Author's note: WOW! You all have no idea what your reviews mean to me. They keep me going! I feel like I do need to remind you that this is a DS story. Though I favor the SN friendship it is only a friendship. I'm sorry if I lose some of you with that. I'll leave the layout as it first was and put the song lyrics to break up the chapter. thank you so much for your tips and please keep them coming! The song is Half Alive - by Secondhand Serenade
Kayti Summers – your review meant the world to me. And I hope that this chapter continues on to not be disappointing. I look very forward to your review.
My lovely- you made me confident enough to post this but I'm still giving you a shout out
"I want to take her back to the city, being so far away from civilization isn't going to help her. She needs to be home in her real bed. Not that sleeping at the Palace is much of a luxury."
Blair barked out orders as she swirled around the rest of the liquid from her now warm martini in the glass as she sat with the boys out in the hot summer scene. Nate had called her at seven o'clock the night previous and she'd hopped on a plane from France only to bump into her worse enemy at the air port.
"Must say, didn't think Brooklyn had it in him. The guts to think he could just drop her without the consequences."
Chuck's voice mused as he removed the cigarette from between his lips to expel the fumes. He two had hopped on a plane from Mexico as soon as he'd gotten off the phone with Nate.
"Nathaniel, you had to call her? Now we have to listen to everything that the princess of piss says."
Blair's blood boiled as she listened to his sleezy arguments, wasn't he the one that abandoned her at the air port? And to think she'd ever thought he had a heart.
"Maybe if you hadn't harassed her at home so much she wouldn't have spent so many nights at Cabbage Patch's"
Nate was growing increasingly tired of their bickering. They'd been back and forth from the moment they'd arrived in the door. That of which he'd had to escort them directly to the back porch to make sure that they didn't wake Serena from her drugged out slumber.
He'd checked on her once an hour since he'd gotten up from the spot he'd half slept all night beside her. Just to make sure she was breathing and she didn't try and take anymore pills for the night.
"I'm just trying to look out for the well being of our best friend. Some of us in this room actually have hearts."
As Blair spoke Chuck's eyes rolled, so much for keeping the peace. Serena didn't need them fighting, she had enough to deal with them fighting was not one of them.
"Some of us don't have sticks shoved up our asses."
Chuck challenged Blair as he took another drag from his cigarette. Nate knew that if he'd left the two of them in a room together alone long enough it would have taken them no time to rip each others clothes off. That's the type of tension that was building up think inside of the room. Not something he particularly wanted to be a part of.
"Guys, Serena, can we focus please? We need to formulate a plan so that one of us is always with her. She can't be trusted alone."
Standing up to pace the room Nate folded is hands into his board shorts. He needed Blair and Chuck to stop acting like the world revolved around them and concentrate on the task at hand. There best friend was completely losing control and all they could do was bicker.
"Put her in a cage. We all know how charged S gets from bars."
Chuck suggestively added with his signature smirk as he finished the cigarette in his hand and crashed it into the crystal ash tray on the table. Reaching out Blair smacked his arm as Nate shot him a warning look.
"I'm talking serious here, she can't be trusted to be alone. God only knows what she'd do. She took sleeping pills last night, after having a good day. What would she do if she had a bad day?"
Blair looked up at Nate as he talked only then understanding the true urgency of the situation. It wasn't just something simple. Serena was in a way sick and she needed help from her three best friends to be alright. Serena could have killed Cabbage Patch for putting Serena threw the hell he was.
"Have you even considered taking her to get rid of it? Save her the trouble of getting fat? A kid would be a turn off, and stretch marks would make her never get laid"
Nate and Blair both rolled their eyes at Chuck's newest suggestion. They all knew that Serena was lenient with things she did, and who she used to do in the past but there was no question to the fact that the one thing, Serena was passionate. Passionate about everything she did and especially what she put her heart into. She was going threw a faze and if Nate let her jump to her first instinct he knew she'd regret it when she was on a solid sober mind.
"She's still asleep? She took the pills yesterday and it's three o'clock. S never sleeps this long."
Blair started to worry as she looked into the house that had been nearly silent since she and Chuck had arrived hours previous. She still hadn't even peaked in on the mess that had become of her best friend. All she knew was that Serena's world was crashing down around her and the three of them were the only ones to parically fix it. Dan was the only one that really possessed the means to make it all better.
"How about you go check on her Blair, I slept next to her all night. She's had Alana outside her door looking in on her all day. I'm telling you she's fine but if it'll make you feel better you can storm in there and wake her up."
