Four Seasons - Faith walks on broken glass (Fall)
The air was crisp and clean and leaves in myriad colours of orange, red, yellow, brown fell to the ground, littering the sidewalk in their crunchy embrace, as children scattered past on the breeze, dressed in their best Halloween costumes. Dean watched them go by - witches and werewolves and devils and angels alike - and smiled.
He wished he'd had the chance to do the same thing when he was young, but, looking back on his life as he'd lived it with his brother, Sam, he decided he wouldn't have it any other way. He preferred to hunt the monsters, to save people from them, rather than play act at being one.
He watched another batch of little monsters walk past, all glowing with sugar rushes, cramming more candy in already full mouths and squealing with laughter. The sight made him smile, with sadness, reflecting on what could have been, and didn't react when Castiel appeared on wings of shadow beside him, eyes gazing calmly upon Dean, and not the children.
Dean glanced at the angel, trying hard to hide the sadness still trapped in his gaze, but it was too late. Castiel had already seen the pain, the sadness, and Castiel reached out, laying one gentle hand upon the hunter's shoulder, warmth spreading through Dean with that one touch.
"Hey, Cas," Dean said, gruffly, before clearing his throat, trying for a brave smile at the angel standing beside him. "What's up? And if you say the sky, I'll kick your ass!"
The ghost of a smile flitted across the angel's face at that small joke, but he didn't drop his concerned gaze from Dean's.
"I know what you're feeling, Dean," he said, quietly.
"Do you? In all due respect, Cas, but how can you? You're an angel," Dean said, turning away, but didn't shake Castiel's hand from his shoulder.
Dean drew comfort from that one small gesture, more so than the more physical contact they'd shared in recent weeks, when they'd spent night after night in Dean's bed, in the back of his car, in thge shower, anywhere they saw fit to enjoy each other's company.
"And I don't know how the human mind works, is that it?" Castiel asked, and just for a moment it sounded as though the angel's feelings were hurt. "I think I know you well enough by now, to know how your mind works."
Dean turned back, saw the trapped puppy dog look of confusion settled deep within the angel's eyes, and felt a stab of guilt pass through him, his heart.
"I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean that. I don't know what I meant. I'm just wondering what the hell the point is of anything anymore. All I see is missed opportunities, things that should have been but aren't, a life that's not mine that's out of reach. And there's nothing I can do to make it happen," Dean said, looking away from Castiel, as understanding flooded through the angel's gaze.
Castiel squeezed Dean's shoulder in a supportive gesture, looking away, looking up to the sky above them, lips pressed together in an unreadable expression, before that perfect blue gaze met Dean's gaze once again.
"You protect people, Dean, you have more strength than most people I know, most angels that I know, come to think of it," Castiel said, with a small smile. "How many people can claim that? I don't think you realize just how many people wish they could be like you, could live the life you lead."
"It's always greener on the other side, right," Dean said, with a snort.
"Exactly. Don't lose faith, Dean. I trust you, believe in you no matter what you do. Just so you know," the angel said, finally dropping his hand from the hunter's shoulder, looking away, lips pressed together once again.
He shot Dean a look from the corner of his eye and smiled slightly when he saw Dean watching him closely. Dean opened his mouth, tried to speak, closed his mouth again, looked a little confused. Then he did say something.
"Thanks, Cas," was all he said, but judging by the look on his face he looked as though he wanted to say more than that.
Castiel just gave Dean an ethereal smile, before he left the hunter on the sidewalk, leaving him to think over what he'd said. Dean bowed his head, feeling weighed down by the responsibility of his life, and all that Castiel had left him with.
After a while, Dean got back in his Impala, and drove back to the motel room, thinking all the while that no matter what he did, Castiel would never lose faith in him. He could never disappoint the angel, could never hurt him; the angel would always have faith in him no matter what he did.
That meant more to him than anything else anyone could have said to him. Even though Dean's own faith often walked on broken glass, Castiel's own love, loyalty, unshakable faith in him was enough.
It would always be enough.
FIN