ever…you know. And it would be none of your business if someone was looking at me.

p.s. I'm not curious. So there.

p.s.2 Please, Potter. What relationship.

-Evans

--

So why did you answer back? Face it Evans, you want to know.
p.s.. and you know. Our relationship.

-JP

Oh God. Why did I answer back? WHY, MERLIN, WHY?

Potter, I don't want to know, now leave me alone.
P.s. and for the last time we do not have a relationship

What the hell is this? Some sort of disease? Just shut up, Lily! Before it gets worse.

--

Evans, you could just not answer back…

Hellooooooooo, glowing notebook!!! Maybe he won't respond anymore, then.

Fine then. I won't.

There. I just had to let him know that I wasn't answering back. You know. I wouldn't want to be impolite.

But I can tell you want to know.

Pshh. All my theories crash and burn.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW

I think you do

I think I don't

DO

DON'T

Then why'd you just reply?

That's a good question.

Because you're saying something completely false and I have to correct you.
-LE

Correct me on what? Our relationship or the fact that you're not curious?
-JP

ARG…
Both I guess. You know, you can be really irritating sometimes.
-LE

Or you just don't want to admit the fact that I'm possibly right.
-JP

Right about what?
-LE

HA! I've figured it out! He's the perpetrator! CASTRATE HIM! Wait.. no. We had this conversation before, Lily … didn't go well. But still! HE'S THE DISEASE!

About the fact that you actually like me and would rather talk to me than pay attention in class.
-JP

Potter. I'd rather drown myself in a pool of slugs than talk to you.
-LE

Umm yahh, maybe that's a teeny bit better than the whole fork through the skull thing.

Besides now you mean? Fine. Maybe this doesn't count as "talking" but I guess I'll just have to prove it to you then won't I?
-JP

I guess so. But I'll have to wish you luck. If you did know me at all, then you'd know I'm a stubborn person to try to convince.
-LE

And you would know that I'm a stubborn person to stop.
-JP

Why do I find that mildly attractive?

Whatever.
-LE

Ok. You know what? I don't care what he says next. I'm not going to reply. I'm just going ignore it. I don't care if everyone sees it. I don't care if it lights up the bloody room in red lights.

Screw it.

Did you know that Binns is related to McGonagall?
-JP

WHAT!

What?! No way.
-LE

Sorry. Just really fast…promise

It's true.

Please Potter. And you base this off of what, exactly?
-LE

It's going to be something stupid. Just wait for it.

If you tune out their voice, they both mouth "I eat-eat ba-nan-as, b, b, bananas."

-JP

…

(This is my silence for dramatic effect).

Potter…..
That is the stupidest thing you have ever said to me. Ever.
-LE

Oh yeh? Well try it. Go on.
-JP

Lily looked at the Professor and tuned out his voice. Suddenly, giggles escaped Lily's mouth as she saw that quite ridiculously, the Professor seemed to be mouthing "Ba-nan-as"

Of course, the Professor didn't notice Lily's giggles, as his hearing was grandly impaired due to his extended period as a deceased being.

See. Told you.
-JP

Yeah. Yeah.

Now lets play 20 questions.

Is he like A.D.D. or something? Probably why he's so sadistic. Needs a hobby to occupy himself.

Now lets not.

Aww come on Lils…

No.

Pleeeeeeeeeeease

No.

Ok, I'll go first. Hmmm…if you could be a teacher, who would you be?
-JP

Filch. That way I can punish you without getting in trouble for it.

-LE

God, I am so witty sometimes. And that was in NO way sadistic. He deserves it. That and it may be slightly fun to watch..not that I derive pleasure from it.

--

So you can punish me, eh?

That's sexy.

I like the way you think.

-JP

--

ARGG POTTER! Stop saying things like that! Ewwww. That's not what I meant and you know it!

--

Please, Lily. There's no need to lie, I can see right through them, ya know. And I know you liked that. I'm a marauder. It's in the job description. Just admit it so we can stop with this whole game…unless, of course, you like being chased…

What's in the job description? Being cocky?

--

Don't change the subject.

--

I'm not. I'm just merely questioning what entitles becoming a marauder.

--

Do you want to be one? Beca—AHHH you're doing it again.

--

Doing what?

-

Changing the subject!

--

I can't have done! The subject was already changed the first time and had never reverted back to the original subject, therefore you can't change the subject if the subject has already been changed 2 times to begin with!

…

Lily.…

Yes.

STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!

How about I just ask you the question.

Fine. But you're changing the subject.

Whatever. OKAY…so…who's your greatest fear?

­

Don't really have one. It's mo-

Oh, please.

Typical.

What?

OFCOURSE Potter doesn't fear anything. What was I thinking.

Um. Yeah. You didn't let me finish.

Oh.