Nate said now frustrated by Blair's accusations that he wasn't taking well enough care of his best friend. At least he wasn't the one that was going to drive her off the brink of insanity.
It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free,
To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free
The neon blue light from her cell phone on the side of the blonde's bed read 3:30 pm. She'd taken the sleeping pills and collapsed on the floor in exhausted sleep at seven o'clock the previous night. Nate was going to kill her soon as she showed her face down stairs. She wasn't supposed to touch the sleeping pills, he'd told her he'd take care of it. But she needed them, she'd opened up her draw to change and the folded notebook paper was right there looking her in the face. He's put a ban on the major drugs, no anti-depressants or muscle relexers unless he said she could. The only thing that had been un secure was the sleeping pills.
He'd must of laid her on her bed after she'd been out cold because she didn't even remember him being in her room. The last thing she'd remembered was laying down on the cool wood floor trying to get the room to stop spinning and her head to stop pounding.
Now as her eyes were open the first and only thing she wanted was her pills. She could feel herself losing control with her urgency for them as she lifted her self off of her bed and tip toed into her bathroom. As she reached for the handle on the medicine cabinet she felt sick, a guilty sick, something she tried her best not to give any thought to. Two Xanax, two Laxapro, two and a half Valium, four Tylenol, and two nausea pills each in her hand as she filled up a glass of water. They were her cure, her excape and she wanted more. She wanted something stronger to take the pain and anger away.
Anger at herself for losing him, for being dumb enough to miss pills when it could have prevented a slight part of her feelings, anger at him for not panicking when the condom broke and he held her tighter telling her it would all be ok. Because he said he loved her, because he was going to protect her. Anger at him for nearly sleeping with Georgina, for letting Georgie put her mouth on places only her's belonged. Anger at Nate for being so understanding, and for trying to protect her when all she wanted was to relieve some of her pain, at Blair for not being there to help her threw. But mostly Serena blamed herself for being stupid. For wanting and needing more drugs, she craved more and more.
Serena put the pills that were in her hand, twelve and a half of them, down on the side of the counter and walked to the mirrored glass shower wall. Her reflection wasn't even something that Serena herself recognized. The girl looking back at her was broken, destroyed, and selfish. Her shaky hands lifted themselves up to the clean white of her tank top, resting themselves on her abdomen. She couldn't look herself in the eyes and she couldn't look at where her hands were, instead the sapphire eyes stayed glued to the floor.
Just under her hand and the flesh, muscle, and bone lie the last part of Dan she had. Part of her wanted so badly to destroy it. To make it so that she'd never have to think about him. She knew it was a lie. The boy owned her heart wither she wanted him to or not there was no getting it back. This… thing had been fated to her and all she could think of was the pills. She needed the pills to get her threw, she couldn't let feelings for another life get in the way. Lifting her head a little for a brief moment her eyes met that of her reflection and she felt ice cold suddenly.
The cold made her think of her mother, and the many guys that had up and left Lily, Serena and Eric. How much she'd resented them, how afraid she'd been to trust Dan and his three little letters because of them. Yet he'd two timed her. He'd been just the same as the rest of them after promising that he wouldn't leave her.
"Damn you"
She whispered angry as she tightly closed her eyes trying to fed off the bad and negative thoughts that were so badly trying to get to her. As she opened them it got no better.
With every inch of her rage, fury, and resentment built up now she dropped her hands from there spot and turned from the mirror back to the sink where the pills lie waiting. Four at a time she swallowed them down every pill giving her satisfaction as it slid down her throat. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if the white powder substance was around to numb her nostrils. Coke would have been her best escape.
After every last pill had escaped from her throat and was slowly making there way into her blood stream she let her legs give way under her as she collapsed against the wall in back of her pulling her knees to her chest. As the door opened Serena was trapped in her own little world, she could only faintly make out the voice as it was. The voice still seemed distant as she felt the arms wrap around her.
"Oh S, Sweetie how could I let this happen."
Blair's mother like side kicked in soon as she saw the destroyed crumpled forum that was usually her bubbly up for anything best friend. She looked so withdrawn and pulled back from her normal self. It actually scared Blair to see Serena the way she was.
Blair knew there was one thing among the rest that Dan Humphrey could say he was no longer a virgin at, and that was breaking hearts.
To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
And you touch my hand ever so slightly
(Girl we're not ready for this yet)
And the deadly look she cast upon me
I won't regret, I won't regret
I won't regret. I won't regret...
And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.