Chapter Three

It's so clear to me as I finish reading the entry, that I can't contain the sobs that rack my body. I feel arms wrap around me and know instantly that it is Jasper. He sends me waves of calm but not even his power can stop my pain.

"Bella" he soothes. "What's wrong?" he asks as he continues to rock me on his lap.

I look up to see the Cullen's minus Edward and Alice, watching intently at the show. "I'm sorry... I just... oh god..." I sob into Jasper's chest once more.

I always knew deep down that I wasn't good enough for him. I think that was why I always lived in fear, not because I was with someone who could instantly kill me but because he was someone who could leave me at any minute he chose.

"Bella, please tell us what is wrong." Carlisle asks while rubbing my shoulder. I get up off of Jasper's lap and grab the journal that I want to burn so badly. I walk into Alice and Jasper's room and into their closet; designer heaven. I start ripping the expensive clothes from their hangers and ripping some of the fine materials in the process. "I hope they are one of a kind, Alice. I hope you can never find another one like it!" I growl.

I walk out and Rosalie looks at me in horror. "Oh it's not like she can't afford anything." I spit out in disgust. I look over to Jasper who seems to be shocked and give him a small smile. "You'll thank me later and don't look so shocked. I do have a dirty side to me; it just rarely comes out."

I walk downstairs with his journal in hand and I know that everyone is following me. I walk outside and sit on the porch to get some fresh air as I clutch the book to my chest.

"Go get the bottle of wine Charlie keeps in the cupboard at my house." I say as I stare at Emmett. "Please you will be the best big brother ever."

"Bella, you are not getting drunk." Carlisle demands. He crouches down in front of me and looks me in the eyes. "Tell me what is wrong."

"I can't. Not yet." I say looking at him. "Carlisle, I can't."

I cry harder than I ever have and hug my knees to chest with the journal in the middle.

I didn't realize how long I was sitting there until Emmett came up to me and handed me a bottle of whiskey. "I didn't see any wine Bells, but I do know that back in the day when I was human, me and my buddies loved this." He grins.

"Emmett!" Carlisle scolds. Emmett gives him a sheepish grin and walks over to Rosalie.

"Seeing the human get drunk will be quite the show don't you guys think so?" Emmett laughs which results in getting smacked in the head by Rosalie.

After about ten minutes of trying to persuade me, I ended up being able to drink myself into oblivion; under their supervision of course. I was getting a little tipsy but nothing crazy. I looked at the bottle that was lying on the ground next to me on the ground; it was half gone. Then I looked at the garage that was left open; I spotted baseball equipment. I walked inside with Emmett trailing behind me hoping I will do something funny and stupid.

I roll my eyes at his silliness.

I grab one of the bats while running back out to the driveway. "Thank god he left his car I murmur."

"Why?" Everyone asked. And that's when I took the first swing to Edward's precious Volvo.