Chapter 6
"Home alone again James?" Salamander joked when they stumbled through the flat door in the early hours of Wednesday morning, they had spent a few hours in the Leaky Cauldron again as Wednesday was Sal's day off and Gloria was on a night shift at work. They often took to the bar on Tuesday nights and had a bit of a boys night which usually ended in Sal returning to an empty bed and listening to the squeals and giggles of James' latest pull who he would have spent the last couple of hours chatting up. In truth Salamander had missed their boy's nights over the last month while James had been working away and he had been looking forward to catching up with his best friend over a few pints of ale and shots of firewhiskey. However the night had been very different to how they had usually been, James had seemed distant and quiet like he had something on his mind and his best friend was worrying that his first real mission had affected him in some way. "What happened mate did the mission burn you out?" he asked half joking and half serious as James dropped himself onto the couch in their living room.
"I don't know, I just haven't felt myself since I came home," he replied unfastening his heavy boots and pulling them off, Salamander dropped into a chair beside him determined to try and find out what was wrong with his friend.
"You think?" Salamander laughed smiling at his buddy who tried to smile back, "What happened to the ladies man?" he went on, "That blonde was stunning and you practically pushed her away!"
"I know," James said thinking back to the short, pretty blonde who had bought him a drink and then tried to chat away the evening with him. Usually James would have found her irresistible and the fact that she had approached him usually meant that he would no doubt get laid before the night was through but he found that he wasn't interested in her at all. She had talked seductively and batted her eyelids at him flirtatiously but he had been more annoyed by her than turned on and he had eventually made up some tale about needing to cheer up his buddy so he could get away from her and talk to Sal instead. It had seemed so strange to him, normally what they talked about was neither here nor there, James was more interested in getting into their clothes and would listen to anything they had to say while undressing them in his mind and nodding along so that they thought he was more interested in their personality that he really was. That was twice though now, twice when he had blown out a hot girl because he didn't want to take them home for a quick shag and have to find a way to get rid of them the following morning and he couldn't explain why. "I don't know what's gotten into me," he went on when he saw the concerned look on his flatmates face, "I just found her annoying and I wanted to get away from her rather than bring her back here, somehow she didn't seem worthy enough."
"Whoa," Salamander gagged as his eye almost popped from his head, "a hot girl not worthy for James Potter? Who are you and what have you done with my friend?"
"I know," James began to laugh, "she was talking to me and all I could think was, my god have you got cotton wool between your ears? She was so annoyingly boring and that was all I could focus on, usually I just listen to them and try to picture what's underneath the clothes but tonight I just didn't want to know!"
"James, are you growing up?"
"I don't know," he laughed, "maybe! But I'm not sure that I like it!"
"So who are you going to take to this party at the weekend?"
"Sal, I haven't got a clue, before the mission I just thought I'd find some girl at the bar but after that one tonight I think I'd rather go alone, even the thought of a good shag at the end of the night was not enough to help me put up with her conversation!"
"Merlin James, it's that serious?" he joked and he received a cushion in the face as his flatmate stood up and headed into his own bedroom alone again.
James tossed and turned for a couple of hours before he fell asleep, why had he been so put off by the attractive girl at the bar? She had been his usual type, long blonde hair, blue eyes, large breasts and a cheeky smile, the kind of girl who was easy to brush off the next morning and who had a trim enough body to keep his interest while she was naked in his bed. So why had he not even wanted to entertain the thought of bringing her back to his bed? What had it been that had made him notice how annoying she was rather than how attractive she was?
He found himself mulling over the question for a long time before he succumbed to sleep and it was late the following morning when he woke to a quiet flat, Salamander was spending the day with Gloria and he had the whole place to himself. He thought back again on the previous evening and realised that he would normally be finding a way to get rid of a girl by now and he had to admit that he did not miss that part of his womanising ways either. It had now been over a week since his last shag and usually when he had gone that long he would be moaning about it to his friends, but he thought back to the experience and instead of missing the sex he found himself replaying the sensual and slow experience he had shared with Annemarie over in his head and he then realised that he felt low again. Why did remembering that night make him feel so sad? It had been a magical experience something he had not had before and something he hoped to recreate again if he ever managed to find a girl worthy to share it with him.
