Chapter 3
Dave gave some instructions about caring for the sick animal but seemed reluctant to leave. "I can't leave you alone out here." He said
"Why on earth not?" Stevie had asked him confused. She had been taking care of herself for a long time now, and she wasn't afraid of the dark. She was not afraid of anything, that is what had got her in this trouble in the first place. She turned from him and sat beside the animal on the ground.
Dave stayed glued to the spot. "It's cold" He said finally and took off his jacket placing it around her shoulders. She didn't turn to look up at him. Something in his gesture made her feel uncomfortable although she could not have said what exactly it was. She mumbled her thanks and accepted his jacket, fearing that protesting would only cause him to linger. She was anxious for him to be gone. He would only be in the way really. He wasn't prepared to do what needed to be done. He didn't understand anything. It wasn't about the Alpaca's, although hurting innocent defenceless animals made her mad enough to kill. But there was far more to it than that, far more than she could explain to Dave or to anyone.
She was relieved when she heard his footsteps retreating. He would keep Tess from being suspicious and worrying, and he would be out of her way. He would only stop her if he knew what she was planning. But somehow she looked over her shoulder forlornely and hoped to find him standing there. Suddenly it was colder, darker, lonlier than it had seemed only moments ago. She pulled his jacket close around her inhaling his scent, stroked the alpaca whispering soothing words of comfort, and waited for morning to come as she plotted the details of her plan.
She was so sure it was he who had done this. Every part of her screamed out that it was him. She did not stop to think, to consider another option. He told her, he promised he would go away, out of her life. She laughed bitterly to herself, why had she taken his word that he would just disappear? When had he ever been truthful with her? She had been prepared to forget everything and walk away, if only he had done the same. But he had not. He had come here, hurting innocent animals. Just to send her a message, one she got loud and clear. He was not going anywhere. And he still controlled her.
She would not walk that road again, she simply would not. Something had to be done. He started it, he always did. He started it all those years ago, and he started it by showing up at Drovers Run after all those years. But this time he had pushed her too far. She would fight him. She would kill him rather than live her life controlled by him. She had been so foolish to think he would disappear like he said. He knew she would fall for it. He seemed to know everything she thought before she herself had even though it, and she hated the both of them for that.
She hated what she had done when she'd been with him. She'd always hated that he knew her so well to know exactly how she would react when she herself would not have ever predicted it. She was better off far away from him. Revenge had crossed her mind but truthfully and for the first time in her life she felt she had met her match. She knew in any kind of confrontation with him she would come off the worse for it. The way he got inside her head so completly frightened her, and she had thought it best to forget, to walk away, put it all behind her and not ever get close to him again.
She hated him. She tried to tell herself she hated him. But how could she without hating herself for the things she had done? How could she hate someone that was so far imbedded inside her own mind, who knew her so well, who was so much alike her. No living person had ever known her so well or touched her so deeply. And in spite of everything that was so hard to turn her back on. She was no better than he. And with that revelation came the freedom to act. She would not rest until he had paid, even if it destroyed herself in the process. That no longer mattered. She would not live her life in fear of him. And she so relished that moment of delusion and freedom.
But then she remembered: He knew her weakness. He knew better than to threaten her. He knew that threatening the people she loved was a far better way. Hurting an animal was the least he was capable of, and she knew it. She believed it. Believed that he would not even flinch to poison a person. Someone close to her. She just didn't know what to do about it yet. How to stop him. But she would find a way, and soon. She told herself he must know that, if he tuly knew her so well. Must know how angry she was, how desperatly she would try, that she herself would stop at nothing when something mattered dearly to her. That she would kill him before she let him hurt someone she loved. Because she did care. About other things and other people. He had been wrong when he told her she cared for no one but herself and nothing but her own interests. She told herself he was so very wrong, but could not get those words out of her head.
Sitting here doing nothing was driving her insane. She tried to make the most of it, to use the time to plan something. She had almost given too much away to Dave earlier. She would be more careful. If he knew the truth, if any of them found out....it wasn't just jail that frightened her. It was that look of disappointment and rejection on each and every one of their faces. She could not let them find out the things she had done. Not ever.
She knew that setting a trap to catch him would be fruitless. He might get a fine, a few years in jail at best if she turned him in to the police. What good was that to her? Or to the people she loved? Anyway, it was more likely he would turn her in and she would be the one locked away for years. She deserved it, she finally admitted to herself. She had committed a crime, and no matter what her motives, it was the wrong thing to do. She could and would accept the punishment. But then he would be free to go on hurting people and destroying lives. How could she live with herself if that happened? She had to stay out of jail, long enough to stop him. It wasn't only for her, but those she loved.
Over the years she had been seperated from Rose she wondered many times why she had put herself through that agony. She had not seen her baby since her first birthday, the day she handed the child to Michelle. She had not written, or made any contact. Even then, even way back 12 years ago she felt so strongly that she needed to protect Rose. That he must never find out that he had a daughter. She should have done something then she realised. If she had known enough to keep Rose away she should have known enough to keep herself away.
Still she wondered why it had to be now. Why when her life was finally coming together did he have to show up and remind her of all the past mistakes. Why now did he have to be here? Why when she now knew there was more to life, that she could make a go of things, When she had started to dream about claiming Rose and started to forget him. It seemed so strange and so unfair that he had turned up when he did. She had been kidding herself that her life would ever be ok.