Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik
Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.
To the bitter end
Bold: Peoples thought
Malik folded a shirt and put it into the pack on his bed. Ralim had visited, obviously, trying to convince him to go and see Altair again but it had fallen on deaf ears. There had been tears, oh god there had been tears from Malik but it didn't change his mind. He wouldn't stay, he couldn't stay in all good conscience, he knew that if he stayed in Masyaf it would be a hindrance to Altairs recovery. He heard footsteps behind him and simply assumed it was Ralim again.
"I'm not staying Ralim, I can't. I love him too damn much, if I stay it will only have a negative effect on Altairs condition and I can't stay if I know it's hurting him."
Malik wiped a tear from his eye with his hand and went back to packing his bags. He numbly placed the clothes into the rucksack and picked up another article of clothing.
"You really do care don't you Malik?"
Malik spun around and saw Altair leaning against the doorframe, he looked pale and shaky but he was smiling. Malik paled, he hadn't expected Altair to actually come and see him before he left. This was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done. Altair looked at Malik and rubbed his head in embarrassment.
"Malik, say something this is awkward."
Malik turned back around and carried on packing, his eyes were tearing up. This was a lot harder than he thought; he couldn't believe how hard this was. Before he found out he loved Altair he would have waved, smiled and just gone back to his bureau, he would have been slightly sad but nowhere near the extent he was now.
"What is there to say Altair? I'm leaving so you can get better, we'll still see each other when you come to Jerusalem on missions, and it isn't goodbye forever."
Malik was saying this more to convince himself than Altair, he knew that in his hard. He sighed and dropped the piles of clothes he was holding back onto the bed. He sat on the bed but still refused to look at Altair. He put his elbow onto his knees and leant his head on his hand. He heard footsteps and still refused to look up at the dark haired man that had sat by him.
"Malik, are you really leaving to go to Jerusalem? Really?"
Malik waved his hand in front of him in a gesture of frustration. Altair really was dense if he expected Malik to stay here.
"No Altair I'm doing this on a whim, of course I'm leaving. I'm not sticking around when all I'm getting is threats and especially if I'm simply putting your treatment back with every visit."
He picked up one of the shirts he'd dropped on the bed and began to refold it, placing it on his knees to compensate for his lack of another hand. The silence that was echoing back and forth between them was heartbreaking in so many ways; Altair was staring at the side of Malik's head waiting for his friend to say something. When he didn't Altair grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.
"If you really loved me you'd have tried harder, you're just proving to me that you don't really love me."
"What? So you're saying that I should stay here, facing physical and verbal abuse from someone whose supposed to love me simply to give him reinsurance."
Altair nodded enthusiastically a big smile on his face. Malik sighed at the look of desperation in those grey eyes. Altair wasn't in his right mind, he was unhinged and alone. Emotionally fragile and in desperate need of any type of affection.
"Altair, have you completely lost your mind?"
"Most likely."
Malik glanced up at Altair and noticed the enormous grin on Altairs face; he couldn't help but grin in return. He put the shirt he was folding into his rucksack and picked up another.
"I'm not changing my mind, you'll be better off without me Altair, we both know that."
Tears welled up in Altairs eyes but before he could respond there was a cough from the doorway. They both looked over and saw Doctor Ishtar standing in the doorway. He was looking at the two men with eyes filled with sympathy and sadness.
"Altair, we've been searching for you. You need to get rest; you've suffered from extreme blood loss."
Altair glared up at the man with his cold grey eyes. The man shuddered at the lack of kindness in them but stood his ground, he was the doctor assigned to Altair and he would make sure that he stayed in bed even if he had to tie him down. Altair shook his head and stood up, walking out of Malik's bedroom.
"Come talk to me before you leave Malik, and don't try to sneak out because I'll just track you down."
Altair stalked out of the room closely followed by the doctor. Malik stood up, turned towards the bed and carried on folding his clothes. His mind wasn't on the task at hand but on the elegant man that had just left.
---
Malik dropped his bags outside of Altairs door. He couldn't help but grin; the other assassins had come and complained about the fact that they'd had to replace the door three times in the same amount of days. He knocked lightly on the door and waited patiently for the man on the other side to answer. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally answered the door. No words were exchanged as he simply left the room and held the door open for Malik to proceed. Malik gave a curt nod and walked through the door. Lying on the bed was Altair, still awake but only barely. Malik gave a small smile at the grumpy expression on his face.
"Please Malik don't just stand there, sit down."
Malik shook his head, Altair was still grumpy.
"Can we make this quick Altair I want to be on the road in less than an hour."
"Malik you're cold aren't you?"
Malik through an unreadable glance at the incapacitated assassin.
"I learnt from the best so you have only yourself to thank."
Altairs eyebrow raised slightly. Malik was in no mood for Altair, he'd really had enough of Altairs mood swings, and he'd had enough of Altairs self-pitying. He knew that it was part of the psychosis that Altair was going through but it still broke his heart. His love had been reduced to a spoilt brat and it tore his soul out, trod on it and ripped it into a million pieces.
"Malik this isn't like you."
"Yeah but this is what you've created."
Altair shook his head, tears in his eyes.
Oh great another mood swing
Malik walked over to the bed and sat down. He pulled Altair into a hug and rested his head onto Altairs.
"Altair, I can't stay. As much as I would love to I know I need to leave, if not for me then for you."
Altair nodded from his place in Malik's chest. Malik kissed the top of his head and nuzzled into Altairs hair.
"I'll be back Altair, as soon as your well again I'll be back and we'll talk."
A hand on his cheek silence Malik and he looked down into the tear glazed eyes of Altair.
"I know you love me Malik, I was just too dense to understand."
He pulled Malik's head down and kissed Malik on the lips. Malik was about to succumb to the sweet and needy lips that were moving over his when he realised what he was doing and pulled away. He looked down at Altair with eyes dark with lust and love.
"No Altair, we'll deal with this when you are in the right state of mind."
Altair nodded silently and watched as the man he loved walked out the door not knowing he wouldn't see him again for another year.
Please R and R, no flames thank you