Authors Note: by far my most difficult chapter to write! But in the end I think I really like how it's come out. BlyMrtn-RiotGrl is my lovely editor and pre reader. Though yes I know she's only written one story I'm trying to get her to pick it up again. Andddd I made her watch Gossip Girl. Mwahaha I'm proud of myself. Anyways I know you don't want to keep reading this. Only two chapters left! Not written chapters but only two left. PLEASE REVIEW! And I hope you enjoy. The song is Maybe by Secondhand Serenade
She felt achy before she'd even opened her eyes. Her whole body was cold and shaky, plus the fact that she wasn't quite sure where she was. It wasn't till she felt the soft fabric of the down quilt placed over her and tucked in around her did she open her eyes. Only to have them connect with the soft tan walls and his obnoxiously bright green sweater.
"So I know I said that the Virgin Mary act was a little over done but Serena, this can't begin again."
Chuck's voice went straight threw her head as he sat down on the side of her bed. He seemed so much more grown up then she'd ever seen Chuck Bass look. Strange for him but she could actually see the worry that was written all over his face. Worry and disappointment, two things Serena didn't think she'd ever see cross his face.
"Sis, if you keep this up I'm going to call Lily. She and father will come home in a second when she knows what you're doing this time. I'm sure the guy who's hands were all over you last night would have loved to go further."
She looked out past him, she couldn't even remember what had gone on past the snorting of the coke. All she remembered was letting go of everything and living in the moment. Letting the drugs take her on a high she hadn't experienced.
"How'd I get here?"
her voice was broken and groggy, moving slightly she tried to sit up. With the searing pain that was shooting threw her mind and body she put her hand over her face and stayed completely still.
"Blair called Nate and I to come search for you. Blair didn't realize she wasn't bitch enough to deal with him. He could have raped you both."
His snotty tone didn't hide the worry about Blair he'd felt. Serena as well as everyone else knew that if Chuck wasn't so, Chuck Bass he would have already conformed to the queen B's ways. But Upper East Siders were never soft conforming people.
In her hazy half dream state she moved her hand to her pocket, the ruminants of the dime sack was still there, it would be good for a half of hit. A half of hit that would have been good enough to get her threw the day. And she needed her meds, they would make everything so much more intense.
"Serena look at me"
He next to commanded of her as she felt his hand on her shoulder move to her face actually moving her head with his hand now. He was determined to get threw to her and he wasn't going to back down.
"You're not an addict, you're not a whore, and your not this dumb. You need to cut the shit."
Firmly he spoke his hand still on her face as his grey eyes bearing into her sad blue ones. She felt queasy and sick, she wanted to make it all go away. She didn't believe a word he was saying she was all of those things. She had always been she hadn't changed.
"This isn't strictly only involving you Serena. You complained all the time when you were younger that Lily wasn't around. That she did a lousy job raising you. What the fuck do you think you're doing right now? Your not the type to usually do a shitty job at things but what you're doing right now. How your being, it's the most lousy thing you've ever done."
Who would have thought that Chuck would have been the one to take initiative and to try and snap Serena out of her dark days. He hated watching her fall apart again. When she did she set everything out of control. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't slept with someone in days or maybe it was because Blair was so distraught over the whole thing that she wasn't herself either. What ever it was Chuck wasn't about to back down.
"You and that asshole screwed up, mistakes happen. But letting your mistake pay for the pain he'd caused you is fucked up Serena and if you think hard enough about it you know that. Stop only thinking about your self."
He let go of her then and backed away from her bed. She had tears in the corners of her eyes. She knew that every word he said was right. she was acting selfish but it hurt so bad, every time she thought of Dan she felt pain in her chest, only today it seemed to be literal.
She took easy breaths in and out as her eyes followed Chuck as he stepped back and leaned against the door his eyes still on lock with her own.
Didn't you want to hear
The sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear
The expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up
And I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go
Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place
Footsteps sounded in back of him and she knew what was coming next. Four feet hurried into her room quickly. Both with there hands on their hips and there faces full of anguish like they hadn't slept all night as they tried to decide what would be done with her. That would have been the correct response. Nate and Blair had been up since they'd carried Serena into the hotel room and laid her down on the bed. They'd bickered and argued the whole way back. Nate mad at Blair for letting her out of sight, Blair mad at herself for thinking Serena would act like the nearly adult that she was.
Blair looked at her with a cross glare, Serena knew right then that she was in trouble. Blair was going to tear her down and Serena knew for sure that she deserved every word she was going to say. She watched Blair as she walked back and forth a few times and Nate stood with Chuck standing with his arms crossed. Serena was in for it now. Her fingers lightly graced the packet in her pocket still. She wanted it regardless of what Chuck had said. Her body was craving it.
"What were you thinking Serena?"
She started off her hands flying in random and motions with her words.
"You had had a good day, I give you room to go off by your self for five minuets and what do you do? You end up in an ally snorting coke and letting some asshole grope you. Serena what are you thinking? You're destroying yourself. You're destroying your child."
Serena couldn't take her eyes off of Blair as her anger spilled out of her all at once. It felt like she was being attacked by Blair's rage. She had no way to tune her out or shield herself from it.
"Cabbage Patch isn't worth a damn bit of this. You need to stop destroying yourself and everything around you. He's an asshole and you need to get over him already. He's ruining your life when all he is a good for nothing asshole. He lives in Brooklyn for God's sake! You could have so much more then that Serena. You know that."
