I think that I deserve the most sympathy. A horrible, selfish thought, I know. But why can't I feel sorry for myself? Why don't I deserve any pity? Since we were little kits my brothers only caused trouble. Lost and alone, I had to bring our litter together so that we could survive. I had to lead them to find the clans that would take us in.
If it weren't for me they would have gotten into a troublesome situation. I just know it. That's all Winterkit and Duskkit ever did. They messed around, always getting into all sorts of trouble. If it wasn't for me, their sister, Mothkit, they might not have made it.
I pulled our family together in the toughest of times. That's how I spent my kithood. Looking after them. And how did they thank me? Conitinuing to fool around. Even as apprentices they kept up their delinquent acts.
Things only get worse from there. It happened when we were newly made warriors. My brother Winterstep fell in love. It should have been a good thing. It was a good thing. Excpet Duskfang didn't think so.
I can't blame Winterstep for any of this, I suppose. He couldn't help but fall in love. Falling in love with that golden she-cat was good for him. She helped him grow up. If only the same had happened to Duskfang.
Duskfang and Winterstep had a fall out. To put it lightly. It turned into the most horrible betrayal I'd ever known. Unlike in our kit days, there was no way for me to keep our family together this time. I had to watch it come apart. Rip apart.
The fight resulted in Duskfang getting banished. He did the unspeakable: attempted to murder one of his own clanmates. I suppose Winterstep's lover was the true victim of the attempt, but I was utterly devastated. No one wondered how I felt, though. They were all concerend about Winterstep and his mate.
Not that I showed any of my disappointment or sorrow. I kept it hidden. It's been my secret, hidden burden. Winterstep was awfully wrecked up after Duskfang was exiled by our clan. It was up to me to stay strong and be there to support him. He couldn't see me just as ruined by it.
Winterstep took yet another blow when Duskfang returned as a member of BoneClan. Shortly after leaving our clan, he had joined the evil clan of rogues so that he could get revenge on the cats who had shunned him. One of our warriors was murdered by him. Winterstep was forced to fight his brother again in an attempt to save the victimized warrior. The fallen warrior died anyways. Too many wounds were inflicted by my brother. Too much blood was lost.
It was shocking and horrifc to think that my brother, my own flesh and blood, my own kin, had slain that warrior. I could hardly handle the fact that the tom I had grown up with was capable of slaughtering another cat in cold blood like that. My burden grew heavier, for as terrible as the ordeal was for me, I had to be strong for Winterstep. After all we'd been through, I couldn't let him down.
One of my brothers had grown into a monster. It was barely even concievable for me. But true. My other brother needed me. I had an obligation to protect him. Even if it was from his own troubled emotions. To lessen his pain, I had to keep mine a secret from all. Cover it up.
I wish someone would care for me. Winterstep has his beloved mate, and a sister who cares too much. I've spent my life taking care of my brothers, only to have our small family torn up. Both of them slipped away from me, taking two different paths. Where's my life heading? I'm still trying to dedicate my life to a family that has grown out of my reach. Who's suffering worst of all?