Disclaimer: Regretfully, I do not own Sirius Black or any of the other characters found in the Harry Potter Septology. However, if anyone would like to donate funds so that I can become richer than J. K Rowling and buy them from her, I promise I will bring Sirius Black back from the dead and do anything else you say. Please send your gold to Ian McDiarmid's front lawn, where I am currently begging him to take me as his new apprentice and teach me how to bring someone back from the dead. (Ian McDiarmid plays the Emperor in Star Wars, if you happened to not know that.)
A/N: This chapter is mostly here to show you the kind of relationship that Sirius has with his friends and also to show that guys really do act differently around their friends. Sirius really has grown up in the last few years, but he's careful not to let his friends discover that. Hopefully I got this updated in time for you to read it during Christmas. That was my plan, anyway. I'm sorry it wasn't sooner. I had to study for exams, and do Christmas shopping, and bake cookies… Anyway, Happy Christmas, everyone! Luv, Liveley.
Chapter 2 – Self-skepticism
"Alright, Padfoot, tell me the truth," demanded Remus as he pushed open the back door leading into Sirius's small flat, "are you harassing Raven Ashe again?"
Sirius scoffed. "I didn't harass anyone that didn't want to be harassed, Moony."
"Yeah, sure." Remus sat down next to Sirius on the couch. "Then will you be stalking her again?"
"I never stalked her!" defended Sirius. "She just…fascinates me. Most girls at least gave me a chance, but that one…"
"I think you may have blown any chance you had with that kiss. I mean, that was cheap, even for you."
"Yeah, but it was two years ago!" Sirius argued.
"Well, did you ever think maybe it was her first kiss?" countered Remus.
"What?" Sirius shook his head.
"For that to be taken away from her by you of all people…"
"Moony, that can't have been. She's bound to have been kissed…"
"I know her better than you do, Sirius," interrupted Remus. "She was always a bit antisocial. She's better now, but—"
"Why is she antisocial?" asked Sirius unexpectedly, trying to catch Remus off-guard.
Remus became suddenly interested in the carpet at his feet. He swallowed and said uneasily, "No idea."
"Right," Sirius rolled his eyes and continued to interrogate him. "Why did you tell her you were a werewolf even before you told us, who, I might add, are your best friends?"
"Haven't we covered this before?" Remus snapped. "She needed to know. That's all there is to it!"
"But why?" demanded Sirius.
Remus turned his head to look Sirius in the eyes. "Padfoot, would you ever tell anyone else I was a werewolf without making sure it was okay with me first?"
"No!" answered Sirius instantly. "Of course not."
"Good…then you see why I can't tell you about Raven's situation?" he rose his eyebrows, questioningly. "It's not my thing to tell."
This earned him a glare from Sirius. "You sucked me into that one."
Remus grinned and threw his head back proudly. "I know," he replied with an air of arrogance.
The two of them chuckled.
"Anyway…in the future, Padfoot, if you really must continue trying to woo said girl, I'd keep your lips to yourself for just a little while, okay?"
Now Sirius rose an eyebrow. "What's this? Giving me advice?"
Winking, Remus inclined his head.
"I should be making a list of all the things that apparently don't work on Ashe. I'm good at making lists," Sirius pointed out. "Remember my Hogwarts essay?"
Remus snorted. "Yeah, cause that sure kept you out of trouble in school. When one makes a list of things not to do, it's ordinarily so that they can…I don't know, actually not do them. And not only did you fail miserably at that simple task, you actually started doing more things just so you could add them to your list." Sirius shrugged innocently. "So, I'm just generalizing here, Padfoot, but I'd say making a list of things not to do with Raven would only serve to make you annoy her more."
"You make a good point, my friend," agreed Sirius, though his lips formed a devious smirk, "but it would give me something to do besides follow Death Eaters around and help James-and-Lily," he said the two names as if they were one, connected person, "pick out bloody wallpaper for the baby's room." He heaved a great sigh and rolled his eyes on top of it.
Remus stared at Sirius for a second, and then, "Lily asked you that, too?"
Sirius gave a tragic nod and then changed his voice to sound as much like Lily's as it could, "Sirius, do you think Jamesey would prefer the 'Harlequin Indigo,' the 'Fairy Tale Blue,' or the 'Caribbean Azure' for the baby's room?"
They both gagged as Remus surveyed Sirius all-knowingly. "Bet you did a major entry in The Book about that."
Sirius chuckled and nodded his agreement. "Well how could I not? It's disgusting! Lily's made a habit of treating us like we're her girlfriends here!"
"I know," Remus agreed, grinning as well. But then, as always, he took the somber side, "but she's eight months pregnant, Sirius. I figure we should give her a break."
"I do!" defended Sirius, smirking. "I gave her my opinion and everything…"
"Oh really? What exactly did you say?" asked Remus, feeling that whatever Sirius said wouldn't fall under the requirements of giving Lily a break.
"I said exactly this: 'They're all revolting, Lily, and you should pray the kid's going to have better taste than that'."
"Padfoot!" reprimanded Remus.
Sirius only increased the volume of his bark-like laughing. "I'm sorry, Moony, but there's no way I'm going to let her turn me into a girl. If she's going to continue asking me those sorts of nauseating things, she has to know I'm going to give her shit about it, pregnant or not. Otherwise she'll do it more and more until the next thing I know, she's giving me a makeover and telling me about her and James's sex life!"
Remus laughed. "Doesn't James do that anyway?"
"Yeah, but James is a fellow guy, Moony. You don't want to hear it from Lily's point of view, trust me."
"Well if what you say is true, I might not have to take your word for it. I can't give her shit because she thinks I'm the sensitive one."
Sirius issued another bark of laughter. "You? Sensitive? If you're the sensitive one, then I'm the serious one."
"Well, you may not be serious, Sirius, but you are most definitely thick!" Remus scolded. "At least I'm more sensitive than you."
"Not on a full moon, you're not," Sirius challenged.
Remus rolled his eyes. "That's right, and when the next one rolls around, I'm seriously considering biting you in the arse!"
"Ooh," replied Sirius without missing a beat, "now you got me all excited. I'm counting down the days."
"You think I won't do it?" There was a pause in which Sirius tried not to smirk at such a question. "All right," Remus contested, "but I will tell Raven to stay away from you again. It worked last time."
"What! Moony, come on…" Sirius pleaded.
Remus displayed a grin of victory.
"Fine, it doesn't matter. I can still get her to like me." He leaned back in his chair, lifting the two front legs off the ground and placing his hands behind his head leisurely.
"Not if I tell her you have some really gross, incurable disease or something. I have a rather colorful imagination, you know."
In Sirius's shock, he overbalanced, causing his chair to fall backwards and he with it. "Moony! You're killing me here! What kind of friend are you!"
Remus sneered. "Now who's the sensitive one, Black?"
"I'm not sensitive!" shouted Sirius, struggling to get to his feet. "You won't really tell her that, will you?"
"What do you think I am?" Remus asked, the smirk growing wider on his face, "A two-faced, snarling beast?"
The two of them suddenly grinned at each other.
"Pretty much…yeah," Sirius said. "But at least you get a break from that particular personality on the full moon."
Remus glared at Sirius, realizing he had been implying Remus's wolf side was the more favorable. "Git."
Sirius smiled. "Oh, go cry your sensitive little self to sleep."
Sniffling for full effect, Remus kicked off of Sirius's sofa. "I think I will."
"Give Ashe a kiss for me when you see her now, won't you?"
Remus shrugged. "Okay."
"Don't you dare!" Sirius was on his feet now, too. "I was kidding; I take it back. You said you were just friends, remember?"
"Yeah, but you're my best friend, and you asked me to," he teased, grinning. "I'd do it for you."
"Keep your bloody hands off her, I said!" but he laughed. "Besides, that friend of hers might be pretty upset about that."
"Jordi? You think she likes me?" asked Remus, unable to hide his curiosity.
"Er…reading between the lines, mate, I'd say she's madly in love with your furry little self."
Remus beamed. "That's okay with me… Wait, you think she knows I'm a werewolf?"
Sirius shrugged. "Ashe does. They're best friends. Girls tell each other everything, don't they?"
"Yeah, but not something like that…"
"Does it matter if she knows or not? If she does and likes you anyway, that's a good thing. And if she doesn't know, you'll just tell her and—"
"And then she'll never want to come near me again," supplied Remus bluntly.
"Remus, she won't be like that! Your furriness is part of you whether you like it or not. It makes you a stronger person. If Ashe's friend really—"
"Jordan," Remus corrected.
Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed with annoyance. "If your precious Jordan really likes you, she won't care that you're a werewolf."
"How do you know that?" questioned Remus uncertainly.
"I'm a bloody psychic. I didn't tell you I applied for the Divination opening back at Hogwarts next term? True seer, I tell you. I had a vision the other night about these two girls, and they were—"
Remus held up a hand. "Shut it, Sirius."
Sirius shook his head, but dropped the theatrics. "Not until you quit feeling sorry for yourself. You're never going to get laid with such self-skepticism. I'm just looking out for ya."
"Look out for yourself," Remus said, giving him a one-sided smile.
"I do, obviously." Sirius put on a brilliant smile. "But I'm a chivalrous guy, what can I say? I have an excess of concern, so kill me."
"Well then why don't you try thinking with some place other than your—"
"Belly button?" guessed Sirius.
"It's a little further south, I think."
"You think?" asked Sirius, smirking.
"Well…" Remus shrugged, "mine is, anyway."
Sirius feigned innocence. "I have no idea what you're implying there, Moony."
Remus chucked. "Well, I'd better get home. See you tomorrow then." He made his way for the door.
"Yeah. Watch out for those dangerous, furry, night creatures now."
Remus smirked. "I am one of those 'dangerous, furry, night creatures,' Padfoot."
