Chapter Fifteen

Alex Faces Her Fear

Alex, after close to twenty minutes in the bathroom, opens the door. She scans the hallway; I guess he gave up, good. She walks quickly down the hall into her bedroom. Closing the door softly, she finds the remote and clicks on the TV.

She sits on the bed with her back against the headboard, watching but not listening. Memories of her teenage years flow through her mind. The hours she spent in this room, thinking about what her life would be like when she grew up. None of the wishes she had back then has come to be.

Yes I was married for a time, but he's gone, gone too young and tragically.

A child? No children of my own, she chuckles as she remembers the names she picked out for her children, Ashley for a girl and Tyler for a boy. She frowns, maybe one day, she laughs aloud, it had better be soon.

My career? Very gratifying and prominent. Will I ever advance past detective? Is he holding me back? No, he's not, how can anyone? Especially me, think that way. He's not afraid to find the truth no matter who may have to come down in the end. I admire him for that. She remembers his comment earlier in the day, Figure give it to me so I can further alienate myself from the cops on the force. If that is the plan, I guess I can understand, but leave her out of it. I can understand too Bobby, particularly the way they treated you after Kevin Quinn's murder, they all wanted the easy way out, even me.

Her cell phone rings and she shakes with surprise, checking the ID, she smiles. "Hi," she says cheerfully.

"Hi…I um, I need to speak to you about something very serious."

She sits on the edge of the bed, "Serious? I don't know if I can handle serious at this time, Bobby."

"Jokes always with the….I think it's time, time for you to go back there."

She stands and makes a motion to toss the phone across the room. "My father called you. Didn't he?" she says snappily.

"Yes he did and I'm glad he did."

As she sits on the bed, she takes hold of her pillow hugging it, wishing he were here to give her comfort. "No…. I don't want to go back there."

"I think you….we should, I'll take you."

"Bobby….I….I'm not sure I can," she says slightly sobbing.

"Yes you can, Alex. I'll be with you." He clears his throat. "I'm waiting for you outside."

She walks across the room toward the window. Pulling the curtain aside, she can see his car. She smiles, "I'll be right down, oh do me a favor."

"Sure anything, anything at all," he chuckles. "Within reason."

She laughs as she opens the bedroom door, "Buy me dinner first."

"No," he says sternly. "Don't procrastinate; we're going to go now."

Her parents well aware of her destination remain in the kitchen. She calls to them as she descends the stairs, "Mom, Dad I'm going out for a while, be back later."

"She sounds as if she's going out on a date," Sara says.

"If I know Alex and I do, she's going to try to talk him out of it and if I know Bobby he won't let her."

"I agree," she pats his hand.

He covers her hand with his, "I love having her here but she needs to move on, if she doesn't do it soon she could end up resenting us in the end."

"I feel the same way, I love her so much but she is getting too comfortable living here, I'm cooking her meals, cleaning her clothes even making her bed every morning." She sits back in the chair, "I think it was a good idea that you called Bobby, because you…."

"Yes I gave into her," John says timidly. "I can't stand to see her in so much pain and not have the ability to make it go away, like when she was a little girl. I can not even begin to understand what she is going through."

Sara moves in closer and hugs him, "Oh you are just an old softy."

"Shhh….don't tell the kids," he kisses her on the cheek. "Besides I think it will be good for both them. Finally get out some of those underlying feelings of hostility."

Alex opens the car door, "Hey, are you sure you don't want to get something to eat first." She says as she gets in the car.

He puts the car in gear, "I already ate."

Alex switches on the radio, "I haven't, come on," she says pleading.

Pulling the car into traffic, "No, now stop it," he says sternly. "Will you please?"

Pressing the buttons one after another on the radio, she finally finds a song she likes, "Gees what a grouch," she says under her breath as she sits back.

He touches the brakes just a tad too forceful at the stop light and they bolt forward, "You think I want to do this? You think I'm some kind of ghoul wanting to go back to a place where you and I were assaulted? Is that what you think?"

She finds it hard to look at him, "No Bobby, of course not."

With the light still red, "Alex," he takes her hand. "I didn't mean to…."

She touches his cheek, "I understand and you are right, we'll go now," she sits back in the seat facing forward. "Then we can go out and get drunk."

He laughs, as the light turns green.

Traffic is light and in less then twenty minutes they have reached their destination. "That was quick; I never realized how close I lived to my parents."

They sit in the car, staring straight ahead, each waiting for the other to make a move or a sound. Bobby breaks the silence, "Come on," he says as he opens his door. She remains inside the car, facing forward. After a few strides he is next to her door quickly. Reaching down he opens her door. Her eyes are filling with tears; he bends down, "We can do this Alex," he holds out his hand. "I'll be with you." She places her petite hand in his and he gently lifts her from the car seat.

Knowing she would purposely leave her key behind he digs into his pocket. She watches him as he places the key in the lock, "You know me too well Goren."

"You got that right," he pushes the door open. They stand in the door way looking inside, neither uttering a word. He once again takes her hand, "Ready?"

