Author's note: thank you all do much for your reviews! It means so much to me. This is the second to last chapter. I hope you enjoy it! The song is Stay Close, Don't Go by: Secondhand Serenade. I hope you like it, tell me what you think ok?
He felt her fingers brush the waistline of his jeans as they kissed, his shirt was off and she was trying to push it further. She always tried to push it further. Her fingers felt there way threw his belt loops as his eyes shifted to the fan. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was there and strong still. He knew what was coming. She'd done it for the past few weeks, and he knew that nothing would change today.
"Come on Dan, I'm so sick of this."
His usually patient best friend turned girl friend said rolling off of him dressed scarcely in her blue bra and boy shorts. Her smoky eyes told him she was pissed. Sick of being second rate, but Dan couldn't help it. He didn't want her, not in the way she wanted him to want her.
"You need to let her go already. You're with me Dan, I'm tired of having to share you with someone who doesn't even want you. It's my turn. Why can't you see it. I've wanted you long before you even knew her. You loved me. Why can't you just get that back again."
Her words were coming out of her mouth as fast as they could. She was irritated, aggravated, and hurt all at the same time. They'd been together for over two weeks and still he'd had his protective wall up.
"V, I'm sorry"
Dan murmured quietly as he turned his focus away from the fan on the ceiling and looked at the wall.
"Well I should just be glad that you didn't call me Serena this time shouldn't."
Hostilely she glared at him her voice a mix of anger and resentment.
"It's always nice to know who's on your mind when you're having sex with me."
Dan had made himself feel her perfect blonde hair, touch her delicate skin, kiss her soft lips, all thinking that it was his perfect angel with him without any questions. He'd felt like he could open up his eyes to be face to face with her innocent navy eyes. Innocent eyes that had perfected the perfect devil streak, something that intrigued him to no end, then again he loved everything about her.
"Vanessa I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'm not ready yet,"
The pillow she'd been laying on went directly over her face as she proceeded to scream into it. If he wasn't ready yet would he ever be? They'd be going back to school in two weeks. What would Dan be like then? Could she really handle being the girlfriend of a guy that refused to let his ex go?
"I feel like I'm pulling this relationship out of you and it's not something I'm going to do anymore. Call me when you're done whining over her. Maybe you shouldn't have let her go in the first place. Then you wouldn't have to break my heart."
Standing up emediatly she picked up the pillow and threw it at him as she grabbed her clothes and put them on quickly before slamming the door in back of her. That was the thing with the two of them. They'd done the same thing, had the same argument, acted the same way and every time she'd call around nine oclock when she'd calmed down and told him that she was being unfair to him.
The first time she'd done it he'd been taken back by her eratic actions, he knew he was hurting her but he also knew that he'd hurt Serena. He hated himself for hurting the two, but, he loved Serena still. Every bit of him loved Serena.
How the hell was he going to get threw school everyday seeing her beautiful face and not going over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist as she squealed in delight. Those moments were in the past and he needed to let go.
Rolling over he grabbed his cell phone off of his nightstand, he was going to call Vanessa and beg for forgiveness.
I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or have i ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
but look through that
and you will see,
I'll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.
If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.
Nate's own anxiety was kicking in as he stepped out of the yellow cab, the New York City smog filling his senses with the toxic fumes as he took a deep breath. The afternoon traffic was in full force due to rush hour and he didn't think he'd ever make it to Brooklyn. He'd had t the same conversation over and over in his head. Trying to decide what exactly he was going to say to Dan. Part of him wanted to just plain out punch the asshole. The other part was trying to formulate how to explain to him that Serena couldn't live without him, she was falling back into old habits. Oh and then there was the whole thing of adding 'by the way,' she's miscarrying your child right now'. Nate was pretty sure it wasn't going to be the best sentence to get out of his mouth.
He didn't want to be running threw Brooklyn, what he'd rather have been doing was sitting with Serena. Telling her that everything was going to be ok, even if he was next to sure that it was a lie. She'd done to much to her body lately to not suffer for it. It'd be a miracle if anything went threw untouched. Serna had been so careless no matter what anyone warned her or told her of. It was like she didn't hear a word unless it had to do with Dan.
