I sat at the lunch table blankly, but my mind was racing. Were the Cullens responsible for this? Did every one in Forks forget about them? Only one way to find out. I braced myself.
"Jess?" I asked without taking my eyes off the table. She was sitting right beside me and had stopped mid-conversation at the sound of my voice.
"Um, Yea, Bella?"
"Do you know who Emmett is?" I just threw out his name because he was pretty infamous.
"Emmett…? Last name?" She asked, intrigued. Forks was a small towns and last names weren't really necessary and she was no doubt curious about whom she did not know.
"Cullen," I rasped out, my eyes tightening as I stared at the table.
"Hm…Nope, I don't think so. Why? Who is he?" She asked.
I looked at her beseechingly, almost begging with my eyes, "Do you know any one with that last name?"
She shook her head, "No, I've never heard it." Her eyes sparked with intuition, "Oh, but did you mean Collins? There's a sophomore named Evan Collins, did you get the name wrong?"
I nodded my head, also shifting my hair to hide the tear that slide down my face, as I returned my gaze to the table.
"Yeah, I must have." I said with a thick voice. She either lost interest or sensed my emotion and didn't want to get involved, and she returned to her former conversation.
How was this happening?
I couldn't stop thinking about it. How had they done this? Surely it was them, wasn't it? Hadn't E—he, promised no reminders? This had to be their doing….
I contemplated different theories in my head all day. It was maddening. I couldn't confide in any one and I couldn't settle on one theory for more than a few seconds; as soon as I dismissed one as impossibility, I would start to reconsider it in another hour or so. I couldn't stop thinking circles around and around the vampire family I loved so dearly.
But the very worst part of this was not the fact that I could drive myself mad searching for the answer. It was not the fact that I could lose a life time's worth of sleep over this problem. It wasn't even that I suddenly felt so overwhelmed by this that I felt like ripping my own hair out.
It was that I couldn't stop thinking of them. I couldn't stop myself from thinking their names to myself. The name Cullen whipped inside of my head like a tennis ball being volleyed back and fourth. And the more I thought of that name, the harder it was to keep him suppressed. Not just his name, but everything he ever said that would hint at how they had done this. A clue. Anything. I was desperate….
Damn it, Cullen, you did a hell of a job erasing yourself. So much for peace with no reminders….
The fact that there were no reminders was the worst reminder of all. And there was certainly no peace in my constant wrestle with this.
I couldn't sleep. And I certainly had no appetite. I was vaguely aware of my deteriorating body, but I couldn't help it if I couldn't sleep. How could I force myself to swallow my food, knowing every time I did, I'd get sick from my lack of sleep and hurl it back up?
After a couple of weeks in that rut, I started to look like a corpse. I wore layers of clothes to hide my anorexic looking body from Charlie. I even tried forcing myself to eat more often. But every time I would throw it up again, weather it was from the stress of trying to figure out where they had gone, or my lack-of-sleep-sickness. I took cold medicine every night, but it could only buy me one or two hours before my subconscious dragged me from my sleep.
One day I had came home from school to find Billy, Charlie, and Jacob in our living room.
"Um, hey Billy! Jacob," I said smiling at each of them.
"Oh, Bella," Charlie said, turning toward me. He spoke slowly to me know, gently like you would speak to some one on their death bed, "Billy came over to watch the big game. You can join us if you want." He offered.
"Um, no, thanks." I muttered, turning to walk back out the door. I wasn't sure where I would go, but I wasn't in the mood to socialize.
I walked out the door, and was surprised when I heard it open again.
"Mind if I join?" Jacob asked, smiling. There was something in that smile that made me nod and say,
"Sure."
"What are you gonna do?" He asked.
"Well, I was just going to drive somewhere and park it and think for a while but if you want to do something else, that's alright." I offered.
"Nah, your plan seems cool." I slid into the driver's seat of the car and he hopped into the passenger's seat.
"It's been a while," He said as I drove down the street through the pouring rain.
