Summary: Altair can't forget what he was forced to do to his master and he can't cope with it, who will come to save him. Rated M for Angst, self harming, attempted suicide. Eventually Altair/Malik
Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Assassin's creed not the rights to it. I make no money from this story so I can't lend any to anyone.
To the bitter end
Bold: Peoples thought
Altair opened his eyes blurrily. The room was dark which told him he'd slept through most of the day, which wasn't a surprise considering the 'workout' Malik had given him. He looked over his shoulder at his sleeping lover with a grin, Malik had his arm draped over Altairs waist and there was a content smile on his face. Altair's heart swelled with love and affection and he placed a soft kiss on the other mans lips.
He's just using you you know.
Altair's eyes widened and his head spun over to look at the indistinct form of his master looking over the bed with hard cold eyes.
"You're not real, go away."
The man laughed and it sounded cold and hollow. It sent unpleasant shivers up and down his spine. He considered waking his boyfriend so he didn't have to face this alone but in the end he discarded that idea. He would have to deal with this on his own eventually and now was as good a time as any, while he was secure in the knowledge that Malik loved him.
You might think that you're secure in the knowledge that this man loves you but if you were truly secure then I wouldn't be here. I'm a manifestation of your doubt and internal conflict. You say I'm not real but what I say is what you think and that's enough.
Altair glared at the man. When he thought he was cured, bam his mind decided to regress, well that was going to stop. He was going to deal with it right here, right now.
"So you're my internal doubt and angst, right?"
The ghostly figure nodded and smiled, predatorily, down at the naked man. Altair glared at the incorporeal man and sighed as his former master nodded;
Yes but I only say things that you yourself are thinking and feeling so if you want to get angry get angry at yourself because these are your thoughts not mine.
Altair smirked, this 'ghost' was talking differently to his former master now and that made it less intimidating. While it was pretending to be a ghost it had seemed frightening but now it was just another internal conflict, and he had dealt with plenty of those before. Every kill that he had made had caused him internal conflicts about the justification for taking a mans life.
Ah but Altair you've never been this weak before, this fragile which will make dealing with me that much harder and none of those arguments will match up to what I have in store for you.
Altair grinned dangerously, so his conscious had decided to show its true colours, this was just another enemy he needed to defeat, his own internal conflict and indecision. If he didn't back down here he'd be one step further on his road of recovery. He sat on the bottom of the bed and spread his hands wide.
"Go on then, give me your best shot."
The image of his master blinked in surprise, it had expected Altair to be worried or at least show a little fear but Altair looked as though he was looking forward to this. Al Mualim leant forward and looked deep into Altair's eyes.
I can't believe you Altair, I expected so much more. The price at which you sold your soul was abysmally low.
It was Altair's turn to blink in conclusion. He didn't understand how he had sold his soul.
"What do you mean? I never 'sold my soul' that was what you did when you tried to brainwash the world; you betrayed every principle you ever stood for and for what? Power?"
The illusion laughed derisively. It looked down at the naked assassin with a mixture of pity and disdain.
Yes but look at what high a price it took me to sell out. World domination. You betrayed yourself for a one armed man who might not even love you in return. You might be an impermanent bed partner for him and you changed yourself. You used to be so self-sure, it bordered on arrogant but as soon as you realised the man you lusted after didn't like that you changed. You flipped into a cowering fool with jumped up ideas of his own nobility. It is truly pathetic.
Al Mualim arched an eyebrow as he heard soft chuckling. He looked at the bowed head of Altair and gasped when the man looked him in the eyes. There was a slight undercurrent of rage and understanding that threw the manifestation of Altairs psyche off-balance.
"Are you quite done? You say the price of my soul was low but you're wrong. I say I got a pretty good deal for it. I wouldn't trade in a pile of dung for my soul, yet Malik accepted me, loved me in a way I never could do for myself. I hate what I am and what I used to be so I say that the 'one armed man' fell short when he choose to take me and that makes all your arguments useless. So what if I'm not permanent, I don't care. I'm going to cherish the time I get with Malik because it will give me the strength to get me through my pitiful existence."
Al Mualim scowled as he saw Altair smirk. He knew he was quickly loosing his power over the dark haired man and needed to do something to shift the tide.
You still haven't accepted yourself though Altair and as soon as Malik realises how broken you are he'll discard you. As soon as he realises the 'real you' is a pitiful, self-hating man who thinks everything he does is wrong and can't bear to live in his own skin he'll toss you aside and move on to someone who's more confident and willing to please him the way he wants.
Altair blanched. It was true, he had been too nervous and body shy to do half the thing Malik wanted last night but he remembered the love and warmth that Malik displayed and he smirked back up at his master. He knew this last comment was going to banish the illusions, stop the voices and all he had to do was accept his flaws.
"I know what I am. I know that I will never truly love myself or have faith in my abilities, that's why I faked my confidence and tried to act cocky, too impress others to give myself false ideas of my own self-worth but none of that matters now because I know that Malik loves me and that's all I'll ever need, if it lasts for one moment or a life-time I'll know that at one point I was loved. So do me a favour 'master' and get out of my life."
He watched with satisfaction as the man before him scream and imploded leaving the room silent. It felt like an eternity before a voice came from behind Altair.
"So you finally faced your demons then."
Altair turned around and saw Malik sitting up with a smile on his face. Altair slid back up the bed and rejoined Malik under the covers. He looked at the spot where his 'master' had been standing and smile. For the first time in years he felt the weight on his heart being lifted and it made him exceptionally happy. He knew he was a long way from being 'cured' but maybe he never would be but ridding himself of his demons was the first of many steps he and Malik would take.
"Yeah, I just had to come to terms with the fact I'm not perfect and never will be. I'll always see flaws in myself but its only natural. No meaning to sound sentimental and soppy but it won't matter because I know that whatever happens I'll have you to help me get through it and that's all that counts.
Malik looked down at his lover and pressed a gentle kiss onto his lips.
"I'm so proud of you, and by the way you are not temporary, you're permanent. I'm not letting anyone take you away from me and I'll kill the bastard who thinks he can. No matter what you think about yourself, I think you're perfect and I'm going to prove it to you right now."
Altair laughed and wrapped his arms around Malik pulling him down for another passionate kiss. He gasped at the look of lust in Malik's eyes and then groaned as he felt Malik's hand run down his body, rubbing all his sensitive areas. He looked deep into his boyfriends eyes and saw passion, lust and most importantly love radiating out from them. He hissed as Malik leant down and bit hard on Altairs neck.
"Mine."
Altair closed his eyes in ecstasy and arched his back hissing out the one word that was ripped straight from his heart.
"Forever."
The End
That's it. Finished. So what does everyone think? Please R and R, no flames thank you.