AN: Hey everyone! Now please don't be afraid to review and give me some ideas to use in the next oneshot! Anywhoo, here's the next one! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Twilight and the awesome puppets from Avenue Q do not belong to me.

Trivia: Despite the popularity of Wicked, Avenue Q won best musical in 2004 over Wicked, Caroline or Change, and The Boy from Oz.

It Sucks To Be Me

based on

"It Sucks To Be Me" from Avenue Q

Background Information: Everyone knows about the vampires and the werewolves. But they don't really mind, 'cause they all live in peaceful harmony! Sort of...

Jacob Black sighed as he walked inside the building known as Forks High. He, along with the rest of the pack, had been ordered by Sam that to keep an extra eye on the leeches, they would have to transfer to Forks High. On the bright side, it meant seeing Bella every day. On the downside, it meant seeing Bella every day. Bella was always hanging off that leech Edward, so Jacob never got any time alone with her! Jacob growled as Jessica skipped past him.

"Morning, Jacob!" Jessica said brightly.

"Hi, Jessica." Jacob said apathetically. Jessica twirled her fingers in her hair and attempted to flirt with Jacob.

"How's life?" She asked. Jacob just groaned.

"Disappointing!" Jessica took this as a sign that Jacob was into her. I mean, he was talking to her. She asked him for more, the longer he talked, the more she was in.

"What's the matter?" Jacob sighed.

"That leech took Bella away from me."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Jessica said with fake enthusiasm. It was Bella this, Bella that. Why was no one paying attention to her anymore?

"Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm cute, I'm funny, and I always thought-" Jacob cut himself off before he made himself look like an idiot.

"What?" Jessica edged on.

"No, it sounds stupid." Jessica just laughed and playfully tapped Jacob.

"Aww, come on!" Jacob sighed, and decided it wouldn't hurt if he told Jessica. I mean, it's not like she would gossip or anything.

"When I was younger, I thought we would be..." Jacob sang, his mind on Bella. He paused for a second, hesitating, and then Jessica's voice brought him back.

"What?"

"The cutest couple that ya ever did see! But now that leech is back and as you can see, we're not." Jessica shook her head.

"Nope!" Jacob just shrugged.

"Oh well. It sucks to be me." Jessica gasped and shook her head at Jacob.

"Nooo." Jacob ignored Jessica, and continued degrading himself.

"It sucks to be me." With a little more force, Jessica hit Jacob.

"No!"

"It sucks to be single, and a wolf, and looking twenty-three! It sucks to be me." Seeing that Jacob wasn't going to change his mind, Jessica decided she could open up to him. Maybe by noticing how much they had in common, they could hit it off.

"Oh, you think your life sucks?" Jessica asked, her hands on her hips. Jacob nodded.

"I think so." Jessica just snorted.

"Your problems aren't so bad! I'm very pretty. I have a big chest." Jacob had, of course, noticed this and felt it was his duty as a guy to let Jessica know she was right.

"You do!" Jessica just smiled and flipped her hair.

"Thanks! In biology, I aced my first test! And at Forks High I am the best of the best! So why, is Edward not mine? F! It sucks to be me!"

"Me too!" Jacob agreed as he wrapped his arm around Jessica.

"It sucks to be me"

"It sucks to be me. It sucks to be Jacob"

"And Jess"

"To not have a girl"

"To not have the best, it sucks to be me!"

Suddenly, Aro and Caius burst onto the scene, yelling at each other. Jacob could only hear bits of it, but from what he could tell Caius and Aro were fighting over some girl they both wanted to eat. Figures. Jacob shrugged, and decided he would deal with those leeches later. Right now, there was something more important for them to do.

"Hey, Caius, Aro, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?" Jacob called. Caius and Aro looked up and stopped arguing for a second.

"Ah, certainly." Caius said, adjusting his robes.

"Whose life sucks more? Jacob's or mine?" Jessica asked. Caius and Aro turned towards each other and stared into the others eyes for a second before turning back to Jacob and Jessica.

"Ours!" They exclaimed at the same time.

"We live together." Caius sang.

"We're as close as people can get." Aro sang, wrapping his arm around Caius, despite Caius' glares.

"We've been the best of buddies..." Caius sang as he shrugged Aro's arm off.

"Ever since the day we met." Aro interrupted, wrapping his arm once again around Caius.

"So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset. Oh, every day is an aggravation." Caius threw Aro's arm off of him and faced Aro.

"Come on, that's an exaggeration!" Aro said, as he faced Caius.

"You leave your clothes out. You put your feet on my chair." Caius sang angrily. Aro just snorted.

"Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear!" Jessica and Jacob snickered in the background. Caius glared at them, and they quickly shut up.

"You make that very lage castle we share a hell." Caius banged his head against Aro's.

"So do you," Aro retorted, pointing fiercely at Caius. "That's why I'm in hell too!" Caius groaned as he walked towards Jacob and Jessica.

"It sucks to be me!" Aro shook his head, and came up behind Caius.

"No, it sucks to be me!" Jessica stepped in between Aro and Caius as she sang.

"It sucks to be me!" Jacob came and stood beside Jessica.

"It sucks to be me!" Then, they all began to sing together.

"Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!" For no apparent reason whatsoever, Aro, Caius, Jacob, and Jessica begin to dance in a circle singing la's. Out of the blue, Victoria appeared on the school grounds. She was actually trying to control a newborn, whose power seemed to be teleportation. Victoria had not realized that when she had touched him and now she was in Forks. Strangely, she didn't want to hurt Bella at that moment. Rather, she wanted to sing. She took one look at the crazy people dancing and couldn't help herself from asking them a question.

"Why are you all so happy?" Aro turned to her and shouted the answer.

"Becuase our lives suck!" Victoria stared at him for a second, and then burst out laughing.

"Your lives suck? Am I hearing you correctly? Ha! I came to this city, with Laurent and my mate. He tried to eat a girl real tasty, but that was a mistake! My James was killed by Edward so now you can see I'm depressed! And I want revenge! So I've made a newborn army! And three more are turnin'! But they're not skilled enough to win! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Suck! It suck to be me!" Again, seemingly out of nowhere, another vampire came onto the scene. This one, however, was a vegetarian vampire by the looks of its eyes. It was a boy, who seemed 18 and had messy brown hair that fell over his eyes. He seemed a little afraid at the large gathering of three human-drinking vampires, a werewolf, and a human but cautiously walked towards them and slowly built enough courage to speak.

"Excuse me?" Jacob turned around and noticed the vampire who had entered their vicinity.

"Hey there." He said with a bit of malice in his tone. Just what he needed, more vampires. This day was turning out to be the best day ever. The vampire shifted uncomfortably as he heard Jacob speak

"Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to go to school." Victoria looked at the vampire with awe clearly written on her face.

"Why are you looking all the way out here?

"Well, I started at East High, but so far everything has been too sunny. But this neighborhood looks a lot cloudier!" The vampire glanced around at the empty school hallways. "And it loks like there's plenty of room!" Jacob stepped forward.

"You need to talk to the secretary. Let me get her." The vampire nodded in approval.

"Great, thanks!"

"Yo, Copester!" Jacob hollered. Clanging sounds were heard from the front office as well as a voice.

"I'm comin'! I'm comin'!" Now, the vampire who wanted to come to Forks High was also part of the Secretary Guild of America, seeing as he had been alive for a hundred years and had found nothing better to do. All the secretaries knew of each other, and the most famous of them all was Ms. Cope. So it was only natural for the young vampire to exclaim in joy when he saw the famous Ms. Cope."

"Oh my God! It's Ms. Cope!" Ms. Cope smiled, happy that someone recognized her.

"Yes I am! I'm Ms. Cope. I work here at Forks High! I read romantic books a lot, but I don't have a guy! When men ask me for my age, I almost always lie! But I'm here, the secretary! At Forks High!" Everyone nodded sadly at Ms. Cope's fate, and then began to sing altogether.

"It sucks to be you!"

"You win!" Jessica shouted.

"It sucks to be you."

I feel better now!" Jacob stated. Ms. Cope began to sing again.

"Try having people stopping you to ask you "When you going to get a boyfriend?" It gets old." Everyone shrugged, and began to sing again, with some people singing backup.

"It sucks to be you at Forks High. (Sucks to be me) At Forks High. (Sucks to be you) At Forks High. (Sucks to be us) But not when we're together." Everyone came together, forgetting how much they hated each other for a second, and wrapped their arms around one another.

"We're together here at Forks High! We go to Forks High! Our friends do too! 'Til our dreams come true, we go to Forks High."

"This is real life!" The vampire exclaimed.

"We go to Forks High!" Aro stepped up and patted the vampire on his back.

"You're gonna love it!"

"We go to Forks High!" Ms. Cope came over to the vampire and handed over a piece of paper.

"Here's your schedule!" Everyone joined together in one last rousing yell.

"Welcome to Forks High!"

AN: HAHA! That was fun to write! I hope you guys find it as funny as I did! And again, please review and tell me what musical and what song you want what characters to perform next! See ya later!