Chapter 3- Define Me.
I was restless through out the night. I felt light headed and continuously had hot flashes, sending my body into uncomfortable fits. I woke up countless times going into the bathroom and splashing my face with ice cold water.
It was about 2 am when I went in the bathroom again. I had only my boxers on, considering the fact that I was sweating like a maniac and felt as if I were on fire. I turned on the sink and splashed the cold water on my face. I heard a muffled shuffle of feet and small whoosh of air from the entrance of the bathroom. Looking up I saw Sakura rubbing her eyes sleepily. Her hair was ruffled and the strap of her tank falling from her shoulder, she looked dishelved and out of it. "Ano… Sasuke? What are you doing?" Her voice was drowsy from sleep and she looked as if she would pass out any moment.
"I got hot…" I sated as wiped off my face. She nodded, leaning on the doorframe for support. I couldn't help but chuckle. "Go back to sleep, you look like the undead."
She smiled and stuck out her tongue childishly, "Yeah, yeah. I would be in bed if you hadn't woke me up." She scowled at me. I rolled my eyes, mockingly.
I grabbed her shoulders and guided her back into her room, pushing her down on her bed. She glared at me. "I'm very capable of walking, Sasuke." I cracked a grin and turned on my heel, waving to her nonchalantly. I heard her scoff as I closed the door behind me.
Going back in my room I laid down, leaving the covers off. Still as restless as ever. My hot flashes wouldn't stop. I tossed and turned uncomfortably in the bed, but no avail. The fabric of the bed clung to my damp skin. I was coated in a sheen of sweat and I felt dirty.
Finally after hours, as the sun began to climb into the dank night sky, casting odd shades of color onto my floor, I fell into a bliss of sleep. Welcoming it with open arms.
X
BAM! I groaned, Naruto and Sakura where fighting. Again. I could hear the shouts and protests from across the hall as they argued about, most likely, a pointless matter. There was a loud crash of something breakable onto the floor, and all was silent. Nothing else could be heard from the house. If you were to drop a pin, most likely it would have echoed all throughout the corridors and corners of our living spaces.
Sitting up I rubbed my eyes. The covers were at the end of the bed, far from me from last nights heat flashes. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, my feet coming in contact with the hard plains of the wood floor. I could feel the grains and patern-less designs in the groves. Standing up with little grace I walked to the door, opening it I found Sakura's door wide open to a odd and tense scene. Sakura stood with her all to famous glare, directed at Naruto. As he glared back. I didn't miss the shattered picture of our old team. The glass from the picture frame had scattered across the floor of the room. The wood had cracked in half and the picture had been torn and slashed through by a few shards of the clear and threatening glass.
Clearing my throat, their heads shot over to me. "Where is Kakashi?" My voice surprised even me, it held more authority and control then I though possible. Sakura kept her glare steady on even me, though Naruto's expression softened.
"He had to report to, Baa-Chan…" He answered back silently. I nodded in turn. Crouching down I began to carefully pick up the shards scattered over the floor.
"Maybe it's best if you leave Sakura be for now, Naruto." He obliged to my statement by walking around my, exiting the room. I heard him close his door.
I heard the soft tinkle of glass clinking together as Sakura helped me. I remained silent. Not needing to know what had gone on between them. They fought often, about the smallest things; though at times they were highly touchy subjects that were brought up when least needed to. Sakura was one that had a few of them. Naruto at times could cause an eruption from her by saying the simplest of things of those unspoken subjects. One of which was my betrayal and leaving. I could understand such things, seeing as to how my own touchy subjects revolved around my clan and detested brother.
My train of thought was cut short by a harsh in take a breath. I looked up to see crimson liquid dripping onto the floor. I huffed a sigh as I stood up, avoiding missed piece of glass I took her cut hand and examined it. "Always so careless." I said in a disapproving tone. Taking her by the wrist I led her into her bathroom, throwing the shards of glass in the garbage, as well as the one in her hand. "Let 'me see it." I said cupping the back of her hand. Her finger had a deep gash over it, the blood gushing from it.
