Disclaimer: I don't own twilight; I don't own much to be honest. Twilights owned by Stephenie Meyer.

Dear Jerry my man!

I love being on holiday! Teehee and yes, I am still nude  I feel so free. Today Emmett and I were putting Rosalie's make up on each other hehehe I looked so pretty, Emmett really does a good job, well anyways it was my turn to put makeup on him, and I was just getting to the crucial part (you know lip gloss of course) then Rosalie came over and ripped the lip gloss out of my hands and shouted at us both for being Nancy boys and then told us to get our act together and do something masculine for a change, in which we replied

"But Ro-Ro we don't know how to be masculine!"

So she said "Well here I'll show you, and please for crying out loud Jazz, get dressed and never ever call me Ro-Ro"

So I told her "Ro-Ro...salie... you wouldn't understand what I am going through, for I am in the midst of a entire personality change! Huzzah!"

"He means he's not Alice's bitch no more...-mumble- I like him being nude" remarked Emmett...stupid Emmett.

So I saw red, well I didn't see red, I just got mad, I never quite understood that quote I've gotten mad a fair few times in my existence as I do live with Edward (creepy stalker boy or CSB as he'll know be known) and I am yet to see red. Back to the story, I dived on him and we started to wrestle as I never was Alice's bitch, never, to which Ro-Ro...salie clapped and cheered and told us we were being masculine, so we continued to wrestle it was quite fun, for Emmett too as he kept pulling me closer to him many times and putting his hands in no go areas, we wrestled for two days straight when we finally finished I came to the conclusion, I liked Emmett's roaming hands. Please don't tell Ro-Ro...salie she'll get mad at us again and I have to stop calling her Ro-Ro coz that makes her mad too, hey I'm no wuss....well....I am but I'm currently standing up to Alice I can't stand up to Rosalie too! Two highly vexed women are just as bad as one highly irked Esme. Hehe Irked funny word. Heheeee Irked humorous formulate Jazzy uh..Em? Yeah Jazzy? Don't write in my diary, and especially not with crayon... and Emmett ...er...get the other crayon out of your mouth too..well one thinks it tastes like the rainbow okaaaaaaaaay Em-Em here is some paper go draw YEY! Paper! Wait, that jotter that you are currently scripting in, that's Jerry is it not? Maybeee what's it to you? –glares evilly at the diary and then sits drawing in the corner of the tent-

Has he been reading a thesaurus again? Well anyways me and Emmett finished wrestling and that was when we realised we were being watched, by a human man. Emmett looked at me, I looked at Emmett the man looked at us, Rosalie looked at herself... what on earth was he doing here? And why was he staring at me like that. Because one was unclothed Jasper. Well I realise that now don't I Emmett? Back to your corner. So I asked him

"Hello? May we help you?"

"Well...you may sugar. " He then winked at me. Emmett caught the fact that he winked and the fact he called me sugar, I could feel the lust coming from the strange funny dressed man and the anger from Emmett and the adoration coming from Rosalie who had found her mirrors. I felt uncomfortable with this to say the least. This is when Emmett asked "What's your name? And stop eye ballin' my man!" The funny looking and obviously colour blind man replied with "Well honey pot, you can call me Pauly and I wasn't just eye balling your man."

By this time we were getting worried he was totally checking me and Emmett out, I mean it was natural we're both hotties and I was butt naked as the day I was born so..yeah. But there was admiring a piece of art (which we both are) then there's drooling over it and getting a rather large erection like Pauly was so we started backing away remembering not to startle him in any way or use vampire speed to draw any extra unwanted attention to us, then I had an idea.

"ALICE...BABY!!! THERES A MAN HERE! HE'S GOT TERRIBLE DRESS SENSE AND I THINK HE WANTS MY BABIES!!!!!" well we know he required your baby's as the protuberance in his pants was not created from love of the outside Thanks for that Em –shudder-...In three seconds flat Alice was over here, glaring at my nudity, and re-dressing Pauly asking him things like " I don't mean to be stereotypical, but I thought gays had good dress sense" and "did you get dressed in the dark?!" she was so happy, she had someone to dress and Pauly well he looked happy too yes, exceptionally happy in the pant area Again Emmett thank you –eye roll- so I guess Alice is leaving me alone from now on since she has her own fully-posable dress up doll. So I've got rid of the problem that is Alice and her continually changing of my outfits, I now need to solve the problem of CSB (or Edward) Yep, you do, all I've heard for the last couple of days is his dry sobbing, the chiselling of wood and Bella's name being screamed into the middle of the night. Emmett!? Yes sweetie? GET INTO YOUR CORNER!!!!

Goodbye for now Jerry,

All my love Jasper xoxox -crosses that out after Jasper has left the tent-

From Jasper (who loves Emmett) EMMMEETTTTTTT!!! Gotta go!

A/N I hope you all had a good Christmas. I'll update in a few days I was thinking of doing a short Edward diary drabble thing and by the way i do actually like Edward i just think he's a bit stalkerish :) HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!