Right On Top
OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
A/N: I wasn't feeling too humorous today guys, I'm sorry D: It's been like... maybe a year since I last updated this story, but I plan to see it through to the end! I promise! Maybe later on tonight when I'm writing more chapters for my stories I'll feel more humorous and I'll get some good stuff coming out. Just there are so many things to explain and so little of my attention span left! I wish EVERY STORY I WROTE wasn't so AU. But I just be so Canon all the timeeeeee. It's too hardddddd.
The evening after Sasuke and Itachi's discovery of Naruto's blood excess had been an eventful one
The evening after Sasuke and Itachi's discovery of Naruto's blood excess had been an eventful one. Itachi was still under the extreme effects of having loads of excess blood pumped into his system, and had cleaned the house and done laundry before Naruto and Sasuke even crawled out of bed.
Sasuke had made sure the room Naruto was given to stay in after he had bleed all over his previous room was connected to his own, as well as the large bathroom that connected the two as well. Sasuke kept the door dividing their room's apart open all day (or night?) long incase Naruto got the urge to unload some happy blood into his system.
But unfortunately, as evening (or morning? This is going to get confusing…) approached, Sasuke still woke up groggy and Naruto was still out like the lights. Itachi had made their new guest a full breakfast smiley face, with a curved shaped bowl full of ramen for the hair and everything. There were eyes made of eggs, and a bacon smile, and a moustache Itachi had expertly crafted out of sausage links. All of it was assembled on a pancake stacked on a waffle. Definitely more then enough food to get the boy ready for his daily lesson.
Sasuke was not as lucky. At his place at the table, there was a poorly constructed breakfast food likeness of himself. Itachi had obviously spent most of his time making sure Naruto's looked amazing, and used the scraps to construct one for his younger brother.
Sasuke inspected his food, carefully cutting away a piece of soggy pancake that looked like some of Naruto's ramen juice had spilled out onto Sasuke's food.
Once the smell of food had reached upstairs, the sounds of a very eager halfling getting ready for the day (or night) could be heard. Also a few crashes that made Sasuke cringe, but nothing could make him cringe more then when Itachi poked his head out of the kitchen, revealing his pink frilly apron and the pink bonnet that kept his long hair out of his face.
"I wish Naruto would bite me too so I wouldn't feel so out of the loop around here." Sasuke grimaced to himself, hardly noticing when Naruto bounded down the stairs.
Sasuke's hopes raised though, when he could feel Naruto's blood pressure just barely creep above the healthy human level. Sasuke had been sure not to put on one of his favorite high collar shirts when he woke up, so he was hoping his pale and untouched skin would be enough to drive Naruto to bite him so he may 'study the effects.'
"Good morning guys!" Naruto bellowed out, taking a seat right next to Sasuke where the perfect breakfast face had just reached the perfect temperature for consumption. Sasuke growled, his food was a mix of soggy, really overly hot, and unappetizingly cold. Not that he really wanted the human food anyway; he would just eat it so not to freak Naruto out when Itachi and Sasuke would enjoy their morning cups of warm blood.
"Good morning Naruto-chan!" Itachi called from the kitchen, popping his upper body out into the doorframe again, this time holding a spatula, although Sasuke was aware there was actually no cooking going on in the kitchen.
"Mornin'" Sasuke grumbled, poking the food around on his plate, picking at the meats in case Itachi had not cooked one all the way and there was some remnant of blood left. There isn't much blood in bacon and sausage these days though (unless it's blood sausage, which Sasuke has never had, but some people like it!), so Sasuke was out of luck.
After some strained small talk, Sasuke's morning grumbles were starting to even annoy himself. He excused himself from the table and headed into the kitchen, where in the fridge there was some conveniently stored blood from Itachi and Sasuke's last hunt. The microwave was still in one piece from Akatsuki's last attempt to make smores as well, so Sasuke was in luck.
By the time he had returned to the table with his nice warm glass of vanity blood, Naruto had demolished his plate of food, and had moved in on Sasuke's as well. Sasuke just shook his head and pushed his food in Naruto's direction, settling on the blood and the nightwalker edition of the paper that had arrived.
Everything was just as peaceful as Sasuke desired, until…
"EW WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?" Naruto burst out, looking thoroughly disgusted at Sasuke and his behaviors. Sasuke's eyes widened, with the glass still pressed to his lips, he slowly slide his gaze to the corner of his eyes, where he could barely make out Naruto pointing at the vampire with a look of horror.
"I'm… replenishing my body's lost blood. What are you doing?" Sasuke set the glass down, quickly using the back of his hand to remove an excess of blood that might have remained.
"Watching you be disgusting! You know, blood comes out of MY NOSE. It's hard for me to sit here and watch you drink it like it's some fine wine!" Naruto was still thoroughly disgusted when Itachi chose to make his appearance at the table as well, in his hands a warm glass of the red blood as well.
