Chapter 5
Why had she been so stupid? Why had she done the one thing she had vowed never to do and become one more notch on the bedpost of the serial womaniser James Sirius Potter? So they had been in a dangerous situation, she had been scared out of her wits, terrified of what she had seen, terrified of what might happen to them and she had needed comfort, but why had she sought out sexual comfort instead of a friend? Why had she allowed herself to kiss and encourage the dark haired young boy who she had told herself a long time ago that she would never relent to? She had always found Potter attractive and in his early days at the ministry she had fancied him for a while but once his reputation had spread she had become guarded against him and made it perfectly clear that no matter how hard he tried she would not go out with him, she did not want to be used and discarded by the man and now she had finally allowed herself to be.
She kicked the bed in frustration and sat down on the end of it, her mind cast back to the tent, she remembered the fear, she remembered the feel of his hold on her, the comfort he was offering, the new side that she saw to him in his determination to play the hero and keep her safe. She had been swept up in the heroism, in his gallantry when they had escaped from the manor and her heart had gone against her mind when she had kissed him. She was even angrier at herself for initiating the situation, she might have made peace with herself if she had given in to him in fear if he had attempted to kiss her but she had sought out his lips, she had wanted the comfort and she had desperately needed to be close to him, as close as two human beings could be.
James Potter would not turn a woman down she knew that and when she had given it to him on a plate he had taken it, true he had made it clear that he did not want to take advantage of her vulnerability and she had assured him that he wasn't, he had also been hesitant at many points, more hesitant than she thought he would be but she did not blame him for doing it in the end, he was a man. She was angry at herself and only herself, she had been stupid and needed to be punished, that was why she had taken responsibility for the mission going awry. In Abery's office she had told them that she had followed James against his orders and jeopardised their safety and she was happy to take the penalty dished out to her to punish herself for giving herself to him.
Annemarie laid back on her bed and allowed her thoughts to travel to the actual act of sex that they had shared in the tent, what annoyed her the most was that she had taken so much pleasure in it too, as mush as she had always imagined she would if she gave into the strong, toned body of James Potter. She had been utterly amazed that he had taken time to pleasure her instead of running headlong into his own satisfaction and she smiled wryly as she remembered his deft fingers sliding against her and bringing her to utmost pleasure, "Argh," she screamed in frustration thrusting a pillow over her face. Why? She was so stupid. When he had finished and they had laid clinging to each other still trembling and listening out for any movement around the tent. That was when realisation had started to dawn on her, she had given herself to the womanising James, and at that pint she had wanted to run as far away as possible but she knew she was trapped inside the ever smaller tent with him until back up arrived. She had grabbed the opportunity to dress quickly and sit up when he had gone to check the perimeter of their enchantments again, sitting up and staring at the candle had somehow stopped her from screaming out loud at her actions. When he had returned and placed a comforting arm around her she had neither welcomed or shrugged it but had remained stony faced staring at the light and berating herself for her stupidity.
When Abery had said she would be suspended for a month Annemarie had been quite relieved knowing that she would not need to face James until at least then although she still did not know how she would act around him now that they had shared the primal act she had vowed never to share with him. Flinging her body back on the bed she covered her face with her hands and tried, without success, to erase the memory of James Potter's muscular lean body from her head. However it was too late now, she had experienced what she truly wanted and had allowed herself to start falling for the one person who would never tie himself down to one girl.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Whole auror team debriefing meeting, 9am tomorrow morning in Room C all staff to attend.
The memo arrived at his flat on Thursday evening by Ministry owl, James read it and then cast it aside realising he would need to go in before his official leave was over. It sounded as if something had happened as it was a debriefing meeting which did not usually take place until after a mission was complete and if it involved the whole team it probably meant that they had either successfully captured MacNair or the threat had been alleviated somehow.
He had not been out of the flat in three days since his return from the mission, he still felt guilty about how it had turned out and he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Annemarie and what had happened to her now. He had tried to find out where she lived so he could go and see her but no one would tell her and so he had sat guiltily in his living room playing the whole mission over and over again. He had actually enjoyed the month in which he Zabini and Annemarie had lived in such close quarters, though they were on a dangerous and important assignment they had had fleeting chance to just sit and talk, laugh and joke with each other and Annemarie had wasted no time in berating James in front of Zabini for his womanising ways.