Annemarie, he still hadn't seen her since the morning the aurors had rescued them and he still felt guilty that she had taken the blame for the botch up that they had both made. He wished he could find a way to talk to her because he also again found himself missing their relationship with each other and he feared that the longer it was before they saw one another the harder it would be to go back to how they had been. He still felt guilty that he had allowed the sex to happen and he knew he had to apologise for that as much as he needed to apologise for the way the mission had turned out, he only hoped that she would be at the party on Friday so he could find an opportunity to say that he was sorry.
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Checking her hair in the mirror one last time Annemarie sighed as she opened the door and smiled at her date, unable to bear going alone to the party that she didn't really want to attend anyway she had asked her ex boyfriend, Ryan, to go with her. As soon as she opened the door and saw him in his best robes with an armful of flowers she knew it had been another mistake, he had been trying to win her back for the last six months since they had split up and Annemarie could tell by the smile on his face that he thought that is what she wanted too. Smiling and taking the flowers from him gratefully she let him kiss her on the cheek and then went to put them in a vase before allowing him to escort her by the arm into the fireplace where they flooed to the Ministry one behind the other.
She stepped out after Ryan who was waiting with his hand outstretched for her, she took it and allowed him to steer her in the direction of the banqueting hall where the retirement dinner was due to take place. The room was packed with people from the department and from the ministry and Annemarie was hoping to slip into obscurity between them and not be approached by anyone that she had to work with, especially not James who she was dreading having to speak to. She was sure by now that he would have bragged about her being another of his conquests and after all the time she had spent saying that she would not become one she knew he would enjoy letting the department know that she had been wrong. Her biggest fear for the whole evening was coming face to face with the first person who had heard about her stupidity and she just hoped it was not one of the girls who she had spent the last three years warding away from him.
Ryan had found their table and she slunk away to see who they were sitting with, she was happy to see that it was a few other administrative colleagues who she knew well although she was not looking forward to their taunts about James. The first few girls approached the table and she hung her head in embarrassment but they simply sat down beside her and said how much they had missed her at work and how sorry they were that she would not be back for a few more weeks. There was no mention of James, no awkward glances or knowing looks and within half an hour she was feeling comfortable enough that the gossip had not spread that far and she was able to enjoy at least some of the evening before the inevitable happened.
For James the night had been fun even though he was dateless and so far he was actually enjoying not having to conduct meaningless conversation with someone, he had sat with his sister and Raulph, his parents and his Uncle Charlie who as predicted had brought a new dark haired beauty along with him. They had talked about the mission and James' commendation which Abery had immediately told Harry and the rest of the family about much to his embarrassment, the only down side so far to the evening was that he had not seen Annemarie and he was starting to worry that she had decided not to attend the party at all. James was still acutely aware that she had taken the blame for the assignment going awry and that she had given herself to him through fear and vulnerability, her lack of communication had now led him to think that she was deeply ashamed of her actions and he thought she would assume he had bragged about what they did with the rest of the department however he was sincerely hoping that this was not true. He was strangely desperate not to lose her friendship and was hoping that tonight would give them ample opportunity to discuss the fact that he would not tell anyone about what had happened between them.
It was after the speeches when he finally saw her she was at the other side of the room and dressed in a long black gown which had a cowl neck and a low waist, her dark hair was pulled back off her cherub face and twisted into a high knot which made her appear older and sophisticated, his breath actually caught in his mouth when he saw her and as he watched a tall blonde haired man slip a hand around her waist lovingly all the pieces of the puzzle fell firmly into place. At the sight of the man in dark blue dress robes he felt his blood begin to bubble, his stomach tied itself into a knot and he felt hot around his neck and ears. He realised then and there that he did not miss Annemarie's friendship, he simply missed Annemarie, the reason he had not found the girls in the bar worthy was because they were not her, they were not witty conversationalists or friendly people, they were just girls after one thing, the one thing that James was usually prepared to give them quite happily but the one thing he now knew he wanted to share with only one other person in the world. All that time he had been thinking about the magical experience they had shared he had not been pining for the experience he had been pining for the girl he had shared it with, the tall attractive girl who he had always considered a friend and who he was at that moment wanting to consider a girlfriend.
