The Adventures of WonderBoy and House

Story Title: The Adventures of WonderBoy and House

Story Summary: Because you just couldn't capture their awesomeness with a comic book, we have these oneshots. House/Wilson friendship.

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Chapter Focus: Prompt #298 of the 1000 Theme Challenge, "Gamble"

Chapter Rating: T/PG-13 for mocking Star Wars, involving House, gambling, cheating while gambling, crude humor, brief mentions of nonexistent sex, minor House-bashing, uncomfortable!Wilson, and... I think that's it.

Word Count: Around 980+ words

Author's Starting Notes: Hello, people. This new oneshot came to me shortly after the first one did, but I never moved it to my second draft page, so, I kind of forgot about it. I needed to post for the Seven Days of Updating, so, when I found it, I decided I'd post it. The prompt from my list was GAMBLE. This takes place in fifth season, or at least after Wilson and House become friends again. Read and Review.

Time Stamp: Posted December 26, 2008.

2: Gamble (#298)

"Caa, ooh, caa, ooh, James, I am your father."

"No, you aren't, House."

"Ooh, who is this House?"

"House, is there a reason you called me?"

"Yes!"

"Can you stop with the annoying voice?"

"You're using your Bluetooth, aren't you?"

"Why?"

"Because, I could help you win."

"I'm not going to cheat at a hospital fundraiser, House."

"Why not? You did last time."

"Last time was a fluke in my judgment."

"Then fluke again! Come on, we have the perfect set-up. Bluetooths, drunken Cuddy, me behind a one-way mirror right behind your opponents; it's perfect!"

"Wait, you can see us?"

"Yeah. You're scratching your hand nervously right now while unconsciously fixing your hair because you have the idea that someone is watching you."

"…"

"So, you in?"

"What would I have to give you?"

"Half your profits."

"I'm supposed to donate them at the end."

"Hell no! You donate your half. I use my half to buy a new TV."

"Won't they know something is up if I win all the games?"

"They'll only notice if you keep putting your hand to your ear after you finish talking…. Good boy. Now keep your eyes on the cards."

"I feel dirty."

"I'm not whispering sweet nothings or descriptive phone sex terminology. I'm just staring at cards. If it makes you feel better, I will only tell you what you should do."

"It'll still make me feel awkward."

"I should have just called Cuddy. At least she would have the balls to keep going."

"I'm going to keep going!"

"Then focus, and raise. Cuddy is bluffing. Chase is pretty stacked, but not high enough to feel all mighty. Can't see Cameron's cards though, or Taub's. Kutner has a stupid grin on. He has good cards. Still, raise."

"I raise."

"I know that."

"I was telling the people at the table."

"Gotcha."

"Cuddy's folding."

"Yeah, she's a wimp. Can't take the heat."

"Cameron stays in."

"I can see the table, Wilson."

"Think of this as my narration."

"I'd rather think of it as nonexistent. People will know something's up if you keep narrating. You're not me. You can't pull that off."

"I can pull this earpiece off."

"That only really affects you. I'll just call someone else then."

"Okay, another round. What do I do, House?"

"Call. Kutner is still looking too stupid to back down. Raising would just be stupid."

"There."

"Good. Okay, next turn go all in."

"Why would I go all in?"

"It'll be worth it, I promise you. Your cards don't suck, right?"

"Second highest hand in the game."

"Good, good, good. Go all in. You'll beat Chase for sure then."

"Just let it get around to me again."

"Okay, I'll wait as patiently as a House man can."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Is it your turn yet?"

"You can see the board, House. Is it?"

"No."

"Then why ask me?"

"Silence is awkward."

"Since when have you minded awkward? You thrive on awkwardness."

"I thrive on other people's awkwardness. You should know this by now."

"Sorry, I forgot my list of things about House in my other pants."

"Are those the pants you gave to Amber, or the ones Julie stole a few years back?"

"I wear the pants in my relationships, House."

"Of course you do. Okay, go all in!"

"I'll go mostly in."

"I'll take what I can get. Now, wait for it. Wait for it."

"I don't see anything."

"Because you don't know where to look. I'm watching Cameron."

"Oh, so it's like when she worked for you then."

"Was that a crack at me?"

"Obviously."

"I never stared at Cameron."

"Yes, you did! You openly gaped at her at the fundraiser last year."

"Did you see her dress? You can't blame me. I'm a man. I have needs, Jimmy."

"Can we not talk about your needs please?"

"Why? Is it making you uncomfortable?"

"Yes, it is."

"Aww. Suck it up!"

"Meany."

"Did you just call me a-crap."

"Crap?"

"Crap! Did you see that?"

"See what?"

"…"

"House, see what?"

"She did it. Damn. Pull out now."

"What? Why? I put in all my chips except two, House."

"But, Wilson, she did the thing."

"What thing?"

"The thing with her eyes."

"You were watching her eyes?"

"Yes, let's all focus on that instead of the fact that she has a royal flush."

"She has a royal flush!"

"Shhh! Don't draw attention to yourself."

"She has a royal flush?"

"Either that or the wombat is better in the sack than I guessed."

"…"

"What?"

"Only you would say something like that. I fold."

"I can tell."

"I was telling them!"

"Well, don't. They won't care if they don't get their-"

"Hey! She doesn't have a royal flush!"

"Guess the wombat's good at eye sex then. I always get those signals mixed up."

"She folded, House."

"It's a good thing you didn't go all in then, eh?"

"When this fundraiser is over, I'm going to kill you."

"It's not like it was that much money."

"House, it was five-thousand dollars!"

"Wouldn't be the first time I got that out of you!"

"You are so lucky I am a good man."

"Good men cheat on their wives?"

"Are you trying to make me come after you?"

"I was always a little masochistic. Strap me up to a chair and I'm yours for the taking!"

"Something is seriously wrong with you, House."

"But you love me anyway."

"Yeah, I do."

"You do?"

"…"

"Wilson?"

"…"

"What kind of love?"

"I don't want to talk about this right now, House."

"It better not be Chase-hair gel type love!"

"Would you be mad if it was?"

"…. Oh, wait, I get it. You're joking with me. Good one, Wilson…. Wilson? Wilson? Whoa, where'd you go? When'd you leave the table? Wilson? James? Jimmy? Okay, two people can play this game…. Hello? Cameron? Hey, want to win the next hand?"

F I N

R & R

© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, Paint Me a Symphony). If somebody is out there pushing this as their own, they are lying. I may not own House M.D, or its characters, but I do own this.