"Mmhmm," I nodded, distracted by my own thoughts, but he was persistent,
"How've you been?"
I shrugged. I'd been better. Much better.
"Me? Oh, you know, I'm good." He smiled, continuing the conversation for me.
I just drove with no idea where I was headed.
He sighed, "Jeez Bella, you can stop dominating the conversation. I'd like to get a word in now and then, you know." He joked, but not unkindly.
"Sorry," I muttered for his benefit, but then I was at a loss for words, so I went back to staring out at the road. He didn't try to start up a conversation again.
I didn't have to drive far until I found a place to pull over by some trees. I twisted the key and pulled it from the ignition, silencing the roar of my truck, and watched as buckets of rain poured down the windshield.
I leaned my head against the seat and squeezed my eyes shut. Was it foolish to hope I could catch some sleep here? It only took a few seconds for the thoughts of the Cullens to surface and the answer to the sleep question was….Duh.
"What's wrong Bella?" Jacob finally asked me softly.
I looked at him and smiled, "Nothing." I said innocently.
He didn't buy it for one minute, "We both know that's a lie. I know you don't know me all that well or whatever, but you can trust me. I'm just a friend who's worried about you."
I drew in a shaky breath, "That's sweet, but really, I'm fine." I insisted.
His eyes hardened. "Then I'll tell Charlie to call a doctor." He informed me firmly, "You look like your arm would chip off if I shook your hand. When was the last time you ate anything?"
"This morning." I whispered defensively, "It all came back up later."
He didn't seem surprised or treat me like a patient the way Charlie did, "So are you purging?" He asked, like it would be a normal thing to do.
"No. I just feel sick all the time. I—" I hesitated, "I haven't been able to sleep. I think that's why I feel so sick."
He nodded. "And why can't you sleep?"
I bit my lip.
"Do you think it's insomnia?"
I shook my head.
"Nightmares?" He tried again. Closer, but no.
"It's…a problem I can't stop thinking about."
"Oh. What's the problem?" He asked. And for some reason it felt like sharing it with him would be a relief. I braced myself as I mad up my mind to tell him.
"Do you remember the Cullens?"
His forehead crinkled, "Who?"
"Ugh," I half sobbed, I hardened my face and looked at him intently,
"Jacob, there was a family who lived here, the Cullens, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and—" My throat got stuck over the name. I don't know why I felt like I had to, but I felt a burning, uncontrollable need to speak his name. Knowing all too well what it would do to me I sobbed out, "And Edward." I winced at the power his name had over me. I endured this pain over one word. I curled my knees up to my chest and clutched them to me. I winced again as the pain spiked in my movement.
"Carlisle worked at the hospital, Esme was his wife, and the rest of them, their children, went to Forks High," I took only a moment to prepare myself then plunged through the pain of it as I continued, "Edward," I said his name quietly, reverently, "has been my boyfriend the past year, but…" Jacob was patient and didn't say a word as I struggled, in unspeakable pain, to continue, "He left me and he and his family moved away." I gasped quietly and went on, "There was…a period of time there….anyways, next thing I knew no one remembered them. Charlie called the hospital and they said a Carlisle never worked there. And no one at school knows who they are either, but I swear on my sanity Jacob, they are real, and they were here. I just…can't figure out how they did it… "
I rasped in a breath and hugged my knees tighter as my body was ripped open by the memories. How could you do this to me, Edward? A wave of tears slipped through my closed eyes. It was quiet for a long time...Then,
"I believe you, Bella." Jacob's voice didn't sound harsh, or mocking, it sounded sweet. I looked at him, and in his warm eyes there was trust and sympathy.
"And I'm going to help you find them." He promised, sincerely.
I smiled and flung my arms around him, he hugged me back, and together we just sat there.
I knew it would probably be useless but the fact that someone believed me, that someone was willing to help me….it felt like a relief. And maybe now that I knew I was going to try and do something I would be able to get some sleep…. My weeks and weeks of exhaustion hit me all at once. I fell asleep in the arms of Jacob Black.