Disclaimer: I don't own twilight but I do own jerry :)
The Cullen's Family Getaway.
Dear Jerry,
My life sucks. I'm currently 4 hours and 27 minutes into this hell trap, I'm definitely sure that God hates me, before I was undecided and now I'm positive he does. I've been hiding from my wife for the last 2 hours, only because I accidentally laughed at her footwear choice I mean c'mon they were 3 years out of date, they were that out of date Esme liked them. Alice, of course, went insane pulled a tree out of the ground, chased me around the camp site with the tree and screaming 'Jasper Whitlock Hale! Get here now before I beat the fucking stuffing out of Mr. Snobbin's!' I know! I agree Jerry I should have gone over there and grabbed the tree out of her hands and beat her with it just for thinking of hurting him. But I didn't...yes I know Jerry I'm a coward, I've got over that fact, so should you. You know the only reason I've survived so long is because of my powers (and dashing good looks obv). I think something has happened to my powers though (not my looks...like that would happen –chuckle-) earlier during our family camp songs, yeah Esme found me and pulled me to the fire by my hair (it's still not quite right it's gone all puffy at the back jerry –sob-), I tried to make Esme feel depressed it backfired and I felt depressed, well more depressed than before if that's even possible so I thought let's try and make Carlisle and Emmett fall in love and that backfired too, instead I was in love with Emmett, the odd thing is...he loved me back and it wasn't my powers that did that –cringe shudder gag- Alice and Rosalie had to pull us apart from our hug and they proceeded on 'slapping the love out of us' my cheeks are still red, although it's a good look I quite like it. After that I decided to carry on meddling, I should of known better, I decided to make Edward happy, it's an impossible job for anyone let alone me, that backfired too luckily not on me –phew- instead he got worse and the last time I saw him he was carving Bella out of a tree trunk, man that boys a weirdo.
I genuinely think I should figure out a way to kill myself though, maybe I should tell Alice I don't love her anymore and the only reason I'm with her is to make people think I'm not gay, which I'm not I like women...honest. Woop for boobs... Jerry I'm on need of some fun, now how do I have fun at home? I meddle with emotions, I play dress-up with Alice, and I wrestle with Emmett...THAT'S IT! I'll wrestle with Emmett...hold on a cotton pickin' moment wrestling with Emmett may not be a smart idea, kinda like squatting with your spurs still on (I know I've suddenly become more southern but meh, I did it in the film (A/N he does do that in the film sorry if you've not seen it, but watch out for it!)) he may enjoy our wrestling due to the close contact...hmmm close contact with Emmett...eww! Sorry, sometimes the love just doesn't want to go away. Maybe I should help Edward carve Bella and then slip, and cut her head off –chuckle- that'd be fun. Or I could go and tell Esme that Carlisle was the one who coughed up bubblegum all over the living room, like I said earlier Carlisle's game for anything and my god the man loves gum. Maybe I could tell Rosalie she has a pimple and hide all the mirrors. Or I could shrink Alice's clothes and tell her she's put on a few pounds...oh what to do Jerry...what's that Jerry do them all!? By gosh I think I will!
Toodle-loo
Love Jazzy xoxo
P.S I think my hair needs bleaching again, that's right, you heard It here first I bleach my hair, I heard blondes have more fun, so I thought what the heck!
A/N I really hope you guys like this! I'm not gonna beg for reviews either, but if you feel like reviewing then it would make me a very person. Anyhoo, if you wanna see Jasper in some interesting situations then just give me a message and I'll put it in the next chapter, I'm thinking maybe more special time with Emmett ;) THANKS for reading!