It was raining again. I looked out my window and sighed. I hated the rain. The rain always made me sleepy. I should have listened to Nikolaus when he asked me to move to New York. Said it would be easier on work, him, and me. I always declined saying I would rather stay here; now I'm regretting I ever said that. I heard my phone ring from somewhere inside my hang bag. I grabbed the phone and saw I had a text. I opened it and saw it was from my sister. What did she want now? I clicked ignore and walked back into my kitchen and poured me a glass of wine. Sitting back down on my couch, I wrapped a blanket around me and turned on the TV.
Flipping through the channels, I found a movie to watch. I heard my phone buzz again. I looked at it and it was from my other sister. Why couldn't they leave me alone? I pressed ignore and went back to my movie. My phone continued to buzz. I just rolled my eyes and kept ignoring the text messages that came through.
For weeks now, I had been avoiding them. Keeping to myself; burying myself in work and school. I do not think they understood that I wanted to be alone. That I did not want to talk to them. I would get a call or a text every day that I was in Whitehall.
I did not want talk to them. Every time they came over or called, they had something mean to say. They hated Nikolaus, they hated that I worked in New York; actually they hated my completely new life. They reminded me of Robert; always had something mean and nasty to say. I wish they would leave me the hell alone and find someone else in the family to hate.
The first thing you have to know about my family is they are Southern Baptist and rednecks. Family is important. You did not do anything outside the family without their consent. I had a cousin who converted to Catholicism in college and my family turned on him. When I strayed outside the family, I became the target of anger & distrust. They hated Nikolaus and Shayne (whom they have met and did not like). They were outsiders; they did not belong. They always complained that Nikolaus was too much of an influence on me.
When I accepted the job to work for Nikolaus when I turned eighteen, it was an outrage. My family and I fought over it for a week until I told them it was none of their business and they should leave me alone. Since then it has been me vs. them. Every time I would see them, we would fight. It would be because I was working to hard, that I was going wild, I was ruining my life, Nikolaus, Nikolaus, and Nikolaus. I do not know what their grudge was against him. He never did anything to any of them. It was because of me; I chose to work for him and spend my weekends in New York instead of staying home all the time.
All hell was raised when I first time came home with bite marks on my wrist and neck. They accused me of doing drugs and blaming Nikolaus for 'introducing' drugs and a 'party lifestyle' into my life. Then they found out a few months ago that Nikolaus and I were lovers. I got a call at work and they started screaming at me and telling me that I was going to get pregnant or catch a disease. I think they were hoping that I would. Then they would be right and I would come running back to them for support. Like hell I was!
I never told Nikolaus or Shayne about the fighting. I could not do that to them. They had enough on their minds with work and daily life. Especially Nikolaus, since he was the center of the fighting. I figured I could handle this on my own and maybe no one would find out.
I heard banging on my front door. Now who was it? I peeked out the eyehole and saw it was my family. Oh boy, now what? I could see their lips moving but could not make out the words. Maybe if I kept ignoring them they would go away. They rattled my door handle and keep banging it on it. Finally, I got pissed and threw the door open. There stood my family. They pushed me aside and invaded my home.
Enraged, I turned to them and asked them what they were doing here. When no one answered, I became angrier. They had no right invading my like this. I walked up the stairs to my living room. They were all sitting on my furniture. Taking a deep breathe, I restrain myself from killing them all.
"Isabel, we have to talk," my mother said.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked as nicely as I could. My family looked around at each other. I nearly rolled my eyes. This was ridiculous.
"It's about that evil bastard…" she started.
"No! We are NOT having this conversation. Not again. How many times have we had this conversation? This is my choice; let it be." I said.
"Don't start with us!" she screamed. "You don't know anything. This is not your choice. He is too much of an influence on you. You have no idea what you are talking about. You are just a child. You don't know what you want. You stupid silly girl when will you figure out that he's dangerous. You need to get away from him. You know you have changed since you met that thing. You come rolling in with all this money, buying, and spending money like water. What is he, your pimp? Is that where you are getting all your money. We already know you are sleeping with it. What are you? Some kind of slut? Did you spread your legs out for him the first night you met him? How low do you have to stoop? You can do better than that thing. You act as if you are better than your family. Is that it? Are you better than we are? Are we so unworthy that you cannot spend a few minutes with us? It won't be long now before you stop seeing us all together."
"Stop it! Stop telling what I need to do! You don't know him. You don't know anything about him. Nikolaus is not dangerous. He's not going to hurt me. He never would hurt me. I don't see why you keep thinking that. I wish you would quit talking about him as if he is worthless object. He is not that. I love the new me. I am more confident, independent, and successful. He is not my pimp and so what if I am sleeping with him. You know that Danielle and Elizabeth have already slept with their boyfriends. I cannot believe you are acting like this. I want you to leave my house this instant," I replied.
"No, we are not leaving till we came here to say what we are going to say. You are going to listen to us and we want answers. Answers that only you can give us. Got that?" my father said. Growling softly, I motioned for them to continue.
My mother continued, "Since you are so 'in love' with this new life of yours. You have a choice. It's either us or your 'new life'. Your new life with that thing and his friend, your work, and such. You chose, but remember whichever one you choose will define the consequences of your choice."
"How dare you ask me of that? I cannot believe you. Why would you ask me that? You can't make me chose something like that…" I started.
"Answer us! We want to know where allegiance lies. We want to know if you are going to be a traitor to your family. Your family is more important that some man," my mother screamed at me.
"No, you cannot make me answer. I will not answer," I said gasping. "You will not make me. You have no right to ask me of such things. Please leave now."
