Author's note: so Review for chapter one didn't go as I hoped But I still can't stop writing. give it a chance you never know what you'll find. Yes, the song is yet another by Secondhand Serenade it's called Vulnerable. enjoy!
Two Xanax, two Laxapro, two Valium, four Tylenol, a nausea pill. The rainbow in her hand was still not enough to decrease the shooting pain that stormed it's self in her mind. She was full of terror and worry, just plain hurt. The only person to even so much as possibly make it better didn't want to hear from her. She'd never felt so alone in her life. Regardless of how Nate doted on her every second. She took five of the pills at a time, swallowing them down with Chateau Lafite, a red wine she normally would have pushed to the back of the chiller.
Nate had taken liberty to hide anything stronger then that, after her irresponsible and careless mishaps with trying to swallow every pill in her birth control package at the same time. Nate had nearly shoved his fingers down her throat till she'd regurgitated them. She was shaking in uncontrollable sobs as he flushed the remnants of the little pink pills down the toilet that fateful day last week.
The memory of the previous week made her feeble again. Like it was all happening all over, it was the first day he'd trusted her to get up by herself since. He'd been carrying her to the bathroom then back to the bed for a straight week. Serena had never seen Nate as patient as he was and maybe if she wasn't still so in love with Dan she would have tried harder to love him.
The moment the plastic applicator and dropped from her hands and her face had turned sheet white both herself and Nate had known that keeping her from being irrational was going to be an arduous task. Though nether one of them could have or would have predicted that she'd be so reckless and out of it from the start. The dash for the birth control had begun her spiral, and Nate knew that after he'd gotten the pills out of her throat and she'd collapsed into a warn out paralysis it wasn't going to be easy to stop.
"You look like shit"
The blonde sneered at herself in the mirror as she picked at her puffy eyed reflection. Though the most she'd been doing was sleeping she had enormous bags under her eyes, her hair looked stringy, her skip pailed in comparison that of its usual honey bronzed summer tan.
"You don't look like shit, you look like you've been to hell and back. But you don't look like shit. Not if you tried you could. You're to beautiful Serena. Stop trying to tell you're self otherwise."
His voice was gentle and soothing as he leaned against the door frame with his hand out for her to grab onto.
"Lets go sit in the sun for a little while, if you don't come willingly I'm going to pick you up and carry you there anyways so you may as well just take my hand."
Serena gave him a look at could have been marked as a death glare as she whipped her hands on the grey shorts he'd dressed her in an hour previous. It was like she'd melted back to being a child. Nate was there every time she turned around. He'd clothed her, bathed her, and forced her to eat everyday for the past week. Without Nate there god only knew what Serena would have done.
Nate was like her Jiminy Cricket, he wouldn't let her make any irrational decisions because he knew she'd regret them. It wasn't in Serena to do what she had often suggested during the week. She loved Dan to much to just throw it away. Some of it Serena suspected to be out of his own guilt, himself feeling bad for being so irrational to Blair when she'd had her own scare. Though this wasn't a scare, this was actually happening.
"Natie, why don't you just give up on me already? I'm ruining your summer. Go take the boat out, go sailing for a few hours I'll be just fine by myself."
The look in his eyes he knew she was only talking a lie. He knew that if he left her god only knew what she would do. What harmful thing she'd put into her system. Rather then listening to another one of her broken lies or holding his hand out anymore he walked to her, picking her up over his shoulder as her legs dangled in back of him and her arms clawed at his shirt not to fall.
"Natie! Put me down"
It was for a brief second his Serena who's voice he wanted so badly to hear shown threw as he swung her around the empty high ceiling family room. Like when they were little kids. He put her down and she took off running without shoes right out the sliding door. Nate ran chasing after her as she frolicked threw the hot sand and flung herself into the ocean. Letting the salty waves crash over her head as she smiled and let go of all of her animosities.
As he got into the ocean with her he once again picked her up throwing her playfully into the waves as they both screamed with laughter. This was the way it should have been for them from the beginning. Letting out all of there terror and everything held in they played like children with no tomorrow in the ocean's waves.