Nodding her head, "Yes, I'm ready."

The room is as it was before Jonathan invaded her space. "My Dad hired someone to clean up the……" she loses her balance and he catches her, leading her to the couch, "Alex," he holds her helping her to sit down. "I'll get a cold rag, be right back." She grabs his arm, "No Bobby don't leave me!"

"Okay," he sits down next to her, "Okay, I won't." He pulls her next to him and she cuddles in under his arm.

Slightly sobbing she snuggles in closer, "I keep having this dream that after I shoot him he comes back to life and starts to chase me. For some strange reason he's on a motorcycle. I keep running and running but I never find a familiar place to take refuge."

"Because I couldn't help you," he says sadly.

"No you couldn't….Not that you wouldn't. There is a big difference Bobby." She nudges him. "You see the difference now? Don't you?"

He smiles, "Yes I do." He kisses the top of her head. "Thank you."

"Right there, I stood right there," she points. "And that little prick sat there." She wipes her eyes. "You, you were there."

She looks up and he is staring at the spot where he sat tied to the chair, "Helpless, I never felt so helpless….when I was eight years old." Shaking his head, "No….not now, now is not the time."

"There is no better time Bobby, tell me."

Bobby relays to Alex his 'Forgotten Secret.' She remains silent throughout the story.

"I'm so sorry Bobby."

"The mind is a remarkable thing, isn't it? In one way, it protected me and thirty years later, it saved our lives. However, I blocked out the entire day, my father's behavior toward my Mom. The way he treated her, I hated her when he left, little did I know." He shakes his head, "Too bad he didn't leave sooner." He lightly squeezes her thankful for the comfort. "Are you going to move?"

The quick subject change startles her, "I….I don't know. I love this place, I feel violated for what he did to me but I also feel that if I move he has taken over my life, dictating where I should live. Home is supposed to be a comfort, isn't it?"

"So I've been told." he whispers.

"Huh?"

Shaking his head, "Nothing, nothing at all."

She looks around the room, "I'm not sure that I can ever feel that way again living here." She stands and begins to pace around the room, "I know he's dead, he's never coming back."

"You still feel him in here, don't you?"

"No, it's not that, I thought I would but I don't." She stops to feel the leaves of her favorite plant, she chuckles, "I think my Dad's been watering this." Bobby has since left the couch and is standing behind her. She slowly turns as he places his arm around her shoulder. She smiles, "I'm sure of one thing."

"What's that?"

"I don't think I'm going to have that dream….nightmare again." She leans her head on his chest and he holds her tighter, "I have to admit that it was getting too comfortable living with my parents, no responsibilities, I was starting to feel like a teenager again. I go to work, come home, my Mom prepares dinner, sometimes I help. She's been making my bed, what's that Billy Joel song, 'Well you're twenty-one and still your mother makes your bed, and that's too long.' I'm a hell of a lot older than twenty-one."

He clears his throat, "That's for sure."

She looks up at him, "Hey…" she smiles. "Thank you," she stands on tip-toe and kisses his cheek.

"For what?" he says shyly.

She absent mindedly pokes him on the side where he was stabbed, "I'm sorry, Bobby."

"There's nothing to be sorry about it doesn't hurt any longer." He squeezes her lightly, "I...I didn't want to come back here at all but I'm glad we did." He scans the area, "It's just a room Alex, a room can't hurt you, neither can a memory." He turns to her and lightly caresses her cheek, "I think you should move back, we could redecorate, new paint," he turns suddenly and stretches out his arms, "maybe some new furniture, change the whole look of the room." He turns to face her, "I'll help."

"If I decide to stay, I'm keeping you to that."

Nodding his head, "Come on." He holds out his hand for her. "Let's go get that drink."

She takes his hand, "Wait, while I'm here I should get some clothes." She pulls him to follow her into the bedroom. He remains in the doorway. She opens her dresser drawer, removing some under garments.

"Now I know why your Mom makes your bed in the morning?"

"Bad habit, I hardly ever make up my bed." She places the garments on the bed. "Do you?"

He leans up against the doorframe, shaking his head. "No I figure why bother you're only gonna mess it up again."

She turns and smiles, "My sentiment exactly." She opens the closet door.

He walks into the room, "I'll carry them." She hands him three pairs of slacks and blouses to match.

She catches him looking in the closet, she smiles. God how I love to tease this guy, "Ah what are you looking at?"

Touching the hem of a skirt, he slowly turns his head toward her, "You actually own some on these?"

She steps forward, lightly smacking his arm, "I've worn them to work." She closes the closet, picks up the garments from the bed and walks across the room toward the door.

Following her, "Once," he holds his finger in the air. "In seven years I can only remember once."

She stops at the door, "You may be right. I have to say that I am impressed with your memory."

"Thanks, where do you want to go and get that drink?"

"Let's put these in the car and we can walk to Finnegan's I could go for a burger."

"Yeah me, too," he opens the car door and places the garments on the back seat.

"I thought you said you already ate."

"Yeah," he looks at his watch. "Three hours ago."

TBC