This fiction is not in order with the series. The main plot was created before Deathly Hallows and therefore will seem to instead run in a parallel universe.
All authors' notes will be in bold italics. Any character thoughts will appear in normal italics.
Reviews are appreciated but not necessary.
Disclaimer: I don't not own any of the Harry Potter characters or references in this fan fiction, they belong to J. K. Rowling. I am merely playing around with her genius.
Chapter Two
"Stand tall, head up, chin out, shoulders back, graceful stride and never stop smiling."
The familiar commands floated through Pansy Parkinson's mind as she walked down the hall. Since graduating from Hogwarts seven months ago she had seen little else than the Parkinson estate and although she would never admit it, she missed Hogwarts. At least there she had challenged, stimulated, inspired, surrounded by friends… Well, former friends it seemed.
Being in Slytherin, most of her acquaintances were now fully fledged death eaters. Others had been bundled off to distant countries away from the war and accusing fingers. Slytherin families now fell into three categories. There were those who were now acknowledged as blatant supporters of the Dark Lord and were either fighting with the Dark Lord or locked up in Azkaban. During one of the few victories the light side has experienced, Azkaban had been reclaimed by the ministry. Others had fled or buckled under pressure from the ministry, these families were shunned by loyal Slytherins. Finally there was the awkward position families like the Parkinsons were in. These were families whose allegiance was unknown, they couldn't be touched by the ministry, as they were guiltless of any crimes, and yet were untouched by the Dark Lord. Pansy had no idea why nothing had happened to her family. Why had they not been summoned by Voldemort to become Death Eaters? Or "taken care of" because of their ambiguity regarding the war? When Pansy had tried to broach the subject with her mother, she had been admonished for thinking such thoughts. Her mother believed the Parkinsons should just thank their lucky stars they were alive and get on with things. Pansy may have agreed to this, if her family had been "getting on with things" however the situation could not have been any more opposite. Christopher Parkinson and his wife Ivy spent all their time on the estate, hesitant to leave its safe confines and happy to pretend there was no war going on.
This did not settle well with Pansy. She had never been one to shy away from society. At Hogwarts she had been scrutinised from the day she was sorted into Slytherin. Yet instead of trying to avoid attention, Pansy had basked in it. She recalled boldly striding through the corridors defying all perceptions and evoking a devil may care attitude along side Daphne, Blaise and Draco.
Pansy sighed, she tried not to dwell on her Hogwarts days. She missed her friends and she missed learning. Pansy had always been scrupulously attentive to her studies. All children from pure blood families were expected to have exceptional grades, it was part of keeping up appearances. If anyone slipped, they would face severe punishment. Pansy was no Hermione Granger, but she was still smart. She had achieved five O's in her Newts, her parents had been less than pleased, but let it pass. She was not expected to use her grades, they just made her look more impressive for potential husbands.
Husbands. Pansy knew she was expected to marry, however the notion of being a teenage bride had always unsettled her. She had thought with the war waging, her parents would leave the whole marriage idea on the wayside. However if anything the time of chaos had made her parents more set on ensuring she was wed. Well her mother anyway, her father always appeared largely indifferent, personally Pansy believed he was reluctant to let his little girl go.
It was raining today. Not an unusual event in England, however Pansy couldn't help noticing how soft and gentle the rain fell upon the freshly manicured lawn outside. Pansy sighed as she stopped and gazed out of the pane window wondering what had become of her Slytherin class mates. Contrary to popular belief Slytherins were capable of compassion and loyalty, but would not show it to just anyone who walked past. They were no Hufflepuffs! Slytherins were loyal to their own kind. They watched out for each other, because really, who else would watch out for them?
Pansy started walking again and let her thoughts drift to Daphne, her closest female friend. They had spent many hours gossiping and giggling when they were younger and shared much pain and many tears as they grew older. Daphne was one of the precious few who had seen through the facade that was Pansy Parkinson. She had seen the bright, witty girl underneath the superficial exterior. Being a fellow Slytherin, Daphne could understand why she kept that girl hidden. Daphne had been there for Pansy when she had needed her most.
Millicent Bulstrode was another friend who came to mind. Although not the prettiest girl in Hogwarts, it was a little known fact she was one of the smartest. No one could think up a witty retort quicker than Millie, even the silver tongued Draco Malfoy had tipped his hat to her more than once. Millicent had brought practicality to the girls' dorm, she was always candid and because of this her compliments were considered of the highest regard.
Pansy smiled as she thought of her closest male friend, Blaise Zabini. He had always been the ladies man of Slytherin. His glossy black hair and smoldering brown eyes made most girls fall weak at the knees, and much to his friends dismay, he knew it. Ever the trickster of the house, he had always kept Pansy in good spirits and had only ever officially tried to "crack on to her" once. The little altercation went on to become a most memorable scene for many of the Slytherins in common room that night…
It had been during their 3rd year at Hogwarts and Pansy had been sitting in the common room near the fire, trying and failing to complete her homework (a particularly nasty essay on werewolves) as her gaze kept wandering over to a certain Draco Malfoy. Blaise had sauntered over and stood at the side of Pansy reading her essay.