She looked unhappy, she looked like she didn't want to be there and even stranger she looked like she didn't want to be with the man who was stroking her neck and beaming as if he was the happiest person in the world. James suddenly felt for her, another emotion he was not used to and he found that he wanted to tear across the room in giant strides and kiss her there and then in front of everyone without caring what they thought at all. It was at that moment that he caught her eye and after a quick glance she turned away and excused herself from the small party of people she was talking to and he watched her almost flee from the room. Why had she done that? Was she so embarrassed about sleeping with him? Or was she afraid that he had told everyone what they had done?
"James my boy," said a voice and he was brought back to reality as he turned to face Abery who had come over to talk to his father.
"Sir," he said nodding his head respectfully.
"James, I think you can call me Simon from now on, as of tonight I am no longer your boss! My retirement has finally come," he laughed turning to wink at his father. "You should be proud of your son Harry, he behaved admirably during his assignment when the young administrative assistant failed to follow his orders," James immediately looked guilty but no one noticed, "he kept her safe at all costs and managed to ensure that they were not found, he is a credit to you!" Abery went on still ignoring James' guilty look, "So James, where is the presumably stunning girl who has accompanied you tonight?"
"He has come alone Simon," his Uncle Charlie replied for him, "we are all a little bit worried about him in fact, I did try to bring someone along for him when I heard he was going stag but he politely refused, I don't know what is wrong with the boy!" he joked elbowing his nephew in the ribs.
"Well sometimes a young man just needs a break Charlie, we can not all be like you with a fresh girl every night, although my sources do tell me James that you are more like your Uncle Charlie in that department, but still a night away from the ladies is no sin!" he chuckled rolling his eyes and turning back to talk to Harry and Ginny.
"Excuse me Mum, Dad," James said politely before Abery began a new topic of conversation and he set off in the direction he had just seen Annemarie disappear. She had headed to the corridor outside and alone and he was desperate to talk to her, he could not believe just how much he had missed her in the last two weeks and all he could now think about was kissing the attractive dark haired girl away from any prying eyes. Closing the banqueting hall door behind him to block all the noise he looked around the deserted quiet corridor, he could see no one and started to worry that Annemarie may have returned to the party while he was talking to Abery. After a few minutes checking all the corridors which led off the main one he turned to go back to the gathering feeling a little deflated. His breath then caught in his throat again when he saw her further down the corridor hurrying back to the banqueting hall, her heels click clacked on the marble floor as she walked but he called out her name and she froze. James hurried to catch up with her but she did not turn to face him when he reached her, "Annemarie," he whispered and he saw her shudder a little at his voice.
"James," she said turning to face him and taking a deep breath, "how are you?"
"I'm...I'm good," he replied suddenly feeling a bit tongue tied and not sure of what to say to her, "I...I missed you," he said honestly and her eyes widened in shock. He suddenly noticed how deep and beautiful they were and an overwhelming urge to kiss her overcame him and he had to hold back the urge as she looked strangely terrified to be standing there alone with him. "Are you alright Annemarie?"
"What? Yes...I mean no...I..." she stuttered, she was still extremely angry with herself and was for some reason unable to put words together now that she was standing alone with James. She was so used to being sarcastic and witty with him and she did not know how to talk to him now that she had done the one thing she had promised herself never to do with him. "Sorry James, I... I have to get back inside," she added turning back in the direction of the hall.
"Wait," he said grabbing hold of her bare arm and she gasped at his touch, "sorry," he whispered releasing her, "I wanted to talk to you about...about what happened."
"It was a moment of weakness James, I'm sorry, I was afraid and...and I wish it had never happened so-"
"I don't," he interrupted quietly.
"Of course you don't James, you'd been wanting it since you started working here, you made it clear almost every damn day," she said angrily, "and I was weak and scared and gave in to you, I shouldn't have done that James, I told you that I didn't want to be another notch on the bedpost," she went on glaring madly at him, "and now I am."
