Catching Up & Falling Down

Author's Note: Sorry again with taking so long. As usual, school's up my ass every moment it gets, and my hockey's getting pretty intense too, now it's coming up playoff time. I wanna thank those of you who not only reviewed this week's chapter, but also favoured it! You guys give me the motivation to continue writing this, really, you do. I hope you guys continue to do so and I also hope you enjoy this week's chapter! Thanks so much! Keep those reviews up!

P.S. Sorry for the terrible written Southern accents! Hopefully while you read this, you can just say it in your head with an accent and ignore the random and really weird spelling.

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"But that intimacy of mutual embarrassment, in which each feels that the other is feeling 
something, having once existed, its effect is not to be done away with."

– George Eliot

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I barely realized what was going on in the blur of tears and hugs before we stumbled through the doorway and into the house. My mom was blabbering about something like "I missed you!" and "Where did you go?" and "Oh mah Gahd, you're back!" but it was too fast and muffled for me to really understand what she was saying. I heard the door shut behind us and for a moment I was able to tear my eyes from my mum's chest to see that Logan had followed right behind us, silent as ever.

"Marie, oh Marie!" My mother cried out, holding me even closer (if that was even possible?). I was careful enough to avoid touching my skin to hers. "How did you – where did you go? – What happened – I, oh dear Lord…" She stuttered and smiled as she wiped the tears from her eyes. I finally pried myself from her familiar, welcoming arms and wiped at my eyes as well, trying to stop myself from grinning like an idiot.

"Mama… M-Mama, I –" I tried to interrupt her but she continued to sniff and cry out in joy. I waited another moment and then put my gloved hand on her arm. It instantly silenced her. "Mama, listen, Ah know you must have so many questions, and Ah want to tell ya everything, but Ah think we need to sit down and relax first." I recognized my Southern accent protruding more than normal, and that made me smile even more. It was so good to be home!

I was so happy to see my Mama that I had totally forgotten about the tall, brawny man standing behind me. My mother pulled me down the corridor and into the kitchen where it still had the same white and blue wallpaper and the same old pots and pans hanging on the wall. She pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and began rambling again.

"Ya came just in tahme, Marie, I was makin' some'a mah famous chocolate chip cookies…" She drawled as she made her way over to the oven. She slipped on some bright pink oven mitts and began to take out the cookie sheets from the oven.

"That's great Mama, but, um… Ah'd like you meet someone." As if on cue, Logan stepped up from my shadow and took a stand on my left, hands shoved deeply into his pockets. But he was as cool as a cucumber and looked as if he knew exactly what was going on. She placed the cookie pan on a cooling rack and turned around, oven mitts still adorning both hands. "Mama," I said, smiling and gesturing towards Logan with a twirl of my hands. "This is Logan. He's one of the… professors at the school Ah go to."

She looked slightly surprised, like she hadn't noticed Logan there at all in the first place, but slipped off her pink oven mitts and walked forward and grasped his open, outstretched hand. They shook slowly and Logan still said nothing. He just stood there and smiled politely. I grinned.

"Professor, huh? And what's this about a school? Please, Marie, ya gotta tell me everythang." She said, placing the freshly baked cookies onto a plate. She brought it over just as Logan was sitting down, and then turned around and pulled some milk from the fridge and some glasses from the cupboards.

"Ah'd love to, Mama, but where's Papa? I want t'see him too." At the mentioning of my father, my mother stiffened, almost dropping the glasses. She set them down quickly and took a seat herself, swallowing and wringing her hands together nervously.

"Marie…" She began, and from the tone of her voice and her body language, I could tell that for some reason, whatever she was going to say, it was gonna be bad. "Marie, he… your father…" She fiddled with the hem of her apron and her voice wavered.

"Mama, what is it?" She didn't answer me so I leaned forward on my chair and put my hand on her nervous ones.

"Your Papa passed away, sweetheart." She looked up, tears in her eyes once again, a sad smile upon her lips.

I was totally speechless. I came all this way to see my parents after all these years and I find out that my father's dead? I didn't want to believe it. He couldn't be dead. I mean, he had been alive, well, and healthy when I had left… two years ago. Tears seeped down my cheeks as I realized that the last time I saw him was when I ran away. And even then, I didn't say goodbye. I never really had the chance to say… goodbye.

I was bawling now, and before I knew it, I was in my mother's arms again, and we were both weeping. But for a moment I forgot about my skin, and her arm rested against mine for comfort. They only contacted for a couple seconds, but it was enough to hurt her. I pulled back as quickly as I could, knocking my chair over and falling onto the ground as I did. My mother slumped in her chair, out of breath and very pale.

