Meet My Parents!

A/N: This chapter is a little shorter then most, it's mostly filler that has nothing to do with Naruto or anything really, I just didn't want to dump into Naruto living with Sasuke with no explaination. And plus, it's a humor story, so I don't really need to make sense. I just choose too!

So leave me your reviews about some situations you would like to see happen, and I will do my best to deliver!

Naruto raced towards his home, with Sasuke in tow. The Uchiha was lucky he was a vampire, as Naruto had the agility and energy of a cheetah on speed. It probably wasn't very good for a cheetah to be doing speed.

Sasuke would have to look into that later.

The demon guards sensed the young master's approach, (so easily he found a way to cut classes!) and hid themselves from both their charge and his new friend. They were arguing over who should alert the masters of the house, and completely missed Naruto and Sasuke run by.

There would be serious repercussions later that night, but these demon guards (all members of the ANBU special ops!) weren't worried about that at the moment.

No one really wanted to be the one to tell the masters their only son had made a friend. With an Uchiha vampire. Who was probably the best influence Naruto had in his life at the moment.

But none of that matters!

The young master had already entered the darkened house with his vampire in tow, and he was no longer their responsibility.

"MOM! DAD! I BROUGHT A FRIEND HOME!" Naruto bellowed when he entered his home. There was giggling coming from the kitchen, so Naruto decided that his parents were camping out in their usual spot.

Sasuke was a little wary about entering the Uzumaki household, as it was definitely a little different then most. It was only male giggling he heard coming from the room Naruto was leading him into, and two very different male voices, but Naruto had called for mom and dad, right?

… Sasuke didn't understand…

"Oh! Naruto… You are home… incredibly early from academy…" The blond haired man was sitting at the kitchen table, on a laptop, while a red haired man was typing madly on a desktop in the adjoining office.

The distinctive sound of instant messaging rang through the silent kitchen, followed by Kyuubi's mad laughter, and Arashi's blushing.

"Are you two… instant messaging each other… from the same room?" Naruto sighed, silently praying to whatever gods still held him in their favor that they weren't scaring away his first chance to finally train as a real vampire (and make a real friend!)

"No honey, we aren't. Your father and I are just… Doing business…" Arashi quickly closed the laptop, and Kyuubi followed suite, turning off the monitor of the desktop and joining his wife in the kitchen.

"Really…" Naruto muttered, glancing over to Sasuke to see if any permanent damage had been done. Thankfully, the boy was still standing next to him. He was a little confused, but he was still there, and that was all that mattered.

"Well, well! Who do we have here little vampire!?" Kyuubi draped an arm around Arashi's shoulders, pulling the Yondaime in close. Naruto knew he was trying to scare away the vampire with his PDAs, that's how Kyuubi and Arashi had managed to keep their son safe and in their home, but Sasuke wasn't about to budge.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. Sensei assigned me to help Naruto explore his vampire powers." Sasuke bowed, though he wasn't too sure if that was the safe thing to be doing in a house with two very eccentric males and their obviously unfazed son.

"Ah ha! I see! You are an Uchiha!" Arashi smiled brightly, bowing his head in return. Kyuubi nodded in acceptance, but in all reality, Sasuke wasn't expecting anything in return. He was expecting to be kicked out of the house for intruding or worse, the demon named Kyuubi would kill him and eat him on the spot. He had heard rumors you know...

He was just hoping they didn't start with the activities Naruto had so kindly explained for him.

"I see no problem in that! Naruto has been quite a lazy homebody lately, or actually, his entire life. Something aside from ninja training will do him good!" Arashi clapped his hands together, flashing a bright smile to the Uchiha and his Halfling son.

"Will you be taking him into the manor with you then? Does your brother still reside there?" Kyuubi knew sending his son into the crack house known as the Uchiha manor would definitely build some character, but Akatsuki was known to make some pretty rash decisions, he would need to send them all on a very long and extensive mission… With no possible outcomes… So only the Uchiha's would be in the care of his son.

And a few dozen demon guards that followed the Halfling wherever he went anyway.

Kyuubi found no errors in his plan and quickly drifted off into his dream mode, so he could make preparations for getting those crazy, yet somehow very skilled members of Akatsuki out of the manor.

"Yes, my brother and the entirety of Akatsuki still live there. Naruto will be very safe!" Sasuke tried his best to keep a passive façade up around him, but inside he was cringing at the state the manor would no doubt be in when he returned with his new pupil.

"Naruto hasn't even discovered his taste yet, so if you could help him mature his vampire powers, we would greatly appreciate it, dear." Arashi smiled, leaning his head against Kyuubi's shoulder.

Sasuke was a little shocked to discover Naruto was so immature in developing himself, but he would question that later. He was a little more shocked with Arashi and Kyuubi's behavior, in front of a guest they hardly knew.

"I'll escort him to the compound in an hour, so you can go back and prepare if you will." Kyuubi smirked once more, and without waiting for an answer, vanished in a swirl of red chakra.