"No that's not what I meant...I...I know that you didn't want that and...and I don't want you to be either," he went on taking hold of her hand.
"What?" she asked drawing a breath and looking up at him curiously as her other hand came to rest at her throat.
"I don't want you to be another notch either, I...I want you to be the only notch," he smiled sheepishly and she continued to stare at him in disbelief, "ever since that night all I've been able to think about is what a wonderful and magical experience it was with you, no one else compared and I haven't been with anyone else since then."
"You...haven't..." she stuttered as he took her other hand in his and turned her to face him completely.
"I thought I missed our friendship and our way with each other but when I saw you tonight with someone else, I felt jealous, for the first time in my life I envied another man for what he had, because he had you." James went on, "I know we were in a desperate situation and you were scared but please tell me you didn't give in for that reason only, because I don't think that's why I made love to you."
"Why you what?" she whispered breathlessly, had he just said those words?
"Why I made love to you Annemarie, what happened that night was completely different to any other sexual experience I have ever had, it was always about the sex before but at the manor it wasn't, part of it may have been about comforting you or...or...I don't know but it was different, I wasn't interested in pleasing myself I wanted to do it for you and that is something that has never happened to me before. I know I have a reputation but since we were together I don't want to be like I was anymore, I haven't told anyone about that night, not even Sal and-"
"Nobody?" Annemarie whispered suddenly realising why she had not received any knowing looks or sly glances at the party.
"No," he shook his head, "I didn't want to, I didn't want to brag about it or tell the world that I had slept with you I just wanted to remember it." He looked down at their hands then which were still joined, "I know this doesn't sound like me Annemarie but it's true, I've never felt like this before and it scares me as much as it excites me but I needed you to know how I felt and...and," he looked up into her deep dark eyes then and lost all the words that he had, hoping beyond hope that she would not push him away he leaned in to kiss her slowly and sensuously on her dark red lips which were partly open as if awaiting his touch. He kissed her longingly and she responded to it making his heart leap into his stomach at the thought she might be feeling the same way, her tongue was the first to take the kiss further and as he responded to it he felt her hands unravel from his own and slide up to his shoulders, he moved his own along her slender waist and settled them behind her back where he could pull her closer to him and intensify their kiss even more. It was a while before their lips parted and he opened his eyes to look into her smiling face, she was chuckling to herself and he looked quizzically at her.
"James, you're trembling," she said quietly and he realised then that his body was shaking all over.
"I'm terrified," he whispered putting his head against hers.
"Of what?" she asked pulling him with her as she backed into a deep doorway near where they were.
"Of what I'm feeling," he replied huskily, "I've never had feelings like this for anyone," he continued still shaking but holding her tightly in his arms.
"And you think I'm not scared?" she asked.
"Of me?"
"Of James Sirius Potter, the serial womaniser who says he has some sort of crush on me," she whispered.
"It's not a crush," he replied in a hushed voice, "I'm not sure what it is but I know I want to be with you, please don't be afraid that I'll find an excuse tomorrow or next week, I'm terrified of what I feel but I swear I want nothing more than to feel it." Then he leaned back in to kiss her as she began to fumble with the heavy oak door behind her, when the door opened she fell with it and away from him so she grabbed hold of his tie both to steady herself and to pull him with her into the room.
It was dark inside but James could tell they were in one of the head of department's offices, the walls were clad in oak slats and he could just make out a huge mahogany fireplace which had a variety of wing backed chintz arm chairs facing it. These were the old fashioned offices where many meetings used to take place over a bottle of firewhiskey and a few cigars, where the departmental heads would sit comfortably and discuss what they wanted to do in front of a glowing fire in a place that was more of a living room than an office. The rooms themselves were still used by some of the more important ministerial staff but were now equipped with more suitable office furniture though the old furniture also remained. In front of the enormous fireplace was a large soft rug and Annemarie backed away from James to sit down on it, in the dark he could barely see and he whispered, "Where did you go?"
