Gomen, gomen, gomen (bows head in shame). I already explained myself in my profile so if you want an explanation, go there. I promise to update sooner next time. Though I don't know for sure how much I'll be updating because I got into AP English and have homework over the summer.

My Life as a College Whore

Just as Sasori said, after a week Itachi treated Deidara more normally. Deidara himself felt like he was definitely part of the group. He complained like Hidan, joked with Kisame, talked a lot with Itachi, watched out for Tobi and then there was Sasori; still gorgeous, still artistic, still taken. Deidara was proud to say that they were pretty close. Sasori was an artistic genius and Deidara had taken to calling the redhead his 'danna' which Sasori didn't seem to mind.

One day, Itachi and Kisame, who were roommates, came to their table as usual, but Itachi had a strange glint in his eye and was carrying a CD player.

"Uh oh, Itchy has that look, what are we planning now?" Konan asked.

"And why do I feel it has something to do with Deidara?" Pein added.

"Huh? What does it have to do with me?" Deidara asked, confused.

"Itachi likes to give people 'challenges'. And bad ones too, the weasely bastard," Zetsu said…kind of helpfully.

"Yep, and you haven't had one yet, Deidara," Kakuzu said.

"What? Do I seriously have to do this?" Deidara asked a bit frightened.

"It's either that or have him fuck with your fucking mind, trust me, that's fucking worse…fuck," said Hidan.

"Come on, it's not that bad," Kisame said, "Burning money in front of Kakuzu, eating fish in front of me, Sasori cross dressing, Orochimaru groping a twelve year old…though he did like it…"

"Shut up," Orochimaru said.

"See, he doesn't even deny it," Kisame said.

Itachi smirked in conformation of all of this.

"Sasori-danna?" Deidara asked nervously, hoping for assistance.

"Sorry Dei, I can't help you with this one," Sasori said, shaking his head.

"Better to just get it over with," Pein suggested.

"Don't worry Deidara-sempai, Tobi will visit your grave every day," Tobi said, trying to be helpful.

"How's that supposed to help Tobi?!" Deidara yelled at him. Tobi had a tendency to make him lose his patience.

"Don't hurt Tobi, sempai! Tobi is a good boy," he cried.

"Well, if you're all done…" Itachi said, placing the CD player on the table, "You know the song My Humps, don't you Deidara?"

"Oh god…" Deidara said, already not liking the direction this was going.

"Man, this sounds good already," Kisame said, excitedly.

"Now you're going to get on this table and sing," Itachi said, smirking.

"The girl part?" Deidara asked.

"No, the transvestite part, of course the girl part," Itachi said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, I guess I could sing…" Deidara said.

"And dance, unless you can't," Itachi said, smirking some more.

Deidara looked scared for a second, but then got a determined look on his face. "Fine, bring it. Of course I can dance. I bring new meaning to the word blonde bombshell, un," he said, getting up on the table.

Sasori cocked an eyebrow and Itachi's smirk grew, "I'm sure you do," he said, "And since I'm a nice guy, I'll sing the guy part for you."

"Ok, get up here," Deidara said, tapping his foot.

"No thanks, I'll stay down here and keep my dignity," Itachi said.

"Ass, fine, let's do this, un," Deidara said.

"He sure is brave. I've never seen anyone get into one of Itachi's challenged like this" Kakuzu said to Sasori.

"He didn't have to cross dress," Sasori said.

"I've never seen Itachi offer to take part in any of his challenges. That's surprised me," Kisame noted, "He does seem kind of fond of Deidara."

"He's just still in the whole 'seduce the new guy' phase," Sasori said.

"Oh? Is that…jealousy?" Kisame asked, grinning maliciously at Sasori.

"No, I'm just saying it based on what I know about Itachi," Sasori said with such conviction that Kisame just shrugged and returned his attention to Deidara and Itachi.

Itachi turned on the CD player and Deidara began to move his hips to the beat of the song.

Itachi: What you gon' do with all that junk?

All that junk inside that trunk?

Deidara: I'ma get, get, get you drunk

Get you drunk off my hump

My hump (X a lot) my lovely little lumps

By now, everyone in the cafeteria was staring at Deidara, some nosebleeding, but the blonde ignored them.

I drive these brothers crazy

I do it on the daily

They treat me really nicely

They buy me all these ices

Dolce and Gabbana

Fendi and NaDonna

Kara, they be sharin'

All their money got me wearin' fly

They say they love my ass 'n

Seven Jeans, True Religion

I say no, but they keep givin'

So I keep on takin'

And no, I ain't taken

We can keep on datin'

I keep on demonstratin'

My love, my love, my love, my love

You love my lady lumps

My humps, my humps, my hu-

Suddenly Deidara was pulled off the table with a loud 'thump'.

