Ch 3
Odd- it was full moon, the girl thought as she stood on top of the black and brown mountain, made out of stone and debris that had stood as namesake for her hometown. Why exactly she though it was odd that the moon was shining so brightly on this particular night, she couldn't really tell. Maybe it had to with the fact that today had undeniably been the darkest day of all her fifteen years of living. Maybe it also had to do with the way that the silvery white light illuminated the scenery just enough to make out the different shapes, but not nearly enough to really recognise anything for what it was.
And maybe it was this semi-darkness that made familiar things suddenly look different, strange and cold that caused this unease in her stomach.
The wind whipped through her hair, leaving her blind for a moment and making her shiver. It was summer, and still the night was cold. As another gust of wind blew through her clothes and pressed her closer to the metal fence she was leaning against, one of her hands instinctively settled on her stomach. Which was stupid, she berated herself, while her other hand was busy trying to tuck the long red curls back behind her ears.
She wasn't even sure she wanted this child. After all, it was because of this life growing inside of her that she was now standing here, her heart aching at the sight of the city lights below. Immediately guilt shot through her for that thought. It was not the baby's fault her life had fallen apart like that. It was her own. She should've been more careful. She shouldn't have believed Will just like that when he'd told her he'd take care, so she wouldn't have to worry about anything happening.
She had been stupid. Definitely, unforgivably stupid.
At least that was what her parents obviously thought. And to some extend, she agreed with them. It had been stupid, listening to Will that night not so long ago. It had been stupid not to stop him, but they hadn't been together for long, he was every girl's dream guy and she'd been flattered he'd chosen her. And he'd been so cute to her, treated her like she was so very precious to him and she didn't want him to think she was a prude. And apart from that, she'd wanted it as well.
And now she was paying the price. And paying dearly. She still couldn't quite believe that tonight was a final goodbye. Somewhere in the back of her mind she still had that warm, secure feeling that if it came down to the worst, she'd just call her mum to pick her up and let her settle everything. In her heart, she simply couldn't understand that from now on she was on her own. Completely on her own. Calling her parents wasn't an option anymore because they'd rejected that title right along with her as soon as her nervous, stammered confession had made its way past her lips.
Of course she'd been prepared for some kind of argument. She'd been prepared to take the blame, she'd been prepared for yelling, for tears, accusations and bitter words. That had been the exact reason why she'd been standing in front of them, her hands clenched tightly to stop the shaking and her bottom lip almost bleeding from all the nervous biting she'd subjected it to. Her insights a tightly knit ball of fear, shame and this faint, naive hope that once the yelling was done her parents would know just what to do to make it all better. Somehow they'd work something out so maybe she could even finish school before she started earning money to be able to offer her child a good future. Maybe her mom could look after the child while she was in school… somehow they'd find a way to make it work.
She just didn't want to face the disappointment she knew would be on their faces. They'd be so disappointed in her. And she hated disappointing them, even though ever since she'd turned thirteen she tried to act as if she didn't give a damn about anyone's approval. They were her parents after all. And it was this thought, her faith in them and their love for her and the simple fact that she didn't know what to do now and was looking for their wisdom to guide her through this, that had finally made her spill the story.
Turned out she hadn't been prepared for anything. And turned out that her faith had been based on hollow ground. As soon as the words were out she'd known that this would change her entire life. And now here she was, a few days away from Christmas, with her backpack in the dirt beside her, her sleeping bag strapped on top of it and knowing that she had nowhere to go.
She could've called Carly, her best friend who'd been by her side ever since they'd both gotten stuck in detention in second grade for throwing their lunch at a few boys that had made some nasty comments about curly hair. In fact, she'd been standing at the payphone, the coins already in and her index finger poised above the first digit. But then she'd thought if not even her parents, or the people that had been her parents for the last fifteen years of her life, could accept her and love her like that, then how should anybody else. So she'd hung up, shouldered her bag and, ignoring the curious glances from the bottle shop owner across the street, she'd started to walk down the dark, silent road.
Even from the top of the Broken Hill she was standing on, Stevie could see the Christmas decoration in the streets and for a moment it made her wonder where she'd end up this Christmas. And what her parents would do with the Christmas present she knew her mother had already bought. Most probably they'd just chuck it out. Her mother. Somehow just the sound of those words still had that familiar, warm feeling of security to it, the security of a person who's known and been there for you for all your life. She should probably stop calling the woman that had thrown her out onto the street just a few hours ago 'mother'. She'd probably want her to.
Thoughts kept running through her head, intangible, insubstantial and never staying long enough to really hold onto it. Like the wind that was blowing around her, starting to make her shiver. Still, she couldn't bring herself to leave. She knew, if she turned around now, turned her back on the town she'd spend nearly her whole life in, she'd probably never see it again. And she had no idea where to go. All she had was the bag beside her, broken trust, broken promises and a child that was growing inside her, relying on her to keep it save. She didn't even know where to spend the night.