"Oh ma Gahd, Mama, Ah'm so sorry! A-Ah didn't mean to!" I cried out trying to push the sudden unfamiliar memories from my mind. I began to stand up, but Logan was at my side before I could get back onto my feet. He hoisted me up and asked me if I was okay. "Ah'm, fine, Logan! Ah think it's mah mother who you should be askin'!" He released me quickly without a word and I rushed towards my mother, who had a thin layer of sweat plastering her pale face.

"Ah'm f-fine, darlin'… Just outta breath, th-that's all…" She murmured, rubbing her temples thoroughly and blinking a couple times as if to clear her head. She cleared her throat as I hesitated to go near her, in fear of making contact like that again. "Marie, wh… what happened? Ah thought…"

"Mama, Ah'm so sorry, Ah shoulda been more careful…" I said softly, on the brink of tears again. Why was I such a screw-up? "Listen, Ah… Ah still have that… problem." She gave me a quizzical and confused look. "Y'know…" I urged, not really wanting to explain it. "The problem that… hurt David."

It took her a moment, but finally the realization hit her like a brick wall. "But sweetheart… Ah thought… you maht've… Ah dunno, Ah guess… fixed it?

"Ah've trahed so hard, Mama, ya gotta believe me! Ah've trahed everything possible to get rid of it, but Ah…" I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. And fiddled with my glove fingers, pulling them off and pulling them back on again. "It's still there… but it's part'a me now." I looked up at her and gave her the most courageous smile I could possible manage. "Ah'm a mutant, Mama."

At least she didn't scream. Or run away. She was still sitting down, looking in control, but I swear her face just got a little paler. She was silent for a moment or two, trying to figure out what to say. I could tell from the wariness in her eyes that she was nervous and unsure. I couldn't blame her, really.

"You're…" She began, swallowing. "You're one'uh those… people, huh?" My Mama said. I felt a pang of pain in my heart as she said it. It was like I was dirty. Like I was unwanted.

I cleared my throat and nodded, smile gone from my face. I could feel Logan hovering behind me and I knew that he wanted to interject, to say something to back me up, but he knew that now was not the moment, and he held back. I was at least thankful for that.

"A…Ah hear about them all the tahme on the news, y'know? They're, uh…" She mumbled, forcing a nervous smile.

"Mama," I said, taking a step closer to her. I could see her trying her hardest not to flinch. "The mutants you usually see on the news… Well, most of 'em are bad. The ones that wanna hurt humans." She said nothing so I continued. "But most of 'em are good. Lahke me and Logan. And a whole bunch more! The school I'm attending; it's all for mutants. Kids, teenagers, teachers, they're all mutants, and they're all good." I explained. Jeez, there was so much to explain. There was everything that happened to me, the people I met, the things I did, what happened to my Father… I bit back tears but continued to smile. There were a couple moments of silence where we both were searching for something to say, something to break the awkward pause.

Logan cleared his throat and took a step forward. "I gotta take a leak." Okay, so not the most polite way, but sure, it was a distraction. "Which way…?" He pointed his thumb behind him and let it wander slightly. My mother stood up suddenly and stuttered while trying to direct Logan to the bathroom.

"I-It's just down there, d-down the hall and to the left. Just…"

"Thanks." He gave her a little smile and turned and left. I was looking over my shoulder, biting my lip as she twisted her fingers together nervously.

"So…" I said softly.

"So." She stated. My Mama turned around but averted her eyes, taking a few steps towards the kitchen. She began to fumble and fidget around with some utensils on the counter.

"Mama… Ah… Ah wanna tell you everything. About the school. About Logan a-and how Ah met him. When Ah left. Mah othah friends… Everything. " I urged her to look at me, so she could see how sincere I was. She finally turned her head and peeked out from under her bangs. "Mama?"

"Alraght, okay." She said, dropping a spatula onto the counter. Her hand was shaking as she raised it to her forehead, caressing her temples. "Ah'm sorry, Marie, Ah…" She dropped her hand and looked at me, tears in her eyes again. "Ah've missed you so much, sweetheart. Ah really have. Especially when you're father passed from the cancer…"

I swallowed again. Cancer. So that was it. Did he die slowly? Quickly? Was he in pain? Was he thinking of me? What type of cancer? My Papa didn't smoke; it couldn't have been lung cancer. What else? Too many questions. I was gonna lose it soon if I didn't get something off my chest. Anything.

"It's just… ever since the incident with David, everyone 'round here was…" She paused, searching for the right word. "Wary. Of mutants… of you."

"Oh."

"B-but, sweetheart, Ah know that if we explain to 'em what happened, they'll…"

"They'll never understand, Mama. They won't." I sighed and looked out the sliding glass door that opened up into the backyard. Everything was the same, except for the swing. She had taken the clichéd rope swing down from the old oak that had been there ever since I could remember. "Where's the swing, Mama?" I asked suddenly, trying to switch subjects.

