Chapter 6: User Friendly

"You didn't have to hit me quite so hard, you know," Rodney moaned as he rubbed his upper arm, convinced that he could already feel a bruise forming. "I happen to need my arms to work and you know I have delicate skin."

"Aw, it was just a tap, you big baby."

"I hate you."

Sheppard grinned. "No, you don't. I'm not apologising, by the way." It grew even goofier as he heard the scientist mutter, "You never do."

They turned around a corner and stopped in front of a closed door. McKay grabbed his scanner and held it up in front of the control panel in order to double check the schematics again. "This is it," he announced as he waved a hand over the sensor. Surprisingly, the doors opened without any complaints and they cautiously walked in.

The Air Force man let out an amused snort. "Well, that was easy enou-"

"Stop right there!" Rodney snapped, reeling around suddenly and pointing a finger at the Colonel. "We've already been jinxed by Conan the Barbarian!" He poked his outstretched digit into Sheppard's chest. "I don't need you adding to it!"

John rolled his eyes. "I can't believe how superstitious you are, McKay," he said, watching as the scientist stepped over to the centre of the room. "Do you have hidden issues or something? You're meant to be a scientist. I thought you didn't believe in all the hocus-pocus stuff."

McKay was walking around in a circle, examining what appeared to be a dais. "I didn't until I first saw a Wraith," he mumbled. "Close encounters with life-sucking alien vampires tend to make you re-evaluate your perspectives." He started to step forward.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Sheppard grabbed hold of the physicist's arm and tugged him back.

"I need to activate this," Rodney said with strained patience, shrugging out of John's grip with a scathing glare that he normally reserved for idiots and Kavanaugh. "If I don't turn it on, I can't sort the power out, meaning that I can't fix the problem with the doors, meaning that Teyla and Ronon won't be able to get in." And with that he stepped onto the platform.

Instantly, the room lit up and a holographic screen appeared in mid air, much like the display that the chair back in Atlantis called up. It showed a series of complicated schematics, each one more detailed than the last before coming to a halt on what John assumed was the root directory.

On the platform, McKay swayed slightly and let out a quiet grunt.

"Rodney?"

"I'm fine," came the automatic response.

Sheppard studied the Canadian closely – he seemed to be under an immense amount of strain. Although Rodney's gene was artificial, so far it had worked just as well as his or Beckett's… and certainly didn't have this sort of effect. "Hey, do you wanna swap places?" he asked, not liking the look of distress on his team-mate's face. "You can tell me what to look for."

Rodney shook his head. "It'd take far too long," he explained, sounding vaguely remorseful before muttering under his breath.

John couldn't be sure, but it sounded an awful lot like: 'Thank God I don't have to keep this up all day.' His gut clenched and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He tensed, subconsciously getting ready to manhandle his geek away from the podium if anything bad happened.

McKay concentrated and brought up the power regulation screen. "We're in luck," he said quietly, gritting his teeth slightly from the effort and motioning to the display in front of him. It showed a level bar with segments, the majority of which were fully lit. "The Zed PM that's running this place is pretty much intact, and appears to have quite a large reserve left. I'll try and bring it back online."

"So?" asked John after a couple of minutes. "Is it working?" He looked back out into the corridor and was met with the now familiar sight of dull emergency lights.

"For the love of God, Colonel!" Rodney replied without looking away from the screens. "Just give me a couple of minutes, would you?" He looked at the display and concentrated, typing on the console in front of him. A flare erupted from the corridor and he half turned to see that the lights were now well and truly on. "Hah!" he crowed triumphantly. Both men blinked as they adjusted to the sudden change.

"Nice one, McKay," Sheppard replied, a delighted grin brightening his face. "How about the doors?"

"On it." The physicist shook his head, wincing slightly.

John frowned, his grin twisting into a worried grimace. "You okay there, buddy?"

"Yeah," Rodney said, returning his attention to the display in front of him. "It's… Let's just say that this system isn't quite as user friendly as the one on Atlantis." He took a deep breath and set about trying to mentally shut down the internal security systems.

Without warning, a deafening, high-pitched alarm burst into life – John instinctively clapped his hands over his ears and looked over at McKay for an explanation, only to see his team-mate go rigid.

"Rodney?"

The scientist's face seemed to be contorted in pain and he let out a scream. Without thinking, John rushed forward, mentally screaming 'OFF!' as loudly as he could, and rugby tackled the Canadian. As they crashed to the ground, the alarm stopped and the lights dimmed slightly.

"McKay? Can you hear me?"

Rodney's eyes were screwed shut and a fine sheen of sweat was covering his shockingly pale face. His hands clenched spasmodically at his sides, his breathing coming in fast, ragged bursts.

John shook his friend's shoulders gently, alarmed at how violently he was shuddering. "C'mon, Rodney, talk to me."

McKay let out a strangled sob and cracked his eyes open. "J-Jesus Christ," he whispered, clutching at Sheppard's arm.

"Are you okay?"

The physicist's eyes wildly darted all over the room before settling back on John. He shook his head violently. "C-can't… can't breathe…"

The pilot knew a panic attack when he saw one and tightened his grip. "Yes, you can. C'mon, McKay, you know the drill. In… Out…" He mimicked slow breathing, encouraging his friend to copy him. All the while, he kept holding onto Rodney, trying to ground the panicked man. "Slowly, buddy," he ordered. "I know you can do this."