I opened the medicine cabinate I took out a cotton ball and alcohol to clean it out. Still cradling her wrist I lightly dabbed the damp cotton onto her wound. She made a small sound of protest, only causing me to grip her hand tighter to keep her still. I finished cleansing the wound and put a small band-aid on it. "There." I tossed the cotton ball into the garbage.
She examined her finger and gave me a lopsided smile. "Thanks…" I nodded my reply and motioned to her room.
"I'll finish cleaning. You can get ready for the day." She nodded. I left her to her own thoughts as I went back into her room to clean the remains of glass. I heard the sink running from the open bathroom door. Finishing my clean up job, I went into my own room. Grabbing a new set of clothes and a clean towel I went into my shared bathroom and turned on the shower. The water began to run. I stripped down and got in. The water had yet to warm up and the cold water awakened my senses. I washed and scrubbed as the water finally became warm; cleansing my dirty body. I finished washing my hair and got out. Drying off with a towel I wrapped it around my waist.
I cleared off the mirror with my hand so I could see my own reflection. What did women see in me? What was so special about me compared to every other man? I sighed shaking my head. Lord knows what goes on in women's heads. Who would want an emotionless man like me anyway? Sakura… The thought came reflex idly to my head. It was true. Sakura had confessed long ago her love for me. Apparently those feelings still resided in the confines of her heart. But the problem was; what about my own feelings? What of my feelings to her?
No, I couldn't. She was family, a friend. I could never really…I couldn't finish my train of though. But the words hung in my mind. Love her…
Was it truly so wrong to have feelings for her? I shook my head; clearing my mind of such thoughts. No need to ponder over such useless things.
I ran a brush through my hair and brush my teeth; I didn't feel like eating this morning. I finished drying my body and dressed into black pants and a dark blue shit. The clan symbol easily spotted on the back. The red and white standing strikingly out on the dark stitching.
I gathered up my discarded clothing and towel and went back into my room. Tossing all my clothing into the hamper. I huffed an over exaggerated sigh. God forbid; it's so boring around here.
And that's where I'm always proved wrong. Cliché, no?
The loud bang of the front door hitting the wall was impossible to miss. As well as the patter of feet up the stairs. "Sakura! Naruto! Sasuke!" The voice belong to Kakashi, and in it dwelled the authority and commanding tone from the days long past of our genin years.
Immediate I submerged from my room to find Sakura and Naruto already there. Both dressed and ready like myself. "Aa…" I murmured a soft reply to his call.
"We have a mission. Get your ANBU gear together. Now!" I nodded and turned on my heels into my room once more. Closing the door quickly behind me, not caring if it slammed. Gathering up my unused ANBU attire I began to strip off the clothing I had just recently put on. What a bother.
I put on the usual under layer, form fitting pants and shirt, arm socks, and bandaging around my lower thigh (for the holster) and my arms and legs (the thicker the layers the harder it is to injure). After I placed on the armor, which consisted of arm and leg guards, upper body armor which covered the chest and back, as well as black shin high combat boots. Me and Sakura were the only two who were smart enough in our squad to actually where them.
I gathered my sword and mask, sling the sword over my shoulder and putting the mask on. I placed my kunia holster on my lower thing and the pouch for additional equipment on my back right.
I was ready. For whatever mission we were having. Damn. I was hoping to train today too.
As I went down the stairs I found Naruto and Kakashi already sitting at the kitchen table. Sakura of course not only being a girl but having to have extra equipment due to the fact she is a medic, always too long. That's the bad thing about being an ANBU, you're on call 24-7. And it's always short notice.
Finally she came rushing down the stairs, her cat like mask covered her face and a hood hid her pink bubble gum colored hair. It was nesacarry to keep inconspicuous.
Naruto wore a fox mask, of course. Kakashi a hawk. And me a wolf. Naruto's was painted with swirls and whiskers. Kakashi's was… lets just say it was out of the ordinary. Sakura's was stripes of different colors. And mine was whickers in the proper places, fangs protruding from the lips, and a slash like design going through one eye.
We all stood as Sakura nodded to us. Her signal she was ready. Our signal to get moving. Apparently Kakashi had already been prepped for the fact that he began moving straight to the gates. Naruto and I shared a glance as we sped up the pace.