His hands were in the pockets of his jacket and his head was bowed slightly as he walked up the steps of the loft. He grew increasingly uneasy with every step he took all of the thoughts and emotions in a whirlwind in his head. His best friend was falling apart at the seams and here he was going to try and fix it. If Dan didn't comply he wasn't sure how he'd let lonely boy live.
Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
amazed how I somehow managed to
sweep you off your feet girl,
your perfect little feet girl
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better, I know
Baby, I can do better.
If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.
"These building's should be condemned. Though I'm sure they'd be good for a good fuck in the hallways."
Hearing the voice in back of him made him turn around immediately, what the hell was he doing? He was supposed to be staying with Serena and Blair. Nate hoped that Serena hadn't pulled a disappearing act and ran away again. She wasn't exactly knowing to be counted on lately.
"Don't worry, thought I could be of more service to you then sitting with all of the smoking hot nurses in the waiting room. It's a bit disappointing that they don't wear the tight plastic uniforms to work everyday."
Chuck being of service to anyone other then himself was a funny thought, but he had been pretty good lately. Nate still didn't quite understand why he wasn't keeping watch over Serena.
"They had taken her in and given her a sedative to bring down her blood pressure, fever, and to help with the withdrawal."
Nate nodded his head expelling another deep breath. At least they were going to make her more confortable then she'd been in the morning.
"I just don't want her to be alone you know, Blair was pretty frustrated with her this morning. I don't want her to up and leave her alone. I don't think she could handle that."
He spoke as they stood right outside the door of the loft. It was a spot the two guys had never been nor had they planned to ever be.
"I know she couldn't handle that. Serena's not as tough as everyone thinks. She just like's to pretend she is so she doesn't get hurt."
The step sister he'd so harassed in the beginning of their cohabitation he's groan to care for more then he thought he would. Then again Nate, Blair, and Serena had been his best friend since they were all in Bon Point clothes. He'd have died for them not that it was something he would have admitted out loud.
"Nathaniel how you underestimate me"
He drawled out in his normal uppity manner.
Just as the two boys turned back to the door it opened without warning and the mess of brown curls brushed past them without noticing their presence. She'd sounded like she was crying and angry. Chuck turned his attention to Nate for a moment and raised his eyebrows as if asking what the hell that was about. Nate just shrugged and walked forward threw the cluttered door frame.
There were many times when he was growing up that he wished he and his parents were ordinary to live in a loft like said one he was currently standing in the middle of. Observing the loft it actually looked like a home, one where the children were well cared for. With photos of Dan and Jenny when they were young, they brought a slight smile to Nate's face. To see what they'd always been like. With Dan protecting his sister fully and trying to protect her from anything that would put her in harms way.
That's the way he'd always been with Serena and Blair. He'd taken care of those girls like they were the only thing on earth. Nate had fallen in love with them both a certain times and he'd learned that he was much better off watching over them then dating them. Now as he stood in the loft with both of the girls potential lovers he felt protective, like he was in charge of seeing to them getting everything they wanted and needed.
Chuck and Nate stood in the middle of the Humphrey kitchen looking at each other trying to decipher what the next move would be when the thin blonde bounced herself into the her kitchen in pajamas with a glass in her hand. Seeing the boys she stopped in her tracks and Nate could see a little bit of color splash her cheeks. If Nate could have concentrated and actually been able to think of her face he would have found it cute. Jenny did always have her ways in his eyes.
"Nate, Chuck? What are you two doing here?"
She asked confused as she placed her cup down on the counter silently hoping Blair hadn't sent them to get her for something she had or hadn't done. It'd been all summer and she hadn't heard a word from the queen B or anyone to do with it all. Working for Blair's mother was more then enough.
"Jenny, hey um… would your brother happen to be around?"
Nate felt awkward with every word out of his mouth. He never would have made a good investigator, he had to much of a soft spot for people.
"What did Dan do this time?"
She half rolled her eyes sick of her brother's love sick moping. She'd told him time and time again that he needed to just go and talk to Serena. Serena loved him and Jenny knew it, Dan was just being a jackass about all of it. Jenny fidgeted under both of the male's gazes, she could feel Chuck's eyes trying to see threw her pajamas. What a sleaze.
