Disclaimer: The only thing I own is my imagination and Jerry. But sadly not Twilight.
The Cullen's Family Getaway
Dear Jerry,
Currently 15 hours and 36 minutes into the getaway and it is approximately 1700 hours. So I did what you suggested, -evil laugh- it went down a storm! I kindly went and asked Edward if he'd like some assistance in carving his 'wooden Bella' (A/N basically, Kirsten Stewart her acting amounts to that of a lump of drift wood, sorry if you're a fan but I really dislike her acting) he stupidly accepted my offer, at this stage he wasn't concentrating on what I was thinking due to the fact he's going insane he keeps feeding the damn thing! Anyways, (why am I always going off subject –le sigh- ...what...all the cool kids say it!) I was carving her and suggested to Edward that we could...alter her, to his ideal woman, and then he claimed that she was his ideal woman (yeah whatever Eddie boy), so I thought it'd be fun to make a point of telling him that she could use some plastic surgery, you know enhance some areas, maybe use a little bit of eyeliner that sort of thing then I proceeded to carve Bella into how she should look, oh Jerry I wish I could of taken a picture, his face was so funny! I thought he was going to burst, sadly he didn't. So he went and told on me to Esme, of course with him being the favourite I got a lecture on how I shouldn't ruin Edwards art, Edwards so talented, Bella's perfect...BLAH BLAH BLAH. So, I decided to slip in the fact that it was indeed Carlisle that got gum everywhere and it wasn't in fact one of the La Push puppies, in which he blamed, so Carlisle got a lecture from Esme while this was happening I sneaked off –teehee-. I went to visit my favourite pretend brother, Emmett who was also bored like myself and hated the whole damn holiday.
Hi Emmett here! Emmett get the hell outta my diary!! HAHA dude! Your diaries call JERRY!!!!!!!!! Oh hush imbecile! You wouldn't understand our connection. WHAT YOU AND THE DAMN DIARY HAVE A CONNECTION! –Glares at said diary- Emmett please leave. Fine...but I'll be back...just you watch Jerry –mouths I love you to Jasper-.
Awkward......ANYWAAAAAYS! Sorry about that, he heard his name being said as I tell Mr. Snobbin's everything I write in my diary. (Note to self talk to Rose about her Husband) Where was I? Oh that's right, so I went to see –whispers- Emmett and he suggested a wrestling match so I took up his offer, hey I was bored! Don't look at me like that! I did not enjoy it as much as he did! Okay maybe a little he does have soft skin...So we were wrestling and Emmett picked me up and threw me at the whale, sorry car, and I landed on the engine, which then shattered –muahhahahaaaaa- I killed the evil hideous beast! Go JASPER! Esme yet again flipped, man that woman has serious anger issues, but I was too elated to care what she was saying, that was until Edward came running over, dry sobbing, yes dry sobbing because we're stuck here for longer, has everyone forgot we are VAMPIRES?! We run at super speed we don't get tired.... that left me bored again, which got me thinking how could I cause more problems for the holiday? Then I remembered Alice my darling little wife who puts me through hell every day by making me get changed every hour on the hour, so I went and put every item of her clothes that she fetched with her, that took me 4 hours at super vamp speed, and stretched them out of shape haha she'll go mental when she gets re-dressed. Jerry I'm starting to enjoy this holiday. By the way, do you think I need to get some lowlights in my hair?...AWW! You think I'm perfect!!! –squee-, I'm glad someone realises that, and it's not all EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD. Yeah I realise Emmett thinks that but...that's Emmett, speaking of Emmett he's heading this way now and I must hide you.
Hugs and Kisses,
Your number one hero
Jasper Whitlock Hale (for the hundredth freaking time! HALE NOT CULLEN! HALE)
A/N sorry this one sucked! i'll try harder next time. Keep the good reviews up. Also if you've got any suggestions i'll gladly listen and fit them in. Next chapter: Jasper and Emmett escapades