Lowering himself so he could whisper in her ear, he had said "what a pretty little hand you have there Parkinson... such a shame to waste it on writing that essay. I can think of several other activities we could both enjoy..." the remark was pitched so that while giving the intention of being directed at Pansy, it easily carried across the common room.
Cat calls had resounded around the room and Pansy had felt herself blush, thanking Salazar the common room had dim lighting. Deciding to save what dignity she could, Pansy raised one eyebrow at Blaise and twisted herself around, to give him a full view of her body. He'd smirked appreciatively (as Pansy was most certainly not unattractive as thirteen year olds went) and she had pulled him closer saying "I would love to explore such possibilities with you Blaise, however I fear your own pretty hand would sorely miss being able to perform it's primary function..."
Howls of laughter had erupted around the room. Blaise's form turned rigid and he paled profusely. Even Draco, Blaise's best friend, who had been watching the whole exchange smirked at Blaise saying "She's got the upper hand with you mate" giving Pansy a wink and slight nod of approval. This had been the highest compliment she had ever received from Draco and she glowed with pride.
Blaise looked down at Pansy with something different sparkling in his eyes. She recognised it was respect and true admiration for her well deserved repartee. He gave Pansy a short bow and holding out his hand said "Well met Miss Parkinson".
Pansy was shocked at this display of propriety from Blaise. He was certainly leaving himself vulnerable for ridicule. The ball was in her court, she could rebuff his handshake and make him the laughing stock of the common room, but she didn't. Instead Pansy had smiled and accepted his hand shake, he had earned her respect. "Pansy if you please" she had replied. That was when she had seen Blaise's true grin.
"Blaise to you"
That had been the start of their true friendship. Always allies before, now they would laugh and joke as good friends. Their only source of disagreement was always Draco. Blaise had hated the way Pansy always mooned over Draco and had found himself in many arguments over it with Pansy. He was another close friend who had come to know the true Pansy that she hid away, and couldn't believe how she could lower herself to the adoring sycophant that she did in front of Draco. As much as he loved his best friend, Draco could act like a right prat, and he certainly wasn't worth all the attention Pansy showered on him. He knew it had no affect in ingratiating Draco towards her, if fact it did the opposite. Yet, Pansy had never listened to Blaise when it came to Draco. Now she wished she had.
This train of thought brought her to Draco Malfoy and she couldn't help but cringe at the way she had been towards him. "How could I have been so idiotic?" she often asked herself. She had followed him around like a love sick puppy only to be taunted, humiliated and hurt, and she had never learned! She just kept behaving in the same manner, for years, years! Pansy knew she was stronger than that, but love had a way of making people do crazy things…
Well, she had thought it was love. Pansy had come to dismiss what she had felt for Draco as any true feeling. When she thought back on it, her feelings towards him seemed so forced and unreal. Despite the regrets and twinges of embarrassment she had regarding her own behaviour, she hadn't forgotten how much pain and hurt Draco had made her feel. Would it have hurt him to be a little less cruel and slightly more understanding? Sure they were Slytherins, but Blaise had still treated her with kindness. Could he show no sympathy even for a housemate? "Yes, but you didn't throw yourself at Blaise did you?" The tiny voice in her head nagged.
Pansy stopped moving and checked herself for allowing such thoughts. She had promised herself only a few months ago that she would be less self depreciating and her current train of thought had not been helping the situation. Besides she couldn't chide Draco for never showing any kindness, because it simply wasn't true. When it really mattered, Draco had performed the kindest, most selfless of acts just for her, in his own Malfoy way. Her thoughts drifted back to that particular moment, the end of sixth year when he had entered their common room so flustered and exhausted…
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"Draco! What are you doing?" Draco whirled around setting his eyes on Pansy. He picked up his cloak which he had left previously on a chair and quickly moved to where she was before speaking.
"Pansy, the girls were looking for you. They'll be here in a minute, go and wait in your dorm." With that he turned around and started for the entrance, but Pansy was not going to let him go without knowing first.
"Draco what's going on?"
"This does not concern you Pansy" he called back over his shoulder.
"You're going somewhere now, why?"
"Not now…"
"But you're going out, why won't you tell me?'
Before Pansy realised Draco was back towering over her, only a few centimetres from her face. "Shut up! Gods Parkinson! Can you not leave me alone for one whole day? When I say it's none of your business, it's none of your business! Now go back to your dormitory."
Pansy hated it when he was like this. He could be harsh with her at times, but when he became this mad she was always sent her mind into an awkward flurry, despite his anger not necessarily being aimed at her. She knew he didn't want her with him now so thought it best to seek the solace of someone else.
"Oh… well I think I'll go find Millie and-"
"NO!" Draco said. His eyes looked like they were going to pop out his head and Pansy could see the veins pulsing in his neck. "For God sakes Parkinson! I pity the unlucky bastard who has to marry you, with any luck that day will never come! Why can't you just listen to me for once? Go back to your dormitory! Go, now!