She glanced out the window for a moment before looking back at me. "Ah… took it down soon after your Papa dahed. It reminded me too much a'him… and you." She cleared her throat again.

God, why was this so painful?

"Mama…?" I asked, looking at her, trying to decipher her body language. She tore her gaze away from the window above the sink to look at me. "Do you still love me?" The question hung in the air, the milliseconds of silence, deafening. But finally, my mother gazed upon me with those warm, chocolate brown eyes that I remembered so well and gave me a sincere, heartfelt smile.

"Of course Ah do, sweetheart." She swept across the kitchen floor and wrapped her arms – if not a little cautious – around me and squeezed me tightly. Careful not to make any contact, I hugged her back, tears coming to my eyes, yet again. Then there was as coughing, clearing-of-the-throat sound coming from the doorway. We both separated and I glanced over my shoulder.

Logan stood there, hands in his pockets, looking a little out of place. I couldn't help myself; I grinned.

"So, Mama, this is Logan," I said proudly, gesturing with a open palm towards the tall man behind me. As if on cue, he walked forward and sat down at the table, giving my mum a rare smile.

"Nice t'meet ya." He grunted as politely as he could.

"It's a pleasure." My mother said with a smile on her face. "So, what part do you play in my daughter's lahfe, Logan?"

"Well… Are you ready to hear everythin'? Ah mean, a lot's happened in two years. And… it mahght get a little confusin'." I smiled and she returned it.

"Ah'm ready, sweetheart." She said with confidence.

"Ahll rahght. Here we go…"

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Well, that definitely took longer than I expected. We had arrived at my house at about two o'clock or so, and had talked all the way to and through supper. I had to start at the very beginning for my Mama; I had to explain to her why I left in the first place, where I went, how long I traveled. Obviously Logan learned a bit more about me too, since I had never really discussed anything about me or my family after I met him. I explained all the emotions I felt while making my way up to Canada and when I finally met Logan. I think I forced a couple of smiles out of him, bringing up some good memories.

He didn't talk much, surprisingly. He added some comments here and there, and maybe the rare question, but mostly he just sat there and ate most of the cookies. My mother stayed shockingly silent throughout my whole story, but I guess that was good, since I didn't have many distractions. I described how Logan saved my life countless times and why I got the white streaks in my hair, what type of friends I made, as well as describing each and ever one of the teachers at the school.

I think I had wrapped up about everything at around five thirty or six. My throat had dried out and I could barely speak, but it felt good. It felt so good to tell my mother everything. And for me, it was almost as if I rewound my life and revisited the good – and the bad – of it.

After I finished my long-winded tale, I curled up on the couch with my mum and watched some television while Logan took the truck out to do God knows what. I guessed that he went out for a smoke and a beer, but didn't let my mother in on that minor detail. But from all the explaining, nerves and traveling I had done, I was exhausted and had fallen asleep on my mother's lap at around nine or so. She ordered me to go upstairs and get to bed, 'since I'd had a long and tiring day'. I yawned as I tried to persuade her to let me stay, but she gave me that motherly smile and gingerly pecked the top of my head. I could tell as I slipped off the couch that she was relieved that nothing happened to her, when she had touched my head. I was thankful, at that moment, for not having soul-sucking hair. I said goodnight and headed upstairs. Logan hadn't arrived back yet, but I wasn't expecting him home any time soon.

I made it up the last step and glanced down the hallway. My parent's room (Or now just my mother's… A voice in the back of my head kindly reminded me) was the first on the right and mine was just a little down and to the left. There was a bathroom beside my room and on the other side of that was the guest room. I peeled my gloves off and let my bare fingers brush against the pale blue walls until I reached my room. The door was closed, so I reached out and opened it, peering into the darkness. I flipped a switch and the room was bathed in a warm glow. I shut the door behind me and then turned and looked around.

It looked exactly like it had two years ago, everything in place and nothing moved, touched, or taken away. I couldn't hide my smile as I noticed that my map of North America was still above my bed, with my pinned route still leading straight to Anchorage. I shut the door softly behind me and walked over to my bed and climbing up onto it. I looked up at the map and then traced my fingers over the ribbon, leading from Toronto to Edmonton and through more Canadian cities until it reached Anchorage.

I never new exactly why I wanted to travel to that remote Alaskan city, but for some reason, it had always been a dream of mine; to drive up on a road trip to some cold, far away place. My hand dropped as the memory of this exact scene played through my head, when David was here. I had experienced what I guess you could call 'my first kiss' right here, on this bed, but it had turned out horribly wrong.

I sighed tiredly and crawled off my bed and walked over to my closet, opening the doors and peering inside. Again, all of my stuff was still in there. I pulled out some long blue and white pajama pants and a white, three-sizes-too-big t-shirt and brought it over to my bed where I began to strip down to my underwear. Just as I reached up to unhook my bra, the door opened and in stepped Logan.