"No, we are not going to leave until we get an answer from you. Tell us, you bitch. Tell us whom you are going to chose. We want to know. If you tell us, we will leave," my mother said trying to bribe me.
Taking a deep breath, I looked at them, tried not cry, and said, "I choose Nikolaus and my life in New York."
My mother looked like I slapped her. She turned red and came toward me. My father grabbed her and pulled her back to him.
"Fine be that way. You slut, go to him. From this day forward, you are no longer part of my family. I disown you. I disinherit you. I turn my back from you. I will never help you or speak to you ever again. Do you hear me? You have fucked yourself. You have no family. None and what do you think this new life is going to bring you? Nothing but heartache. You have dishonored this family. I no longer know you," she declared.
"And from my family as well," my father said. They looked at me in hatred and left my house.
I felt my body crash. I could not think, I could not breathe, and I could not feel the world around me. I do not remember ever hitting the floor. I felt strong arms hold me up. These strong arms picked me up and carried me away. It felt as if I were flying. My body reaching some higher descent, somewhere where no one could find me. I was alone. No one wanted me. The world seemed bleak and undeserving.
As my body descended downward, I felt softness. Softness like lying on a cloud. Softness like floating on a breeze. The strong arms removed themselves from my body and I felt weight on the other side of my body and felt the arms wrap themselves around my waist. I do not remember crying. The hands shifted and I could feel them run up and down my body. Slow and steady they moved. The hands traveled my body, touching me, feeling me, taking me for everything I had. The body moved to hover over mine and I could feel lips pressing against my throat.
I tried to push away the force that was closing in on my body. I did not want it there. I wanted to feel free. Free from the pain that I was feeling. The force did not move. It stayed where it was and continued to press its way to its destination. I felt the stinging pierce of something against my neck and it captured me. I took me for a ride. My sensations were overwhelmed. It felt of wave after wave of pure emotion and pleasure. Like waves on the ocean. It was as if this force was searching for my soul and finding it. Touching my soul, touching every aspect and healing it. Yet there was a struggle for dominance. A dominance fighting for pain, heartache, despair against love, trust, and peace. I moaned feeling the slow sucking on my neck.
Something moved inside me and I could feel my body coming back to earth. Coming back to this harsh reality. I cried out as my body came back to me. My eyes flew open and all I could see was dark hair and what looked like my ceiling. The head moved from my neck and as my vision came into focus, I saw Nikolaus.
"Nikolaus? What are you doing here?" I whispered.
"We came to see you," he said.
"We. Who's we?" I ask.
"Me and Shayne. We decided to fly in and see you for the weekend. Looks like we arrived at the wrong time," he answered.
I sat up and looked at him, "You heard that didn't you. The argument with my family?"
"Isabel, that wasn't an argument. That was a fight. Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked.
"Because it was something between me and my family. You had too much on your mind with work and all. I thought I could handle this myself. I don't know," I said. I started crying softly. He wrapped me in his arms and held me while I cried. He held me there for the longest time. I do not know how long we were in my room.
A few minutes later, I raised my head up and looked at him. He motioned for us to go out in the living area where Shayne was sitting on the couch. He stood up, walked over to me, and gave me a hug. A moment later, he released me and we took a seat on the couch. Nikolaus walked into my kitchen and poured three glasses of wine. He came back, handed us our glasses, and sat down.
We sat there in silence. No one wanted to speak. I saw Shayne take a deep breath and asked, "So what was the fight about?"
I closed my eyes, "It was about you. Both of you. They made chose between…..made me choose," I felt tears fall down my face and I gasped. I felt Nikolaus's lips on my head as he kissed me there. "They made me choose between the family and my new life with you both."
"They did what? They made you choose?" Shayne asked.
"Yes, they made me choose," I replied.
"Who did you choose," Nikolaus asked softly.
Breathing deep I said, "I chose my new life. I chose the life that I was comfortable living in. I was tired of my family and their attitude with how I was living my life. They hated it as they hated you and Shayne. I wanted nothing to do with them anymore."
"What did they say to you," Shayne asked.
"My mother said that from this day forward, you are no longer part of my family. I disown you. I disinherit you. I turn my back from you. I will never help you or speak to you ever again," I whispered. I could not believe I remembered each word she said to me. I knew that I would remember her words for the rest of my life. I would never forgive her for this. She and my father had no right making me choose and disowning me because I wanted a different, better life for me.
"So what are you going to do?" Shayne asked me.
"I guess I'll pack up and move to New York. It should not take me too long to find something. They do not want me here. I do not want me here. I have no family, no nothing. No one but you guys; if you'll take me that is." I said.
"Of course, we'll take you. We are not going to leave you like this. We will get your stuff packed up and we will leave here in a few days. You will not have to worry about finding a place to live. I know a few people who can find you somewhere to live. That is no problem. Right, Shayne?" Nikolaus said.
He is right, Isabel. We are here for you. We are not going to let them bother you anymore either. We want to take care of you. We will pack your stuff and move you to New York with us," Shayne replied agreeing.
"All right," I said. I smiled gently at them.
On a rainy day in December, I found out that I had been disowned and disinherited from my family. They did not want me anymore. They did not like the decision I had made. That was their fault for not trusting me and believing and wanting to accept it.
It was going to be the three of us now. It should have been the three of us sooner. I was just too selfish and stupid to believe that my family would accept my new life and the men that came with it. I was wrong, but that is okay. I will be fine. I have Nikolaus and Shayne with me now. We will get through this and I will become a stronger person for it. I looked at them. These were my boys. I would do anything for them.