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It was a little while later, while she was visiting Millie that she came to understand the meaning of Draco's actions. Millie had filled her in on what had been happening that night as she had been up in her dormitory. The school had been thrown into disarray because Death Eaters had made it into the castle somehow, students were being rounded up and taken to the main hall to be filled in and kept safe while Dumbledore's group, the Order of the Phoenix battled with the Death Eaters. As her other friends had gathered together, Draco had raced into the hall. He was flushed and his eyes were roaming everywhere. Millie had said she had never seen him so worked up. He had made his way to the Slytherin table and let his eyes pass across all of them, Tracey, Millie, Blaise, Daphne, even Theodore before speaking;
"Where's Pansy?" They had all been shocked at his strange behaviour, even more so when he had called Pansy by her christian name. Millie had piped up, explaining that she was still in the dorms because she wasn't hungry and had wanted to finish an essay.
Pansy remembered this, she had been going through issues with her weight at the time and subsequently wasn't eating consistently. She had had that essay to finish, but it was more of a cover to get out of eating.
McGonagall had started speaking then, briefing them on what was going on. Millie and the rest had all turned to pay attention to what she was saying and by the time she turned around Draco was gone. None of them saw him again.
With Millie's account, Pansy was able to piece together what had happened next. Draco had come up, found her and demanded she stay in her dorm. What she had seen as a rough rebuke and cruelty was in fact an urgent plea to stay where it was safest… to keep out of the line of fire. He had left swiftly after that to meet Dumbledore, unbeknownst to all and carry out the heavy mission he had been assignment that year. Pansy had also pondered why he had come back in the first place, he never retrieved anything and surely he lost precious time for such a detour. It was then she realised he had come back to warn her, despite the danger to himself. This warmed her heart even now as she thought it over again. He may not have had any romantic interests in her, but he had cared enough to let her know and that was enough for Pansy.
This amazing service rendered by Draco has sparked the beginning of many changes. Gone was the blind infatuation for Draco Malfoy and in its place was merely pride and gratitude for what Draco was doing for all purebloods. She had looked at herself long and hard over that summer and decided that she too would do her part by becoming a more respectable pure blooded woman. When she had returned to Hogwarts for her final year Pansy wasted no more time being course, indecent and rude. Instead she became much quieter, agreeable and more humble. She even didn't bother terrorising any students from other houses, it no longer seemed to worth her time. Blaise had been thrilled with this change and told her how glad he was to see the real Pansy "blossoming". He had also become a Death Eater towards the end of seventh year. He had stayed until graduation but the next day he was gone, off to the Dark Lord. Pansy missed her friend. She still saw Tracey and Millie, but she had a different sort of connection with Blaise. Now she had lost that, not even receiving letters from him.
Like everyone else she knew what had become of Draco when he had not returned to Hogwarts to following year and it had nothing to do with the events of last year. He had been pardoned, by the evidence of Harry Potter of all people who had testified that Draco had not committed any murder. No, Draco had gone to be a Death Eater, to be with him.
Over the last few months since she had left Hogwarts, her views towards the cause had changed. She took more of an interest in current events and with so much spare time on her hands, began to research the Dark Lord and his cause. Her research had shown her how he had turned on his followers, even some of the most faithful to him for insignificant reasons. He had no faith to anyone and there was no certainty that a world with him as their leader would be better off. The final straw for Pansy had been the fact that Voldemort himself was only a half blood. Really, how could she follow a man whose blood was nor as pure as her own?!?!
After much deliberating, she had reached the conclusion that while she still believed in pure blood superiority, she could not follow Lord Voldemort, whom she no longer would she thought of as the "Dark Lord". She would not voice these opinions to her parents, or anyone else for that matter, for she did not know how they would react.
Pansy now continued down the hall, heading to the dining room to take breakfast. Despite how much she loved them, she loathed the company of her parents. They were so insistent on acting as though nothing was going on. They would never talk about the war and if Pansy brought it up she was severely reprimanded. It was as if she was being forced to forget what was going on around her. Even the house elves, whom she had taken to conversing with out of desperation, had been ordered not to speak with her. Pansy felt a tug on her robes and saw Cubby, one of the house elves, who now he had her attention began to speak tentatively.
"Excusing me Miss Parkinson, but Master and Mistress Parkinson is wishing to know where you are. Breakfast is in readiness."
"Yes thank you Cubby. Tell them I'll be there shortly."
Cubby disappeared and Pansy kept walking, this time at a slightly brisker pace. If they had sent the house elf, they must be getting agitated. "Probably starting to imagine I've been kidnapped to be held ransom, spirited away by some unscrupulous vagabond" she thought darkly "I wish…"
She reached the doors to the dining room. Nodding to the house elf they were opened and he announced her entrance. Pansy plastered a smile on her face and began repeating words that had become her mantra over the last few months "Stand tall, head up, chin out, shoulders back, graceful stride and never stop smiling."
Although she had come to hate her now mundane life, she would continue to plod along, doing her duty as a pure blooded woman, determined to make the most of the life Draco had ensured for her.
Thank you for the reviews and constructive criticism, they are much appreciated. Also I apologise for the length of time between posts. I won't deny I procrastinated, however it is also exam time over here so it has been hectic.
Until next time,
