This Means War Chapter 2, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: …I wonder what would happen if I forgot the disclaimer

Disclaimer: …I wonder what would happen if I forgot the disclaimer?

-Door busts open- FREEZE! FBI!

FB: No! I'm sorry! I honestly forgot!

Where are they!

FB: Huh? What? Where are who?

The flying munchkins of Munchkin Land! That's who!

FB: Oh, they're in the closet. –Points to closet–

Ok, thanks kid. –Closet is opened and hell breaks loose–

FB: So... your not gonna get me for not doing the disclaimer?

Oh, that's not our job. CIA will be over in about 10 minutes.

FB: Oh, ok. Thanks. –They leave– Now, Joe, I want you to deal with the CIA while I do my story, ok?

Joe: Okey dokey.

FB: Good boy.

Ok peoples, I got bored waiting for your suggestions and this came to me when I was sitting in the car. Keep sending the stuff you want to happen because I might end up using it and dedicating the chappie to you.

OH WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! I'm gonna dedicate this to Porsche Girl because she's the only one who made a suggestion and I'm gonna kinda use it.

Last time on This Means War

"Alright, Bella. Truth or Dare." I said menacingly.

"Um… gee whiz… I don't know." she said sarcastically. "Umm… I'm a sucker for dares, so dare me, Baby!" this was perfect because I had the perfect dare for her.

"Bella I dare you to…

Chapter 2 -EPOV

"Bella, I dare you to do a little strip tease for us," I grinned.

"That's it?" Bella scoffed.

"Oh my dear, Bella, offcourse not!" I gasped. "You, my lovely, Bella, are going to do a little strip tease outside of Town Hall to 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry. Oh, and you can pick Alice or Rosalie to join you."

"Oh, sweet!" Bella cheered. "Rose, join me please?"

"Oh yeah! I'm so in!" Rosalie cheered, punching the air. This wasn't the exact reaction I had planned but I really wanted to see Bella do a strip tease.

"Well then let's go!" Emmett boomed. I grabbed the CD player and quickly made a mix CD with the songs and then left for the car. (A/N: umm… this car holds six people… ok?)

The drive to Town Hall was anything but quiet. I really wish I was quiet.

"Do you know what I hate, girls?" Alice asked.

"What?" Bella and Rosalie said.

"Period pains." Alice said simply. I groaned inwardly. I really didn't want to hear three girls talk about period pains.

"Ugh! Don't get me started, Al." Rosalie grunted, scrunching her eyes.

"Worst thing EVER!" Bella said, banging her head on the headrest.

"What do you, girls do?" Alice asked. I really wanted to tune this girl stuff out.

"Hot water bottle," Bella said. "Natural all the way!"

"Yeah, that's what I do, too!" Rosalie said, hi-fiving Bella. "But when I can't use it, I use Panadol or Nurofen."

"Same here!" Alice chirped. "Oh my god! Don't you hate it when you feel like having the weirdest foods?"

"Oh god I hate that!" Bella said, scrunching her eyes.

"I remember one time; I was like, sooo craving a choc chip cookie and a potato." Rosalie laughed

"A potato?" Alice scoffed. "I remember one –

"Enough already!" Emmett shouted from the driver seat. "No more period pain talk!"

"Yeah, ok." Alice giggled, and the other girls joined, too.

"Oh my gosh!" Bella gushed. "Let's go get ourselves a vampire!"

"Oh my gosh!" Alice gushed. "Let's get a ware-wolf as well!"

"In separate cages, remember?" Rosalie said. "If you put them in the same cage, they'd kill each other."

"Oh, well that would be a shame." Bella said sadly.

"Yeah, if they kill each other, then we won't be able to have our way with them." Alice said deep in thought.

"That's why you put them in separate cages and do each of them separately, unless they're in for a threesome." Rosalie said. I was absolutely shocked at where this had taken a turn.

"Could be a foursome, too, you know." Bella pointed out.

"Oh, smart girl!" Rosalie praised. "I like the way you think."

"Aww, don't leave me out!" Alice whined.

"Don't worry we'll just –

"Can you girls just stop?!" Jasper shouted. I felt so relieved that someone had finally spoken up. "This is getting to me!"

"Aww, don't worry, Jazz, I wouldn't leave you out of something like that." Alice said. "Offcourse you're invited!"

"Alice –

"We're here!" Emmett hollered. (A/N: Holler is a really random word don't you think?)

"Awesome!" Bella cheered. "Let's go, Rose!"

We all climbed out of the car, and the girls ran straight to the statue near the Town Hall, beckoning us to follow. I was in a way beginning to regret this. Alice took the CD player from me and turned the music up really loud. The music started and Bella and Rose started dancing.