"Hey, what the hell?!" Deidara asked and Sasori pointed to the administrator who had just walked in.

Itachi turned off the CD player and smirked at Deidara, "I must say, that was very impressive," he said.

"Thanks," Deidara said.

"You enjoyed it? That takes out all the fun, but it was quite a show," Itachi said, raising his eyebrows.

Sasori snorted, "It was easier than the usual ones," he said.

Itachi observed Sasori for a moment, "True," he admitted. "You want Deidara too, huh? Well, to bad for you, Sasori. He's going to be mine."

"Well, it was fun and all, but I must go see if I can regain any of my morality and dignity, un," Deidara said.

"I'll go with you," Itachi said, giving Sasori a look.

"Shit, what's he looking at me like that for?" Sasori thought, "Bastard."

Everyone said goodbye to the two except Hidan who was trying to figure out Deidara's earlier comment. Once they reached the door, he shouted, "That makes to fucking sense!"

-Break-

When they reached Deidara's room, the blonde pulled out his keys and opened the door, "Well, see ya Itchy," he said.

"Hold on," Itachi said and grabbed Deidara's arm, forcing the blonde to face him. The Uchiha smirked and kissed Deidara roughly on the lips. Deidara's eyes widened and he pulled away.

"W-what are you doing?" he asked nervously, trying to remove his arm from Itachi's grasp.

"What does it look like, Dei?" Itachi asked.

"Listen Itachi, I'm flattered, but I like Sasori, remember?" Deidara said desperately.

"Sasori? You mean the one with a boyfriend?" Itachi asked pointedly.

"Well, yeah, un," Deidara said, giving up on trying to get away.

"Silly Deidara," Itachi said, twirling the artist's blonde hair around his finger, "I'm better than him. You're not even his type."

"What exactly do you want Itachi?" Deidara asked, pensive.

"A boyfriend. You," Itachi answered, smirking.

"I guess it couldn't hurt. And Itachi's is a pretty cool guy," Deidara thought. He leaned down and kissed Itachi lightly on the lips.

"Is that a yes?" Itachi asked and the blonde nodded.

-Break-

The next day, Itachi picked Deidara up at his room and the two went to the cafeteria together to meet their friends.

The second they both sat down, Itachi made it know about him and Deidara. "Listen motherfuckers, Deidara's with me so hands and all other appendages off," he said and Deidara blushed.

"I saw that coming," Pein commented.

Itachi looked around the table to gauge his friend's reactions. "Doesn't care, doesn't care, money, doesn't care, Tobi's a good boy, doesn't care, ha Sasori's jealous, disappointment…wait," Itachi looked closely at Kisame. Yep, definitely disappointment, he'd have to look into that.

"Bastard," Sasori thought, seething, "I'm better for Deidara than him. Oh right, I have a boyfriend." (A/N Lulz, fighting over Dei)

"Good morning, Sasori-danna. How are you?" Sasori snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look at the smiling blonde.

"I'm fine Deidara and congratulation," Sasori said, twitching slightly, "Oh! I have something for you."

"A present, un?" Deidara asked, ignoring Sasori's congratulations.

Sasori pulled a drawing out of his sketchbook and handed it to Deidara.

"It's me, un," Deidara said, surprised to see a drawing of his profile. He was smiling slightly an had his hand resting on his chin.

"Yeah, I drew it during lunch yesterday," Sasori said, pleased with the blonde's reaction.

"Really? I didn't notice you looking at me," Deidara said, blushing a light pink.

"I only looked once, I did it from memory," Sasori informed him.

"Wow, thanks Sasori, un. It's really ni-" Deidara stopped when he felt a finger trace his jaw, "Oh, Itachi!"

"You drew that Sasori? Very nice," Itachi said, wrapping his arms around Deidara an giving the redhead a look.

"Thanks Itchy," Sasori said coolly. "Fuck, he knows. Which means…he's doing this on purpose," Sasori realized and scowled, causing Itachi's smirk to grow.

"Thanks again Sasori, I'll put it somewhere special, un," Deidara said, oblivious to the Sasori's scowl and Itachi's evil smirk.

"Here, I'll sign it for you," Sasori said, taking the sheet of paper, "In case I get super famous or something…though it's doubtful."

"Oh, I don't think so Sasori-danna, un. You're a great artist," Deidara said, taking the now signed drawing.

Itachi noticed Sasori signed it 'Sasori-danna'. Was he mocking him? Itachi frowned and glared at Sasori, "Where's Orochimaru?" he asked.