McKay closed his eyes briefly as he continued to gulp in air, trying to restore his breathing to a more natural pace.

"That's it, you're doing good," Sheppard encouraged. "Slow it down for me."

Finally, Rodney took a deep breath and released it, opening his eyes to see a very worried looking pilot looking down at him. He managed a small smile of thanks before a brutal shudder swept through him.

"Better?" John asked.

"Yeah," McKay panted. "I, I think so."

"Good," John said, sounding relieved. "What the hell just happened?"

Rodney tried to sit up, aided by Sheppard, and grimaced as the room span. He closed his eyes again, willing the nausea away. When he felt it was safe to open his mouth without a return visit from the contents of his stomach, he replied, "Trap."

"Trap?" asked John, crouching in front of him and placing a hand on his shoulder to steady the man. "What do you mean, trap?"

"I mean," said Rodney, opening his eyes again to glower at the American, "it was booby trapped. As in… you know, booby trapped. I don't have to explain that as w-well, do I?" He tried to stand up, but found Sheppard pressing him back down. "I'm not gonna break, you know," he muttered in mock annoyance.

"Maybe, but you're whiter than a sheet. Just stay put for a minute. I don't want you fainting on me."

"I don't faint. I pass out m-manfully."

"Yeah, and I'm the Prime Minister of Canada."

"Whatever," McKay groused, although the banter was comforting. After a couple of minutes, his head no longer felt like it was being ripped apart from the inside out, and he looked up at John. "Neural feedback," he muttered.

Sheppard tilted his head questioningly. "What's that?"

"The system was r-rigged to cause an unidentified user to experience n-neural feedback. It's similar to what you g-get from dodgy microphones and PA systems, only in your h-head and about a thousand times more uncomfortable." He coughed. "It's a kind of s-sensory overload." Seeing the Colonel still frowning in confusion, he added, "Think of a flash-bang m-magnified a million times and you'll b-be close."

"Ouch," John winced. "Sounds nasty."

"Yeah, it was." McKay sighed. "Look, can I stand up yet? It's pretty uncomfortable d-down here."

Sheppard studied Rodney closely. He was still pale, but no longer looked like he was about to be sick or pass out, so he relented and gently tugged the man to his feet. As the scientist swayed, he snaked an arm across his waist to support him. "Steady there, McKay."

"I'm okay, Sheppard," Rodney replied unconvincingly. "It was just a b-bit of a shock to the system." He giggled slightly, as if punch-drunk, then shook his head fiercely as if annoyed at his reaction.

"Yeah, well, I'd rather not take any chances." He led them over to the wall, and leant the ailing scientist against it. "So was it this Gemæd guy?" he asked.

McKay nodded. "I think so. The man must have been totally f-fruit loops to have installed something like that. F-freak."

"More like ass-hat," the Air Force man countered.

The Canadian chuckled softly. "The Ancients were p-pretty messed up, w-weren't they?"

"Yeah," agreed John, "they were. The whole damn lot of them. Highly evolved beings, my ass."

Rodney looked across at the Colonel, swallowing heavily – his throat was burning. "D'you have any water?" he croaked.

Sheppard nodded. He'd been waiting for such a request and immediately handed him the canteen, watching as Rodney shakily held it up to his lips. When the shaking became more pronounced, he grabbed hold of McKay's hands to prevent the scientist from dropping it. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked gently.

Rodney looked down at the floor, trying to stop his trembling. "N-no," he admitted after a little while. "I feel l-like a sack of shit, but… it'll probably pass. I just need a c-couple of minutes."

"You got it, Answer Man." Sheppard looked around the room. "So, you can't fix the doors then?"

"N-not unless I want my h-head to explode," he said, giving John a meaningful scowl. "And you're not t-trying it either, Flyboy."

John sighed. "Looks like Teyla and Ronon are gonna have to wait then."

"Not necessarily," Rodney replied. "If we sent them to the Gate, they could dial Atlantis and get Major L-Lorne's team here. They've all got the ATA gene apart from that n-new guy… Jameson, is it?" He waved a shaking hand distractedly. "Doesn't m-matter. With them here, and now that the main p-power's back online, it would speed up the s-search."

Sheppard smiled. "Good thinking." He raised a hand up to his earpiece and explained the situation to his team-mates. They both sounded concerned as he told them about McKay's run-in with the dais and offered to fetch Carson as well – something that John had already been considering. He looked back down at Rodney – who had sunk down to the floor again and was now resting his head against the wall – and agreed. As they ended the communication, he crouched down next to his friend.

"Hey there, buddy. You still with me?"

McKay's eyes seemed glassy and distant, but his colour had improved and the shaking was all but gone. "Mmm."

"Can you walk?"

The Canadian's eyes slowly returned to life as he thought for a moment. "Yeah. The s-sooner we go, the sooner I can download the info and g-get the hell out of this twisted psychopath's lair."

John tugged Rodney to his feet and helped him out of the room. As they left, neither man noticed the small panel that started to glow on the wall where McKay's head had been.