Dear Bella,

No words could describe how sorry I am. Trust me when I say I had every intention of being with you for the rest of my life. I am also dearly sorry that I fell for your best-friend and how cliché that is going to be when you tell everyone else. I will always have a place for you in my heart…now that place is just more sisterly love. I do hope you will find it in you to forgive me, and please don't let this ruin yours and Jakes friendship.

Love always,

Edward.

I think I spent an hour reading this note over and over again. So much had happened in the past few years and now the guy I was sure I could spend the rest of my life with was dropping me and deciding he was gay?

"Bella" Chase called.

"Bella you can't let mom do it!" I knew what he was talking about. I had heard him say it over and over.

And yet I had never stopped, because at the time I didn't know what he was talking about.

"I can't stop it Chase!" I yelled. Every time I heard my brother's voice it sent aching pains throughout my entire body, but at the same time it made me feel good to hear something familiar for a change.

"You have to Bella." He said as his voice faded off.

I woke up screaming just like every night, the only difference was that tonight I didn't have Edward to comfort me.

I knew when he first asked me out that it was too good to be true. With the way my life had been going I guess I was just looking for a comfort source, and while doing that I had used the comfort as a lifeline. So now I was even worse off then I had been when first coming to Forks.

It had been exactly one week since Valentines Day, and where I use to have that dream maybe once a week I had been having it every time my eyes shut.

I remembered how it all started. How everything in my life turned from a fairytale to my own personal horror story.

If I had just told him to stay home, to not go and not leave me, they would both be here with me. But because of my mistake they were both punished and I was alone.

~Flashback~

"Bella, I am going to my friends cover for me if mom gets home early." Chase said as he searched for his keys.

"Chase, your dead if mom catches you, you'll be in so much trouble!" I said when he finally retrieved the offending item from in his shoe.

"Bella, this is a major party, and I will be considered a loser if I miss it!" He was using his puppy dog pout and begging. He knew I would cave.

"Fine, But please don't do anything stupid! Don't drink if you plan on driving." He started giving me another puppy dog pout.

"Don't…If you do you might get in a car wreck!" I pleaded

"Promise, or as soon as you walk out that door I will be calling mom!"

"Fine, I won't drink and you won't tell. Now if you will excuse me-"he started heading for the door.

"Promise me now or don't go!" By now I was yelling.

"Gosh Bella, Do you have so little faith in your brother?" He asked faking hurt.

"God damn it promise me Chase!" I screamed.

"Bella calm down. I promise!" He said it with a serious expression.

"Now go before you're late." I said pushing him out the door.

"Night Bells," He called as he climbed in his car.

***

"Isabella Swan?" A very annoying voice asked as soon as I picked up the phone.

"Yes?" It was four in the morning, who would call at this time??

"This is the PAEH."(Phoenix, Arizona Emergency Hospital...I know not very original)

"Yes?" I said all of a sudden feeling very nervous. Did my mom get hurt?

"Chase-" I cut the lady off before she could finish.

"I will be right there!" I said as I hung up. Mom still wasn't back.

***

"Chase?" I said as I entered room 427.

"Bella I am so sorry. I promise I didn't drink." He said just above a whisper

"You know...you were right about everything. I shouldn't have gone. I was proud that I didn't drink and drive. I was proud because I knew I hadn't disappointed you." He was having a hard time even breathing.

"Don't talk just go to sleep, I will be here in the morning. And you will heal in time then we can go home. We will always be together!" I said as my body erupted in sobs. Why did I let him go?

"Yeah we sure will little sis. I love you." He said just before drifting into unconsciousness.

I was awoken once again at 6 in the morning by a steady beep. I yelled for help and the nurses started filing in almost immediately. I started screaming, crying, struggling, sobbing, and everything else I could do. I just wanted my brother back, and I knew I wasn't going to get what I wanted.

"No!! CHASE! WAKE UP! IT'S MY ENTIRE FAULT! TAKE ME NOT HIM! PLEASE TAKE ME! TAKE ME! NOT HIM! PLEASE! NO!"I pleaded.

They must have called my mother because next thing I knew I was wrapped in her arms, and we were both sobbing together.

After a couple months my mom said it was too much and she just needed some time alone. So she sent me over to my friend's house and when I got back I found her in her room hanging form the ceiling from her cable-cord.

***

I got sent to Forks to live with my father Charlie. I had therapy sessions to make sure I wasn't going to do what my mom did. I thought they would be done after a couple months, but it's been 3 years and I still have them 3 times a week.

The same questions were asked every session and they got the same answers.

1st "Are you sad about your mom?"

"Yes. Can I go home now?" I said bluntly

2nd "Why do you think she committed suicide?"

"Because she couldn't deal with the pain of losing her only son, Can I go home now?"

3rd "Do you blame this on you? If so why?"

"Yes, because had I not let my brother go to that party then he wouldn't have been hit by a car. If he hadn't been hit by a car he wouldn't have died that night. If he hadn't died that night my mom wouldn't have been depressed. If my mom hadn't been depressed she wouldn't have killed herself. By the way I am going home now." I stood up quickly and all but ran out of the room.

I hadn't started leaving the sessions until the 5th session I had. That was when they started asking the questions and I couldn't do the 4th thing they wanted me to do.