Aaaah-chooooo!
"It figures, it really does," came the slightly nasally voice of Jeff Andonuts. "Of all the trees in the world, I had to be allergic to pine." He sneezed again, recoiling slightly. "And where was I born? Winters! Land of Christmas Trees. Thanks a lot, Murphy."
Jeff looked out over the lake, unfrozen despite the frigid cold. By the edge of the lake sat his ally, the Bubble Monkey, who was getting a quick drink. "Why am I doing this? Tony's right, I must be delirious or something. Here I am, in the middle of nowhere to help some girl that might just be a figment of my imagination." Jeff turned to glare at an object. "And why…the…hell…is…there…a…giant…iron…pencil…statue here!" He punctuated each word by kicking the statue in question. It was blocking the only safe route down the cliff that Jeff was currently standing on top of.
Jeff sighed. " I'm too much of a nice guy for my own good. This won't end well, but I'm not stopping. There's absolutely no logic to this, but I'm not stopping!"
Jeff glanced at the pencil statue again, and gave it another swift kick. Ignoring the throbbing pain in his foot, Jeff proceeded into the nearby cave, which he hoped connected to another cave he saw at the bottom of the cliff, the Bubble Monkey following close behind.
After passing through a downward sloping tunnel, Jeff found himself in a large cavern. It was level, but rocks outlined paths like a maze. "Beautiful…just beautiful." Jeff navigated his way through the simple maze. A few ducks and what appeared to be protoplasm got in his way, but a few shots of his pop gun caused them to rethink their position. Before leaving the maze, however, Jeff found a stun gun to replace his current weapon.
Their was another downward sloping tunnel that brought Jeff and the Bubble Monkey out to the bottom of the cliff, where a strange man was waiting for them. He had a round head, with only a few hairs on top. A small mustache rested on top of a mouth accustomed to smiling. "How's it going, friend?" inquired the man cordially. "I hope you enjoyed my dungeon!"
"Was it you?" Jeff mumbled.
The man was taken aback by this abrupt questioning. "Pardon?"
"The pencil statue," Jeff explained in an increasingly accusing voice. "Did you make the pencil statue?"
"Oh, that," the man said comprehendingly. "No, that's been there since before I got there. Can't say I'm mad about it, though. More people get to enjoy my dungeon that way. The name's Brickroad. How about you?"
"…Jeff. Jeff Andonuts."
"Andonuts, huh?" Brickroad put his hand to his chin in thought. "There's a guy to the south by that name. You a relative of his?"
"Maybe," replied Jeff in a distinctly bitter tone.
If Brickroad noticed Jeff's discomfort, he chose to ignore it. "Yeah, Dr. Andonuts is going to work with me and help me become the first human-dungeon hybrid: Dungeon Man."
Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Fascinating…listen, do you know how to get south from here?"
"South, huh?" repeated Brickroad. "Where exactly are you heading?"
"Threed."
Brickroad let out a whistle. "Well gosh darn, son. What's a kid like you doing going so far away from home?"
Jeff sighed. "I dreamed that a girl called for help from a cage somewhere in Threed. So here I am."
Brickroad let out a mighty guffaw. "Listen, kid, if you didn't want me to know, all you had to do was say so. But if you're really heading to Threed, you should check in with Dr. Andonuts. He might be able to help you with one of his vehicles. Just head through the cave further south and you'll be there."
Jeff thanked Brickroad and made his way to the south. Before too long, he reached the cave entrance. Jeff stared into the cave for a long time. Then, without warning, he threw his head back and shouted, "Damn you, Murphy!"
The cave itself gave few problems to Jeff. His new stun gun quickly dispatched the mice, the ants, and…strange though it might sound, walking mushrooms. But before long, he reached a dead end. There was a rope on the cliff above him, but it was coiled up and unreachable. Jeff opened his mouth to complain, but stopped when he heard an odd blowing noise from directly behind him.
Looking back, he saw that the Bubble Monkey had popped a piece of bubble gum in his mouth and had started blowing. He blew and he blew until the bubble was nearly the same size as the monkey. Then, inexplicably, he started to lift up off the ground. Jeff stood motionless, watching the Bubble Monkey raise up to the cliff above. As he floated above the cliff, the Bubble Monkey gave a sharp blow, popping the bubble. He then proceeded to drop the rope down to where Jeff stood.
Jeff shook his head. "If you weren't so useful, I'd kill you for violating the laws of physics. As it stands…" Jeff grabbed the rope and started climbing.
As he reached the top of the cliff, he noticed something odd off to the right. A bright light, obscuring a shadowy figure. Curiosity getting the better of him, Jeff went to investigate. As he approached, however, the figure spoke in a low, piercing voice. "Only Ness may come to this place."
"NES?" asked Jeff, puzzled. "Sorry, I left my NES back at the school. Mind you, I haven't used it too much since I got the Super two years ago…"
"Ness!" the figure cried. "Only the one named Ness may absorb the power of this place. If you are not he, then leave this place."