Sakura's voice broke the air rushing silence. "Where are we going, Kakashi?" Her tone was dull; it was part of the job.
No answer was heard from him till we reached the crowded forest of the outskirts of the wall. We began to jump from tree to tree. It was second nature to us all, by now. "We have been summoned to the squad near the border of Konoha and Oto.
We have suspicions that the followers whom are left of Orochimaru will be coming soon enough. They plan an ambush upon us. Though we will beat them to it. Before they are able to reach the gates, we will have already defeated and wiped them out." He took a deep breath before he continued. "We are unsure of the exact day planned for the ambush. All we know is that it is in the next month or so." At this a long and depressed groan erupted from an obviously annoyed Naruto. I couldn't help but smirk. Though it went unseen under the plastic of the mask.
"And what are we to do about clothing and other nicety's?" Sakura's muffled voice came from beside me. I glanced over, unable to see her face; I still knew she was annoyed. Her tone gave it away, for the most part. After years of being teammates and friends, I had become unconsciously attuned to all of them.
"They have supplies there. We can also trade with others around the camp if needed." And with that all other discussion and questions came to a stop. The tone in Kakashi's voice told us that now was not the time for questioning. Though it was not required we be stealthy and quick about getting there; we did all the same. I assumed he had business to attend to and wanted us to settle in before nightfall. At times rouge and unwelcome Nin roamed the forests. I knew this was our reason for silence, as well as masking our chakra signals. We all had done it once sensing Kakashi's decease in his chakra signal.
It was not long after nightfall we finally caught sight of the camps glow. The light of fires spread out over the camps grounds cause lights to dance across the shadows of the forest surrounding us. Obviously some one knew of our arrival. Seeing as to how we were greeted by 5 people. A few I recongnized as Genma, Ibiki, and Anko. They all had a business like sense to them. A sign that we had yet to be excused to our temporary living quarters that consisted somewhere on the large area of the campground.
Leading us into a large medical tent, Ibiki seemed to be the head of the operations here as he began to speak to us about the rules and regulations.
It wasn't too strict, the usual rules applied. No killing comrades, no starting useless fights. We were allowed to "interact" with the opposite sex, we just had to "keep it down". (Both Naruto and I snickered at this rule.)
Sakura was assigned to work shifts in the small med tent and Naruto and I were to run daily patrols. Kakashi of course was to be one of the people to keep everyone in line and on task. It seemed to be one of his specialties. Finally they released us, giving us maps of each of our "tents" and the layout of the camps facilities.
"Breakfast is to be eaten promptly at 8 am. Shower when you like. Sleep when you can. Train when possible. We try to keep everyone productive and in shape. Friday's are pub nights." Genma continued to go on about less interesting things as we all walked to our living spaces, for now. Mine was besides Kakashi's and Naruto's. Sakura's was on Naruto's right and Genma resided on Kakashi's left.
Separating from the others I went into my large tan tent. I was able to fully stand in it. It was not bad for what it was. Not too small, though not a lot of walking room. There was a small iron stove to keep warm, the black iron chimney went up through a hole cut through the top. The bed was a bit bigger then a normal twin. It looked comfy enough. The sheets were folded at the end with a pillow. The floor was covered in a tarp, keeping the ground and interior of the tent separated. There was a small nightstand, which held a oil lamp and small lock with key. I guessed for the tent.
Looking at the entrance once more I saw there was a small ringlet on the zipper and the bottom. Obviously to lock it in place. At least these people knew about security…
Taking off my mask I was happy to be able to breath for once. I exited the tent, not bothering to lock it and went to the small trading post they had explained to me. It was shabby, but the clothing they had was suitable. Picking out several pairs of typical mesh shirts and black pants. I also got a bar of soap. I would need it around here. Shinobi didn't usually bring shampoo and conditioner with, just soap. It was a alright substitute.
After gathering my new items I trudged back to the tent. Setting the stuff on the yet-to-be-done bed I turned to start the small iron heater. It was easy enough, using my fire technique I had the thing ablaze with in seconds. It soon began to warm up the inside of the tent in no time. I zipped the front closed for privacy and got dressed in one of my new mesh shirts and black pants. I put my combat boots on again, you never knew when you would need to run out. I tucked in the fabric of my pant into the boots, out of habit.