Nate knew it wouldn't last long as her eyes still flickered with there sad longing expression. He wasn't who she wanted him to be and it was ok with him, but he wanted to make her better. He wanted Dan to come to his senses already and realize that Serena depended on him. Words 'I love you' meant a hell of a lot more to Serena then anyone would have though. Dan alone should have known that.
They played like old times for nearly an hour, Nate tossing Serena around in the rolling waves, floating on their backs, racing one another to the sand. She'd felt good for the first time since before the wedding, like she was nearly living again. She continued to bask in the sun's dazzling intense light letting the falling sun draw her out in all glory as he watched her closely, worried about her slip ups. As the sun started to hide it's self behind the clouds he called to her and put his hand out. Wanting to protect her from the cold and biting mosquitoes, mosquitoes had always attracted them selves to her delicate blood.
Like the wayward child she had been acting like since the test she obeyed and came out with her tank top and shorts sticking to her from the had day's play in the ocean's cool waves. Soon as she was out her reached for her pulling her into a warm hug and kissing her temple as she shivered against him, a partial smile still glued to her face.
"I'm proud of you today Serena"
He whispered to her as she broke away from simply taking his hand and swinging it playfully.
"Serena, dinner's done… will you come down here already?"
Nate called up the winding stair case, he'd left her all alone for an hour due to her good behavior threw out the day. But when her voice didn't respond back right away he started to worry. She was to quiet. Serena's behavior wasn't to be trusted at any point in the day.
"Serena answer me"
He called more frantic as he walked up the stairs two at a time. It was points like this he felt the need to give Lily props for raising Serena. As much as he loved her he knew how complicated she was. Of course Blair was difficult, but she was blatantly course and bold. Serena on the other hand froze herself off from the world. She withdrew and tried to disappear from sight so she wouldn't pull anyone else down with her. She acted like a burden to herself and those around her when all anyone wanted to do was make it better. She's been like this before the Shepherd wedding, slowly getting worse and worse till everyone was next to sure that she could destroy herself.
Dan was her break from that, he'd brought her out of her doom and gloom days into a carefree everything's gonna be ok era. Something Nate had been grateful for. Serena needed someone to take care of her, someone that could look past her overbearing and hard to take past. To bad he couldn't put his own differences aside for her sake. Nate blamed him for Serena's newest breakdown. Even if it was partially Serena's own fault for lack of communication.
"Serena come on you were doing…"
Panic and fear stormed over him as Serena's body lay motionless with a medicine bottle.
"Damn it Serena"
He flipped silently as he rushed to her side immediately counting the pills in the bottle, in precaution of the scene in front of him he's counted the pills on a nightly basis. She'd only taken two, two was enough to only knock her out for the night. Carefully he lifted her body off of her floor and carried her over to the mahogany canopy bed in the left corner of the room. Gently laying her down he kissed the side of her head and pulled the down cover over her body. The air condition was full blast throughout the entire house. something Serena had always done before sleeping.
Staying station on the edge of her bed for a moment he watched her as she moved her hand to her stomach to rest in her sleep. She'd slept like that for the past week in a row, one of the reasons he hadn't driven her to the clinic. He could tell it meant something to her, Dan was a good enough guy that it would mean something to him also. It wasn't everyday that a guy got to mix there DNA with a Van der Woodsen. Especially one that he loved more then anything else on earth, from the look in Dan's eyes as he watched her Nate knew that was the way Dan felt about Serena.
The amount of pills she consumed still made him worry, it wasn't normal and it wasn't right. Anyone with a brain knew that so many narcotics wasn't good for a person rather then two people Nate needed help. He couldn't face Serena's demons alone.
Exiting her room he pulled out his phone and quickly strolled threw it, she'd hate him for this no doubt. Nate was worried and there was no other way to try and convince her to do things otherwise.
"Hey, yea, I need you in the Hampton. She's fallen and I can't fix it."
His voice was in a pleading nature as the one on the other line talked rapidly and without restraint.
Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside
and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care
tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible
I was born to tell you I love you
isn't that a song already
I get a B in originality
and it's true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see
and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care
tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible
slow down girl your not going anywhere
just wait around and see
maybe I am much more you never no what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone I can be anything
just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone anything I promise I can be what you need
tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible