Bite Me!
A/N: I don't like this chapter, but I promised myself that I would put it out asap. I've got something really nasty, it's a virus or something, and it's really harming my vocal chords. So naturally I'm in a lot of painbut I love writing, and I wanted to write this, even if it wasn't as funny as I originally planned. Next one will definitely be better! With more background information! And the answers to why Kyuubi and Arashi are such sex addicts. Maybe. There might not actually be a correct answer to that one.
"Oh oh oh! Looking for some hot stuff baby tonight!" Kyuubi sang merrily as he walked hand in hand with his young son down the streets of Konoha. Naruto simply hung his head, the darkness still blanketing the town aided in his lame attempts at disguise, but the artificial light coming from the lamps dashed all hopes at going completely unnoticed.
Some people glanced at the obviously sexually satisfied male with curiosity, and others with a hint of dashed hopes, and the incredibly attractive male was walking a child, which meant he was taken already by some lucky bitch (namely Arashi, who can be quite the bitch when he is in one of his… 'moods.')
"Dad, will you stop singing please?! People are looking at us!" Naruto tugged at his hair with his free hand, trying to protect his face a little better from the prying eyes of this new and unfamiliar part of town. Naruto lived a very sheltered life, but he was never troubled really. He loved his parents no matter how much they bothered (and embarrassed!) him, and he didn't really know any other way of life.
But if he found out why they had potentially corrupted his child-like innocence, Naruto might be a little more then livid. All to protect the secrets of his blood? Bull-shit, Naruto would reason, before going on a rage fueled rampage (because Kami knows what the hell his blood is actually capable of…)
"Oh, they are just admiring how absolutely adorable you are! I'm going to miss your cuteness around the house!!" Kyuubi launched into his fake depression, hoping to win over his son's happiness once more, but once Naruto was agitated…
"I'm not leaving forever you know! I'll be back as soon as Sasuke-sensei deems me a worthy vampire! Then I'll just go back to day academy while you and mom are sleeping. And being perverts." Naruto smirked, readjusting the obnoxiously large pack onto his back.
He had insisted to bring enough clothing to only have to repeat outfits three times during the original plan for a two month stay, with weekly visits to his parents for skill analysis and just general catching up.
Naruto was still a little shocked with how easily his parents were letting him out of the house, because since he was born they had always kept him cooped up, but he really didn't know any other life. It was strange how easily they were willing to pass him off to the Uchiha's…
"Ah Naruto… Life is much more complicated then you think!" Kyuubi gave a knowing wink to his son, adjusting the two extraordinarily large bags on his back.
"Life is already complicated; having to live with you embarrassing people I call my parents…" Naruto grumbled, inwardly thanking the stars (since apparently, all the gods and goddesses hated him) that the Uchiha compound was approaching.
It was unnaturally calm, and Kyuubi was cheering inwardly that his Get-Akatsuki-Away-From-His-Son plan actually worked! He just hoped that Itachi had stayed, knowing full well that the elder Itachi would figure out Naruto's secret with much less help then the younger. He seemed naïve, just like little Naruto, but when these two months were up… all that would change!
"Life, Naruto… Has barely begun…"
Kyuubi laughed his deep fatherly laugh, thinking what the rest of the song he had stuck in his head was.
"Here is the little vampire-in-training!" Kyuubi announced as he burst through the front door of the Uchiha main house. It was a little unnecessary, but the very concept of Kyuubi in itself was a little odd at times.
"… Hello there?" A man, who looked similar to Sasuke but older, and with more definition to his face, stuck his head around the corner of what appeared to be the door to the kitchen.
"Oiy! Brother! Welcome our new guest!" A voice echoed from the upstairs, which Naruto easily identified as Sasuke.
Kyuubi deposited all three heavy bags into the older Uchiha's slightly open arms, which weren't exactly open for the purpose of collecting Naruto's junk.
The demon also slipped a note into Itachi's back pocket, explaining the dire need to embarrass Naruto quite often, to the point of massive nosebleeds, or suffer the consequences. He wasn't about to explain why he needed the brothers to embarrass his son… that was something he didn't want floating around their heads just yet… Not until it was necessary.
"Bring him home in one week, so we can check up on our little one! Have fun training Naruto!" Kyuubi then vanished in a swirl of red chakra, leaving Naruto with an extremely confused Itachi and an overly excited Sasuke.
Itachi had half a mind to throw the little boy and all his bags out the door, but something caught his attention, that he was sure slipped past his brother.
'He is half-vampire, possibly the only one of his kind…I'm sure that slipped past Sasuke…' Itachi smirked at the revelation. Naruto was indeed rare, and if his brother had volunteered to be the Halfling's vampire tutor, Itachi would simply have to join in.
Ever since Akatsuki vanished when Itachi had been doing the laundry, leaving a note that their mission had been so urgent they couldn't wait for the elder Itachi, he had been a little bored. It had actually only been about forty-five minutes, but the house was just too quiet without them.
"First things first Naruto! We need to discover your taste! What blood calls to you?! Do you ever get cravings? How have you survived this long without any training at all?!" Sasuke eagerly tugged at Naruto arm, dragging him upstairs to the room Sasuke had been busy clearing out for his new little pupil.
Itachi watched the scene unfolding in front of him, following behind his ecstatic little brother after picking up on his motives. 'You want to prove the Uchiha clan didn't die with the majority of its members as well… Little Naruto might be just what we need…'
When Itachi bent down to set the ridiculously heavy bags on the floor of Naruto new room, he felt something crinkle in his back pocket.
When he pulled it out, he didn't recognize the handwriting, but right away it caught his interest.
Eldest Uchiha,
In your care is my only son, and heir.
If you value what little sanity you, Sasuke, and Naruto have left, pay close attention.
Something terrible will happen if you allow Naruto's blood to build up. Embarrass him often to relieve his body of excess blood, and you will make the two months very enjoyable and productive. If you choose to ignore me, I will not come to your aid when you lose control of dear little Naruto.
Sincerely,
Mr. Uzumaki.
Itachi smirked, committing the information to memory before burning the note in his hand with a simple fire jutsu.
So Naruto had secrets just like the Uchiha brothers did, it should prove interesting… Seeing who comes out on top and all. It appeared to be a battle of worthiness, from what Itachi could gather.
He was measuring the Uchiha brother's ability to properly train, and take responsibility for his son, who apparently had some issues with nose bleeds.
Good thing Itachi was a vampire, because blood was one thing Uchiha's did not like.
"I am kinda hungry…" Naruto mumbled, his shy hands clutching his hands to quell the growls it was shamelessly emitting.
"This is the perfect opportunity to find out your preference! You should be able to feel it, it's normally a negative trait humans give off, and every vampire is different." Sasuke nodded his head knowingly, throwing open Naruto's new window and preparing to climb out the window.
"…But I want ramen! Not nasty blood…!" It was Itachi's turn to be shocked. He almost face planted at Naruto's request for human food instead of Sasuke's offer to find him an easy snack.
Sasuke carefully turned around the window sill, his eyes were a little wide as he processed Naruto's denial of a free meal by Sasuke's hunting abilities.
"You… don't want… blood?" Sasuke finally asked. He had never once met a vampire who would pass up the opportunity to catch a quick 'bite' from the slightly willing humans (and occasionally, the other mysterious races.)
"No, I've never really wanted it really. I can hear it; I know what kind of blood calls to me, but… I just don't crave it. I like human foods better." Naruto smiled, but both the Uchiha brothers simply stared at Naruto in shock.
They quickly called for an emergency meeting by turning their backs to Naruto and huddling in close to try and converse without their house guest hearing.
"We don't have much human food lying around; Akatsuki devoured most of it before vanishing without me this morning…" Itachi grumbled, trying to recount just how much food they had left while pushing the memories of Akatsuki's abandonment out.
"This isn't normal! How am I supposed to train him! He isn't a full-blooded vampire like us, nor is he just a human. He is some kind of rare Halfling, and shouldn't he find another Halfling to train under?!" Sasuke tugged at his bangs, trying unsuccessfully to distract himself from the panic he was feeling.
"Hey guys?" Naruto called out, but was promptly ignored.
"Well we can't give him back, that would just show we really are washed up now that's it only me and you…" Itachi tapped his chin thoughtfully, wondering how they could handle their new charge to the best of their combined effort.