Sitting there and thinking about it he realised that he missed that fun and closeness already and he knew that now they had slept together their relationship would have changed just like he feared it might and they would no longer engage in the usual witty banter about how he could never get Annemarie. She had given herself to him when she was vulnerable and though she had tried to assure him that he was not taking advantage he suddenly realised that he had done exactly that and had jeopardised their friendship completely. James had known all along that she did not want to become another one of his conquests but instead of reminding her of that he had gone ahead and slept with her to comfort her and probably himself instead of thinking about what she really wanted. He suddenly punched the wall in frustration and found himself hoping she would have to be at the debriefing meeting the following day, even during her suspension, as she had been part of the whole mission and he made the decision there and then that he would have to talk to her. He would have to make her realise that he did not want to think of her as one of his conquests but as one of his friends who he would miss dearly if they could not go back to the relationship they had had before they slept together.
"Still lounging around here?" asked a voice from the kitchen doorway, "I thought you'd at least be out at the Cauldron trying to pick up another girl, I mean it must have been over a month since you had a good shag James!" laughed Gloria who was spending the night at their flat again. "Or did you finally manage to get Annemarie into the sack while you were out there alone?" she goaded knowing how adamant the ministry worker was about not sleeping with her boyfriend's best mate.
"Shut it Glors," he shouted quite rudely and she turned around in a huff walking back into the kitchen and realising that something was strangely different about the Potter boy she thought she knew quite well.
"What's got up his nose?" she asked Salamander who was cooking in the kitchen.
"I think it was just the assignment, it was his first real one and it went a bit awry from what he's been allowed to tell me, he's touchy that's all, give him a few days and he'll be back to his usual annoying self!" he replied.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next morning James arrived in the auror office at eight o clock and was initially shocked not to see Annemarie at her desk making fun of him for being so early but then he remembered why she was not there and he felt instantly guilty again. He sidled past the reception desk and headed for his office without speaking to anyone and closed the door behind him so he could enjoy a little peace and quiet before attending the debriefing. He had taken Gloria's word and visited the Leaky Cauldron late the previous night, sitting alone at the bar nursing a fat tumbler which the barman, Tom, kept refilling with red firewhiskey. He had felt different about being there, some of his drinking pals were around and they had bantered with each other about the girls in the bar but for the first time in ages he had not taken one of them home with him. A young redhead had started chatting to him after a while and he had laughed politely at her jokes as she looked at him through fluttering eyelashes but when she had moved to kiss him he had pushed her away, the kiss had not felt right, he had not enjoyed it and he did not understand why. The poor girl had been quite affronted by his refusal and she had thrown her drink at him before flouncing out of the bar with her friends, his buddies had wasted little time in making fun of him but James had simply ignored them and turned back to his tumbler of liquid which he had drained before walking to the fireplace and flooing back to the flat.
He sat in his office for another half an hour playing the same thing over and over in his head that he had done all night while trying but failing miserable to fall asleep, why was he feeling so melancholy? Was it because of the mission? Did he feel guilty about sleeping with Annemarie and about letting her take the blame for what had happened to them? Or was it something else? He felt lost and confused and could not work out why.
When the clock on the wall showed quarter to nine he headed down to meeting room C hoping to see and talk to Annemarie, he was missing her witty conversation even though it had only been a few days since he had seen her, why had he never realised before what a good and fun friend she had been? The room was overcrowded as the whole team were there, the new recruits had even been invited to attend and James nodded at his sister's boyfriend who looked much more relaxed than he had the last time he had seen him here on his very first day. He was sat with an olive skinned boy who he assumed was another of the foreign wizards which the department took on each year to encourage inter-country auror cooperation, Raulph waved back at James as he sat down on the other side of the room with a couple of other junior aurors. Most of the administration staff who had been involved in the assignments were sat together at the back of the room and James craned his neck to try and spot Annemarie but she was not there and his heart fell a little as he realised he would still be unable to talk to her.
