Disclaimer: Does it need saying?

Another totally bonkers chapter. With added PC Andy and Rhys. Still a bit OOC, but please R & R. :)

Gwen

Jack didn't look up from his computer screen as Ianto entered the office carrying the Captain's third cup of industrial strength coffee. Ianto knew that Jack was purposely trying to make it look like he was actually doing work by not looking up. Despite this, the Welshman had always suspected that Jack never did any work anyway.

"Coffee sir?" Ianto asked the redundant question.

"Always." Jack replied, looking up only now.

Ianto placed the mug on the desk, turn his back on Jack and tensed himself.

"Why so tense?" Jack commented.

"Sir, if you're going to prank me, can you just get it over and done with." Ianto said matter-of-factly, spinning back to face him.

"What?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. You've already got Owen back for the whole TARDIS thing; it's only a matter of time before you get the rest of us."

"Is it?" Jack pretended to know absolutely nothing.

Ianto simply rolled his eyes, and turned to leave.

"If you really want to know." Ianto could practically hear the grin in Jack's voice.

Ianto remained silent.

"I was going to get Gwen next."

Ianto spun back around for the second time, triumphant, "I knew it! You are getting us, one by one."

Jack shrugged. "Did you want to help me?"

Ianto thought back to all the times Gwen had been annoying, which now he was thinking about it was a lot. All the times she'd mollycoddled him, all the times she'd flirted with Jack, all the times she'd bossed him around, all the times she'd slept with Owen knowing full well that it was breaking Tosh's heart, all the times she'd -

"Well?" Jack interrupted his list, which had threatened to go on forever.

"Ok." Ianto said, with a smile, walking back over to Jack's desk. "I'm guessing you already have something planned."

"Oh yes." Jack grinned. "I was thinking, Rhys has lost his memory."

"Pretending he's retconned? Oh, that'll never work. She'll know immediately." Ianto shook his head. "Besides, how exactly are you going to get Rhys to agree to fake his memory loss?"

"He won't have to fake it."

"No, Jack. You can't go and retcon Rhys just for a practical joke."

"I'll talk to him. I can be very convincing when I want to be." Jack waggled his eyebrows and Ianto groaned. "Besides I can get the help of Cardiff's finest, too."

"Andy?" Ianto raised an eyebrow, sceptically. "Everyone's expecting an attack; she'll still know it immediately."

"You know, I don't think so." Jack disagreed.

Knowing there was no point in arguing, Ianto nodded. "Ok, but it's not going to work."

"Bet you a tenner it does." Jack offered.

"I'm not betting with you, Jack." Ianto said, firmly.

Jack pouted.

"No, Jack. Ask Owen, if you're so keen." Ianto replied, before heading towards the door.

"Fine."

"Oh and you'd better get onto Andy and Rhys soon. Remember, you only have until midday to get us all and it's already 10.30."

"Only until midday?" Jack was shocked. "Who makes these rules up?"

Ianto simply shook his head and left to make everyone else their coffees.

* * * * *

As soon as Ianto had left, Jack was on the phone.

To Owen.

"Why are you calling my mobile, Jack?" The medic answered.

"I'm getting lazy."

"Uh huh." There was a slight pause. "What do you want anyway, Harkness. Some of us actually have work to do."

"Ianto wouldn't make a bet with me, so I'm asking you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Bet you a tenner that I can get Gwen to believe that Rhys has lost his memory."

"You what?"

Jack repeated himself, adding that it was a prank.

"Alright, then. Yeah, I'll bet you. There is no way she'll fall for it. Everyone's expecting it."

"Great!" Jack replied, finding himself grinning. "Now get back to work!"

Owen sighed and shook his head as Jack hung up on him. That man was seriously taking it way too far. Still at least he was having fun and not being so damn bossy. Well, being slightly less bossy, anyway.

* * * * *

Less than 15 minutes later, Gwen got the call.

"Hello?"

"Gwen, oh thank god." PC Andy sounded rushed.

"Andy? What is it?" Gwen replied, her urgent voice causing Tosh to look up from her desk with a frown.

"Gwen, its Rhys."

"What? Why? What's happened?"

"Gwen, what is it?" Tosh asked, her voice concerned.

Gwen shook her head in response. "Andy, tell me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, Gwen. An off-duty officer found him and recognised him as your boyfr-husband." Andy corrected himself.

"Andy, you tell me right now! Tell what's happened!" Gwen yelled into the phone.

"Gwen?" Jack raced down from his office, followed by Ianto and Owen made his way up from the autopsy room.

"He's got no idea who he is, Gwen. No idea where he is. He knows nothing. I mean I know he was a bit thick to -"

"Andy!"

"He's just a shell, Gwen. An empty shell."

"What do you mean?" Gwen said.

"He's lost his memory." Andy replied, his voice totally sincere.

Gwen dropped the phone in shock.

"Gwen?"

"What is it?"

"What's happened?"

Ianto, Tosh and Owen questioned the Welshwomen, complete with worried expressions.

"I..." Gwen was lost for words, but picked the phone up again. "You still there?"

"Gwen?" Andy replied.

"Can you bring him in?"

"Of course. And I'm really sorry, Gwen." Andy said before hanging up.

Gwen placed the phone down and glanced up in numb shock at her co-workers.

"What happened, Gwen?" Jack spoke and Gwen turned to look him in the eye.

"It's Rhys, Jack." Gwen said, rather close to tears now. "He's lost his memory."

"What?"

"How?"

"I... I don't know." Gwen shook her head. "Andy's bringing him round, now, though."

"Ok." Jack nodded. "Ianto, head up to the Tourist Shop, make sure Andy and Rhys get here in one piece. Tosh, get into the police files, see what's already been filed about this. Owen, bring up a list of everyone who's been retconned in the past week."

"What?" Gwen panicked.

"Calm down." Jack placed a hand on her shoulder. "We'll sort this out, I promise."

Gwen nodded, but remained silent. All she could think about was her husband, now with no memory of her, or anything. All thoughts of April Fools pranks had been pushed to the back of her head, forgotten.

Five minutes later, Andy and a lost looking Rhys were escorted by Ianto down to the Hub.

"Rhys?" Gwen ran up to her husband and gripped him by the shoulders.

Rhys cocked his head to one side and frowned. "Reeeeccccce?" he repeated.

"I'm sorry, Gwen." Andy was saying. "He just repeats stuff he hears."

Gwen nodded, staying strangely calm as she looked into her husband unrecognising eyes.

"Like a newborn child, copying his parents." Jack said, shaking his head sadly.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" Andy asked, shooting nervous glances between Gwen and Rhys.

"I don't know." Jack said. "We need to know what's done this, first. Only then can we fix what's happened."

"Rhys? Come on, darling. It's me, Gwen. Remember?"

"Gwweee?"

"Yeah, that's right." Gwen said through tears. "Come on, honey. Come with me."

Gwen, ignoring the concerned looks of Jack, Andy and the others, lead her husband to the boardroom, where they could sit and attempt conversation.

As soon as Gwen was out of earshot, Andy and Jack turned to each other and grinned.

"Thanks for that!" Jack said.

"Anytime, but I think it's Rhys who'll need the thanking."

Jack nodded. "You going to hang around until we let her know?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus, they're covering for me back at the station."

Jack nodded again, before turning to the rest of his team.

"I've got the recton list." Owen said, flapping about some pieces of paper a small grin on his face.

"And I have the police files." Tosh added.

"Right, team meeting everyone. You, too Andy." Jack commanded and everyone headed off to join Gwen and Rhys.

"So?" Gwen asked calmly once everyone was seated.

"Oooo?" Rhys responded.

"Shhh, you've got to be quite now, honey." Gwen hushed her incompetent husband, who half nodded, dumbly.

"Well, we've retconned half a dozen civilians in the past week." Owen said, passing around the list of names.

"And? Is there any chance he could have been dosed by mistake? Or it got into the water? Or something?"

"We don't know Gwen." Owen admitted. "We'd have to test a water sample, but the chances of it being present aren't high."

"We're really sorry." Tosh added in, her voice full of sympathy.

"So you don't know how this happened?" Gwen's voice had raised now.

"Look, Gwen. You have to stay calm. It's possible that Rhys has just been infected by something alien that has just missed the radar."

"What?"

"Gwen, I-"

"You're telling me that you think he's been infected by an alien!?!" Gwen rose from her seat. "You think?! How can you not know! My husband had no clue what is going on or where he is or who I am, and you have no clue as to what has happened to him? What is the point of Torchwood if you can't fix this!" She shouted.

"Gwen. I'm sorry that we don't know, but we're working on it." Ianto said, comfort in his eyes.

"The only it could be is something alien." Jack paused. "Either that or Rhys is faking it and you just got April Fooled!"

"What?" Gwen shouted, her voice sounding something between fury and shock as the entire boardroom filled with the sound of laughter.

"Oh, you have to admit, they got you good, lovely." Rhys said between snorts of laughter.

"You... this..." Gwen pointed at Andy and then turned to Jack, before letting out a scream of fury.

"I cannot believe this!" Gwen said.

"And to think I though she wouldn't fall for it." Owen said, shaking his head as he passed a £10 note to Jack, who quickly pocketed it.

"You just have to add the person they love and trust with all their heart and anyone will fall for anything." Jack replied with a grin.

"You bet on this?" Gwen said, his eyes wide.

"They did." Tosh pointed to Jack and Owen. "Ianto and I were happy with the simple pleasure of watching you get pranked."

Ianto nodded in accord. Gwen then turned to Andy and Rhys.

"I cannot believe I fell for that." she admitted, placing her head in her hands.

"I can! Did you see my acting!" Rhys said.

"Well, it can't have been that hard for you to act like an incompetent idiot." Andy said.

"Oi!"

"Andy, stop it." Gwen said, attempting to ignore the sound of Jack's laughter, which was still piercing her ears.

"Fine." Andy shook his head. "Anyway, I'd better get back to work."

"Me too." Rhys admitted.

"Thanks for the laugh, lovely." Rhys said, pressing a kiss to Gwen's cheek before leaving the room. "I'll see you tonight!"

"Yes, you will." Gwen muttered threatening under her breath, causing Andy to begin laughing again.

"I'd better escort you and Mr. Williams back to reception." Ianto grinned, getting up.

Jack managed a nod, and watched as they left.

"I cannot believe you Harkness." Gwen said.

"You started it." Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, I know." Gwen shook her head, disbelievingly before leaving the room.

Jack gave a smile, already plotting his prank revenge on his next victim.