"Follow my voice," she replied and he manoeuvred his way around the chairs to find her laid out on the rug looking up at him, "come down here," she added and he sat beside her on the rug. "Incendio," she whispered pointing her wand at the fireplace and an enormous glowing fire erupted in the grate, her wand dropped on the floor and her hand came to rest on his shoulder, "you're still trembling James," she whispered softly stroking his shoulder and pulling gently on it so he laid down next to her and placed one hand on her waist she lifted up the hand in her own and kissed his fingers tenderly, "why are you so scared?"
"Because I don't want to get it wrong," he replied.
"Er James I don't think you can get it wrong, you've had plenty of practise mate and you definitely weren't wrong the last time," she said blushing bright red.
"That's not what I meant," he replied smiling down at her, "I mean I don't want to get it wrong with you."
"James," she said, "if you mean everything that you've said tonight then you won't."
"Of course I mean it," he protested, "I can't believe how I feel about you," he went on, "I-" he was cut short as she tugged on his tie again and pulled him down on top of her so their lips hit each other and they began to kiss passionately while Annemarie's hands started to explore James' body, she slid them into his shirt and gently scratched his chest and he growled softly, one of his hands was propping him up and the other stayed on her waist but when she took at and moved it to her breast he sat up and said forcefully, "No."
"No?" she repeated sitting up as well.
"I don't mean no," he said in a softer tone, "what I mean is that you were right when you said you don't want to be another notch on my bedpost, I don't want you to just be that either, the girls I take back there are some random ones that I meet in the bar and..." he looked ashamedly down and let her work it out for herself, "I don't want you to go there yet, I want to take you out, properly on a real date, I want you and me to be different."
"You really do know how to turn a girl on," she whispered leaning over to nibble his ear.
"Annemarie, I'm serious," he laughed wanting to give in to her touch, "you will not be just another conquest, I am not taking you back to my bed until I have done this properly, I respect you too much."
"But...we...are...not...in...your...bed," she teased intermittently kissing his neck and sliding her hands back into his shirt, "so I...can't be...a notch...on the post."
James was wavering to her and his desire to have her on the rug in the office was strong but he knew that he must prove to Annemarie and to himself that he was serious about being with her and he lifted his hands up to her face and gazed into her eyes, "Not here," he breathed kissing her softly while still holding her face in his hands. "For once in my life I am going to do this properly," he said, "and I'm going to tell Beerney the truth about the mission too, you shouldn't have to take all the blame when it was also my fault."
"James you can't," she said completely forgetting how much she wanted to make love to him and realising what he was saying, "you'll be fired."
"No, I'll probably be suspended and put on office duty for who knows how long but I can't let you take all the blame either, I've done nothing but feel guilty for the last two weeks about you taking the blame and about me taking advantage of you."
"I told you then that you weren't taking advantage of me."
"I know you did but I still shouldn't have done it although I don't regret it for one moment now that I've realised what being with a woman could be like," he smiled coyly at her, "but I still need to confess the truth about what else happened and you are not going to change my mind," he added seeing she was about to protest again, "and that is an order that you will follow!" This time Annemarie looked demurely back at him and he leaned over to kiss her again losing himself in her soft lips and gentle caress.
"Then I have an order for you," she whispered when they parted, both breathing heavily and feeling flustered.
"Anything," James replied.
"A date tomorrow night at eight, you can pick me up from my place and take me anywhere!" she told him with a twinkle in her eye knowing full well that whatever his protests she intended to spend a complete magical night with James Potter that would end only when the sun came up on them both.
"What about your date tonight?" he asked and her face fell.
"Oh god," she replied, "he's my ex and I made the stupid mistake of bringing him here so I could avoid you," she added wryly, "I think he's hoping that it means we're back together."
"Well then my second order is for you to make sure he knows you are not!" and with that he returned to kissing her for a few moments more before helping her to her feet and walking hand in hand back to the party with the beautiful tall brunette who he had never imagined himself to end up with. They knew they would cause a stir entering together but the night had ended in an almost inexplicable way which neither of them had expected or even knew that they wanted and they would have to face the firing line at work sometime so why not bite the bullet and do it now?