Change
By GoldenLyre
Summary: What the hell was Chuck Bass thinking? Mild season 1 finale spoilers, CB.
A/n: Well, he's Chuck Bass.
"After this summer, you'll come back a changed man. Trust me."
My father's low voice rumbled by my ear as I stared at the coffee table, my mind suddenly feeling stifled and entangled. Change… into what, exactly?! Into Bart? His hand on my shoulder that made me feel extremely accomplished only a moment ago instantly morphed into an anchor… a ball and chain. What would Bart expect of me now, just because I made the choice to be with Blair?
A whisper of a smile passed my lips as her smug, smiling face crossed my mind. I had fought long and hard for her and the euphoria of victory was tinged with something else. A little addition I admittedly am still highly reluctant to admit to myself; even if I did blurt it out all too easily to Nathaniel at the wedding yesterday.
I, Chuck Bass, am in love with the fallen virgin queen Blair Waldorf.
It is something that I intend to keep from her until I can decide between becoming the man I know she undoubtedly deserves… or to keep being the deviant Chuck Bass that she knows and I'm sure has an extent of affection for. Quite frankly, the very idea of changing for anyone, much less over a woman… even if that woman is the exquisite little brunette goddess named Blair Waldorf… is absolutely unthinkable. It makes my stomach churn very uncomfortably and that cannot possibly be good for me.
And then, I hear Lily come through the door. I look up and see that she wasn't alone. A petite little blonde creature in blue silk was by her side with a clipboard in hand. Her huge blue doe-eyes catch mine and I feel a smirk automatically engrave itself into my expression. It felt good, knowing that I could still feel like a predator. The same old urges stir in me as I watch her; she was trying to keep herself in Bart and Lily's conversation… and her eyes off me. Amelia, I hear Lily refer to her as. I inhaled slightly. I always did like silk on my women.
The phone vibrating in my pocket surprised me slightly out of my reverie. I fished it out and glanced at the screen. "Can't wait to see u. xo B", read the screen, seemingly harmlessly. A million thoughts hit me at once. I glance up at Amelia again, only to see her smile embarrassedly at being caught before looking away again. It seems as if the choice had presented itself before me now. I could be Chuck Bass, and very easily seduce the sweet, oblivious little Amelia before me and then, I wouldn't have to change. Blair would know that because she knows me. She knows me.
Then again… it would destroy everything I've worked for. All the blackmail and drama I've initiated to get Blair to be with me would all be for nothing. The work I've put into Victrola to earn some of Bart's regard would shatter and I'd return to being the same disappointment to him I've always been. God dammit, this was a lot more difficult than I had anticipated. Why couldn't I have both?! I shut my eyes for a minute, and I saw my answer in the blackness of my eyelids.
I saw Blair, her lips parted and her brown eyes hidden beneath porcelain lids, her unfairly long dark lashes creating enticing little shadows on her cheeks. It was the night of our plotting against that psycho-bitch Whoregina. She had fallen asleep and somehow, her head had nodded off and comfortably planted itself on my lap. In her unconscious state, she was completely unaware that I could not hold myself back from running my hand over her ridiculously soft chocolate head of hair. I bit my lip that night to hold back the confession I knew would spew forth and sleep or not, there was no way in hell that Blair would hear it. Not yet, not now. I knew her, and the pain I've caused her is still freshly ingrained in her. She would lash out and hurt me in return. Ah, the games we play. We are, after all, Blair and Chuck. It's just what we do.
I had rearranged her body to lay across her bed, trying desperately to not pay attention to how comfortable I was with not wanting to wake her up and screw her senseless. The tenderness was highly unexpected but not necessarily unwanted. Blair deserved a prince and as far as I was from her ideal, I can only offer her the best man I can be, the closest to what she deserves. That was my last thought as I glanced at her, curled up against my suit jacket that I had placed atop her sheets earlier. I lay next to her, my arm around her tiny waist, my heavy eyelids drooped and I drifted off to sleep with her.
I returned to present time, and I looked back down at my phone, her words jumping off the screen and into the black hole where I believed my heart to have been. Trust Blair to have stolen it and never returned it. I typed in a brief reply and sent it off. I look up in Amelia's direction again only to see that Bart and Lily were getting ready to leave. I looked to my bed where my luggage lay open, ready to be zipped up and for a bellboy to pick them up. It seems that my choice, against my better judgement and with a bittersweet farewell, has been made. I walked over to the hotel phone by my bed and called the front desk.
"Send a bellboy up please. Thank you."
Amelia appeared to be looking at me with a look I have seen numerous times before; a usually heady mix of lust and expectance. For the first time in the history of Chuck Bass, I was not going to take that very obvious opportunity. I took out my phone from my pocket again, and I called Blair.
It rang twice before I heard her voice. "I'm waiting, Bass." I grinned. With just the sound of her voice I was sure of three things: she had achieved the one thing I never expected anyone to be able to, which is to tame me. I was whipped, and I knew it. Second, it feels unexpectedly euphoric to know that. And third, Bart was right. I was most probably going to return in the fall a changed man.
Hearing Blair rant over the phone ensured me that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't such a bad thing. That was my last thought as I walked out the door, past a surprised Amelia, into the elevator.
End.