"Good morning team," Simon Abery said as he entered the room and the hushed conversations fell quiet as they waited to hear what had happened. "I am pleased to say that the mission has been successful, Michael MacNair was captured and taken to Azkaban in the early hours of yesterday morning by Dawson and his team," Abery then pointed in the direction of a weary but triumphant looking group of five aurors sitting near the front of the room. "When they left Malfoy manor, the group which consisted of the young Malfoy, Scorpius, and a few of his own friends tried to hide out in the old Lestrange mansion which has been abandoned for over thirty years. Dawson was stationed on the outskirts of the house and managed to alert us all to their presence early on Wednesday morning and we called in all the aurors still out on assignment to bring down the group and arrest them all. They put up little resistance as they were outnumbered considerably and we feel that the threat to Britain is now under control. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for Russia and we will be liaising with the auror department in their Ministry in the hopes that we can aid their cause to bring down the High Lord before he gains too much power or support. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for the hard work that you put into your individual assignments, I have read the debriefing notes from all ended missions and realise that we have some commendable junior aurors in our midst," he said glancing over at James who had always been a bit of a favourite to him being the son of Harry Potter who he had worked very closely with at one time and who's wife and family had saved his life many years ago. James looked shamefully at his feet and was relieved that Abery did not mention him by name. "Now, the situation has been resolved much quicker than we anticipated and this is only due to the vigilant and hard working teams before us today and not only would I like to offer them thanks for working together so well and so successfully I would also like to thank them for allowing me to reinstate my retirement and reorganise the party that I am sure you all deserve now that the hard work is over for a while!" he laughed and the team made wolf whistles and cat calls at their boss for a few moments before allowing him to continue.
"I was due to retire at the end of last month but now that this is all tied up I will complete the necessary paperwork and make way for Beerney to take over my position from a week on Monday, which means the party will take place next Friday night when I assure you I will be making the most of the chance to let my hair down and celebrate!" he chuckled and the cat calls and whistles began again in earnest as people began to move around the room, congratulating each other on the successful mission and eventually leaving in dribs and drabs to head back to their offices or to start post mission statutory leave.
James hung around in the room until it was almost empty before approaching Simon and Terence who were collecting piles of paperwork from the table at the front. "Ahh, James," Simon said when he saw the young auror lurking in the room, "a commendable mission son and a chance to show that you have what your father had in him," he continued shaking the boy's hand.
"You should be proud James," Terence Beerney added scooping up the remaining pieces of parchment from the desk.
"I...I...thank you," he replied. "Mr Beerney I was just wondering about...about Annemarie," he went on and then added, "Miss Watson our administrative assistant in Blaise's team."
"Ah, yes, the young girl who went against your orders," he said sternly turning to look at Abery who returned an equally severe look.
"She wasn't at the debriefing, I thought that...that all members, not in St Mungo's of course," he added realising that his own senior auror was not present due to the injuries he had sustained in the assignment, "I thought she would have to attend today," he concluded.
"She is suspended James and not allowed to attend any meetings or set foot in the department until the end of her month's punishment," Beerney replied, "surely you knew that?" he asked looking curiously at James.
"Yes, of course sir, I just...I forgot," he tried to smile, "I just needed to speak with her that's all."
"Now be careful James, don't go trying to cover up for her, she went against your orders and seriously jeopardised your mission and indeed your lives, you are both lucky that the outcome was not more serious, she will be sent a copy of the meeting transcript and will be able to discuss any other concerns on her return to work in three more weeks. Do not worry yourself about it James, you did what you needed to do and the foolish girl will not be taken on any more missions as she committed a serious breech of Ministry protocol. Come along now, you are still on official leave and may go home now that the meeting is over!" he finished as he nodded back at his predecessor and left the room with the enormous pile of parchments.
"James, is everything alright?" Abery asked when they were alone, "You seem out of sorts."
"What? Oh...oh no everything is fine, sir," he replied coming to his senses and opening the door for him to pass through.
"I take it you will be at the party next Friday?" Abery asked smiling at him, "Your parents too I hope? And your uncle of course," he added and James nodded absentmindedly, "no doubt he will bring along some stunning young lady who we will never meet again as is customary for your Uncle Charlie!" he joked and James laughed along half-heartedly.
"That is what we are used to," he replied.
"What about you young man?" he asked, "Will you be attending with a beauty on your arm? I imagine you have little trouble finding someone to date, unlike us older men," he chuckled, "a young, fit, junior auror should have no trouble finding a partner for the party I am sure."
"No...no sir," he coughed realising that he had actually given it very little thought even before it was postponed for the assignment, he had assumed that he would find someone who would be happy to attend an important ministry party, a pretty girl who he could take back to the flat afterwards and shag until the early hours but after everything that had happened he realised that he did not feel like taking any one anymore. He felt after the ordeal that it was not important whether he attended or not and realised that the career he had chosen was suddenly having a rather profound affect on his life. Things seemed so less important now and he realised that he needed to talk to his father and find out if he had gone through the same thing after a dangerous mission, did it affect everyone in the same way or was there something else making him feel this way?