"Yeah, I know," said Sirius, smirking back. "I meant watch out for a female one. Like I just said, you could use a good—"
"I said shut it!" Remus cut in before Sirius could finish verbalizing the workings of his dirty mind, once again. "Goodnight."
"Night, Moony."
Before going to bed that night, Sirius pulled an old and battered-looking, black book and a quill toward him. Making a list couldn't hurt. He liked making lists. He wrote:
This is a list of things that I, Sirius Lee Black, to my own shame, have used on countless women in my short, but productive life as a ladies' man. Regardless of the fact that most of the items I am writing down have worked on most of my prey, I am writing them down as things not to say and/or do because in most cases, they have only been used to deceive. The only explanation I can find for my sudden urge to make said list is this: Raven Ashe. This girl not only refuses to fall for my wit, she matches it with her own and brutally butchers every bit of it. Every pick-up line I have ever uttered to her has only managed to make her hate me more than she did before. Hopefully, the list I am making will help me in an effort to reform my evil—but, I'm told, actually quite appealing—mannerism and put an end to my aforementioned womanizing ways. Without further ado, the list:
1. "I have only three months to live…"
Telling a girl this is obviously…misleading, to say the least. Adding "I wish I wasn't still a virgin…" is even more deceitful and will most likely result in a slap to the face. This pick-up line can also go even more wrong, as Ms. Ashe has unkindly demonstrated:
Sirius Black: "Please go on a date with me, Ashe. I only have three months to live!"
Raven Ashe: "…Good!"
2. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
The ideal response from my victim in this case would be something along the lines of them laughing and thinking I was charming for calling them an angel. But no! Observe:
Sirius Black: "Did it hurt?"
Raven Ashe: "Did what hurt?"
Sirius Black: "When you fell from heaven."
Raven Ashe: She rolled her eyes! Rolled her eyes, at me, can you believe it? And then she said, "Yeah…like a bitch."
3. "Is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your pants."
Okay, I'll admit this one is a little too forward, even for me. I mean, I'm not complete scum. I was only going to say it in order to piss Ashe off even more because she's pretty cute when she feels exposed. But she didn't even let me finish! So rude:
Sirius Black: "Hey Ashe, is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your—"
Raven Ashe: She really didn't have to say anything at all because the smack she gave me right across the face made me forget what the next word was anyway!
4. It's probably not a good idea to randomly kiss a girl after they've continuously refused to go out with you. This isn't exactly a pick-up line per se, but forgive me for thinking she might actually enjoy it if she just stopped yelling at me for two seconds! Although Remus says I'm not allowed to do it again, I think I should count this one as a victory because Ashe didn't slap me or swear at me afterward. Okay, it's probably because she was in too much of a shock. Clearly, she didn't expect me to just kiss her while she was shouting at me. But she just stared at me after I pulled away… Well, all right, maybe she was glaring daggers at me… Actually, it could have been that she was just standing there because she was waiting for me to do it again… Maybe she liked it… Maybe I should have…kissed her…again…
Sirius watched Raven across the room since she was still sitting with Jordan and one other fifth year girl. He started to get up.
"Padfoot…" started Remus.
"You shouldn't watch this," said Sirius over his shoulder, with a determined sort of look on his face.
He sat down next to her. She and the two other girls were laughing and eating pieces of cake. "Well, I've come to throw in the towel."
"Good for you," said Jordan after she'd swallowed her bite of cake.
Raven pointedly ignored him, suddenly finding the frosting on her cake very interesting. She finally looked up as she felt Sirius's eyes on her.
"What?"
"You aren't going to say anything?" he asked.
"Nope." She continued to eat and a few moments later, looked up again to find Sirius still watching her. "You know, that's really creepy and annoy—"
She was cut off when Sirius instinctively pressed his lips against hers. Raven sat frozen for a few seconds, and when he pulled back, the fire in her eyes could possibly have made Lord Voldemort sweat on an off day. The two of them stared at each other for a few more seconds, Sirius with a smirk and Raven with a look of absolute venom.
Then Sirius smiled widely and winked. "Have a nice summer, Ashe."
Sirius had drifted off to sleep with his head in-between the pages of his book and his bottom lip turning black as he had absentmindedly rested his quill there.
A/N: That was a flashback from the thirteenth chapter ("Princesses and Professor McGonagalls'") of Padfoot Prohibited at the end there. Hope you liked this chapter. You got a glimpse of Sirius's famed book, of which his Hogwarts essay was a part, but you will find out more about it in later chapters. I want to wish all of my readers a blessed Christmas and happy New Year. I really do, truthfully, appreciate each and every one of you. There is something on my Christmas list this year that Santa cannot give me: a nice, long review from you. Thanks for reading! Luv, Liveley.
Oh, I also wanted to remind everyone to check out my other fic, Renegade, if you can. It follows Sirius into hiding between Harry's third and fourth years. There are also characters named Raven and Jordan, but they aren't – ARE NOT – the same as in this one, just so you know. They're just my signature names, okay? Anyway, check it out if you can. Thanks!