Part of Jeff wanted to argue, as he hated being told he couldn't do something. On the other hand, something about this figure made him hesitant to badger it. He turned around and walked through the cave exit on the nearby wall.
Jeff squinted as the sunlight washed over him. He was standing right by Stonehenge, one of the most famous spots in northern Eagleland. And standing by Stonehenge was another monkey, apparently female, judging by the ribbon on her head. "Ukiki uki!" cried the Bubble Monkey. Without waiting for Jeff's reaction, the Bubble Monkey ran to the female monkey, who promptly started to run away, leading the Bubble Monkey into a chase. "Kiki Uki!" the Bubble Monkey shouted. Jeff wasn't sure, but he would have sworn the Bubble Monkey said "I love it when they play hard to get!"
Smiling to himself, Jeff made his way past Stonehenge until he spotted a large green building. The lab of the famous Dr. Andonuts. Jeff took a deep breath, and walked through the door.
He walked into a large, immaculate room. There were many strange inventions, but Jeff ignored them and walked right up to the man in the center of the room. "Hello, Dr. Andonuts."
Dr. Andonuts jumped slightly, then turned around. "I'm sorry, you are?" Jeff said nothing as the doctor squinted, looking him over. "Wait, are you…could you possibly be Jeff?" Jeff nodded curtly. "By George, it is! It's been ages since we last saw each other. How long has it been? Three years, four years?"
"Ten years," Jeff answered coldly.
"Oh, why, so it has. What brings you home, son?" Jeff explained the situation as briefly as possible. When he finished, Dr Andonuts looked thoughtful. "Well, then. Sounds like you're in for a ringer, aren't you. If what you say is true, then there's not a moment to lose. Take the Sky Runner." He pointed to a UFO-shaped object next to the side wall. "It has the ability to home in on psychic energies."
Jeff nodded stiffly. "Thank you, Dr. Andonuts." He turned to walk towards the Sky Runner when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you going to be alright?" asked Dr. Andonuts.
Jeff roughly shrugged the hand off his shoulder. "I'll be fine. It's not like I'm going to fight zombies or something."
"Yes, well, be careful…son."
"I will…Dr. Andonuts." Without another word, Jeff boarded the Sky Runner. In another moment, he took off through the opening in the ceiling.
Dr. Andonuts watched the Sky Runner disappear. "Traveling half-way across the country to help people he's never met. Jeff's become a fine young man." He hung his head in shame. "What have I done?"
-
"So, when do you think he'll be here?" Ness asked.
"For the last time, I don't know!" replied Paula irritably. After two days in this desolate chamber, their nerves had been stretched a bit thin.
"So you can send a message to the guy, but you don't know where he is?" Ness commented smugly.
"It's not that simple, Ness! I have to…" Paula paused. "Wait a sec. Do you hear something?"
Ness strained his ears. "Yeah, sound like a whirring noise, coming from…" His eyes widened as the noise suddenly grew louder. "Paula, get back!"
The two quickly pressed themselves against the wall as a loud crash sounded from above. Half a second later, a round, grey object fell from the ceiling and crumbled into the floor. Ness and Paula approached it hesitantly, and then they noticed something. In the wreckage of the ship was the body of a young man. He twitched and coughed as he raised his blackened face.
"Landings…gotta work on that." Coughing some more, the boy climbed to his feet. "I'm Jeff. I'm guessing you're Paula, and…" he paused as his eyes rested on Ness. "Who are you again?"
"He's Ness," explained Paula. "He's leading this mission. I told you about him in my message, remember?"
Jeff looked thoughtful. "Oh yeah. Guess I forgot. So what's the problem?"
Ness pointed with his thumb to the door behind him. "That door back there is locked. And we can't seem to break it down, either. Got anything that would help?"
"Locked door?" repeated Jeff. "No problem."
"Awesome!" Ness practically screamed with excitement. "Then the three of us can be on our way."
"Hold it!" Jeff exclaimed, dampening Ness's good mood. "I want to ask you a question. Now, no matter what you say, I'm still going to open the door. But I have to know…"
"Alright," Ness replied somberly, while Paula looked on.
Jeff looked off to the side for a moment, then stared Ness straight in the face. "I'm not that strong, I'm a bit of a nerd, I tend to be reckless and I'm not really a people person." Jeff walked up to Ness and poked his finger directly into Ness's chest. "Do you really want someone like that tagging along with you?"
Ness looked down at Jeff's finger, then into Jeff's face. He shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
Jeff dropped his hand. "Alright, then. Let's go." He walked over to the door and opened it with his Bad Key Machine, a device that would open any locked door. He led the way out, with Ness following close behind.
Paula stood there for a moment, watching her companions walk ahead of her. Then she shook her head roughly, muttered "Boys…" and followed Ness out the door.