Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.
A/N: Well here's part two...only one more to go! THANKS to all who reviewed and I hope you like this part. By the way...next (and last) part will be the epilogue set sometime in the future. Let me know if you have any ideas on what you want to happen in a review. Thanks for reading! OH and every song piece except the last one is from Civil Twilight and the last one is from the Zac Brown Band.
Part Two
Dave sat in his SUV in the hospital parking lot thinking about what he should say and what he should do when he saw her. And him, yes him. Their son. His son with JJ. What the hell? When did that happen? Well, he knew when that happened, but still. This was not how it was supposed to happen. He'd been married three times and no children, but not for lack of trying, and now, by chance, he sleeps with one of his coworkers during a late night at the BAU and she ends up pregnant. He has to admit it does sound kind of suspicious when you put it that way, but he trusts JJ and if she says the baby's his, then the baby's his.
Austen Oliver Jareau. Each letter of that name is now burned in his brain and he can only hope to one day replace the little boys last name with his own. How did he let this happen? How did he let her go through this alone? They'd used a condom, and he'd thought she was on the pill, but God always had a way of showing him that he was always capable of what was previously thought impossible. Just look at what the BAU turned into.
He was freaking out now. He knew it, the man in the car next to him knew it, and he was pretty sure the parking deck gate attendant knew it. How was someone supposed to handle this? He had a Master's in Clinical Psychology and as far as he knew there was no rule for this, no protocol to follow on how to react when someone tells you that they practically despise you, but surprise! they've just had you're baby. At least she was willing to let him spend time with Austen, or Oliver whichever one she wanted to call him. How had he let whatever this was get so far that he missed her pregnancy completely and allowed her to think he thought the worst of her?
He didn't know how it had gotten this far, but he wasn't going to let that stop him anymore. He was pretty sure he had already wasted about thirty minutes in the car and a quick glance down at the clock on the dashboard confirmed it. 6:30am shown in green light right in front of his eyes. Was he here to early? Would he wake them up? Should he leave and come back? No, he should stay. Go in and wait if they're still sleeping. Right? Right.
He quickly turned off the car and got out before he could talk himself out of leaving the hospital and locked the door, but not without grabbing the letter first. He clung to it like a life line. Like it had some mystical power or that the words on the paper held some magical spell that had brought him to the hospital. With one quick wistful glance at the rising sun that was visible from where he stood in the parking deck he left his car behind and headed into the unknown, with only a small glimmer of hope that everything was going to be alright.
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"What is this I feel, why is it so real...What am I to say..."
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She hated the pastel pink walls of her room and the crisp white curtains that framed the window on the left wall. She hated the pale yellow stuffed chair and the light tan television cabinet. But most of all she hated the happy, cheerfulness of her room. It was like it was taunting her...screaming at her of the happy ending she and Austen could've had. Maybe they could have if she had told him sooner. Maybe.
Would he even come see them? Her and the baby that was currently sleeping inches away in a hospital bassinet? She'd expected to feel the things she felt the entire ten months of her pregnancy after she had the baby, but now she just felt selfish. So what if Dave had used her...who was she to deny her son his father?
Her fingers played with the jacket she'd put on. They'd checked her over for the final time earlier and had let her get dressed in her normal clothes. They were going home today, both of them. What if she wasn't ready to do it by herself? Would Dave stay with her then if they needed him too? Would he be angry with her over that letter?
But Emily had been right the morning before and so had Pen when she visited after Austen had been born. Dave deserved to know about Austen. And Austen deserved to know about Dave.
But that didn't stop her from hating the cheerfulness of her room or wishing that her life had turned out for her the way her mother had always prayed it would.
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"I am just an image of something so much greater...I am just a picture frame, I am not the painter...Where do I begin, can I shed this skin...What is this i feel within..."
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"Uh Sir? You can't go in there."
"Excuse me?" Dave asked the overweight woman behind the nurses desk who was popping her gum.
"I said you can't go in there. That's the neonatal ICU. You need doctor's verification to go in there" she told him as she cheerfully popped her gum again, the noise almost causing him to wince.
"Look I'm with the FBI and one of my coworkers just had a baby and she's in room 415. I just came to visit her on my way to work" Dave added as he manipulated the truth a little. Why were they in the NICU? Was something wrong with the baby?