"Serena's falling apart and she could really use him around. I think he needs to know what's going on. She's kept it all to herself for long enough now."
Just as the final word came out of his mouth none other then Dan Humphrey himself stood in the door way of the room, shirt off in all of his hairless glory. Seeing him made Nate nearly lock up, the guy had caused Serena so much pain and he looked like he hadn't done anything. That was until Nate looked more closely. His eyes were nearly a mirror of the pain and anguish that resided in Serena's eyes also. Only her's were much more intense.
And don't you know my heart is open, oh,
it's putting up the fight,
and I've got this feeling,
that everything's alright,
and don't you see,
I'm not the only one for you
but you're the only one for me.
If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone,
"Something's wrong with Serena?"
He stammered out her name like it was a prized possession he hadn't said or seen in forever.
"You dumb fuck, your such a friggen prick thinking you can just leave her knoc"
Nate elbowed Chuck in the ribs to get him to shut up and stop before he said something that they both regretted. Yelling at Dan wasn't the way to get him to help them.
Dan looked confused, he was in the dark and had no idea what was going on. How was he to know that Serena hadn't been herself.
"Why are you telling me? Shouldn't you be taking care of her Nate. Aren't you her newest"
He couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence, it would have been admitting to the enemy's face that he'd stolen his dream girl. The one he'd cared about and thought of since that day in the seventh grade.
"What the hell are you talking about Dan."
Nate asked defensively as he took out his cell phone to check for text messages. The girls had been at the hospital for forty-five minuets already. Shouldn't they have been getting some sort of results on it all by now?
"I saw you and her. I saw you carrying her into the Palace."
Dan bit the inside of his cheek, something he'd acquired from Serena doing all the time. He couldn't read Chuck or Nate's faces. All he could tell was that there was something going on. It made him afraid, afraid to know what it was, afraid something had happened to the one person that held his heart in her pocket.
"That's because she couldn't stand on her own two feet because of what you did to her you good for nothing shit.."
Chuck started to mouth once again as Nate shot him a warning glare.
"Stop the name calling Chuck, it's not getting us anywhere"
Dan felt himself slowly breaking again, something was wrong with Serena and it was his entire fault. He was the one that was destroying her.
"What's going on"
Looking back and forth from Nate to Chuck he waited for a response. He could see now that they both looked tired and warn out.
"Serena's slipping back into her old habits and we can't help her. Nothing's getting threw to her. She needs you to be there. you're the only one that can help her now Dan."
Concern and worry were now played all over Dan's face and he only knew half of what was going on. Only to an extent did he know what old habits meant.
"She's been taking pills for months now, we found her in an ally yesterday snorting lines of coke. Blair's had it with her, Chuck tried getting threw to her and I can't sit back and watch her destroy herself anymore."
Chuck trying to get threw to Serena would have made him laugh if he hadn't been so fully of worry. Chuck trying to be the smarter one and one up anyone would have usually made him laugh. Not today, it was certainly not how Dan reacted to it. Instead it made him feel shaky, she wasn't herself. She needed him as much as he needed her.
"She's in the emergency room with Blair."
Dan felt his face go white as the words left Chuck's mouth. He needed to head there, he needed to be with her.
"Dan, that's not it"
He turned back from his rout to his bedroom to get a shirt. What more could be wrong with her. It couldn't have been any worse could it have?
"They think she's having a miscarriage, she was bleeding pretty badly this morning."
Dan felt his entire body freeze, as much as he wanted to be mad at her he couldn't be. She was pregnant with their child and she'd never told him. He could have taken care of her, he could have taken care of them and he never even had the chance to do so. And now she was losing their baby and he wasn't there with her.
Sometimes happen for a reason and some things just happened at the wrong time due to misunderstandings. All he wanted as to hold her close to him and whisper that everything would somehow be ok.
(stay)If you leave me tonight,
(close) I'll wake up alone,
(don't)don't tell me I will
(go)make it on my own,
(stay)don't leave me tonight,
(close)this heart of stone
(don't) will sing till it dies
(go)if you leave me tonight.
Don't leave me tonight