Serena wondered if she was ever going to stop her ranting, but as Nate gently grabbed Blair's arms and turned her to chuck in a way making her stop her raving. She was suddenly quiet as she leaned her frustrated head against Chuck's shoulder and Nate now made his way over to the side of Serena's bed. As he sat down with her he grabbed her hand in his both as he looked at her and then away at Chuck and Blair then back at her again.
"Serena we've tried as hard as we can to get you to see that we're here for you. What else more can we do? We don't leave your side, we make sure you're dressed and fed and slightly medicated and yet it's still not enough. Serena we're losing patience with you. You're giving Blair a heart attack. I don't know how much more we can take."
With each word she could see the truth reflecting off of his emerald eyes. She was using all of them. Tearing them apart but bringing them together in hurt. She was driving her best friends to the point of a melt down.
"Nate, you guys should just give up. I'm not worth it."
Her voice was still not back to itself as in her mind the image of Dan and Vanessa now started to play over and over. The twinging and throbbing sensations were also starting to get worse as they were still occupied by her massive headache. She started to scratch at her arm again with her free hand.
"Serena, knock it off!"
Without a hesitation, Nate grabbed her hand forcing her to stop the scratching. He was too good at catching her in her games. He always had been. That's why he was her best friend, and her protector. That was until Dan was there. For a brief few months Serena had allowed herself to trust someone other then her close circle.
"We've decided that we need to call Lily, and you need to tell Dan. You went running to Chuck about Blair so unless you want us going to Dan you need to tell him yourself. I'll drive you later…so I suggest you get up, Blair's going to sit in the bathroom while you take a shower. And try not to look like you've been sleeping in a bed of coke.
Serena had never seen Nate so hostile with her. He'd given her the silent treatment before, but he'd never been this way.
"I can't tell him Nate, he'll hate me"
She took her hand out of his and moved it to cover her face. Dan wouldn't forgive her for not telling him. He'd be so disappointed in her, he'd be upset that she hadn't told him. That she'd kept something so important away from him. It was the one thing that was going to change his life for ever.
"I just can't do it Nate."
The pain was now blaring and she could barely see straight but she looked past it and tried to get out of the bed. she stumbled to get on her feet and not look at the other three in the room. She couldn't face there looks of disappointment.
"Serena where are you going?"
There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
And I'm here to sing
About the things that mattered
About the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
About the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong
Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place
She heard Nate call after her but his voice was distant as the pain rested it's way into her every thought. She wasn't going to be ok, something wasn't right. it was more then just the withdrawal making her sick. Serena was cold suddenly, violently freezing cold and her heart rate was erratic. Shutting the door to the bathroom behind her she then felt it. Crimson liquid had made a patch in her sleep shorts already. The same crimson color that came from the flesh wound in her arm from slipping out the window the day before. She rested her head against the wood of the door and finally let the tears ramble down her face.
"I don't know what to do anymore. I've given her all of her choices and she won't take any of them. As much as I love her and I don't want to see her make a mistake I don't think there's anything left that we can do."
Blair was defeated, there wasn't anything left that she could think of to do to make any of it any better. Serena was to far gone for the three of them to deal with. They'd tried all they could and where was she now? Locked in the bathroom to what they guessed was taking another snort of the coke.
"We don't have much else of a choice but to call my father and Lily. She needs help."
Adding his two since in Chuck took out his cell phone and started to go threw the memory bank.
Nate was biting the inside of his cheek as he hung his head. He'd failed her. It was the very first time he'd ever failed her. As he brought his head up to look at Blair and Chuck a spot in Serena's sheets caught his eye and he froze.
"Never mind Lily, Chuck, Blair we need to get Serena to the emergency room. She's bleeding."
The disappointed look on Nate's face was soon erased by distraught worry as he practically ran cross the room and began banging on the door. He knew Serena couldn't have been doing a line. If he knew Serena at all he knew it was hitting her hard. Chuck and Blair joined in on the panic as they started to crowed around him.
As the door opened it reveled Serena's torn apart broken down face. Her tears were cascading down her face hastily and she had her arms tightly and protectively wrapped around her middle as though she were trying to hold onto everything.
Nate walked to her first enveloping her into the tightest hug he could as she cried into his shoulder. Blair came next holding onto the two as she kissed the side of her head.
"It's gonna be ok S, were gonna make sure of it. Nothing's happened yet. It's gonna be like on tv. Where they tell you, you need to stop doing so much and calm down. It's gonna be ok."
She whispered as Nate held onto the girls he'd taken so much care of and loved without a doubt. While the scene in the bathroom was taking place Chuck took it upon himself to grab Serena other clothes, for once in his life not stopping at her lingerie draw, even Chuck Bass knew that it wasn't a time to fuck around.
"Blair, you and Chuck get her to the hospital. There's something I have to do."
He said giving Serena's head a final peck as he steadied the unstable Serena against Blair and gave Chuck a look of thank you as he came in with the clothes only to receive both of the girls nearly collapsing to his own chest. Chuck's mind wasn't in the gutter wishing that they were both naked for once. His mind was strictly on getting Blair and his step sister better no matter what the cost.
Watching his three best friends Nate knew more what he needed to do then anything else as he grabbed his coat and cell phone and hurried out of the Palace to flag down a cab. He was going to do what he should have done back when they were in the Hampton.
And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
And I was crying alone tonight
And I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it
Better than it ever was
Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place