Chapter 9: Conversation of Destiny
The cave smelled bad. Being shut up inside of it wasn't very pleasant to the nose. A musty aged smell that intruded upon the nostrils, creating a ticking feeling deep inside ones skull; an itch that couldn't be scratched. Maddening…
But Magnus wasn't one to bother with madness. He didn't have the time. His job was to fall into a near-death trance and force his mind open with his own psionics powers, to lay bare the way into his Divided World. Simple as custard cake.
He didn't waste time, and began to breathe deeply, calmly, already turning his mind inward, scanning every separate ripple of his thoughts, examining them carefully, oh so carefully, seeking any shift or alteration, no matter how slight. It may very well be nothing, but it might be the inner door that he is searching for.
Time passed slowly, each moment dragging on, clinging to the last before slipping away. The silence was long, growing heavy, as air began to dwindle. Magnus's mind, despite being so disciplined, strayed slightly from his consequential task. He began to think of his three companions, their quest…It seemed so long ago. And what interesting paths it had led him to. He was quite sure the others were going through the same things in their own way. I'll bet anything; he contemplated to himself with a slight smile, that Vinir is positively fuming at being separated from Teriwyn.
Despite having been a solitary man for most of his life, Magnus had indeed enjoyed the company of the three elves, being the first real contact he had ever had. The prospect of not seeing them again was saddening somewhat. But then again…
If I truly grow as powerful as Zigar suggests, he said that traveling about to see them would be easily allowed, so long as I do not neglect my duties here. Then perhaps our paths may cross once again. That is if I survive this…He shut those thoughts out, and went back to his task at hand, driving more psionic force towards himself.
It did not take much longer for things to become grueling; the temperature was stifling, being a dry concentrated heat, yet with shivers and chills running across the icy stone walls. And still nothing, not even a tickle at his consciousness, nothing being even remotely close to what he sought. He knew that it would take time, but even with his iron patience, it was frustrating nonetheless, to sit, remain focus, and yet get no results.
And as the air supply began to diminish further, making the task of in-taking air painful, with still no abnormalities of his brain activity, he could feel the grip of death start closing in. He did not quite understand; he was doing as Kual had instructed, and even as he could feel himself growing numb, he felt no changes. Why? After a little more analysis on the matter, he suddenly got the suspicion…
No, he said aloud in his mind, coming to a conclusion of his own, this is wrong. Any psionicist can do what I'm doing, to search ones own mind. And yet they failed. That means…this isn't how to go about this. There must be something else to it…
His head began to hurt; the overly intense concentration was causing great pressure on his head, feeling the burning coursing down his spine and into his limbs.
Wait a minute…I'm trying too hard. I can't relax with this pain. I can't enter a state of enlightenment if I'm so tense it hurts…The discomfort is distracting me. Calm…Calm down…Stay loose…Kual said that if I try too hard, I'll only hurt myself. I must not tense. Don't loose sight of my objective here. To find the answers to those damn questions…
Despite all the air having been used up, he still breathed, exhaling slowly and breathed in nothing, his whole body releasing the tension. He pulled his fierce unwavering focus back, to no more than a light touch, gently keeping a psionic field around his head, keeping a watch with only minimal attention. In the meanwhile, he let his mind wander again, asking his own questions.
Kual also said that I have unconsciously hidden this place in a section of my mind that only I would think to look. Where would only I look? Memories? No, that's the first place any psionicist would check…? My physical self? No, that's too easy…
His head began to feel heavy, and a hazy comforting twilight was slowly swallowing his consciousness. Behind his eyes, in the depths of the infinite darkness, the fog was starting to gather.
Current thought…No…Where would I put it…Where no one would look? My psionic structure? No…
The clouds rolled in, beginning to crest and swell like waves from an ocean, a tide of darkness was flowing into his body and awareness. Desperation was slowly creeping in…
My logic…my goals…my emotions? No…No…No!
Light was almost gone, only tiny speckles remained of life, fading away into complete obscurity…
My creativity…My imagination…The center of my innovative dreams…No devoted psionicist would bother routing through that…they'd be far too focused on manipulating my body and my memories…That's it…It must be…
The mist descended…
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Deep somewhere…
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Magnus just knew…he needed to open his eyes. And as he did, he saw mist. A lot of it, wispy gray tendrils circling about his body. The ground was lost beneath it, his feet hidden under the swirling nothingness. Looking up overhead, he was intrigued to see that there was no sky. Naught but solid white in every direction, an endless stretch of nonexistence. But an infinite void did not concern him, nor did it frighten him as it would many. He didn't have time to be afraid, as directly in front of him was a figure, fading in and out of sight. Though he couldn't be sure, he believed it raised a hand, gesturing him closer.
Magnus advanced, breath still held, straining his eyes to try and clearly make out this being. He noticed a face, with features of a human; eyes, a mouth, a nose, but having no expression or other distinguishing features. Its body was human; save being comprised of nothing more than smoke and haze. Despite the fact that he got close, easily fifteen spans, he still could not see it clearly. Perhaps he wasn't meant to.
They stared at one another, this strange form bowing low before him.
"You have arrived I see…Sooner than I had expected. And even stronger than I imagined. You are full of surprises, aren't you?" Its voice was an echoing whisper, though he heard it in his head rather than out loud, rippling across the emptiness around them.