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

Oh God they were hot. They were just starting to dance to the chorus and Bella just pulled off her shirt and threw it to the small crowd of guys that had crowded around to revel a very lacy, very sexy bra. Rose was in her bra now, too. God they were hot… Damn it don't think that! Shit! Shit! Shit! I'm pitching a tent! Shit! Shit! Shit!

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Oh, crap what are they doing?! Shit! I think they're making out! Aw damn that's hot… damn this tent just keeps getting bigger… wow… Emmett's pitching a tent, too, by the looks of it… Why the hell am I even looking there?

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

They had just taken their jeans off and started dancing to the song and after doing a scan of the crowd that had seemed to have gathered around us, I saw that almost all the guys were pitching tents. I even saw a few with their hands down their pants… I don't even want to know, but I'm afraid I already know…

They were grinding against each other when he came. Some random. Now he's dancing with my Bella?! Who does he think he is?

"Yo, Edward." Emmett called, tapping me on the shoulder then pointing to the guy dancing with Bella. "That's Jacob Black." Jacob Black, you have made a dangerous enemy.

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

By this time Jacob was shirtless and the girls were in their lacy …undergarments… dancing and… being all… touchy feely with each other. I was so glad the girls weren't taking off any more of their clothes because I knew I wouldn't be able to take it, but the fact that Jacob was being touchy feely with my Bella… that guy is dead meat.

The song finally ended and I went over to Bella and kissed her, she was the first to break the kiss by giggling.

"What?" I asked her, genuinely confused, but she giggled again. "What is it?"

"We match." She giggled, and I looked down realising that I was still in the bikini. I laughed, too, and then he came.

"Hey… can I um… uh… get um…" he stuttered.

"A phone number?" Bella suggested and he nodded his head eagerly. I almost laughed, no way would my Bella give out her number to him, let alone anyone else, especially since I'm here. "Sure, give me your phone." Jacob quickly obliged and produced a mobile phone which Bella took and punched in some numbers and handed it back.

"Thanks." Jacob said.

"Don't worry about it. Call that number any time, 'kay babe?" Bella said, winking at him.

"Sure will." Jacob said, winking back then walked away. I was stunned at what had just happened. Bella just gave her number to a complete stranger.

"Bella! How could you?" I gasped.

"He said he wanted a phone number, so I gave him one." She said simply, I didn't understand what she meant until Alice spoke up.

"Whose number did you give him?" Alice asked.

"Gave him Jessica Stanley's mobile." Bella smirked, and Alice burst out laughing. She was smart… too smart…

"Hey, let's go!" Emmett shouted. The reply was a chorus of 'yeah' 'sure' and 'whatever's.

The ride back was more peaceful than the ride there, because the two girls were so tired they fell asleep in the car. Bella was so cute when she slept, even cuter when she was sleeping in her underwear and bra… Damn this tent…

FB: How'd they manage to tie you up?

Joe: They gave me a clicky pen…

FB: …And because you got a clicky pen… you let them tie me up as well?

Joe: BUT IT'S BLUE!

FB: NO WAY!

Joe: Yeah! I've got it here. –Takes out pen–

FB: THAT'S AWESOME!! GIVE IT HERE!

Joe: NO!! MY PEN!!

Fred: Give me the pen! –Takes the pen–

FB & Joe: –start crying–

Fred: Don't care how much you cry, you don't get it back till you do the disclaimer.

FB: I don't own Twilight or Katy Perry's 'I Kissed a Girl.'

Fred: Here you go. –Hands pen to FB–

FB: YAY!!

Joe: What about me? –Whimpers–

FB & Fred: NO ONE CARES!!

And that's the end of that chapter! Edwards a bit perverted in this chapter… sorry, I couldn't help it. Next chapter will be the same thing only in Bella's POV and maybe a bit of Alice or Rosalie. Once again. Send in your suggestions on what you want to happen, because my brains running on dry. AND YES IF AND WHEN I USE YOUR SUGGESTION, THE CHAPPIE WILL BE DEDICATED TO YOU!!

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Yard Work Sign Language!
A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife, but she motions to him from the window like she can't hear.

So he points to his eye, hits his knee, and then makes raking motions.
("I need the rake.")

She replies by pointing to her eye,
grabbing her left breast,
slaps her butt, then rubs her crotch.

The man is confused and runs upstairs.

"What? What was that?"

"Eye, left tit, behind, the bush."

Also send in jokes… I'm running dry on those too.

Fat-Boy93 Out!

Hope you enjoyed 