"Hey, Marie, I was just wonderin'–" He paused as his eyes drifted over my nearly naked body. They widened and it took him a moment or two for him to realize that I was undressing. "Oh, God, I–I'm sorry…!" He turned his head and averted his eyes, stumbling back through the door. Strangely enough, I wasn't feeling very embarrassed. I was actually quite amused, especially by Logan's expression. I don't think anyone had seen him blush before. I suppressed a grin and tugged my pants and shirt on, slipped my gloves on, and then hurriedly left my room in search for the stricken Logan.

"Logan…?" I called out, trying not to smile. "Logan, um, you wanted to ask me something?"

I heard him clear his throat and some creaks from a mattress. I was near the bathroom door when he stepped out of the guestroom, hands in his pockets.

"Hey…?" I said, fidgeting with the fabric of my glove.

"Uh, yeah. I was wonderin' if, well, ya had any sheets for…" He drifted off and jerked his thumb behind him towards the guestroom.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get those."

"Uh, well… yeah. Thanks." He turned around and hurried back into the room.

I pursed my lips in an attempt to stop myself from smiling and turned to find some bed sheets. A little farther down from my mum's room was a little closet where we kept bed stuff. I grabbed some white sheets and a blanket, then two pillows. My arms were loaded with bedding, so I hobbled towards the guest room with a limited view.

"Hey, Logan, I've got some—" I glanced up over the pile of fabric in my arms just in time to see that I was walking straight towards the wall. "Ow!" I cried out as I managed to miss hitting my head with the doorframe but stubbed my toe. I cried out in pain and dropped the bedcovers to grab my toe. "Fucking hell!" I fell on top of the fallen linens and pained tears automatically sprang to my eyes. "Goddammit…"

I heard Logan chuckle – now obviously totally over the past embarrassment – and make his way towards me. I felt his hands on my covered arms and he tried to lift me up while he continued to laugh under his breath.

"Oh, fuck you!" I said, whipping away from him as my toe throbbed angrily. His laughing stopped abruptly and I instantly regretted it.

"Sorry…" He mumbled.

"No, no, it's okay… I'm sorry I snapped at you…" I muttered afterwards.

I rubbed my foot and sighed as the harsh, painful throb in my big toe subsided to a dull pulse. In that time, he had hurriedly taken the sheets and blankets to his bed and was at my side again, pulling me up. I was on my feet and right in front of Logan. He was only wearing a wifebeater and his large hands were still wrapped around my gloved arms. His biceps were bulging and my breath shortened as my eyes traveled up his toned chest and up to his square face. He looked down at me and I looked up at him.

"Logan…" I whispered, heard beating wildly. One of his hands loosened and it rose to brush a strand of my white hair from my eye. I swallowed, staring at him. Oh my God, was he…? Should I…? Was this actually happening? Maybe if I… Oh God… A thousand thoughts raced through my mind at a mile a minute, and I had to remind myself to breath.

"…okay?" He said, jerking me out of my dreamy gaze. His hands were at his sides and he seemed a little farther back.

"What…?" I said, a little dazed.

"I said, is your foot okay?"

I suddenly flushed. No, flush wasn't the right word. More like, turned-a-bright-scarlet-and-felt-so-utterly-embarrassed-that-I-wanted-to-throw-myself-underneath-the-bed-and-never-come-out sort of flush. Yeah, that was more like it.

"Marie?"

It took me a moment or two to realize what he was asking, and then make sure I answered him with something that didn't sound too insane.

"Yes! Yup, good, fine. Um… so yeah, you've got sheets, blanket, pillows… okay, good." I gave him a forced, embarrassed, and probably crazy-looking smile and turned on my heel before I could humiliate myself further. "Night Logan!" I called out as I left his room and hurried into mine.

I shut the door and collapsed onto my bed. I had not just done that. I had not just thought Logan was going to kiss me. I grabbed the nearest thing – which turned out to be a large, brown teddy bear I used to sleep with – and hit myself over the head with it a good number of times. I felt like screaming. How could I have been so stupid?! Augh!! Well, it was final: I was never showing my face around Logan again. Ever.

I didn't, nor couldn't, handle looking at Logan tonight without blushing like that again, so I decided to skip my normal bathroom routine and just crawled into my comforting bed. The same scene played, rewound, and replayed over and over again in my mind and I couldn't stop telling myself how freaking moronic I was to even think Logan would be interested in me. I mean, sure he cared about me in a… fatherly or brotherly way, I guess, and I obviously liked him, but still… I moaned pathetically into my pillow and waited for the darkness of sleep to engulf me.

I wished with every part of me that tomorrow would be less humiliating.