Like I was saying, I don't really fear anyone, but more of the absence of people I guess. Losing people I care about. And you?

Wow. That was deep.

I guess it's kind of a combination. More like losing people I care about, failing and disappointing people I care about, and becoming what people I don't care much about judge me as.
-LE

See, this is why I am a genius. I mean, there is no way he followed or understood that.

What do people judge you as? I know you're not just talking about those idiots who are obsessed with blood purity.

Damn. I stand corrected.

You do know that this is going to count as a question, don't you?
-LE

James rolled his eyes.

Fine, whatever. Just answer the question, Lily.

Right now, all that James wanted, was to find out about Lily as much as she would allow him.

Fine. I guess it's just that…ok, well you know Petunia, right?
-LE

Your sister? Yeh.

Well she sort of has the idea that because I'm I witch, it means that I could never fit in the muggle world and I'm not smart enough to.

James watched the parchment as words halted to appear as if she were thinking about something.

…She says that the whole "witch world" is for freaks who pretend to have status just because they're trying to make themselves feel important.

That's ridiculous!

You're telling me.

I know.

You've got to be the smartest person I've met!

A sadist who compliments their victims?! Odd…

Um. Thanks.

…ok, you're turn.
-LE

Okay…favourite past time?

"10 galleons says it's something school related," thought James, smirking.

HA. Easy one.

Reading.
-LE

Why am I not surprised?
-JP

Whatever Potter. And yours?
-LE

Pshh..what a waste of a question.

Quidditch.
-JP

Ya think?

Of course. And why am I NOT surprised. Atleast reading is intellectual and entertaining.
-LE

Well have you ever played it before?
-JP

No.

Then I rest my case. You have no premise to judge. How would you like to come flying with me sometime?
-JP

I wouldn't.
-LE

Come on! Just as friends.
-JP

No.

Come on.

Maybe…

And I'm not really. That was just to shut him up.

That's all I'm asking. Ok, um… if you had to name one time you felt attracted to me, when would it be?
-JP

UMM..now would be a good time not to reply Lily. DON'T REPLY!

What kind of question is that?! The answer to that one would be NEVER.
-LE

Oh, good Merlin. Why do I even bother berating myself?

Oh, come on Lily. I told you the other day about the time I was seven and went around running in cape.
-JP

Well you did that voluntarily. Or actually, Black did. And you tried to stop him.
-LE

It's definitely a disease.

Whatever. Merlin, Lily. You don't actually mean to tell me that you've never even thought about liking me.
-JP

That's exactly what I mean to tell you.

So maybe there is a use to this whole journal writing escapade.

Ok, well was there ever any time that you may have not found me completely, 100 percent, utterly revolting?
-JP

Well when he puts it like that…

Ok, fine Potter. There was this one tiny time. But it isn't really a big deal.
-LE

And…

James was interested now. Very interested. He felt his smooth quill rocking back and forth his hand in anticipation.

And. It was at the last match against Slytherin.
-LE

And…

And it was after the Quidditch match had just ended and you were walking across the pitch.

That was quite a view, actually.

And…

ANDD what ELSE do you want from me?
-LE

Well I was kinda hoping tha…

James paused.

..Wait a second.

James grinned. And it wasn't just an ordinary grin. It was a truly, mischievous, sexy, and cunning grin.

Wha..(pen stopped writing and dropped on page)

Oh God. OH MY FREAKING—NO! This can not be happening. I can NOT believe I just told James that specific time.

This is not good.

This is really not good.

Oh, why Lily? WHY COULD YOU NOT pick another freaking time you thought James was attractive?! HUH? WHY? Because I'm so bloody thick, that's why!

Wasn't that the time I had to take my shirt off because Macnair had ripped my shirt so much that it was falling of my shoulders?
-JP

err..well

Which translates into Lily language: hell yes, the shirt was falling off your muscular shoulders and I will never admit that you aresomewhatkindaattractive because then you'll develop an even bigger ego.

And I was..

James' words paused a second as though he was pondering.

Oh, God. Here it comes.

..was covered in dirt because Sirius and I had done our victory dance in the dirt after we won?

Lily winced.

Umm..I don't remember.

Yeah, Lily. Like that's convincing. Now he's going to go on and on about it, so all I will say is "Umm".

Interesting.

…

…

Any moment now.

….

What?! That's it?

Why isn't he saying anything else!?

What's interesting?
-LE

Had I said that out loud, it would have been in a very high-pitched voice and very sudden after he said it. Thank God for writing.

Um..well..nothing.

Oh, no. He knows something I don't know! He's going to hold it against me! He's going to plot my death! He's going to induce all my carrots with poison! I'll never eat carrots as long as I live.

Spill it Potter.

James was smirking, Lily was sure of it.