"Well what do we do!? I have nothing to work with if I can't even get him to tell me his preference!" Sasuke almost screeched, hardly holding it together as well as his brother.
"I know what it is!" Naruto tried again, but the brothers were two busy brainstorming to answer him.
"We could always ask him?" Itachi suggested, glancing over his shoulder at the very confused and neglected Naruto. The Halfling cocked his head to the side, wondering if the brothers were aware that they weren't being very discreet.
"It's unhappiness!" Naruto offered, finally earning the Uchiha's attention.
"How do you know if you don't like blood?!" Sasuke demanded, eyeing Naruto suspiciously.
"Just because I prefer human food doesn't mean I don't know what feeling is mine! I never told my parents because they didn't really need to know…" Naruto pressed his index fingers together, watching the obvious confusion spread across the brothers faces.
"You could have told us, we could have avoided this whole fiasco!" Itachi countered, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle here. Once again, Uchiha stubbornness had beaten him.
"Well I tried. But now that you know, what am I going to learn next!" Naruto clapped his hands together, his bright blue eyes shimmered the same way Gai and Lee's did, when something youthful occurred and must be commented upon.
"Lesson number two can be…" Itachi glanced over at his brother, Naruto's actual teacher and waited for him to finish his sentence.
"How to properly bite and not leave nasty marks, or kill your victim." Sasuke smiled when Naruto cringed a little, possibly wary of having to actually harm a victim.
Itachi's ears picked up something when Sasuke's pulled down the collar of his high neck shirt, revealing the incredibly pale and flawless skin there.
'His blood pressure is rising…? How is that possible?' Itachi kept his observation to himself and watched as the scene unfolded in front of him.
"Now try and line your fangs up with the two dots I made with the black marker, and don't worry about harming me, You aren't going to get much blood from me anyway." Sasuke tilted his head a little more to the side, urging Naruto bite down.
The Halfling looked to Itachi for reassurance. The elder Uchiha was a little startled by his reluctance to take a victim, but wordlessly encouraged Naruto to bite his brother.
"Okay… Here I go…" Naruto said quietly, more to himself then anybody else.
He moved closer to Sasuke bracing himself using the Uchiha's forearms. Itachi watched carefully, to try and draw a conclusion pertaining to Naruto unusual behavior. Perhaps it was the other half that made up his whole, but his vampire half was definitely not dominant.
Naruto slowly opened his mouth, and to Itachi's utter surprise, he had no fangs, besides for human K-9s that couldn't break Sasuke's skin no matter how hard he tried.
The Halfling wasn't so easily deterred though, his dull teeth latched onto Sasuke's neck, and after a few seconds of fruitless gnawing, Itachi asked him to halt.
"I don't think you even broke my skin Naruto… I told you not to worry about hurting me!" Sasuke frowned when he examined his still flawless skin in the mirror. He was about to examine Naruto's teeth when Itachi finally understood a piece of Kyuubi's message.
The Halfling's blood pressure was still high, which meant he had excess blood in his body. Perhaps he was unable to feed until he had rid his body of the useless blood, so he could take in essential blood?
"Sasuke, take off your shirt." The elder Uchiha demanded quite calmly. Sasuke made no move to obey.
"Why does he need to do that?" Naruto questioned, a slight blush rising to his cheeks.
'This should do it!' Itachi inwardly cheered, keeping up his calm exterior.
"For your first time, it's probably harder for you to concentrate with Sasuke's high collar in the way, so without his shirt, you would have nothing to worry about." Itachi smirked, silently ordering his brother to do as he said, or his actions would never be explained.
"Oh, alright." Sasuke sighed, defeated. He wanted to know what his brother was thinking, so it was better to play along.
The younger vampire pulled his high-collared blue shirt off, tossing it unenthusiastically to the ground. The thumping of Naruto's blood against his veins became more apparent to Itachi, and he knew he had made the right decision… Until his presumably flawless plan hit a speed bump.
"Your nose is bleeding Naruto!" Sasuke screeched, desperately trying to block to blood flow so his vampire friend wouldn't die.
"No no! It's alright Sasuke! This happens all the time!" Naruto tried to remove Sasuke's fingers, which had tightly pinched Naruto's nose shut.
