Rosto's Cracknob Journal

First things first, Rosto made sure he was alone, peeping his head out into the corridor at The Dancing Dove. All clear. He moved stealthily to his writing desk and took out his journal, which said, "Top Secret! Hands Off!" on the cover.

Picking up his pink gel pen, he deliberated a moment before writing on a fresh page in his journal:

Rosto Cooper

He thought a moment more, then wrote again:

Mr. Rosto Cooper

This gave Rosto a warm fuzzy feeling that he very much enjoyed.

Master Rosto Cooper

The Rogue giggled.

He was just turning all the o's into hearts when Aniki came in unnoticed. Sneaking up behind him, intending to give him a noogie, she saw the journal and snatched it out of his hands instead. "What's this!" she asked wickedly, "Rosto's super-secret diary?"

Rosto gasped in horror and lunged for it. There was a brief struggle before Aniki wrested it from his grasp. She started to flip through it. "No!" shrieked Rosto. "Don't read it!"

Every page was filled with the same two words:

Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto CooperRosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto CooperRosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto CooperRosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper Rosto Cooper

"Rosto!"

The Rogue folded his arms in a huff. "I'm not ashamed," he said. Then he slumped and said, "I'm ashamed."

Aniki collapsed on the floor laughing. Rosto sat down and looked sour. "Well," said Aniki once she'd calmed down, "at least you'd get to have a last name. Better than your real one, I mean."

"What's his real one?" Beka and Erksen had come in without either of them noticing. For all their experience in a cutthroat world of crime, Rosto and Aniki were surprisingly easy to sneak up on. Perhaps they were sleepy. Perhaps they were in a fanfiction. Perhaps we'll never know. We must move on.

Beka saw the open journal on the floor and became livid and embarrassed at the same time, a state of mind in which Beka often finds herself. She was unable to say anything until she decided to punch Rosto or blush, so Aniki attempted to fill the silence. "His last name is—"

Rosto lunged at her a second time, trying to cover her mouth, but Aniki has a loud voice. "His last name is—Hitler!"

Ersken fainted dead away. The pigeons outside the window, who'd heard Beka was in the building on the pigeon-vine, took off. "Noooo!" said Rosto.

"You're Hitler?" Beka asked with raised eyebrows.

"A Hitler. That Hitler is a very, very distant relation," Rosto raised his Aryan chin, "very, very distant. Still, not a nice name to have. I had a very difficult childhood. You know, psychologically." Aniki rolled her eyes. "The doctor suggested I take up a musical instrument as a hobby. The pipes. To deal with the—" Rosto paused, shook his hands feebly at the wrist, and whispered the word delicately: "stress."

Beka leaned down to fan the unconscious Ersken. "Rosto, I don't care. It's fine."

Rosto was utterly undone. Aniki watched his hard, angular face become boyish, almost cherub-like. There were roses in his cheeks, stars in his eyes, moondust in his hair, and his lips had become shiny like rubies. He stared at Beka for what seemed like an eternity.

Aniki hummed a song to herself to pass the time.

"Oh, Beka!" Rosto breathed. "Beka, you accept me for who I am!"

"Well, you're still a murderer," said Beka as Ersken started to revive. Rosto ignored that bit.

"Beka, I love you more than power and money and… power. Will you have me?"

"No," said Beka, and went with Ersken to buy some raisin buns. She is always eating baked goods. No doubt this is part of what makes her such a good Dog.

Aniki clapped Rosto on the shoulder. "Well, at least you still have me."

"Well, actually, it's never really been clarified whether our relationship is sexual," said Rosto. He picked up his journal from the floor and settled down to write Beka Hitler a few hundred times.

Enter Pounce to ask for cheese.

The End.