It's just that I never would have figured that our own Lily Evans liked her boys dirty and rugged...

Good for future reference…
-JP

I DON'T!

I could feel myself practically whimpering.

And not to mention shirtless…

POTTER! I completely forgot about that. You know that's not was I was implying.

Sort of..

Right. So what you're saying is that you accidentally forgot that I was shirtless, and that's why you had like it, and now you're taking it back because you've remembered.
-JP

No! Potter. I didn't like you shirtless. I liked you very much with a shirt, thank you.

Whatever you say Lily.

Argg. The nerve of him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

I should tell him that.

I bet it would make me feel a lot better.

I hate you.

There. Wow. That did make me feel better. Hehe in your face, Potter.

James smirked.

Whatever you say Lily.

Damn him. SEE, SEE ::::(points finger hysterically):::: he's a FREAKING carrot inducer!

The bell rung piercing through the classroom and suddenly everyone started getting up and getting their things together.

Holy merlin. The bell. Did this really just happen? How the blazes did I just spend an entire 1:15 minute period talking with Potter?!

"Lily?"

Dorothy has a worried expression on her face.

Why? Is my face pale? Am I blushing? Do I have orange spots on my forehead due to the effects of the carrot disease?

"You seem a little flushed, Lily. Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?"

"Flushed?" I asked as if it were a ridiculous accusation."Nah, no, nopers, I'm fantaistic, really!" I shook both fists up in the air on both sides of my body as if I were showing her how strong my muscles were, looking like a complete moron. "Well, tootles, Dor, I'll catch you on the flip side!"

Oh my God. (I'm now outside the classroom). I can not believe I just used the phrase "I'll catch you on the flip side".

Who says that? Seven year old girls constantly making peace signs with their fingers and saying things like "girl power" and pretending to be really cool even thought they're not, that's who. (i.e. me when I was seven).

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I said out loud to the now empty hallway.

"I dunno. What the hell is wrong with you?"

I recognised that voice.

Yup. It's James. What is he still doing here? Freaking stalking me? You see, that's just my luck. That's what happens to newly addictive journal writers.

I hate him. And now he's probably going to ask me to go with him to Hogsmeade.

"Give it up, Potter! I'm not going out with you!" I blurted.

Oh Merlin, Lily. Why do you have to be so stupid. He was probably going to just ask you for a quill or something.

Great. Now's he's smirking again.

Uh-oh. What's he doing? His eyes are mysteriously sparkling in the candle light of the hallway like they always do, except this time, with determination. He's walking towards me, taking slow strides, like hunter hunting its prey.

Oh God. I sound like a commentator of the discovery channel.

Ok, it's official. He's definitely too close for comfort.

I could feel a warm breath trickling in my ear and a minty scent issue forth from it after a few minutes.

Why does he feel the need to whisper?! Where the only ones here!

"Like I said, Lily…" he said in a deep and rogue, husky voice; with an air of confidence severely emphasising how much he's changed over the summer.

I felt my cheeks flush as he said my name and my heart rate quicken as I couldn't get the image of James Potter shirtless out of my head. Damn notebook.

"…I'm a really stubborn person to dissuade."

And with that, he took a step back and, from what I could deduce, began analysing my facial expression as if he were reading my mind. Whatever he read, he seemed to like it, as he is now giving me another one of his "handsome" crooked smirks. I hate his smirk. And not to mention his current irritating indifference.

Who does he think he is? Some sort of freaking Roman God personified?

Well..he sort of is. But that's not the point. The point is..um..the point it he's too sure for his own good.

And what's with the whole "the world can bite my ass" thing? Sure some girls think it's hot. Ok so maybe all girls think it's hot. I mean who doesn't think a rebel is hot? I mean a little danger is good, right? But Potter's just too…too full of himself. Right?

Like acorns.

They think they're so good cos all the squirrels fight for them.

Idiots.

"Lily?"

Oh. Apparently he's been trying to talk to me but all I've been doing is staring at him like a stupid zombie.

"Lily, do you..

This is it. He wants me to eat him so I will curl over and die from poison (while mentioning something or other about the Great Hall and eating and sitting on benches).

But back to being massacred. That is soooo not happening! Without another second, I yell. Cuz you know, it adds emphasis and stuff.

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SQUIERREL-ATTRACTING, POISON INDUCED ACORN!"

And not a split second later I took off power-walking with the notebook tightly hugging my chest.

Not entirely sure what his facial expression was at the current moment. Probably one of confusion. Or one re-questioning his small infatuation with a psychotic-obsessive notebook replying- carrot-eater fanatic.

I know one thing is certain, though…

First thing when I get back to the Common Rooms, I am burning this stupid notebook…

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a/n: and done with the second chapter!! What do you guys think of this so far?! Reviews are greatly appreciated!