Itachi's face contorted in confusion, Naruto still hadn't showed his fangs… Unless…
"Naruto, concentrate the blood flow to your teeth, mainly where your fangs should be." Itachi watched curiously as Naruto tried to redirect the massive amount of blood that was still dripping out his pupil's nose. It was a seemingly long and pointless process, but finally, the K-9s in Naruto's mouth elongated, protruding beyond his bottom lip just slightly.
"Now Sasuke, let go of his nose…" Itachi commanded once more, and his little brother complied without arguing. Why does he only sometimes listen to Itachi? That's something you have to take up with him.
Naruto's eyes were beginning to swirl red, and Itachi knew he needed to draw a conclusion fast. He did the only thing he could think of, and bared his neck to the Halfling, who looked even more confused then he had prior to Itachi's genius plan.
"Bite my neck Naruto, let's see what happens." Itachi locked eyes with the little Halfling, challenging him to some strange stare off until Naruto finally made a move.
Itachi almost fell backwards when he felt Naruto's body impact with his chest, but luckily his free arm was quick to respond, and grabbed the little boy around his waist to steady him.
He was lucky too, as Naruto wasted no time before plunging his fangs into Itachi's neck.
Sasuke watched with a look of horror and shock.
He was horrified because Naruto got blood all over the place, including his bare chest and the hardwood floors of Naruto's new room, and shocked that Naruto had so eagerly and successfully picked up biting.
What was more shocking was the how Itachi's skin seemed to gain color the longer Naruto remained hooked onto his neck. The red was slowly fading from Naruto's eyes, as life once more filled Itachi's pale skin.
Finally, after Sasuke started getting bored of watching Naruto revert back to Naruto, and his brother seem to get happier and happier, Naruto removed his shrinking fangs from Itachi's neck, and the wound healed almost instantly.
The last traces of red clouding Naruto's bright blue eyes faded away, leaving one very confused little boy in it's wake.
"THAT WAS AMAZING!" Itachi screeched, his fist pumping in the air.
"Well… How do you feel Naruto?" Sasuke cautiously took a step towards the dazed Halfling, finally gaining a response from him ever since he separated himself from Itachi.
"I feel… Like I normally do after my nose bleeds…" Naruto reached up and rubbed at his nose, clearing away from of the dried blood that had settled on his face.
"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?" Sasuke finally howled, shaking Naruto's shoulders. No vampire could lose that much blood and be able to replenish what he lost from another vampire! They had little blood of their own!
There was definitely something odd about whatever Naruto did to Itachi…. And there was definitely something odd about Itachi dancing around the room with a mop as he cleaned up the excess blood.
"I get nosebleeds all the time!" Naruto quickly replied, trying to make the shaking stop.
"Then what happened to Itachi!? He definitely wasn't that happy when I got here! Or when you got here!" Sasuke pointed an accusing finger at his brother, who merely laughed at his brother's turmoil.
"It appears Naruto injected his own blood into me, instead of wasting through his nosebleed!" Itachi playfully ruffled Naruto's hair, before examining himself in the mirror. "And look at me! I have color in my skin! I bet I could go out in the sun and not get horribly burnt!"
Sasuke's ears instantly perked up at that claim, before turning to Naruto and once more revealing his neck.
"Bite me Naruto!" Sasuke demanded, but the confused little Halfling had no idea what was going on around him.
"…Why do you want me to do that Sasuke-sensei?" Naruto cutely cocked his head to the side once more, his golden hair swaying ever so adorably in the artificial light.
"Uhh… All your dreams will come true?" Sasuke tried, hoping that perhaps the lack of sleep was starting to get to Naruto, and thankfully the assumption was correct.
"Oh. Okay." Naruto shrugged and warily eyed the black dots on Sasuke's neck. "I just gotta hit those marks!"
"That's right! Bite me so I may feel the same as my elated brother!" Sasuke laughed triumphantly, his body already working itself into a pre-bite frenzy. Would he gain super powers? Why else could his brother feel as if he could take sunlight?
Naruto leaned in and lined his teeth up as before, latching onto the same bruising mark from earlier.
But once more, Naruto's teeth refused to pierce the skin.
And Sasuke was no pleased.
And Itachi was still singing and dancing in the kitchen. Why? I don't know.
But all was well. Sort of... Well.. It would be eventually.