Chapter 8
RUN
Edward offered to drive me to the airport. I accepted. As a last minute promise to Embry I left my guitar. Because of this I had now left both my heart and soul with him. This made it so much worse to say goodbye. I promised I would never play again until we were together again.
So I said my goodbyes. I said goodbye to Embry last. Then Edward dragged me off into the garage.
The ride was long and silent. He stayed with me until my flight to London. I didn't cry. My pain was beyond that. I decided I would not feel any emotion properly until I saw him again.
I boarded the flight. It wasn't as long as the one from San Francisco would have been. I would soon be in my own bed with my dog to comfort me. She was an Alaskan Malamute. He was a red, almost the colour. As I remembered I realised something. We took off before I could fully understand my epiphany.
I spent most if the flight listening to the radio. There was a young girl sitting next to me. She was alone so the air hostess kept checking on her. She noticed the scar on my arm.
'Wow, how did you get that?' she asked.
'I was attacked.' I said. She looked shocked.
'Oh, well you must be very brave.'
'No, my boyfriend was the brave one. He found me, picked me up and ran. Through the rain, through the forest. Miles to get me to the hospital. And then he gave me some of his blood so I wouldn't die.' I told her. She was intrigued so kept asking questions. She was about ten. We sat quiet for a moment when she said.
'Oooh, I love this song.' we listened.
'I'll sing it one last time for you.
Then we really have to go.
You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done.
And I can barely look at you,
But every single time I do,
I know we'll make it anywhere away from here.'
'Light up, light up.
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear.
Louder, louder.
And we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak, I understand why you can't raise your voice to say.'
'To think I might not see those eyes, makes it so hard not to cry.'
I unplugged the headphones and stared out the window. I knew I had made the right decision but it was for all the wrong reasons. I shouldn't care about my parents or what they thought. I shouldn't pursue a career I would hate.
And then it hit me. I didn't have to.
Yes, I would catch connecting flight. But I would refuse to have them manipulate me any longer.
We landed later than expected.
I ran, the words of the song echoed so loudly in my head I almost took a different flight. NO, I shouted at myself. I would not be swayed by some petty band called Snow Patrol.
I only just caught the flight. It was faster than expected. It landed.
I got into a black cab and gave our address. We drove three quarters of the way there when I ran out of money. The driver looked at me warily as I got out. I think he was worried I would do something stupid, I was crying so hard. I had made the wrong decision and I knew it. I found no excuses for leaving them, just reasons to keep going.
I walked down the road with my bag. I was shaking so hard I thought I would be sick. I sat down on the kerb. I cried until I gave myself a headache. It was worse than a migraine. The pain was so intense at one point it felt like I had been shot through the head. That sent a bigger shiver down my spine. I stood up and ran.
'Light up, light up.
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear.
Louder, louder.
And we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak, I understand why you can't raise your voice to say.'
I echoed through my head as I ran. Suddenly I didn't care anymore. I picked up my pace. Looking around I noticed the scenery was so much like what I had left behind. But that no longer made me sad. No more would I shed a tear for what might have happened.
Then I could see it. I ran as fast as I could go and collapsed through the door.
My dog met me at the door. I hugged him and vowed I would never let go.
Because in this world of pain he was my only comfort.