Arashi shook his head, and showed Sasuke out, as his rude husband had neglected his house guest.

"He is always like that." Arashi stated, nodding his head back to where Kyuubi had been standing previously. "I am unable to be his tutor, so you will be his first teacher in vampire artes; hopefully this is not a problem?"

Sasuke shook his head, but Arashi cut him off before he could even open his mouth.

"Good!" The retired Yondaime chirped, before closing the door between him and the young Uchiha.

Sasuke sighed, allowing his chakra to build up before he teleported back home. It was the combination of their specie's artes and ninja techniques that kept the strange hidden villages so hidden and protected.

It would only be a matter of time until he joined their ranks… And hopefully Naruto could join him as well. Unless he really was as stupid as he believed him to be at the moment.

"Moooooommmm, I don't want to wear the red skirt…." Naruto whined, tossing the offending red article to the ground.

Kyuubi suppressed a burst of laughter as he informed his demon attendants of their duties in getting Akatsuki out of Konoha. The way his son was treated so much like a girl didn't faze him nearly as much as Arashi's insistence that Naruto be born a male, then treat him like he was a girl. That man never ceased to amaze his husband... Back to mission Akatsuki!

His plan was to have one of the guards act as a messenger for 'someone of importance' that Kyuubi had yet to make up, and insist that he required their aid.

Everyone but the Uchiha's aid, of course.

But how could he Itachi to stay home?

"No mom! No lipstick!" Naruto was struggling against Arashi's heavy application of make-up and dresses, but the retired Hokage definitely had an advantage in their fight.

"Let the child look like a boy, deary, we don't really want to draw that much attention to him…" Kyuubi grabbed the lipstick from his wife, and wiped off what little he had managed to get on Naruto off with his sleeve. He gave a nod to the guards, who disappeared in the blink of an eye.

"But we want the Uchiha to fall into… rapture… with him… right?" Arashi winked, sizing up two skimpy dresses.

"What does that mean?" Naruto whimpered, pulling off the little black dress his mother had managed to squeeze him into. His father gave him a nice pair of black pants, and a matching black shirt with golden trim and polished buttons.

Naruto quickly snatched the clothing, pulling it on before Arashi could decide which dress to force him into next.

"He won't fall for a transvestite, if you know what I mean." Kyuubi moved Arashi's pilfered make-up off the bed along with the scattered articles of girly clothing. The Yondaime sighed, and handed his two dresses to Kyuubi, for proper handling.

"I would rather have Sasuke fall for Naruto based on looks, then what's inside of him…" Arashi said through his connection with Kyuubi. All demon mates were able to communicate psychically to keep the female (or Arashi) out of harm's way.

"Our little baby is growing up so fast!" Arashi squealed on the outside, betraying how worried for Naruto's safety he truly was.

"Soon you will be a strong vampire, like your mom, and maybe even a strong ninja, if you don't skip out on classes anymore." Kyuubi ruffled Naruto's hair, smiling warmly at his son.

"It's not possible for him to find out unless someone tells him, or he himself is part demon…" Arashi smiled a bit at Kyuubi comment, and savored the feeling of his husbands.

"It's a gift, what he has inside, let us continue to treat it that way." Kyuubi nuzzled the two distinctive marks on Arashi's neck, where he was most sensitive from Kyuubi's claim. The Yondaime shivered, wrapping his arms around he beloved demon's neck.

Naruto shivered, and decided it was a good time to pack the rest of his clothing for a stay with Sasuke. He barely knew the boy, but his willingness and eagerness to aid Naruto was more then enough for the Halfling. He had never had any friends before anyway!

Naruto grabbed his overnight bag (for trips with his mother to other hidden villages!) and began to stuff it full of his clothing, soon realizing his parents might actually have sex while laying on his bed. He shuddered at the thought, and detoured into the bathroom to avoid being caught in his parents avid procreating.

Shampoo, some conditioner his mother had purchased to keep his son's hair silky, and a couple unopened bars of soap all got tossed into his bag, but Naruto was unsure as to how long his parents were kicking him out of the house.

It first, they didn't teach him a thing about what he was, and now they were shipping him off to a 24/7 tutor and his brother for whatever they had to teach him.

But how would the Uchiha brothers react to his waterfall nosebleeds?

Naruto was a little wary of the answers, but it wasn't like he had to clean up the biological waste, so he didn't care so much.

'Grab a bottle of cleaner before I leave… I should give it to Sasuke…' Naruto made a mental note, but as soon as the thought was dropped, it was gone.

It would probably be up to the Uchiha brothers to figure out how to deal with Naruto's little problem… as his parent's surely weren't confessing anything.

"I'll… ohhhhhhh… I'll be right there… ahhhh ahhhhhh, Naruto!" The very passionate voice of his father echoed out into the hallway, but Naruto had settled with distancing himself far, far away from his bedroom. For a couple of months at least, until his mother had bleached the sheets clean. Many times probably.

Naruto was afraid of germs, but he was afraid of his parent's frequent lovemaking... Just a little bit at least...