Magnus glanced past this shadowy form, at the place he stood. It looked to be a grove of sort; trees, a small pond, and tall grass was around him. Except it was strange, only half of this place was wooded. The other half was cobblestone and granite, like a city. And all of it was pale, having only slight coloration; an environment from a dream.
"My thanks," said he turning to this form, "I try and be unexpected. But before you continue with your flattery, I have a question. This place…does this mean I have reached my Divided World?"
"It does."
"I see. Well, that's certainly a good sign. A bit longer and I might have gotten worried. And whom would that make you then? My guardian spirit?" The shadow-like entity snickered softly at this, its voice echoing about the misty room.
"Nothing as fanciful as that I'm afraid. Though interesting nonetheless. I am you. And you are me…In more ways that can be readily counted…Does that answer your inquiry?"
"No…but the fact that you are nearly as cryptic as I am certainly supports the possibility that you are a part of me…So…"
"So…" Both Magnus and the spirit entity stayed quiet, each waiting for the other to speak. The spirit caved in first.
"I wouldn't waste time if I were you. This visit is short as it is, and your hesitation only makes it shorter."
"I thought you were going to tell me why I am here."
"You don't need me to tell you that. You decided to come here on your own volition. And why is that?"
"To get answers to the questions."
"And what questions are those?" Magnus cocked his head at the spirit, having a slight grin on his mouth.
"Oh, I don't think you need me to tell you that. If you are a part of me, then you already know yourself. Don't you?"
"Clever aren't we? Very well, I do know your inquiries, what it is you wish to understand. But I also know that the meaning of the answers isn't all you are after."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, I think you comprehend…" The figure soundlessly vanished from sight, only to reform across the field they stood in. Then, it disappeared again, reappearing elsewhere, silently shifting about from place to place, its voice still echoing all around.
"It bothers you doesn't it? All your life, you've been the smart one, knowing the solution to all of life's many questions. Your gifts have laid bare some of the most perplexing of mysteries. And now, you are plagued by thoughts and feelings that seem to impel you, and yet you have no clue as to their meaning…That more than anything irritates you…Not knowing the answer. Am I right?"
"Yes. But nonetheless, it's raised my curiosity on the matter. I've had feelings before, thoughts and driving compulsions, but never indiscernible to my scrutiny. This however is. I'm wondering why. What makes these visions so important that I myself don't know their significance?"
"Have you ever thought, in your months of training, as to why you aren't able to see them clearly? Perhaps it is a message; that you are not ready for the responsibility that it will bring…"
"So it is an important purpose then?" Magnus interrupted. "Something considerable I imagine, if it requires me to be powerful?" The spirit, thought its face could hardly be called a face, still seemed to smile.
"Yes, clever indeed. But foolish and arrogant. I do not think you are ready for the burden. The weight that these new gifts bear upon you…Your personality and these abilities have yet to become one completely. They are still separate, in a somewhat unstable state of merging. It is dangerous indeed to reveal possibly volatile details in such a precarious condition. Yes, you are not ready yet."
"I suppose that you are right," Magnus agreed, feeling much truth to the words spoken to him by this mysterious part of himself, "I won't deny that I do have a somewhat contemptuous tendency, not to mention that my attitude towards knowledge is selfish. But I am changing, both as a person and as a protector at a rapid pace. I could right now speak to you of half a dozen traits at least that I no longer posses because of this transformation. I needn't know the fullest of details of what I am to do. Only to know that this has a purpose, what I am doing has meaning. And perhaps a clue as to what my next goal should be?"
The entity nodded its head, as if contemplating his words. As it started to speak, it started to fade.
"I see. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you. Or rather, I can only give you the smallest of hints, point you in the correct direction. Think of this as another test, whether or not you have the enlightenment necessary to find the truths to yourself. Listen closely…"
The voice now too was beginning to wane, what was already a whisper was now only a withering puff of air on his ears.
"The limits of your protection are newborn only, on a scale beyond what most can see. Seek the horns of fire, and you shall cross paths with a blazing silver star. From there, you will find your course, and rise in name and number."
With these cryptic echoing words, the world around began to crumble, scattering into glittering dust…
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Back in the waking world…
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Magnus felt his eyes, feeling rather heavy and weighted, and it took tremendous effort to force them open. The moment he did, he wanted to shut them again, letting in light made him aware, feeling the murderous headache that was relentlessly pounding at his skull. It felt as though he was being stabbed again and again from a hundred different directions. He was vaguely aware of some voices hovering overhead.
"You are alive I see…" Magnus could hardly roll his eyes, and though his vision was a blurry tunnel, he could hear and coherently recognize the voice of Kual. He managed to expel some air from his lungs, making a gagging grunt.
"It has been three days now, when we pulled you from the cave. I had thought you had died, but just this morning, you seemed to come back to the world of the living. I am pleased, and relieved." Regardless of the pain, Magnus forced his eyes open a bit more, until he could make out a beige blob that was probably Kual's head. He managed to blink and expel another snort. He felt warm air of someone's breath right on his head. He heard Kual's voice, a faint whisper.
"I know I should wait, but I must know…Did you reach your goal?" Magnus had to struggle more than he ever had in his life to force his head up, and back down again in a sickly nod. "And did you get the definite answers you sought?" This time, he pivoted his whole head around, to stare Kual right in the eyes. At least, he hoped he was.
"No…" he gasped, but managed a faint grin, and before he lost consciousness again, he breathed out, "But I'll figure it out…"