Chapter 8

"Stevie! Stevie! Hey, where are you going? Aren't you listening to me? Stevie!!"

Tess looked at her friend's back as Stevie walked from the main house to the stables, not once turning around. Frustrated and somewhat worried about her strange behaviour Tess briefly contemplated following her, but in the end she decided against it. There were moments when you just had to let Stevie be.

Still, what was it with people these days? Stevie obviously wasn't listening to her, Dave had seemed distracted pretty much all of yesterday evening and this morning, when she'd argued with him, something had been off as well. She couldn't put her finger on it, but somehow he had been different. More distant.

But most probably that was just her imagination talking. It was only natural that an event as big as an upcoming wedding could prove somewhat unsettling to one's emotions. So it really was no wonder if she was a bit hyper-sensitive about everything going on around her. That was just the wedding... Nothing to worry about.

***

Stevie heard Tess yelling in the distance, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to turn around. So yes, Tess was upset about Dave not telling her about the Alpacas. And yes, she probably wanted Stevie to stay and say stuff like "Yes Tess, of course, Tess. You're so right, Tess. He should've told you. Honesty is everything. Yeah, of course this makes you doubt if you can trust him."

But she found she couldn't. She understood exactly why Dave had kept silent and in her opinion it had been the right thing to do. Actually, it had even been her idea in the first place... Still. Tess shouldn't be doubting Dave's loyalty and trustworthiness over such a petty thing, she felt. Yeah, the Alpaca had died. But it was not as if telling her would've changed that, so there really wasn't any point. If she didn't know better, she'd assume Tess was just looking for an excuse to bring up all these complaints. Immediately she felt guilty for that thought.

Tess was a good person and she and Dave really deserved to be happy together. Because they were happy together. She had no right to judge Tess like this. No right at all.

Who was she to accuse Tess of having second thoughts? Of not deserving Dave... She couldn't believe she had really thought that. Because she absolutely wasn't the right one to talk. She was the one who never got her act together. She was the one who always picked the wrong guys. She was the one who was currently trying to cut herself loose from an ex-lover that still seemed to have a firm hold on her even though the physical connection had long ago been severed. It was her, always her, that made the wrong choices. That judged people wrong. That had some sort of secret agenda. Not Tess. Never Tess.

Maybe Dave had been right. Maybe it was jealousy speaking. Maybe she just couldn't deal with the fact that somehow everybody seemed to make it, to get happy. Everyone except for her. Dave had been right to accuse her. She was jealous. Even though she knew they deserved their happiness in a way she never could. They were innocent and far less burnt and stained by the life they'd led. Maybe the reason they got happy was because they deserved it and she didn't. Maybe she even deserved to lead the rest of her life controlled by him.

With everything she had done, everything she had helped them do, how was she any better than him? And there were days when she felt as if she still didn't and probably never would belong with the people she cared about so very much. Because there were things about her they didn't know and that she never wanted them to find out. If she just gave up, just gave herself to him, then at least that constant fear of not fitting in would be gone.

But no, that wouldn't be right. Because then she'd have to help him hurt her friends. And there was nothing in this world that could ever make that feel right. That she was even thinking like this only proved just how dangerous he could be to her. Not only physically, mentally and emotionally just as well. She finally had to free herself from him, if not for herself, then for all the people who depended on her to keep him out of their lives.

Dave and Tess, for example. The last thing they needed was a madman spoiling their wedding.

There he was again. Dave. She wished she could just get him and this hurt look on his face out of her mind for at least a few minutes. There were things she needed to plan, important things, and she really didn't need the distraction. Still, when he had called, she'd been so glad to hear his voice, to know that he was at least talking to her. Which was silly considering what he seemed to think of her. How little he seemed to like her, even. And even more silly was the pang of pain that thought caused in her stomach.

Still, she had been so sure that he had wanted to say something else during their conversation, before he mentioned Tess. But that had to be wishful thinking, she decided. And now was not the right time for such thoughts anyway. She really, really had to think of something that would give her a chance to get rid of him. For good. And she knew she only had one try. If she stuffed this up, she could be dead, of that she was certain. He wouldn't tolerate any attacks to his control. But she had to do this, had to try it at least.

Before someone else got hurt.