I finally began organizing my things. Making the bed and putting the clothes into a small storage bin beneath the bed. I put my sword propped against the nightstand and my weapons on it, another safety precaution. I had to admit. It wasn't as bad here as I thought. The only problem I had was that the showers were unisex, something I could put up with. Though I was one to treasure privacy. I knew I would survive.
Sprawling out on the bed I sighed contently. I could here the murmur of voice around the camp and the shuffle from the tents beside me. Every so often I heard Naruto ask help from Sakura. She would help him and he would, as usual, say that he knew that and shoo her out.
Dinner wasn't till 7 pm. So I had time. An hour to be exact. How I knew the time was beyond me. Being a Shinobi seemed to give you these sick fifth sick senses.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and put on my weapons, leaving my sword. I wasn't that suspicious. I went out, this time locking the zipper to the bottom. Taking the key with me, I put it in my pocket. I walked around the bustling camp, exploring and inspecting the different places. I found Genma at a large bon fire in the center of camp. He had a girl slung over his arm. It was obvious she was trying to seduce him. He seemed well aware of the fact too, as he flirt back with her.
I took a seat on one of the make shift benches that was unoccupied. The buzz of useless conversations of the other Shinobi around me gave the place a kind of campout feel. I felt like a child on a camping trip as I rested my elbows on my knees and rested my chin on my hands. I closed my eyes, feeling the heat of the raging fire against my face.
It wasn't long before I heard a familiar voice from beside me. "Hey, Sasuke."
He soft voice sounded through my own personal silence. I cracked open my right eye, looking at her beside me and gave her a nod of acknowledgement. Her pink hair looked soft in the glow of the fire. Her skin warm and pale with the warmth of the flames caressing it. She wore regular attire with a black tank top and long dark blue pants, average Shinobi pants that most men wore. Though with her in them, they look feminine.
I had to force my gaze away. Closing my eye again.
She sat beside me, our arm brushing. Neither of us said anything for some time. And again a thought that had frequently been coming to my mind, wormed its way in yet again. Why did she like me? Why did she put up with me when I barely did anything for her?
I opened my eyes, sparing her a glance I saw her looking at me. Neither of us looked away from each other a moment till her cheeks tinged a light crimson and she turned her gaze to the licking flames of the fire. Though I remained looking at her, she seemed aware of the fact.
I couldn't help but let the question bubble up to my lips. "Why do you like me?" The question came out before I could stop it. The words tumbling out in a soft murmur. But I knew she heard, because her eyes widen fractionally and she tilted her head slightly to the side so she could look at me.
"W-What?" Her voice was just as soft as mine.
"Why do you like me?" My voice was more firm, sure this time. I wanted to know. I needed to know. All was silent around us a moment. The conversations of other buzzed on, but our own was quiet, unanswered.
Finally she replied. Her gaze yet again on the fire. Her cheeks flushed more then before. "Because. Who else is there to care for you? You're lonely. Though you don't admit it. You need someone. Even if you push them away. Push me away. I'll still be here. I'll still care for you…" A grim smile played at her soft lips. "And whether you like it or not, I love you. And love is unrequited. That's all there is to it…" She fell silent once more. Her smile fading from her mouth as she looked into the fire. Seeming to see nothing, but everything.
I could only stare at her. Love me? So she still did? It seemed so different form when we were children. We were older now. Things we said and did had consequences and we were no long naive and unknowledgeable of the world. We knew what we felt and thought. Not like when we were younger and what we thought was what we guessed we felt. Now we could be sure, because now was when we formed. When we became who we knew we were. And she knew she still loved me.
My jaw was tense. She wasn't fawning over me like she did when we were young. But she acted mature about it. She knew her limits and she knew actually knew me this time. Unlike our younger days when she barely knew me. She actually knew more about me then a lot of people, and that counted as something big in my book.
"Yeah?…" My voice was soft again. Causing her to look at me. I wonder what she saw on my face. Whatever it was she must not have liked it because she pursed her lips and quickly looked away.