"What is wrong with you people?! Don't you understand how unsanitary all of that is?!" Naruto huffed when all he was granted in response were two blank stares. Itachi broke the silence when he took a long slurp from the glass he held in his hands, earning another glare of disbelief from his new halfling charge.
"Well this is awkward." Itachi finally spoke, followed by a nod of agreement from both Sasuke and Naruto.
"You sure are the weirdest vampire I've ever met. Are you sure you are a halfling? I've never seen one like you before, that's for sure." Itachi set the glass down, and folded his hands under his chin, staring intently across the table.
"Well…" Naruto started, thinking back to all the times his parents had told him not to disclose his lineage unless the situation was dire (Kyuubi was sure such a situation would never occur, as the amount of demon guards that kept tabs on the boy was enough to destroy half of Konoha before any ninja could pull their pants on..)
"I guess this situation is dire to my training as a proper vampire!" Naruto burst out, quickly shrinking back in embarrassment when Itachi and Sasuke both looked extremely puzzled at the halfling's strange behavior.
"I'm not supposed to tell anyone about my parents, but Sasuke, you met them, right? I think you probably know more about them then they have told me. I swear I'm a prisoner to my own life!" A rain cloud formed over Naruto's head as he fumed about the unfair treatment of his parents, and the Uchiha brothers both slowly turned to look at one another.
"He's crazy!" Itachi whispered, motioning towards the oblivious Naruto.
"I think he might have a point though. His parents do seem to keep a lot of secrets… And they are very sexually promiscuous. Do you think that affected his mentality as he was growing up?" Sasuke pulled a pen and paper out of no where and starting listing all the ways Naruto could have been screwed up as a child, but Naruto quickly caught wind of his activities and grabbed the paper.
"I'm not crazy! You don't know them!" Naruto grumbled and the paper ignited in his hands. He then returned to his fuming. Completely ignoring his blatant display of demon power.
"You aren't crazy Naruto, you just have two very crazy parents." Itachi had been able to piece together the information as he was coming off of his excess blood high, and was now certain that Naruto was so strange because of his parents choice in each other.
"You have two extremely powerful blood types running through your veins, the demon blood, you just so kindly displayed on that paper, and maybe even those curtains over there… and the vampire blood given to you from your mother, or the Fourth Hokage, if I am correct." Itachi gave a triumphant smirk, and Naruto gave him a thumbs up.
"The demon blood in you sees some of your vampire blood as a weakness, and thus replaces it's deficiencies with it's strengths. But also, you have strength from your vampire blood as well. Whereas the demon blood would normally obliterate your vampire blood and kill you before you were even born, it seems they mixed, like your parents are probably doing in your bed right now." Sasuke could barely suppress a laugh when Naruto stared at Itachi with a red face and eyes the size of the moon.
"What… you didn't know? Your parents are probably having sex all over the place right now, maybe even trying to create another you…" Itachi carried on, enjoying just how worked up he got this halfling to be.
"OH GOD STOP! YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!" Naruto could feel his heart beating faster, and his blood vessels were pulsing with the excessive amounts of blood his body was producing at his embarrassment.
"Now Naruto, if you want me to stop, you simply have to repeat the exercise we tried last night, bite Sasuke and deposit all the excess blood right into his neck!" Itachi said in a sing-song voice. His eyes curved up into upside-down u's as he secretly enjoyed Naruto's plight. His parents had been riding him of excess blood by embarrassing him everyday, and thus Itachi could do so as well, with much less mess. Besides, the blood high increased his strength as well as his resistance to sunlight. It could come in quite useful…
"I'LL DO IT IF YOU STOP! OH GOD PLEASE STOP!" Naruto covered his eyes and focused on the pulsing of his blood, directing it to his now sharp and deadly fangs.
"Okay, let's do this!" Sasuke pumped his fist in the air in excitement, finally able to experience the feeling of being so much more powerful.
And before Sasuke could even give Naruto the okay, the blond boy had sunk his fangs into the soft skin on Sasuke's neck, and knocked the two straight to the floor.
Sasuke's body bucked once or twice, as his instincts kicked in to protect himself from potential death as another being dug into his jugular vein. Quickly, the feeling of impending death faded, leaving a wonderful and extremely happy feeling in its wake.
When the wave of being able to feel for once finally passed over, Sasuke looked curiously over at his brother.
"Why is his still latched onto me?" Sasuke raised a hand to nudge Naruto's shoulder, in case he had forgotten what he was doing, but he was stopped when a low growl in Naruto's throat was obviously aimed at him.
"Ah, and my body feels really hot all of a sudden, did any of this happen to you?" Sasuke looked curiously up from the floor at his brother, who had moved from his place at the table to examine the events going on before him.
"Well Sasuke, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but it appears dear little Naruto here has marked you. In what why, I can't be sure." But Itachi knew. Oh, he knew exactly what was happening, and even schemes were quickly being formulated in his head.
He just wasn't sure how he was going to handle the day when Sasuke found out exactly what Naruto had done just there on the floor. How embarrassing that conversation was going to be….