"I'm gonna need to see some ID" the woman said in what she thought was an authoritative tone, "And besides room 415 isn't in the NICU. It's down the other hall and to the left, then all the way to the end."
Relief spread through him like wildfire when he realized the meaning behind the annoying woman's words. JJ and the baby were fine, healthy and fine. They weren't in the NICU, they were on the other side of the maternity floor.
Quickly pulling out his ID he flashed it at her just long enough for her to see that it was real before he left the nurses station and hastily made his way towards room 415. But not before the woman got in one last 'Pop!' of her gum as he walked away, and this time he didn't hide his annoyed wince.
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"It's only love, it's only pain...It's only fear, that runs through my veins...It's all the things we can't explain..."
--
There it was. '415' was plainly written on the door right in front of him. A white dry erase board hung on the wall beside the door with the words 'Paitent Name: Jennifer K. Jareau' and 'Baby Boy Jareau' written in blue marker, easily readable. There was no way that this was the wrong room or that she had been moved.
Swallowing the uneasy feeling building up in his gut, he glanced at the letter one last time before knocking on the door and entering cautiously when a soft 'Come In' was heard.
He slowly let the door click closed before turning around to face her having no idea what reaction he was about get from her. He deserved whatever she wanted to dish out at him though. And he could take it, right?
He slowly turned around to find her switching breasts so the baby could breastfeed better. Maybe she thought she had more time before he was going to turn around? "Relax Dave. It's nothing you haven't seen before. Besides he eats every three hours so this probably won't be the first time you see this." Well she picked up on his uneasiness and his deer in the headlights look at what he'd just witnessed. He had really thought that she was fully clothed. Really. But his heart did swell some at the sight of the tiny pink hand that seemed to wave a him a little before resting on his mommy's skin.
How was it possible to be so scared, nervous, and in love all in one moment? "Still, I'm sorry JJ. I should've called...or something...before I came. I can wait outside if you want until he's finished..."
"Just stay. It's alright." she said tightly, he could tell she was trying her best not to get outwardly angry, "Why are you here Dave?"
--
"Here I stand, letter in my hand, the letter that you sent to me...But as I turn each page like the turning of a wave, I feel you turning me..."
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"To explain. Or to apologize. I'm not sure. Maybe to beg forgiveness." Dave answered honestly as he tightened his grip on the letter in his hand.
She nodded and he could tell she was thinking, but he wasn't sure what. "Go on."
He took that as a good sign that she was letting him try and explain and moved a little further into the room. "I don't really know where to start except to say that I'm sorry. I thought by leaving you that night that I was protecting you, and me, from what I thought you would think when you realized what we'd done. I didn't know you were feeling the things about you that I thought you were going to feel about me. That's why I left on sabbatical. I thought you didn't want to speak to me and now I know I was wrong about that. I couldn't get you and that night out of my mind and every time I saw you I thought about it, but I thought you were ashamed of what happened between us so I decided that I needed to get away and let you live your life without me causing you anymore problems. I'm sorry I didn't just talk to you about it."
He could tell she was softening some from when he'd first come in the door but he didn't want to push her or his luck so he stayed where he was in the room. "I had no idea you were pregnant. All this time I just thought maybe you were just going through something personal, something that you didn't want anyone to know about it. So I didn't push, and I looked the other way when you skipped briefings because you were 'in the bathroom' or when Emily or Hotch started briefing us. I know that doesn't excuse anything about my behavior or anything, but it's the truth. I really don't know what else to say but I'm sorry and I'd like to be there for him and you too if you'd be okay with that. But if your not I understand, I'd just like to be in his life some. I know you've already taken that job but..."
"Stop. Just stop, okay. I had already decided to let you be there for him if you wanted, it was all in the letter. But as for me, I just don't know if I'm ready to trust you again yet, Dave. I accept what you're saying, but for over a year I thought the father of my child was disgusted by me and I can't just get over that because you come in here and tell me that you had no idea what was going on. I'm sorry" JJ said honestly, "I'm not saying that this will always be this way, but I just need some time to digest this and heal, Dave."
"I can understand that" he told her in reply as he watched her lay the baby on her shoulder and refasten her shirt. A tiny burp was heard in the quietness of the room before she continued. "Would you like to hold him?"
"Please" he replied softly as she handed the baby to him. His child. Their child. Austen Oliver Jareau.
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"Well I've seen the sunrise...See the love in a woman's eyes...Felt the touch of a precious child..."
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