"He's in class," Sasori said, annoyed.

Still not noticing Sasori and Itachi's little showdown, Deidara checked his watch. "Oh look, it's time for class for me, un. Let's go Itachi," Deidara said, standing up.

"Of course, Dei-chan," Itachi said, smirking one last time at Sasori.

"Bye Sasori-danna. Thanks again," Deidara said happily.

Sasori sighed as he watched the two walk away hand in hand, "See ya, Dei," he murmured.

-Break-

Saturday Night, One Week Later

Even though it was Saturday night, Deidara was in his room studying for a test he had on Monday. That is, until the phone rang.

"I'll get it," Deidara told Tobi, who was bouncing off the walls as usual, "Hello?"

"Hey Dei, you busy?" Itachi asked from the other end of the line.

"Well, I was studying for a test…but of there's something you want to do, I can always study tomorrow," Deidara said.

"Really? Could you come by my room then?" Itachi asked.

"Sure, I'll be there in a minute," Deidara said. They said their goodbyes and Deidara put his school books away.

"I'm going to Itachi's," Deidara told Tobi, "Be a good boy, ok?"

"Bye, Deidara-sempai! Tobi is a good boy," Tobi said.

Deidara left and knocked on the door to the room next to his, which was Pein and Zetsu's room. Zetsu answered the door.

"I'm going to Itachi's so Tobi's by himself," Deidara informed him.

"Ok, thanks Dei. What the fuck makes you think I care?" Zetsu said.

He closed the door and Deidara left. Once he'd gone up the flight of stairs, Zetsu came out of his room and went to see Tobi.

When Itachi answered the door and saw Deidara, he smirked. "Good evening," he said, taking Deidara's hand and pulling him inside.

"What did you want to do, un?" Deidara asked innocently.

"I know exactly what I want to do," Itachi said seductively, running his hands down the blonde's sides.

"I-Itachi…?" Deidara questioned, "What are you doing?"

"I think you know what I'm doing," Itachi said, placing his hands on Deidara's waist.

"What about Kisame?" Deidara asked, knowing where this was going.

"He's obviously not here," Itachi said, getting annoyed. He was horny dammit.

"Wait Itachi, I've read this fanfiction before…" Deidara said, "What if he walks in on us?"

"He's gone for the weekend," Itachi assured, "And I informed him that if he came back earlier than expected, he might walk in on a…hot scene. He beat it out of here pretty quick." Itachi moved his hand to the button on Deidara's jeans.

"But…Sasori…" Deidara said, becoming desperate.

Itachi took his glasses off and glared at Deidara, "You're still going on about that? You're my boyfriend. You're not supposed to be lusting after other guys," he said.

"I'm not lusting," Deidara said.

"Whatever you say Dei, but really, everybody wants me. I'm the embodiment of sexiness," Itachi said (A/N So modest isn't he?).

"I wouldn't get to full of myself," Deidara said. Forgetting his earlier qualms and pulling Itachi down on his bed with him.

-Break-

Knock, knock

Itachi groaned and stalked to the door, pulling on his pants along the way. It was Sasori.

"Man, it's hot in there Itachi. What did you do?" Sasori asked, a wave of heat hitting him when Itachi answered the door.

Itachi smirked deviously, "I call it a homemade heater. Did you want something?" Itachi asked.

"Yeah, I was wondering of you knew where-" he stopped when he saw Deidara walk up behind Itachi in only his boxers.

"Ita, if it's Tobi tell him-" Deidara's eyes widened when he saw Sasori, "Oh, hi Sasori-danna, un," he said, turning completely red. The blonde knew Sasori was smart enough to figure out what he and Itachi had obviously just did.

Itachi glanced between Sasori and Deidara, his smirk turning evil. "Anyways, didn't you want something Sasori-danna?" Itachi asked. (A/N Oh hell no)

Sasori ran a hand though his hair and sighed, "Never mind, forget it. Have a good night you two," he said, ignoring Itachi's mocking to the Uchiha's disappointment. Sasori turned and walked quickly away.

"What was that about, un?" Deidara asked.

"Nothing, I'm sure. Did you want to stay the rest of the night?" Itachi asked, going to back into the room.

"Sure, un," Deidara said, giving Sasori's retreating figure one last glance before closing the door.

Ok, know the Sasodei fans are probably all D: and the Itachi fans are wondering why he is such a bastard (let's face it people he is…or he pretends to be (cough) spoiler (cough)) And I'm sorry there's no lemon, but I'm a Sasodei fan and I haven't written a lemon for them yet so writing an Itadei one before a Sasodei one would feel wrong. Please review, even though it took forever for me to update.