"I know you don't like it that I feel that way…" She spoke to me as if thinking over her words slowly. "I-"
"It's not that I don't like it." I broke her train of speech with my own. "It's just…" I sighed frustrated and begrudgingly ran a hand impatiently through my hair. "I just…"
She looked at me, her face a mix of shock and confusion. I couldn't blame her. I never explained my feelings to people, much less try to have a decent conversation.
"I don't know what to give you back. I feel. Thing to you I don't know of. I can't identify it as love or friendship, or whatever the hell else you want to call it. It's just there. And I don't know what to do with it. I accept what you feel to me. I just don't know what to do myself." I let my face fell into my hands, exasperated. "Do you understand where I'm coming from? What I'm trying to say?" I asked her softly, trying to ease some of the tension.
"Y-Yeah. I do…" Her voice was barely above a whisper. I didn't look at her. I was scared of what her expression may be. I couldn't dare turn to see what I knew I would. Pain. Sorrow. Rejection.
The deathly silence between us stretched on. Longer then it should have. "Say something… Anything… This isn't you. You should be trying to get me to be social. Less cold." I spoke still into my hands. I was too much of a coward to even look at her as I spoke.
A small sigh came form her. "It's no use trying to make some one something they are not." Her hand gently rubbed my back. The feel was exhilarating. "It's not that I stopped trying. It's just that you need to want to change. But now I see that even now; this," And suddenly I felt her hot breath on what skin of my cheek was exposed, her soft lips brushed against my skin, "Is how you show your affection. You're not like others. You keep to yourself, you like privacy and silence. But you also like company and conversation." She was observant. I'll give her credit for that. She seemed to know more about me then even I did. She had hit the target explaining me.
I felt the blood rush to my face, thank god she couldn't see.
I let out a small, short-lived chuckle. "Your right. You see me better then most." I felt her hot breath, still tickling my skin, come out in a huff. Most likely in acceptance.
"I spent half of my life fawning over you. Watching you. Trust me. I would know. And even now, I watch you…" She leaned her head against my shoulder, her breath fanning out over my neck now. "I'm so pathetic…" She laughed with grim amusement. "Wanting what I can't have. It's human instinct. To chase after what we can't and shall not have. We all want something like it. And the things we need, and the things we most try not to accept…" God; it seemed like what she was saying was double edged. Directed not only towards the human race, but me instinctively. Damn, she was good. Even without knowing it she was explaining me.
I made no move to push her away. I didn't want to. I didn't need to. We both needed the company and comfort. We both need each other. I did not move. I couldn't. I knew I would ruin the moment. And right now; though she was comforting me. Secretly I was doing the same for her. We both knew it. It was a secret shared between us. Others may see us as an intimate couple. But we, both, knew otherwise. We were each other's safe harbor. She had always been now. Now that I could see that; oddly enough. Other things, things I could not, and tried desperately to push away and not to accept; were beginning to make them selves known. Things like…
"The hell?" A voice I knew well broke into my train of thought. My head shot up to see the number-one-knuckle-head-ninja standing before us. Sakura gasped and immediately discontinued all contact with me. She sat stiffly up beside me, her hands in her lap. My eyes narrowed to Naruto. God fucking damn. He ruined everything.
"What do you want?" I spoke coldly. My voice a razor edge.
"I want to know what you two were doing." He spoke with an even voice. It was more so angrier then my own.
"Nothing." I snapped back, all to quickly. Hopefully; being the idiot he was he wouldn't notice.
"Bull crap!" Why oh god? Why now of all moments did he choose this time to be observant?
Sakura stood up. Standing tall, her chin lifted defiantly to Naruto. "He said nothing." I was shocked by the malice in her voice. It was the strangest thing to hear from her. Out of all of us, she had the most patients and control (if she wanted to) over her emotions.
Naruto stared. Wide eyed and opened mouthed. Even he, could not believe such a sight.
Then with what little dignity he had left her closed he mouth with an audible 'snap'. And turned around, walking swiftly away.
Oh. This was going to be a fun trip…
Heh. My ass.