Well, I'm back. And guess what? I have a new chapter for you guys! The cast list was a bitch to figure out, but in the end, I think it turned out alright. So anyways, here's a new chapter!
Disclaimer: James Madison wrote the Constitution, Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, but I didn't write Naruto.
1700 hours: Umino Iruka's apartment
"So it's agreed then…Sasuke isn't Sweeny?"
Shino nodded. "He doesn't have the voice for it. He'd be better off not being in a singing part at all."
Tenten sighed. "Then who's going to be Sweeny?"
The trio had been at this for hours. Mrs. Lovette had been an easy assignment, as had Toby, but for all it was worth, they didn't even have the beginnings of a show. They'd bickered, compared, even banged their heads repeatedly against the table, but the result was the same: they had no Sweeny Todd.
Iruka popped another Advil, and sighed. "Well, it's starting to get late. You two should get home."
1900 hours: Aburame household
It hit Shino in a blinding flash of the obvious. Jumping out of bed, he pulled out the cast list, and scanned it.
It could work, he thought, it just might work.
0800 hours: Konoha theatre
"Alright, alright…everyone, settle down," said Iruka in his teacher-voice. Shino, Iruka, and Tenten, all tired and irritated, stood before the cast members with clipboards in hand. Shino cleared his throat, and the mob fell silent.
"Alright, here's how it goes," he said, "Each role will be called out, and there will be no complaining. Complain, and a certain puppet master will be convinced to use his Iron Maiden jutsu on you."
"Hells yeah," said Kankuro, fingers twitching with anticipation. Gaara hit him over the head.
"Don't be stupid. Baki said not to use that jutsu unless necessary."
"The roles are: Adolfo Pirelli…Sabaku no Kankuro."
Kankuro jumped up, whooping and high-fiving Naruto and Lee.
"Beggar Woman…Haruno Sakura."
Sakura stood, waving and smiling brightly at the cast as they applauded. She was a bit disappointed at not being a main character, but she blew it off; at least she'd get stage time.
"Beadle Bamford…Nara Shikamaru."
Shikamaru groaned. "What a drag," he muttered, "now I have to sing."
"Our Judge Turpin is Uchiha Sasuke."
Sasuke frowned. He had wanted to be Sweeny Todd.
"Tobias Ragg is Konohamaru…"
"Yeah!" The young boy jumped up and down. "Did ya hear that, Boss? I'm a main character!"
"For once," muttered Gaara to Sakura. She stuffed a fist in her mouth to keep from laughing.
"The lovely Johanna will be played by Hyuuga Hinata."
Hinata went wide-eyed, and fainted. Shino sweat dropped.
"Anthony Hope…Uzumaki Naruto."
"I have a bigger role than Sasuke-teme? HELL YES!"
Sakura hit him over the head. "SHUT UP!"
"Erm…Mrs. Lovette is Yamanaka Ino…"
"Ha," said Ino, flicking back her blonde hair, "I beat Forehead Girl! I'm better than you are!"
Sakura said nothing; instead, she flicked a spider into Ino's face. Ino began to screech, causing Gaara to grab her with his sand, and fling her into a supply closet.
"That was getting annoying," he said. Everyone shuffled slightly away from the redhead.
And the last role," Shino said dramatically. The theatre was completely quiet. Ino had even stopped banging on the closet door.
"Our main role…"
Shinobi listened with bated breath. The tension in the air was terrific.
"Sweeny Todd is…"
Everyone waited through those five agonizing seconds; each individual wanting Shino to cut out the dramatic paused and announce it already.
"Sabaku no Gaara."
0830 hours: Konoha theatre
Everyone was dumbstruck. Sasuke had gone slack-jawed. Tenten and Iruka stared at Shino with a horrified look on their faces. Sakura was speechless. Gaara looked surprised.
"NANI?!"
The theatre was in an uproar. Sasuke was cursing a blue streak, damning the play to the fiery pit of hell. Sakura, Temari, and Kankuro offered their congratulations to a gobsmacked Gaara. Ino had started to bang on the closet door again.
"Now, now…" said a nervous-sounding Shino, "there's no reason to be so surprised…Gaara was the only logical choice we could think of…"
"You do realize that Sweeny uses a straight razor in the play, right?"
Shino nodded. "I'm well aware, Tenten."
"THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE THE PSYCHOPATH THE PART WITH THE RAZOR?!"
Shino paused, a look of terror on his face.
"Oh Kami, what have I done?!"
0900 hours: Konoha Theatre
There was no going back now. Despite cajoling, blackmail, manipulation, and bribery, Gaara became Sweeny Todd. It may have been a tragic flaw on Shino's part, but the cast list was set, and the participants could only cower and wait.
Sweeny Todd- Sabaku no Gaara
Mrs. Lovette- Yamanaka Ino
Anthony Hope- Uzumaki Naruto
Johanna- Hyuuga Hinata
Tobias Ragg- Konohamaru, Honorable Grandson of the Sandaime Hokage
Judge Turpin- Uchiha Sasuke
Beadle Bamford- Nara Shikamaru
Beggar Woman- Haruno Sakura
Adolfo Pirelli- Sabaku no Kankuro
Second chapter status: complete! This chapter was easy to write. I was really surprised that you all liked it so much. So to all my reviewers: REVIEW LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!!